Thank You 2012

Looking back at my 2011 Thank You post, i feel so much positive energy towards it. I feel that I should write a Thank You note for 2012 too :) 

1. Thank You Master and Guides for supporting me and re-assured me for all the decision that I've made. I have so much trust in you guys after boldly step into the flow of life, trusting myself more and seeing magic happens everyday. 

2. Thank You hubby for endless support emotionally and financially. Stepping into the unknown is really scary, but you have gave me security in every possible way. Luxury of having to be at home doing minimal housework (was having 2 part time maid, but decided to cancel 1, I can't be this lazy for 2013), Never complain helping out on housework, Willingly take over the kids when I feel lazy, bought house clothes (roxy in big batch-8pcs), tommy hilfiger in big batch-5pcs, so much clothes in SG, LV wallet, Tokyo trip,  5 star hotel stay in KK and KL. 

3. Thank You Kids for being with me. I know I have been grumpy and angry all the time. I'm so happy you still want to stick with me. lol ... although my boy sometimes said wanna sleep over at grandmas. However I know he still loves me more. I need to have a bigger heart, a heart filled with only love energy, if not, I know both of you would run away one day, someday when you are older. I working very hard on myself, thank you for this opportunity. I will try my best!

4. Thank you dad and mum foe being here with me when I needed you the most. Talking, baby sitting, company for breakfast/ lunch, hanging out, looking for food at your house when I've got nothing to eat at home. You guys gave me alot of comfort when I'm alone in the day time. Thank You dad for all the holidays you have spent on us, and thank you for the big fat angpau for the house you have sold. Thank You mum for your time to take care of my kids when I need to attend wedding dinner. Thank you sisters for being who you are. 

5. Thank You universe for giving me what I want in my life. Give me opportunity to serve the community in 2013. I'm ready. Bless be. 

Christmas Eve

How's everybody doing? 3 days intense energy integrating takes a troll on my physical body, I was burping so much and feeling intense energy moving around my body. Phew ... I also did some not so nice things, shouting at the kids and slap andrea on christmas eve. I've controlled so well for that 3 days (21,22,23) because I don't want to waste it!! Cannot believe that I lost control on the 4th day. Ah well, apply some lavender (cos her skin cracked) and panaway later on after she slept. Dear Jesus, pls heal her with your green energy. Thank You. 

I always feel I'm useless because I 'know' I have some powers but that always doesn't 'tell' me answer exactly to the point. I often think maybe I did not meditate enough or letting the energy to flow enough in order for me to have clear answers. For whatever it is, I allow and let it flow according to my needs and ability. Recently I've seen many of my manifestation magically happened, one day, I caught myself meditating for more physical stuff. I felt a need to stop and told myself, let there be love and peace. So it is. 

Phew ... overall kids holidays are great. I think I enjoy alot this time around. I notice telepathy also increased. Many things when I was thinking to tell hubby or the kids, they usually do it without me opening my mouth. I felt so easy to let go this time, I was unhappy during the last trip to ipoh with my parents, with hubby around listening to my pain (via whatssap), I quickly forgive and continue to enjoy my trip. I had new iphone5 from hubby. We are staying at shangrila for christmas. I spent so much money that I've lost count in december. My dad gave me 20K, I cried, in disbelief and blessed that the universe/ GOD still takes care of my need to spend. I told myself, my dad is the greatest gift the GOD has given me to fill my ego (human needs). My hubby is the greatest gift from GOD to light up my spiritual path. 

All happening in the month of december. I praise the lord for having many happy events and peace in the household. I know I have not been updating on my kids. You know what. The msg That I have received. 

1. Chant everyday.

2. Stop using FB.

3. Stay centered. 

Every thoughts and feelings are connected by the heart. No need to write or see, FEEL it. Stay connected with loved one and be positive. Write only when you feel like writing, as our soul is eternal so are the thoughts and memories. only people who are connected to you understand or feel it. Find peace and be Open. Bless be! 

Ben 3yrs 1 Month

Ben has passed 3 years old, there are so much development that I did not write it down. Let me recall as best as I can. 

1. Doesn't seems to enjoy school anymore. Cry everyday until last day of school. Signed up San Lorenzo at KK for benjamin, today 3rd day of school seems pretty OK. Will ask him to choose either New school or Old school after 6 days trial class. Yes, I believe he can make the best choice for himself at 3 yr old. 

2. Loves genioart to bits. Everyday will ask if today he has genioart. It's really good for me as well, as I can korek many info on how to manage ben emotionally. I also spend time talking to other mothers and going out shopping with hubby once a week alone. 

3. Loves to kick and shout at people. I have ignored this for the longest time, I kicked my butt to start 'talking' to him. 'Talking" seems very tedious, yet stupid as they will not give you the respond you wanted. I know communication is the key, I will try my best! I have also act out to him, play switching roles, where I'm ben and he's mummy. 

4. Loves ultraman. Daddy has been very furious about ben watching ultraman. We will stop this after 3 months. Boys will be boys. Please guide me how to raise a healthy boy.

5. Able to do linking memory set 2B. constant reading to him and listening to CD. He surprised me, I thought I have been talking to the wall or cow eating grass. 

6. Good at maze, numbers and puzzles. Can do really fast and writing very neatly. However, still uses left hand. Still encouraging to write with right hand. 

7. Ben is a caring and sensitive boy. He takes care of people around him and is very sweet most of the time. 

8. Able to cope with school lessons. Letterland and Finger counting is going well. 

9. Loves to make everybody laugh by repeating things that people laugh at earlier. Peppa Pig "hog", do silly face, repeat silly things he said, use articles to make people laugh.

10. Very independent. Nothing that ben needs our help. If we do, he will be crossed. 

Ben, mummy love you. I hope that you could grow up to be a decent man with good heart. I pray to God, to bring me people and places, for you to grow and experience life in a happy way. So it is. 

Ben School Issue

Ben has not been very happy at school. He started to cry after 1 month andrea left SA. Beside that, the school was also practicing concert, and he constantly tells me he doesn't like to dance (which i know is not true, he loves to dance so much at home). I start to feel really worry and asked if teacher scold or hit him, he said teacher pei yee scolded him. I then investigate, talking to class teacher felicita and teacher pei yee. What upset me the most, the told me they would ignore benjamin and he would be OK. Do they know that, ben is not OK? He refuse to go to school every morning! 

I was so sad because I thought SA is the best school I have found. Academic wise and emotionally wise as teacher yan would talk to every child when they are crying. After 3 years of operating, I couldn't believe my eyes and couldn't accept the change for the worse. Teacher yan was away the whole week due to his son admitted to hospital. The following week, i told him about teachers ignoring my son at school, he denied and said it's my choice to leave the school. (maybe i sounded harsh as well). In the middle of the night, I msg him on FB, asked him if he thinks ben should go to a school with different system, his replied was positive and asked me to stay and observe further. 

I have went to many kindy near KK. The only thing I'm looking at is academic, letterland or jolly phonics and finger counting. San lorenzo has letterland, the one and only kindy I've seen out of 5, this has it. I quickly signed up for trial and hoping for the best. I will let ben decide at the end of the day. As I don't know how to choose between, caring for his emotion 1st or making sure his academic progress is strong. I want both, but at this point of time, it seems so impossible. 

Teacher yan told me their school principal based on the 5 love language. He asked me to buy that book as it explains how people handles another person with different characteristic. I have ordered but not here yet. I told him, I like your school because of letterland and finger counting, but emotional needs always comes 1st. I feel so helpless, what is good for andrea, does not pass down to ben. What andrea is good at is not what ben is capable of doing. Although I'm having 2 children, I feel that I have SO much to learn and do for 2 totally different character kids, learnings, teaching, communicating, playing etc are all at opposite poles. 

In the end of the day. I could only pray for the best. What I'm receiving is what I've been asking intentionally or unintentionally. I've no complains but to improve and to strive further for my children's growth. So it is. 

creativity is the Key

I have been clouded by negative thoughts about ben. I always ask myself, why he's such a tough boy? One day I woke up feeling sick of all these negative vibes. I turn around, asking myself, what if God gave me a sick baby? Which would I choose, which is more challenged? Can you keep your negative mouth shut once and for all? since that day, everything fall into place nicely. 

1. Universe had send andrea 1st, easy kid for me who I can mould her to be a genius in a split second. I learn about how amazing work can be done when a kid has concentration (not just looking at you, he could be doing other things but listening to you - this is for ben). Repetition is the key for a child to excel such as maths and learning to play a perfect pieces, violin this this case. I've yet to be creative to teach ben maths and playing violin. 

2. Universe had gave me shichida, then I explore tweedle wink and heguru. It shows me, andrea could do amazing work but ben (some area), I learnt that positive attitude and great passion for your child is the key. Every child can do it, if the mother is creative. Only shichida has breathing technique and energy ball. This is why we are sticking to it. Right brain is not the core, proper breathing, taking care of your physical body and meditation (energy ball) is the CORE. 

3. Universe expose me to energy healing work and essential oils. Bring me back to the CORE. I bring this, the most precious knowledge to my children. If you are at shichida parenting talk, you would have heard that some shichida kids heals.  I teach them to pray in order to feel safe. I teach them essential oils for healing - fever and coughing. (pls only use PURE essential oils, use only those edible oils, pls) I teach them to visualize for protection and healing. I thank shichida for introducing the CORE at such a young age. 

4. Universe had gave me hubby, supports me in my spiritual growth. Not in the sense of asking me to believe we are GOD but his attitude towards life. He is very giving and patient which I have zero of that. He holds positive vision all the time which I'm the total opposite. He is very caring which I choose when I want to be caring. Overall, there is so much opposite that I have to re-learn and having hubby is my greatest comfort, in order for me to go further in fixing myself. 

5. I believe universe or GOD does not punish us or throw challenge to us because they want to test us. The CORE of the universe which is LOVE. If you do not have enough of it, the Universe or GOD is giving you opportunity to re-learn so you could experience eternal happiness. All human need to do is to understand, LOVE is the key of life, open your heart to learn and feel what LOVE is (it is not what you think it is), be conscious and LOVE yourself. You will be living heaven on earth. 

I feel choke at times because I couldn't read books and experience life as fast as my boy is growing. To bring up my boy, it's totally out of my subconscious, he needs more love and more attention. He needs a more creative mother to bring the best out of him. He needs a patient mother. He needs a happy mother. Universe is giving me an opportunity to see and act thru that. All the resources i need is here with me. I thank God for that. All is well. 

worry for ben

Few days before I had a total break down due to ben, I cannot accept what has been offer to ben in this lifetime. I broke down and cry and demand GOD to re-look into his condition for a human life. I lost my mind and I felt terribly upset, how the world configured for ben. One day he is under my care, I do not let this happen and demand all angels and Gods of the light for help. I feel their presence and I felt at ease, even ben is still with slight fever (second day)

1. Ben is a tough child, I knew it from his bazi chart. We knew it from his daily behavior. Many times, I surrender because I don't know how to handle him, I'm fortunate enough to have hubby take over most of the time. Dr. suzuki said, tough child will achieve more things in life, a mother with lots of patient and love for the child is important. Nurturing a "different" child is part of my passion with help from others, of course. 

2. Looking for teacher that's full of love and experienced is not easy. I thought I have found. However things may not want to stay the way that I want them to. I broke down and cry because, my child does need a perfect environment for this growth for the 1st 6 years. I asked GOD if this is too difficult to accommodate my request? I'm ever ready to accept the challenge but why there is no helping hand available to bring up my full of potential son? I demand GOD to share my fortune with benjamin, because I'm his mother, he should get equal share of my fortune be it nobleman or wealth, as it will directly affect me if he does not meet anyone according to my will. In the end, I realized my ego is too big.

3. I spread 3 cards. The angels told me not to worry. The Cat, The Frog, The Eagle. I trust, I surrender and I let go. Benjamin has fever the next day, I look at the clock "11:11". I immediate felt at ease, I know angels and Masters of the Light is watching us. I decided to feed paracetamol every 4 hours. There is no stress but knowing some energy adjustment and life path have been relaid. It has been an emotional week but glad stuff has been re-wired. Thank You. 

4. For all that had happened. I should suppressed my ego 1st. secondly, pray for the best than having to worry like this, it's bad for the stomach and health. Thank you angels and masters for staying with me and showing signs that you are right there with me. Thank You from the bottom of my heart. Love n Light. 

sisterhood

Younger days, we fight alot, I even broke her glasses and cause her baby finger crooked. I do feel bad afterwards, but when fighting I guess I lost my consciousness. SP has this attitude of 'bullying punishment' star. She show anger by giving you black face and can become super ignorant, she also thinks that the whole world is against her when she feels upset. I've ignore her when I was younger because I have kim, so to ignore and get her out of my mind is pretty easy. 

After so many years, more than 20 years, this feeling of being ignored (not respected) came back. The story is long and I do not want to give energy to it. All in all, I cannot let go the feeling of being upset and wanted to stay away from her, how can I when I do not know her work schedule. One day I walked into their house not knowing she is in there, I 'pretend' and smile and quickly make my way home. I kind of good in pretending nowadays, especially after the incident where my mum decided to abandon me few years ago. I notice myself picking up pretending skills to show the front to my mum, I get confuse after that, I thought I have love for my mum for the things I have done for 2-3 years. Until that day she went for surgery, I couldn't chant for her, all I did was saying prayers ONLY. you know chanting needs total focus/ concentration for 10 min, I couldn't do it. I sit back quietly, highself ask me to tell myself "i love my mum". I repeat this phrase for 50-100 times?? Not sure, but until I feel the love and connection with her. The blocked love energy flowed again after that, I feel a different feeling when I see my mum in person. "pretending" brings me no where and it does not connect me to the core, and I confuse my true self too (and blocked the love energy in within). I notice I'm doing that now with SP. I broke down and cry infront of mum today. 

as usual mum will be mum. Things just said and done, cannot expect much. I just do not want to 'pretend' anymore, because I do not want to confuse myself again. I do not want to step into this hole again. I beg my mum to tell me not to come over when SP is there. SP hates my husband and so be it. She feels comfortable to show black face and prefer to live in a non-harmony environment, it's really her choice. I pray to god that I have some space to distance myself for negative beings as there are many more things in life to focus on than having to live in denial and unhappiness everyday. I pray to GOD this will be done and never have bad influence by my heavy karmic family bloodline again. Let me be strong and with alot of wisdom knowing what to do. So it is. Thank You!

Ben 3 yrs old

School celebration

Family celebration at Fukuya

Officially cross over to 3 years old

will miss my baby boy

Where to Go

Deep inside my heart I know buddhism is where I shall be going. However reading many writings on jesus christ, do makes me wonder if one day I would go to church. Having many Christians around me especially hubby's sisters and aunt, I think they would welcome me happily. The question is am I ready? 

Since the day I've spoken to my 大姨 of my left shoulder pain which God indicate to me is a bloodline karma, I feel the readiness to go into christinity. Me always be me, never go into something blindly unless I have a very good reason. inevitable with 大姨 support I feel more ready it could be we are from the same bloodline? Anyway, I ask myself, for all the books and workshops i've been, what did I see and learn about for this physical plane? 

1. I know christianity does not paint the whole picture but christianity is the only religion that reap the most benefit from the universe. Why? According to the law of the universe book, i conclude that christian teachings are mostly based on that. Trust, surrender and Let Go. (one of many from the book) What other religion teaches you this? How many ppl can really Trust, surrender and Let Go? If you do not have a religion I don't think many can do this, but the law of the universe is to Trust the universe, surrender and Let Go to the creator the universe. For many these are vague so they cannot concentrate, they need GOD to comfort them. The law of the universe has been used for many religion and I feel christianity get the MOST out of it. It could be unfair to say about this because many authors are western and their religion started with christianity 1st, for buddhism, I haven't come across that has written a spiritual book. 

2. I've never been attached to any temple. My mum would just bring me and pray and we go home. Hence I do not know if they have charity work weekly. For christians I know they always organize something for the members to do weekly. Going to the orphanage, old age home, teaching children etc. I wanted to be in a community like this as I know I'm lacking in this area. I have not been given enough I feel. Hence, going to church I'm pretty OK cos I know I will have a chance like this. Not so much of devoting to any GOD, but knowing these are the things I should be doing. Right now, the volunteers asked me to come to the temple on sunday I guess the universe/GOD is telling me to observe further. Choose again when it has finish unfolding. I want my kids to expose to charity or serving others when young, for my little wisdom, I always thought only christianity has this. Will wait for a sign where shall my kids and I be going.

Although I've started with buddhism, I've learn more of christianity from books and ppl around me. I think my guides are opening doors for me to explore. Hence I landed on the temple in breakfield, kneel down and talk to buddha, bought a book, get 2 free Dharma talk CD and some friendly chat with the volunteers there. The CD talks about what is buddhism which are quite spiritual to me. The perception that I had and things happening around us and all the pantang larang are actually not really buddhism. (some deviation there, oh well look at christians how many types! all religion the same) How absurd? How come now only I've been given the 2 free CDs for buddhism enlightenment? Free somemore! Time to Grow again!

Like one of the book said, you have to go and do it, experience it and kill it. In the end you need to know this life is a solitary path, attachment will not get you anywhere but you need to feel and experience attachment then only you know how detachment feels like, then you can only feel the real freedom. But pls don't wait until you are dying. When you are on physical plane do Dana (charity) and sila (good deeds) to add your merits/ good karma points, everyday life we are using from this bank, don't let it depletes. Anyway, if you are a christian, the church would have tones of chance to do this, as the community is small everyone has attention. Unlike buddhism, our temples not as many as Christian church so we need to pickup ourselves, and there is lack of 'pastor' to guide us. Fellow buddhist .. we got to pick ourself up and be responsible for our life. If you want to have privilege to be taken care of, go join any church then the pastor and cell leader will take care of you (to make sure your good karmic bank account is always filled).

As for myself, I think it's still unfolding, i will give it some time and wait for the path to be clearer for me to walk/run. Namaste. 

Animal In Me

It was on benjamin's birthday, that night I didn't know what to do. Ben was sick for a month, the whole month it was a series of sickness, one healed and another one kicked in. I was mentally exhausted, part of the reason also no one supported me. My parents would still give ben junk as they think small piece wouldn't kill and hubby acted as a doer (whatever you say I will do). If I do not say he will not move, it's like none of his business because I'm home and sick boy is my business. Previous day I had ben do 3 times nebulizer because the phlegm sounded very very sticky, the last dose at night makes his skin on the face red, very red ... I was again very worried. The next day which is his birthday I didn't do any until night time, he couldn't sleep well due to coughing, I ask hubby what shall I do. He give me usual reaction which I hated and told me If you know what to do just do it don't ask me. I felt devastated. 

I tried double boiled pear for 2 days, it didn't make ben sound better. So I tried 1 day bird nest, it didn't make him sound better too. I then tried 3 full nebulizer course, it did sound a little better, so I continue bird nest but his phlegm still bad. Shall I continue nebulizer as his skin already get irritated by nebulizer medicine. Hubby answer makes me feel like i want to kill him. The whole episode starts, I hit him and he doesn't want to hit me, so he spit saliva on my face. I felt like being humiliated cos no one ever spit saliva on my face before. I started to bite him with my teeth and also grab his shirts and bite his shirt with my teeth, I feel like an animal but I don't care I keep on doing it until my son open his eyes. 

We then went out the room and continue arguing and I want to hit him somemore. When we are at the family hall where my clear quartz are, I feel less animal and started to talk. I told him lets go on separate ways as I know this is not working, I 'know' how a family should be like and we both cannot contribute to that. Not all family has ugly stories if you allow it to happen, and I lost control because when I'm infront of you, I feel like an animal reacting to what you did to me. I go back to bed, hold my womb and asked if I've been possessed, why i've acted that way. It told me, I've been very angry, all my past life - hitting is the only way to release my anger. Conscious change is needed. 

Next day, hubby had diarrhea (he said due to the japanese food he ate) but all of us are fine. Hitting people with my bare hands do not seems to be toxic but deep inside my heart I know it's very toxic as I have transferred all the anger energetically to the other person's energy field unconsciously. Hubby diarrhea I know part of my fault. I hit andrea the other day because both of them fighting while I'm driving and I warned andrea stop it as I would have car accident. Suddenly benjamin no more sound, I shouted "WHAT HAPPENED". Ben cannot answer, andrea use the full water bottle and hit benjamin's eye. I couldn't stop at the road side as I'm at NKVE, I drove 10km later and arrive at petrol station, I take off my seat belt and just hit andrea with both of my hands without thinking. Came back my fingers are blue black, I checked her body no blue black. I thank god that it didn't hurt her but only my finger. The next day, she developed rashes on the chest and shoulder where I hit her, not serious only itch abit and went away after 2 days. I know it's me. My next lesson is to stop hitting. To break the pattern that has been with me for thousand lifetime. 

On sunday hubby had diarrhea, I asked if I can go to temple. I feel a need to go temple, I gave a reason I wanted to buy a book which i saw from SN page the other day. I ask God, if today i need to go pls give me smooth journey. 1st I asked hubby he said OK, 2nd I asked mum she said OK. 3rd we arrived there no parking I felt sad and tell GOD, you ask me to come here and no parking? Mum then ask me to go down she will wait for me outside, I then park my car infront of the temple and I get down. I thought to myself maybe mum don't need to pray, so I went to the bookstore. After bought that book, mum called and said she got a parking. Off we went to buddha and pray. Even before I kneel down I feel like crying, once I kneel down my tears roll down non stop. I ask buddha, you have sent me this far, this is the toughest healing I need to over come, hitting ppl is not within my control, I know it's bad especially I have seriously high vibration that I can break ppl's aura, pls tell me what to do, I pled. I tell buddha the animal feeling is so real (i can feel the feeling of being an animal myself in past life) and I do not want to go back there again, I told buddha my children are tough children, ben never been well since he's born - he has internal sickness which I do not know what, his face qi can tell and he has this low immune system viens on his temple, this sickness I do not know when it will explode but I 'know' he is not well inside energetically. andrea is such a temperamental girl, I know music is good for her but there is no music teacher for me to bring her to and she doesnt' want to be a big sister, all she wants to do is to fight with benjamin. My hubby, honestly I do not know him, maybe he is here for me to learn this toughest lesson in my life. Then only I can move on.

I asked buddha for wisdom handling my 2 children and healing to hubby and benjamin. 

Pain that never left me

The dog month is my number 1 killer, not only I'm being literally buried to death, I'm being stabbed and cut into pieces before being thrown back to the ground for renewal! It's so PAINful emotionally. 

My kids and 1 were sick for the past 2 weeks, hence no yoga for me. I was not being at peace for the 1st week as I feel yoga is what I wanted to do, but later I found peace in within, It's OK if i didn't go yoga for the second week. My 2 weeks were in and out of the hospital MANY times as the children take turns to take a troll on me. I was mentally abused of having going to hospital so often - the waiting time for the doctor has drove me insane, luckily hubby was there to take over. 

After 2 weeks, i returned to yoga. 1st day was alright because i love sun salutation. My body was alright. Second day i drank some wheat grass and went to yoga, after the palm tree pose I felt dizzy and there goes my days ... 3 days dizzy. I'm not sure the wheat grass (not 1st time drinking but stop for a few months) increase the energy flow or the palm tree pose made me this ill. I chant fervently, yearn for an answer WHY it has never left me and cried for GOD to take it away - send it down to the core of the earth, give lady Gaia so my health can be restored.  

It did felt better but still floaty. It always relieve the pain because energy healing helps! I want it to remove permanently, I tell GOD, 3 years is very long, what else you haven't told me and what else I haven't done to get this 3 damn long years to suffer? If I'm not worth on this earth, never let me rose from sleep and never let me learn about energy healing and never introduce me to yoga and NEVER let me know about spirituality and metapyhsical. You have bring me this far and I'm still learning for the life to flow, why can't you take this damn pain away and let me live life without anger. Do you know when I'm not well or in pain I will be HARSH on my children, I lost control. Can I have more control in my life? Please. 

In the morning, my 大姨 posted her blog on her FB page. I click in and read. It's so touching to see, she loves her grandchildren alot, the grand daughter hold her hand to toilet makes her heart feels wamrth, she teaches her grand children to appreciate things. My children, my parents told me, grandchildren is for the grandparents to spoil! Loading them with sweets (my parents) and money (in laws) and what not to make them happy (they think) but what value does it carry until their grandparents is dead? Secondly, many entries on jesus christ that makes me feel comfortable reading it. Lastly, my aunty age 61 talks about her history of accepting christ. What SHOCKS me is, she has frozen left shoulder TOO. in yr2004. WHAT IS GOD telling me?? 

1. frozen left shoulder is due to bloodline karma. My grandma had left breast removed. My aunty healed by GOD. My mum had this after my brother died many years ago but went away. Now my turn. I don't know what's the cause but I have a feeling - when you lost something very dear to you, it will activate the DNA and cause the pain! Damn it, I think the universe wants me to cut the damn bloodline karma for the entire ancestral bloodline! How the hell I know what to do? pls guide me. 

2. I have been calling jesus christ when the kids are sick and ask hubby to pray for me. I know jesus christ the green energy is perfect for healing. Maybe it's time for me to REALLY accept him instead of calling upon him for fun and say hi and bye all the time. Put him in my heart but where will he stand? Kuan yin already on my left and my spiritual animal guide on my right. Maybe it's time for role changing now? I don't know. I don't mind jesus to stand on my left but I don't want to lose kuan yin as i NEED female energy more than I can imagine. Oh dear, maybe i shall just let go and let them decide who shall stand on my left or right for this moment in time. I allow. I allow. I allow. pls guide me.

3. I need Kuan Yin for bloodline karma to dissolve, pls don't leave me until this is done pls. Dear lord jesus you can take away my pain but I think my mission is to cut this bloodline karma, kuan yin, thoth, maat pls guide me or send someone my way to help dissolve my ancestral bloodline karma. Since I'm here where I am, i think someone (ancestral) wants me to do more than just accepting jesus to take away my pain. pls guide me. 

all is well

Done with Kumon Rhyming Words

I think we started this when andrea was 4 yr old, when she started to write and read some simple words. It took us very very long to finish, reason being I'm too lazy! lol ... 

This book we used it hand in hand, the words are easy to read/ teach, really compliment the phonics that the school teach. The pictures are colorful and attractive. Andrea never reject doing this, unless she's busy playing with her toys/ craft. We are moving on to grade 1 reading before I can buy the sentences book. 

Andrea is well on track, such an easy child for now, really blessed and happy to teach her. 

ben Oct12 Shichida

Last term (jul-sept) I was with ben, It worries me when he does not get a single memory game right. For the 3 months, i was talking to myself, maybe he's not ready because he's merely 3 yrs old, other kids, some can do it some still can't. By the end of september, I thought "this can't be right, something must be wrong" because ben is the only student can't even get 1 correct!! gulp! I'm worried that he has some other things like dyslexia which needs to find out early and treat! 

Well, because october I'm with andrea, this makes me less tense with ben, having time to calm down and think what to do for benjamin. I bought these small little cute rubbers from popular (very cheap!) and practice memory game with him, starts with 3 characters. 1st week I really vomit blood because I open and ask him to follow he CAN'T, I worry till wanna kill myself. 2nd week (6th day) was better, now acceptable. Phew ... even hubby comment he will get at least 1 right in class ... I guess my boy, didn't catch the concept earlier on. Phew!!!

Ben is seriously good at maze, both right and left hand. Good at puzzles and blocks too. Confirm he is auditory type of person, hence I need to explore how to be more effective teaching benjamin, I'm like half deaf since young, this is a real challenge to me. Why I didn't have 2 kids of the same kind, sigh ... beating round the bush again! Oh yes, need to do eye training material .... both my kids ... sigh .. didn't catch the concept WHY i said that .. andrea is really slow when doing spotting games and ben on the other hand STARE at the paper when drawing without looking from dot to dot. Aiyoo ... correction time :) I can do it, pls guide me and more positive energy pls. I'm depleting I know, I can feel it. All is well. Amen.  

Kumon Maths

Since Year 1 started, andrea doesn't have alot of homework compared to old kindergarten. I then photostated alot of maths for andrea, Kumon grade 1 & 2, both addition and subtraction. Each book 4 copies, I use my own strategy as I do not know what kumon centre is doing. I feel repetition is the key. 

During my A levels maths, I had pure maths (easy), statistic (medium) and mechanics (killing). However there is one more paper during exam, is to test how fast you can do and 100% sure all student cannot finish, my tuition teacher told me - do as fast as you can and be sure it's correct as you do not have time to check. (the tip is that, this is the only paper to pull up your score in A-levels, dunno how true) Btw, i only have Maths Graded A in A-levels, so i guess my method could not be wrong too far, lol ... Hope it won't kill andrea this way. I learnt speed maths when I was 7 yr old, sitting on the cash counter of my grandfather coffee shop in ipoh, ppl paying was usually Rm20 below and I learnt a way to do maths fast. The method is only known to myself. (I think everyone pick up the same but in different ways). end goal in mind: Speed & accuracy

Kumon grade 1 & 2 maths is a great way to pick up when I do not have a coffee shop for andrea to sit and practice her maths on the spot. She will finish 1 book in 2+ weeks, we are starting grade 2 maths next week then will go back to book 1. The aim is to let her familiarize with the equation and numbers for the 1st round (i asked her to put down the time also) and improve on the time the 2nd, 3rd, 4th round. 1st round time was about 10-20 min for 80-100 question (due to the harder question towards the end of the book). Andrea could only get 100% correct for the 1st few units, after that some mistake here and there but to me was acceptable as definitely will not be more than 8 wrong for 80-100 questions. 

one more unit to end grade 1 addition & subtraction. Andrea told me: 

1. when you see 19 - 15, you cancel 1 infront then only minus 9-5

2. some equation I don't use finger cos i know the answer

I guess she picked up her own method when practicing. I mark the paper and ask her to correct the answer those wrong ones and remind her maths has to be fast and be correct the 1st time. I take this as sharpen the saw hence no stress. I'm very fortunate cos andrea is very obedient and willing to do, god bless me when benjamin's time comes.  

I also have sticker charts for andrea, so far she has claim 1 gift from me and more to come :) Each sticker chart worth RM20, she can accumulate to buy more expensive things. The 1st one she claim a H&M necklace set.

SV - 3&10oct12

So Far benjamin still looks forward to his class, acting really cheeky in class. For the past 3 classes, we did almost the same thing but different content, name the violin parts, sing song with the piano, music mind games tools, how to bow, hold the violin & bow

3oct - ben made a violin box with teacher, he learnt violin body, neck and bridge on the box. Whole note and half note. rabbit or dog bow hold, ben has problem with this as all the finger want to close when the 3rd & 4th fingers close. lol, it's so funny! Sang twinkle twinkle little star when mummy join in, if not the lips are strong as clams (uncooked)

10oct - learnt scroll on the violin. quarter note. still on rabbit bow hold, this time teacher gave a ball and stick for practise. clapping the rhythm is still good. Sang twinkle twinkle again but this time step on an external piano petal, step the rhythm. However ben still doesn't want to sing even I open my mouth singing, enjoyed stepping i think :) 

Teacher praise ben that he had a good memory and is picking up really fast (maybe he is not 3 yet), told me that I had to buy a violin sooner than he thinks, size 1/32 that is. so small and tiny :) 

Down with sorethroat

usually when I'm sick there is nothing I want to do beside sleeping. Today, my girl's classmate mum decided to tell me that she had breast cancer 2 years ago, hence all the promises she made to her boy she must do it. I can see her determination and love for her son. I suddenly do not know why I felt I want to avoid her eyes, maybe i felt inferior as I always give up things when I seem deem impossible. I know I always gave up myself early, well maybe that's in my subconscious mind, if I want to change it I can .. well definitely I can. But I want to say, she is really brave and my prayers goes out to her. 

I hate my sorethroat, i know how the kids are feeling the past weeks, it's so stubborn!! I asked andrea to colour the flower of life, hope that she could recover fast by colouring that, you know ... connecting back to the source hence healing. Maybe it's crap but hey, I believe in crap, mandala helps in concentration and memory, same goes to flower of life connecting your soul back to the source. 

Another friend just called. chat about life. ahh .. she has 4 kids and I have 2. I'm complaining? ahh, life. Love your life. Please let me recover ASAP. I want to feel vitality! give me give me! 

Hello october

Transitioning to the dog month brings too much earth energy, my children and I affected by it big time. Both down with eye infection and benjamin had fever for 4 days, on the 4th day I reluctantly bring him to doctor to get antibiotic. Massage every night but still the bacteria/ virus refuse to go. It could be the energy at home not so stable, hubby was feeling so crabby over the weekend, loves to pin point me, hence energy was not harmony. Should put the crab in the water next time. 

Hopefully by tomorrow everyone could go to school and I can go to my yoga classes. Missed for 2 days now :( My ankle also gave me problem, it could be healing it could be worsen, I have a feeling of my current shoe causes it, as I need to control when walking, as it already loosen. Shall I get a fitflop? 

My emotion is unstable. I suspect the song in my car, that stirs the emotion, or shall I say bring the matter up for me to clear. It was really hard, I wonder how many layers are there for a problem that happened. I will not stop listening it because hubby is there to speed up the clearing, he would not buy in to what I said to him, he would say it's my problem. ahhh, i cried in the car and suddenly just a snap, I felt better ... what happened? I don't know but I'm sure it's multilayer healing when you let go and yearn for a healing that do not serve your highest good. Thank God. 

October is ben's birthday month and my Yoga membership ends. Lots of decision needs to make. May the earth energy be mild on me. All is Well. 

Ben 1st violin lesson

Benjamin love it to bits. When the class ended, I asked him to give teacher a hug before we go, he reluctant, so I thought maybe he doesn't want to give male a hug, so I leave it to him and continue my payment. When done, i said lets go, benjamin suddenly said " i want to go into the room". There is a tug-o-war, I finally gave up and bring him to the room and said, only you and me, what shall we do here. He said "ask teacher to come in". Another tug-o-war, finally he gave teacher high-5 and we left. Arrived at home, he cried again, telling grandparents he wants to go violin class somemore. I hope this passion never dies. 

I hope benjamin could learn the correct way of violin as andrea has many things to fix, I gave up on andrea many months ago and knowing I am the one who created this mess, I need to fix it before it's too late. Bringing her to the suzuki camp does really help and I'm really glad. Thank God. God pls give me wisdom to help andrea to have smooth transition from bad posture to good posture. so it is. 

Yesterday class we learnt about:

1. fingering. 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th fingers

2. violin strings and there are 4 strings on the violin

I love the teacher involve benjamin in everything he do. Doing the puppets, he let ben put it on and remove it on his own. Let ben use the glue to make the box violin. Playing piano and sing to ben, asked ben to sing (fill in the words) too. Teach ben about rhythmic, phew, ben knows! Not bad eh. I'm proud of my little boy :) Ben asked me, "I bring my violin?" before we left the house, i said lets see what teacher said, maybe he needs you to buy a smaller violin. He is so grounded. Love him to bits! 

random

Things has been quite messy the last week, i was feeling very uncomfortable, alot of unknown energies, seeing scary pictures in my head (running for life), overall emotionally not very stable (plus the sky is so gloomy and cloudy the whole week). I asked my healer secretly thru whatssap "is the world going to end physically? I have this strange feeling" He said "No WAY! don't worry the world is not going to end" As me being me, not satisfied with his answer, I really feel it and believe it's going to end (at that moment). Few days later, Elizabeth peru posted something on pluto going direct where all human beings on earth is releasing fears and others (can't remember). Ahhh .. now I understand, maybe in past life, I've gone thru something like tsunami where I couldn't escape and died there, now it's surfacing for me to release :) phew ...

Last 2 days, the sky still gloomy but I feel the sense of lightness, i felt happier, I don't know whats happening again, but since it's a happy feeling I let it continue. The next day the sky is clear, very clear and sun is out oh so brightly, it has been such a long long time. At night I saw 1 star, I asked hubby can you see that star? is that a star, hubby looked and say, cannot be only 1 star in the sky, maybe it's a plane. I said it's not moving!! He said nolah, not stars. Deep inside my heart i know it's a star from sirius, it's telling me something, I kept quiet just knowing. The same night my boy has weird dreams, waking up calling grandpa which is the 1st time happening, saying where is grandpa then in the morning telling hubby the owl took grandpa away or something. He was cranky the whole day and I didn't know what happen until hubby told me that the grandpa became the owl or the owl took grandpa away. oh dear, i was scared initially, but remember the star of sirius, i hold benjamin's hand and say prayer, send the owl to the light because it has frighten benjamin. I didn't feel anything weird so I'm not that worry but sending the owl away for the time being is good, but what is the story lies deep in there? 

The universe still sending people (random) for me to practice talking in layman's term. The universe has been very gentle to me, sending people one by one for me to practice, talk about life, always I feel I do not have the layman words to address their problem or needs. Also when people tells me one thing, i would try to paint the whole picture for them as I do not want them to miss anything on the big picture, where I know I don't have to do that, a small piece of jig saw puzzle is enough for those that have not seek, when they talk to more people the small piece of jig saw puzzle would give them the whole picture. BUT when I see their innocent eyes, I want to give it all to them. I need to remind myself, giving is one thing, but how much they can digest is another, Bit by Bit is the reminder to myself. 

I have posted this on FB the other day when I was feeling uncomfortable:

2 yrs ago (coming to 3), anonymous (my senses told me it's one of my relative) left a judgmental comment on my blog. The whole situation (not just the comment) has shifted me to another place, I'm grateful this had happened. To this anonymous, never be shy to reveal yourself when you want to give opinion. We are all here walking each other home, back to the Source. Namaste

Paste here just in case the anonymous is not in my FB. lol ... yeah I always have doubt when i dwell deeper, that is why always take your answer for your 1st instinct :) whatever, i just feel like pasting it here. Good Morning!

Music Camp

Thankful for all that had happened, I'm embracing all that is unfolding and enjoy every moment of it. I've join this camp organized by Malaysia Suzuki Association on the 16-17 sept. It was told by ms antonella, when I went to the website it's already last day of registration. Thank God there is a space for andrea and I. No regrets, andrea totally enjoy herself and for me, as usual being reminded of good parenting.

1. Andrea seems to be very happy from the inside, look at me & gave me the cheeky smile half way thru the class (many times), making friends on her own, repeating what ms jennifer told her to do when go home. Thanks to hubby taking care of ben and the house where me and andrea could have this experience. 

2. It's really sad that I couldn't meet teachers like the americans. andy was good, but ms jennifer was even better. I could see in andrea's eyes, she needs teacher like this to learn effectively. Oh well, maybe universe is asking me to transform into that instead of Looking Outside

You KNow what!!! the organizer has a music studio at kota kemuning!! It's all timing!! On the last day of concert, we went home early because hubby and I thought what concert by inviting miss universe to sing for us. We left. organizer called me say wanted to pass me the certificate of attendance, i then ask to pick it up from him, he gave me his studio address. We went and fall in love with the place and most importantly knowing that he is multitalented and very humble!! I 'scolded' him by not telling me earlier as I've asked if he knows any studio in kota kemuning having suzuki method. He humbly reply and said he;'s doing this not for money. Great! Next year camp would be in Penang! We definitely going :) 

I've enroll benjamin to suzuki violin, next wednesday 1st class. Lol .. i told him my boy can clap twinkle variation A. He was like WOW .. haha, i said hope you won't vomit blood. We will see how and I really hope music can bring benjamin's harsh temper to a moderate one. As for andrea, I need to fix her posture 1st ... oh GOD please guide me. Nothing is impossible, just like meeting this organizer (i thought he is just an admin) to knowing he owns a studio and does all event management and charity work. Wow ... you know .. life is full of surprises and miracle. Nothing is impossible on earth! 

Stories transform a person state of well being, well at least for me. I received many stories from ms. antonella, she gave the suzuki parenting talk for the past 2 days. What really 'hits' me are as follows:

1. I asked a question of when is the child emotionally stable

I told ms antonella that I handle andrea the japanese method way where shichida method and suzuki has alot of similarity. I told her the parent-child involvement has brought me to a problem where andrea do it to impress me, because i may have encourage or praised her too much. For daily maths practice, if I sit beside her she would do very fast (i time her) and all correct, if I left her doing it alone it would have mistake. For violin if I walk to the kitchen I would hear out of tune, if sitting beside her she would play on perfect tune. I ask her, if she see this is a lack in the japanese method. She told me the american studies said that this is perfectly fine because children will be independent on their own, not when the mother thought she should be. The theory just like, when the child do not suckle the mother's breast, the oral satisfaction = zero, this child would have high chance of being a smoker or drinker. If the child is being pushed away since young, no attention - these children will grow up to me attention seeker or other behavioral problem. She asked me not to worry because all these are medical phycology researched and we are perfectly on the right path. I also asked ms. jennifer, if andrea is 'ready' for violin class as teachers and myself has to correct her every class and she still do not get it (her posture). ms jennifer said, she is only 5 years old, all 5 year old kid are like that. We need to be creative when teaching or practicing with them. 5 year old kid is normal to behave like that. Continue doing what you are doing. Aww ... what helpful advise I get from this camp. 

2. strong willed child.

dr. suzuki told the troubled child (where all teachers refuse to take him in) parents, congratulation! You have a strong willed child. You need to work twice as hard of the ordinary parents because your child will achieve far more than an ordinary child. The strong will character will bring him very very far, please support this child and help him to get there. Of course dr suzuki took this child as his student. I was sadden, I am seriously strong willed but my parents who are still searching themselves when I was born, they suppress me, I may seems strong will on the outside, but I'm actually afraid of doing anything because I was not supported of doing things I wanted to when young, because I always seems to be rude/ rebellious to my parents and teacher when I was younger. I guess my life is to learn this at my thirties, you know what I have a son which is exactly like me. old soul. I hope with the knowledge I have i can bring him further than I have come :) 

all in all, my prayers answered. I got the art class for both my kids. Genioart at kota kemuning. I got suzuki violin class for benjamin at kota kemuning. I need to set new objective and also things I want. Thanks all angels and gods for supporting me, and the fast manifestation for less than 6 months. Maybe I need to set something more tangible like having my 3 mil as soon as possible. haha ... bless be! 

Let Go Let God

Got to know about this song from my sound healing workshop. Stephanie uses this song during our meditation/ toning. I stopped and eyes wide open when i heard the chant in the chorus, I thought my receiver (ear) got problem. for yin yang balance, sound healing - mouth is my output, i thought in order to be more balance the energy needs to do something on my ear (input) too. I couldn't concentrate, and finally had an agreement with myself, let go and if that is really Nam Myo-ho Ren-ge Kyo, God must let me hear another time, now concentrate concentrate. True enough ... my healer played another time, particularly choose this song when the CD finished. Let Go Let God

I was really happy, I don't know why. I bought the CD the next day at hard rocks, mid valley. I started to tell my SGI friends thru FB status and burn CD for my family. as usual some comments. 

1. Christian friend tells me. Great that you have trust in God. knowledge in spirituality/ religion, astrology, bazi etc They are like peeling onions, what you see on the title may not be the same meaning as every human is seeing. I told him, It's not what you are thinking. I always have trust in God but this song is not an christian songs nor any religion songs. SGI is not a religion but they follow nichiren daishonin teaching - every human is a buddha and you have to bring the buddha out from within yourself. Let Go Let God to me is - since we are the buddha (chanting & looking inwards) we have to unblock the energies in our heart, let go of all pains, suffering, worries etc so our heart is pure and healthy hence we can have clearly direction - guided from the heart (God within us). In spirituality, the heart is the power of manifestation, if your heart chakra is clouded, your manifestation state is sadly reduced and you can never follow your heart cos it's blocked. This song to me is purification of MY Heart. 

2. I ask pei what's her interpretation. She told me God to her in the title is external force. I told her, no one is right or wrong, as what we understand and the knowledge we hold at that point of time is perfect for us. As we will grow and evolve from there. The key is to WILLING to grow and let your heart guide you (this is why many layman words - have an open heart means) 

3. mum told me dad said if SGI is true then there won't have people condemn SGI. We all know, we need yin yang balance (good and bad). Since young I already know SGI is the ultimate place for me to hibernate, after going into spirituality, I can conclude SGI is spirituality, that is why they don't call themselves religion. I was one of the 5000 participant on commonwealth games in KL for human graphics. The amount of people in UK who is SGI members cannot fit all in a musical theater hall in London. For those that do not know SGI, it is a seriously huge organization that teaches spirituality (although no one mention spiritual words there) and many miracle happens. miracle happens when the heart is open, surrender and allow the change and life force energy to flow thru. To me it's not miracle but knowing the universe law for human happiness. back to the condemn, we need bad to move forward, making more positive change. When energy is balance (yin & yang, good & bad) the thing can only move forward fast, things we do not want to see is stagnant where people is comfortable where they are. Look at christianity, how many branches - now you know why they are so successful and have so many followers. 

The point I want to make, anything good you see - they have yin & yang BALANCE. The universal key word is BALANCE, have you found your balance. Bad or unhappiness is not necessary bad, as sometimes we need it to balance your life, learn from it - our soul needs it and it's the fuel for us to move forward faster than anyone else. namaste

Mirror effect

Watching how hubby hit andrea because she refuse to listen to stay in the bathroom and in the end vomited on the bed (andrea was coughing non stop). Looking at him, feeling helpless and full of anger, he hit andrea with control and yet full of anger. I saw myself there, in his position ... when I was hitting hubby and the maid respectively. I noticed that, either you are hitting or being hit, it's the same emotional pain the giver and the receiver is experiencing. Giver or receiver has the same childhood memories of being hit and it was embedded into the subconscious mind, when same emotional feelings arise, uncontrollable act to hit or attract someone to hit you. 

Watching hubby yesterday makes me think deeper if I want to break this pattern from my children. I definitely want, but 1st I must break my own pattern to hit and verbally abuse someone when in anger. Stop blaming the kids especially when I have told them and mess occur later on. Sounding them is enough than showing anger and repeatedly remind them their fault (like my mum, argh ...) Kuan yin, lord of karma, please help me to dissolve this as I do not want to bring this on to my next generation. Let them be free and let them shine and fulfil their life purpose without being attached to ancestral karma. I love my children and I pray for the happiness of all humanity. So it is. 

Girl in Year 1

Met some parents in school and have exchange some useful information. I'm really glad and wanted to hug andrea and tell her that mummy is so thankful to you, you have bring so much great experience to me. Of course i didn't tell her that, or else she would thought I'm insane! haha ... Just 2 days I bring her to school and hug her like when she went to SA without ben, andrea show great behavior at home, always wanted to help me clean up when ben mess up. I asked her if this is what teacher taught you in kingsley. She said no ... I know some miracle happening there and I thank god for it. 

1. Having ended up in kingsley is really not my force. The universe force that brings andrea here. I learn that her class teacher is the most experience teacher in year 1 and she is from garden international school. The class teacher will inform me at least 1 thing when I pick andrea up. 

2. One mother child in year 2 told me about international school. I told her my concern about "don't know what they are teaching because looking at the workbook it seems so easy". The mother share her experience where her girls (year 2 and year 9) already in kingsley for the past 1 year. It helps me alot and put me at ease. Things they will be learning are not on the workbook, we will be seeing it every end of the term with thick big file. Every term they have new objective and the student has to meet it in order to PASS. *gulp*

3. I seriously thought kingsley is some average school where it will not make it to the top because of the school fee and promotional package they have offered. Looking at their new school fee and also feedback from some mothers, i think they will move to above average school (just a feeling anyway). How lucky we are, school fee locked until year 11 with andrea. How can I not thank andrea *hugz*. As for ben, I think daddy has to fork out large lump sum of money for him to study here *if the school still performing well* If it's meant to be it will be - I trust it 100%. 

4. All the mothers drive posh cars. Mostly BMW, one mother over took me and went missing on a straight road. WOW ... she drove faster than me X100. Now i know why universe/ hubby bought be a lexus, so that i don't feel inferior when I come to kingsley. AHAHA ... seriously I told hubby i want to settled for prius and he insisted on lexus because it was a very good deal he insisted. I drove in a lexus for 1 month and still has the WOW feeling inside me :) Thank you for the life configuration that makes my life so happy all the time. 

5. andrea brought all the books to school today. No need to bring books to school and will only have homework every tuesday and thursday. Need to buy more kumon books for andrea, so that she has the habit of doing homework at least 2 pages a day. They have a parents-teacher portal, looks so nice. We can message the teacher and vice versa. Thank you for my children, my husband and my life. bless be. 

All Ready to School

Finally andrea has her culotte ready. It was quite long initially, 1.5inch below the knee which I'm not happy with, it makes her look so short. I made a complain to the school and has got privilege to custom made without extra charge :) We get to shorten to knee length and narrow the width of the 'pants' by 2 inches. keke, favorable luck! *ignore the collar :)*

We bought 4 of this, Just in case I'm not in the mood of ironing. Bought black shoes and black socks from zara, favorable luck again because that black socks was out of stock after I bought for ben 1 year ago! Went to a few shoe shop for black shoe but was quite old fashion, heavy and bulky - not to mention more expensive than zara. I didn't wrap her books, will see how it goes because I loathe to wrap books which has content behind the cover, it looks so awful after wrapping. I think British books do not meant to be wrapped. 

No more trolley bags (i really loathe it, don't understand why kids likes it), andrea got to use the bag we bought from japan, no more excuses! I think I need to buy new pencil case for her, at least some present for a start right :) I hope she enjoy her new school. May the loving energies to be with her. So it is. 

Genioart

Things go round and round, first I thought universe said stop going to genioart because a few mothers talk 'bad' about it on one of the FB group. I wasn't siding just observing, at that moment I was looking for art class near kota kemuning because I now shift to believe and focus kota kemuning will have good teachers for my kids. Of course i have reap many benefit from genioart, I just thought it's a sign from universe to tell me maybe try other art class since andrea has been with it for 3 years now. Just last week, someone posted on my thread saying there is genioart at KK, we didn't hesitate and went for a trial class yesterday. Guess what? It's the same batch of teacher teaching at the school! I think I will continue andrea here at KK for genioart and bring ben along instead of having it at school. Now I'm thinking what's that sign mean again .... hm ... for sure I will not preach because on earth there are many 'funny' human that will drives you nuts. I don't want to be enemy with their EGO. leave it to affinity. bless be. 

I don't know how genioart class runs but I know andrea is always looking forward attending the class at school. Has her drawing improves? In my judgement, she did not draw as nice as those kids went to conventional drawing class. Why I insist on drawing? Jocelyn khoo said that, every kids must enjoy drawing and music. She said enjoy not doing it perfectly as these will carry them in life until they die, these two are the channel for human to relieve the emotional baggage. How true? It's very true, I have been there and done that. Just that I did not realize these 2 are human needs to soothe our vulnerable emotion in spiritual perspective. world top university wants their candidate to play at least one instrument, WHY? I believe there is studies done that people who can play instrument will pick themselves up faster and move on in life quicker when is 'broken'. This art class is for andrea to expand her right brand capability rather than left brain (draw like a professional), hence I really do not have high expectation on her output. It's all internal fixing that will heal the soul. so it is. 

Ben - 2 years 10 months

strictly no helping, no watching over him. Ben will scream or scold us if we do.

1. make fruit juice for the whole family
2. change himself
3. Off the shower water
4. brush teeth on his own (i force him to let me brush after he finish)
5. wash his own face in the morning
6. get up and down from car
7. wear socks and shoes on his own
8. hold on to his favorite toys or anything, if kept he will be angry
9. must ask his permission before acting on anything
10. ben is extremely helpful if asked to do anything. I'm blessed to have him around the house :)

random aug12

I'm seen to be forceful but I actually know when to stop, think, act accordingly. Friends and family made a remark saying - not YOU who wants andrea to go international school? I felt devastated for a moment but I just let it go because these are not true. And the universe truth were only known to those who seek. (applies to anybody and anything on earth). 

This brings an interesting topic for me to write. Knowing Bazi. If you do not believe in astrology then you are just throwing a tool out of the window. If you are relying on fortune teller to tell you about your life, if he is helpful yes, you can rely on him, if he just want to scare you, you better find another consultant. Astrology can help you locate your favorable and unfavorable stuff in general to at least makes you go with the flow and not swimming the opposite current - location (where to live/ study/ work), lessen your worries (nobleman, wealth, health etc) and maximize your potential (in-born talent for this lifetime). All in all, spiritual law applies - you must always remember to do what is best for the PRESENT moment and 'knowing' and 'feeling' the success or stuff you want in life. This will transform all things that do not meet your expectation to your liking (even your astrology birth chart not so good)

Many things in life I have been there and done that. I had maid for the past 5 years. When I'm looking at the new comer at shichida class, the maid bring the little girl I felt I had the need to pray for the little girl's mother. I close my eyes say alittle prayer. I know, being a mother is not easy especially our emotional needs are not met or we just couldn't put our emotion at ease at 'something' in our life. We hope the maid or nanny could remove temporary our precious little one so we can have sometime on our own (be it helping the situation or not - I have been ignorant for 2 years so i know it's really not easy when we have no desire to seek the universe truth)

Having my foot on where I am now, regrets? There is no regret in my dictionary as I live and maximize my present moment. If one day like people around me say "what if your husband leave you?" I know it's a painful experience if that happens but hey people come and go, your teacher, friends, maid, colleague, bosses - are all these meant to be hurtful? Inevitable we all have emotions and we will carry it until we die, if painful experience happen we need to know everything will be OK as god watch over us, people and things come and go has a reason for it. For us to learn, for us to teach and for us to feel. When it is gone, it is meant to be. There is no coincidence. It is all well planned for our highest good. 

Andrea has wealth and nobleman luck for her early years. Even I have fix my mind on chinese government school, things just go round and put her into international school. She has a geng metal mother who will go all the way to get what she wants, energy combine, andrea will get what she deserve to get. Friends have funny expression when I said I put andrea in Kingsley, they disbelief of my decision, I ignore. As I know, andrea has nobleman luck, if she gets into a rubbish school it will finally turn out well or the geng metal mum will move her out before she gets drown. All in all, human needs nobleman and luck, the best school has lousy teacher and lousy class, if you put your kids in the best school it will not guarantee your child would be the best. Anyway, my girl has these luck so I'm not too worried. I better put my focus on other things in life. Ben is fortunate to tag along with the sister, hopefully he'll benefit half of it

you ask me. Why all the right brain training? shichida, suzuki, genioart. Andrea needs it. They are not for me to boast like what you are thinking. Hip Hop? Andrea needs it too. These are for her physical development. Why not others you ask? Andrea do not need it hence I'm being her mother do not have interest for others. How I know, you ask? Close your eyes, feel it energy, feel the connectedness you have with your child, you will sense it. How you ask? Start meditating or simple explanation - breathe properly. By breathing properly, you will get all the answer you need within yourself not OUTside. No one knows better than yourself and your own child. Stop judging and questioning others decision. Namaste. 

one week school holiday

We didn't travel, only stay put in KL. We went to Bookfest on Sunday, bought so many brown watson activity book. Would LOVE to go again but doubt I have time as it will end this Sunday. Need some cheap craft book maybe ... will I have time ... anyway, I have spent close to RM300 (cos i have 3 legoland 30% voucher) on books and stationary. 

On Wednesday, we went to kingsley international school to buy uniforms and books. Surprisingly there is no text book, all workbooks and lots of exercise book. Still thinking if I shall wrap it, bought some plastic wrapping paper from art friend and it cost RM6 per roll, how the hell it got so expensive now?! I remember it only cost me RM1.xx. Oh well, maybe don't wrap it is a good idea. lol. We also have andrea's culotte shorten by the supplier, will get it by next week before school starts (hopefully). I asked andrea to put on the new uniform and let me snap photo she resist the 1st time and let me snap afterwards, I guess she is OK with new school now? 

On Thursday we went to kids e world. Just me and the kids. They run until their battery flat and we ahd lunch at suzhi zanmai. Andrea ate 15 small sushi! Ben er, i don't know ... not so much. Anyway, ben did not run aimlessly when we go out, he is good enough to hold on to my hands :) We left at 12.30pm. and the kids are sound a sleep when we reach home. 

Friday we spent time with grandparents. They bought the kids to giant, play at the amusement park and buy toys. spoiling time. We had lunch at pak li, quite nice the food there. At night we went to empire subang, had four season london. It was very yummy, andrea had one full bowl of rice, which is very rare. Friday ended nicely :) 

Tomorrow I'm bringing ben to hip hop with me as I have promised him 2 weeks ago. (watch andrea dance) No more music class for ben, hopefully I find something nice for him. Universe pls guide me, bring me classes that would benefit Benjamin. Thank You. 

Ben - 2Years 9Mths

I cannot force my boy, oh God i need wisdom how to handle this kid. I know for sure that the experience of watching me scold my maid has GREAT impact on him. Although my maid is back, look what I have to deal with, little monster just like mummy. Gosh ... 

1. Wants to do things on his own. Getting down the car, wear his own clothes/pants/socks/shoes/watch etc, feed himself, wash his own hands etc. Basically everything .... Mummy had a hard time dealing with this, if I tried doing for him the storm begins and never ends :( 

2. Eating lesser now, sometimes eats only 3 mouth when food served not to his liking

3. Started to do kumon cutting and pasting. Kinda late but better than not. He has master scissors skills way before 2 yr old and sticking earlier on but now only I have time to sit with him and do. Writing numbers and alphabet still in progress, Can only write 1. lol ... long way to go for writing

4. Can sing andrea's hip hop song by himself. Move like jagger by maroon 5. Not bad eh. Can sing other pop songs when I play Mix FM (a phrase or two). lol ... 

5. Love to eat sweets and raisin. I do not have control over it because I'm not the one who gave him sweet. Bringing him to see dentist would be another drama I think, please don't let it happen :(

6. Helps me to do most of the house chores when I ask him to. The most beneficial part is ask ben to get my small robot (the virtual wall) from upstairs to downstairs. Remove hanger from the clothes. Keep his own toys and airplanes. Bring finish plates to the sink. Water the grass and flowers. Clean up mess (water/ urine) that he'd done. 

7. Loves reading the very hungry caterpillar. Still carrying letterland book around but I dind't read it for him. 

8. 1 week never pee in the diaper at night. positive development :) 

9. Stop Musikgarten class in August 2012. Looking for Music class, preferably suzuki when he turns 3 in oct. Please send me good teachers for his music appreciation. 

10. Eating what adults eating now. No special children food for now until mummy has fully gain emotional stability. 

Spirit Science

A friend whatssap me, told me about Spirit Science on youtube. I took 2 weeks to complete all 18 videos, partly because I was away on holiday in KK, sabah. This is really good videos for those that do not like to read, or if you would want to read, books that you pick up may not be so relevant (happened to me), if you would like to know more about spiritual, please watch all of it, keep an open mind :) 

It enlighten me in many ways, I have also bought some books after watching this. I have been asking myself, how can i heal and break free from the family pattern. The Power of heart video gave me great motivation to change. I have high cholesterol these 3 years, it is really a sign of me being 1.unhappy or 2.some lost souls/ entities who died of heart disease is attaching to my energy field. The probable answer would be no.1, as I was really unhappy since 2009 - family & career, it takes 1 year, 2010 tested to have high cholesterol. Learning all healing modalities like reiki and ISIS, it does help but it did not cut of the root which recently I understand of family pattern. We are genetically coded to have same pattern as our parents and ancestral. If not concious, we will get what they got and react how they have reacted. 21st century is really to wake up "awakening in spiritual term" and break free from these pattern/ gene whatever you like to call them as this would be the greatest gift you can give it to your children as they no longer need to carry the ancestral pattern/ gene. My heartfelt gratitude to my friend who introduce this video to me, as this is easier for layman to understand and the info is really concise. Enjoy :) 

Indirect Resource Month

I always choose not to be superstitious and always tell myself that by being positive I can attract all that I want. Only entered 3 days into Wu shen month, I really can see how my mood changes. Not because of menstrual ... it's the stars, astrological effect on poor me. I need to find time for chanting and meditation ... argh ... I don't want to be in the astrological radar ... can you leave me alone ... ohh ... pls give me more time to find self peace until 6 sept! Amen

What's in store for me ... keke .. beside going insane and highly sensitive, my self rooted! Shall do something that is concrete for myself and the kids. Many things I wanted has flowed to me ... I shall take action this wu shen month.

Contact these people/ centre

1. Violin recommended by kelly

2. Art class at KK

Hopefully both kids can join the same enrichment class. Shall be looking into homeschooling syllabus too I guess. I don't know why past month, I've heard and encounter many people talking to me on homeschooling. I took it as a sign from the universe that I could supplement my kids with this info. The truth is, I cannot teach my kids what the school teacher teaching and the most important part is I'm not ready myself. 

Be a role model to your children, you need to change to what you want your children to become. I have more than 10 things to learn, hence I do not think I am ready to teach them as I need to teach myself 1st (consciously change I mean)

1. Stop yelling at them

2. Stop using angry tone and frighten them (If you don't listen to me, I will ________)

3. Be more creative in every way(I felt like a log when i see my friends creativity, ouch)

4. Be good at yoga (teach them exercise), Be good at telepathy (somehow I feel telepathy is important), Be good at protection/prayers/visualization (you can't tell the kids to raise their vibration cos theirs already high and refine - so my theory USE it!)

5. Enjoy my food more as I notice I always scold them when eating - either eating too slow or walking around the table

6. Go with the flow instead of PLANning, God will laugh if I have a plan, as nothing in the end will go as you plan! lol ... Strategic management is the key

7. Open my heart to others, have interest in others

8. Be mindful of what I say, HO star can really kills

ah well ... I'm not looking at 100% change, but at least be mindful and cut off 50% or do at least 50%. haha, not very ambitious eh ... yeah .. maybe next time when emotionally more stable. Thank You!

Shangri-la Tanjung Aru Resort (STAR)

Shangri-la Tanjung Aru Resort (STAR) is a very nice resort comparable to YTL pangkor laut. Well, if compare, YTL pangkor laut is cheaper as it provides 3 meals. STAR package for prestige member room only & sea view is RM500++. It's a good experience and definitely will visit again.

I especially like the sea and beach, the sunset bar is cool - band playing songs and singing in the evening. The green grass outside my balcony before the sea is very calming. The beach chairs cover changed everyday, hence you do not need to worry if it's clean or not before jumping on it. Room refresh in the evening (I thought only pangkor laut do it as ShangKL didn't have it) is what I needed, I get my towel changed and more water for free. Their buffet breakfast has a vast variety of food, but it cost a bomb, we only have 20% discount for prestige. This place is full of tourist from HK, Japan, Korea etc. Very happening resort. 

We have yet to try their water theme park. Water balloon fight. Their kids centre. It seems very attractive. Well, maybe next time when we do less visiting to family and friends next time :)

Need to be right?

Many humans including myself, maybe it's my soul group (ppl that I meet - FTF or virtual), they always wanted to be right, I felt strong urge to reply back on FB but refrain myself from doing so - to break my pattern behaviour. I want to stop attention seeking and I want to stop the need of being heard/ agreed upon because the truth is already in each and everyone of us. If you choose to let go of your ego and start listening in within, you will know the right answer without having anyone to tell you. 

Here is the link to the FB discussion on genioart. 

1. I believe the man does not have the intention to talk negatively about your kids, he just want to give a piece of information. He too talked about andrea emotions, I did not react as what other mothers do because I read my girl bazi and I have knowledge in psychology and spirituality. Things he said does match with my knowledge, so choosing the colours and drawing what not at that MOMENT in time is the child emotion. If you CHOOSE to live in denial, it's really your choice. 

2. All human beings were born and equip with certain knowledge and gift. The mothers there also has alot of knowledge and gift, I feel sad for people to condemn other people without having an open heart to see other person's perspective because they feel vulnerable being emotionally attacked by that man. However, is this his ultimate intention? I think not. For a person to start any children business, if he personally see every child's parents and explain, I do not think he has a bad heart and do things for profit ONLY. If he is a business man, he can hire other people to do it and shake his leg in his office. 

3. Children below 6 years old are very sensitive. Once again all kids are different like you and me. Some can see colours, some can sense colour, some can heal, some has six sense etc. Every child's favourite colour mostly are pink/ green (heart chakra), blue (throat), yellow (golden aura) etc. Dark colours like red is really anger (root chakra is red but children below 6, this chakra has not fully mature) or black or brown are really negative colours. If you fight alot at home, not harmony or has 'dirty' things then these colours will be seen or sense by your child. Of course if you condition your child to like these colours then of course they like it because you told them to. All the drawings that the children do, can tell alot of things with the condition that you CANNOT tell them what to do or tell them what is right or wrong. Or else the reading from child drawings are absolutely inaccurate. 

Ah well ... end of ranting. May all mothers to be awaken as soon as possible. Bless be. 

I guess this also tells me not to continue genioart when andrea change school. lol ... I have been thinking if I shall send andrea to the centre in old klang road. 2 years with them is really enough I guess? Thank You universe :) Will find new art centre ... pls guide me