20 October 2012

Pain that never left me

The dog month is my number 1 killer, not only I'm being literally buried to death, I'm being stabbed and cut into pieces before being thrown back to the ground for renewal! It's so PAINful emotionally. 

My kids and 1 were sick for the past 2 weeks, hence no yoga for me. I was not being at peace for the 1st week as I feel yoga is what I wanted to do, but later I found peace in within, It's OK if i didn't go yoga for the second week. My 2 weeks were in and out of the hospital MANY times as the children take turns to take a troll on me. I was mentally abused of having going to hospital so often - the waiting time for the doctor has drove me insane, luckily hubby was there to take over. 

After 2 weeks, i returned to yoga. 1st day was alright because i love sun salutation. My body was alright. Second day i drank some wheat grass and went to yoga, after the palm tree pose I felt dizzy and there goes my days ... 3 days dizzy. I'm not sure the wheat grass (not 1st time drinking but stop for a few months) increase the energy flow or the palm tree pose made me this ill. I chant fervently, yearn for an answer WHY it has never left me and cried for GOD to take it away - send it down to the core of the earth, give lady Gaia so my health can be restored.  

It did felt better but still floaty. It always relieve the pain because energy healing helps! I want it to remove permanently, I tell GOD, 3 years is very long, what else you haven't told me and what else I haven't done to get this 3 damn long years to suffer? If I'm not worth on this earth, never let me rose from sleep and never let me learn about energy healing and never introduce me to yoga and NEVER let me know about spirituality and metapyhsical. You have bring me this far and I'm still learning for the life to flow, why can't you take this damn pain away and let me live life without anger. Do you know when I'm not well or in pain I will be HARSH on my children, I lost control. Can I have more control in my life? Please. 

In the morning, my 大姨 posted her blog on her FB page. I click in and read. It's so touching to see, she loves her grandchildren alot, the grand daughter hold her hand to toilet makes her heart feels wamrth, she teaches her grand children to appreciate things. My children, my parents told me, grandchildren is for the grandparents to spoil! Loading them with sweets (my parents) and money (in laws) and what not to make them happy (they think) but what value does it carry until their grandparents is dead? Secondly, many entries on jesus christ that makes me feel comfortable reading it. Lastly, my aunty age 61 talks about her history of accepting christ. What SHOCKS me is, she has frozen left shoulder TOO. in yr2004. WHAT IS GOD telling me?? 

1. frozen left shoulder is due to bloodline karma. My grandma had left breast removed. My aunty healed by GOD. My mum had this after my brother died many years ago but went away. Now my turn. I don't know what's the cause but I have a feeling - when you lost something very dear to you, it will activate the DNA and cause the pain! Damn it, I think the universe wants me to cut the damn bloodline karma for the entire ancestral bloodline! How the hell I know what to do? pls guide me. 

2. I have been calling jesus christ when the kids are sick and ask hubby to pray for me. I know jesus christ the green energy is perfect for healing. Maybe it's time for me to REALLY accept him instead of calling upon him for fun and say hi and bye all the time. Put him in my heart but where will he stand? Kuan yin already on my left and my spiritual animal guide on my right. Maybe it's time for role changing now? I don't know. I don't mind jesus to stand on my left but I don't want to lose kuan yin as i NEED female energy more than I can imagine. Oh dear, maybe i shall just let go and let them decide who shall stand on my left or right for this moment in time. I allow. I allow. I allow. pls guide me.

3. I need Kuan Yin for bloodline karma to dissolve, pls don't leave me until this is done pls. Dear lord jesus you can take away my pain but I think my mission is to cut this bloodline karma, kuan yin, thoth, maat pls guide me or send someone my way to help dissolve my ancestral bloodline karma. Since I'm here where I am, i think someone (ancestral) wants me to do more than just accepting jesus to take away my pain. pls guide me. 

all is well

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