confuse

Sometimes I feel my maid is very capable, sometimes she really drives me up the wall. I said so many nasty things to her and I hate myself being like that. I tried to be nice to her, so many times and so many ways. Always after I treated her good, GOD always send me her fault, makes me feel so foolish for treating her good just now or just yesterday. I don't know what life lesson she has to learn but I know I need to learn mine too. 

Mine is not to say nasty things to her but how much I can control, the more I wanted to control, the more I've gone out of control. This morning I added MORE harsh words just because my mum was at my house. I even feel like beating her up and I can feel my anger were up to my crown and my boy run to the island top and hide behind the island table. How to control my anger when Benjamin keep crying and shouting in the morning for almost 2 weeks and he has just vomited consecutive (fri-sun) 3 days last week. I am worried about my boy because no one can help me, I have to depend on my maid so heavily and now it seems like I'm an irresponsible mum. I told my husband, he has no solution. I told my mum, she said she will monitor. I want to quit working but my husband still yet to show me his capability. What can i do? I have no choice ... shall I just quit without thinking too much? Right now at this moment, my kids are important to me, so is money. Am I ready to let go of my high salary and become a SAHM? What my life will become?

The end of the Mayan Calendar

Today is the last day for Mayan Calendar, here is an article from Carl Johan Calleman. Pick yourself up really quickly if you are not feeling up beat. Emotional stir up may occurred within this week as the energy is shifting fast (you may unable to adapt - like myself), however the bottom line is we will be on our own. whatever we focus on (negative or positive) it will be manifest! Dream for the Best, Live for the Best. Know the best for yourself. Love yourself and Love others around you.

If you want to understand about the Mayan Calendar, here is a good diagram.

Miracles Happen - It Happens to EVERYONE!

Love and Light

I'm being defeated

Officially being rejected today. Thank You that I finally have an answer today after stepping on the grass for 3 days. I know I'm more grounded now - everything now have broken into pieces and I have to rebuild the hope and goals once again. Nepal or Tibet sounds great to me now. God - show me the light, I will be successful. 

MAD Review

When i saw the title MAD BC review, I smile to myself - I was MAD few days back and now is invited to a MAD review. lol ... It's actually Management Approval of Disbursements. I 'knew' my energy was block because of chasing for the Indian Hiring Manager for almost 2 months, honestly, until today he has not get back to me if I'm selected or rejected. To me, I just want an answer and what is so hard to tell me I'm being rejected (the worst I would expect) - all he told me is, pls give me a couple of days I'm finalizing. I don't know what's up at his end, but I do not want  my energy blockage to build up to a giant black balls, I need to release and relax - breathe and let go in a breath of FIRE ......  felt *calm* & *peaceful* right? That's my secret! haha ....

God send me light after I've decided to relax. I was invited to a peer review on MAD. I'm seriously very excited because I was hoping for a review for so long, you really learn alot during a review - steep learning curve - but this is what I like :) I may need to stay up till 6-7pm but that is only for 2 weeks, and I get to meet with other reviewers - sometimes I feel happier to talk to people just like myself - Business Controls. Like going back to the same herd [police gang for IBM]. haha ... I'm proud as one and I definitely enjoy doing what I'm doing, if not I won't be here doing the same functions for 6 years. I cannot wait for the day to come. I will enjoy and learn about MAD. lol. Have a great day!

Attacked

Wow, i was spiritually attacked. haha, will I'm not too concern about the attack but I cannot believe that god has showed me divine timing is very important. I thought people who has always go to temple - listen to 'da bei zou' would buy in to what I said. Today she told me energy healing is a scam, they rare spirits to do all the work. I was really shock, i left with nothing to say. This colleague of mine also tell me ALOT of ghost story when I was pregnant and to me she purposely scare me, but maybe she has no intention. If you ask me, I'm very sure she has some entity attach to her - anger and jealousy is very strong. Her eyes will turn 3 white eyes every time she talks about her maid (angry) or ghost. I'm really respect her that she came this far, in some days she is OK, some days she will act super uncomfortable - like today. lol .... God has bless her all her life, I know but she needs to get rid of the entity inside her. I do hate her alot during my pregnancy time, but somehow i just forgive - maybe she is part of my soul group. whatever it is, I cannot lure people to the correct path when they are not willing to follow. They may attack me or 'pijak' me - do whatever you wish. The negativity will go back to you double or more - watch your act!

Blue energy Healing

ISIS Lotus Healing. I've done this with SN today. I've met with 2 healers previously and SN is really gifted as he can answer all my weird questions and surprisingly I can feel it is the answer that I'm waiting for. Really Amazing! I was 1st very nervous when enter the office, as there are Egyptian drawings/ sculpture. I'm always afraid to go to temples because I know spirits exist and I do hear them (2 times to be precise) when i was young - during hungry ghost month festival when helping my mum to burn papers and in the hospital toilet when I was chanting. I know entering this office do not have wondering souls or spirits, but this place is FULL of Blue energy - I can feel it when i enter. I calm down after a few minutes after the healing starts. 

1. I cried for no reason during the healing session

2. I felt as if something pull out from my head

3. I feel lighter! 

SN gave me all the time i need to ask him question, this is really important for me. I'm so thankful that kuan yin has finally let me meet SN. I have been looking for my own ascended master, surprisingly SN told me that it is kuan yin cos it is very strong with me. I have connection with kuan yin. I then told him, I move on to SGM because praying to GOD for things we human wanted is WRONG, i just know it - don't ask me why i know it .. i don't know. He told me that "YOU are RIGHT". SN said - continue chanting daimoku and image or call upon kuan yin, she will help. All these while, all my wish comes true, IT IS KUAN YIN. I'm so grateful ... Now I can say thank you to you - past few months i just say ascended master, i know someone is there but i don't know who. Thanks :)

I chanted daimoku for SN, he says he sees golden yellow light which is protective power and saw some lotus. I'm thinking - lotus for kuan yin - lotus for daimoku - lotus for blue energy, maybe this is where I shall be going. I told him my experience in hospital when i chant (forgot what) I hear spirit sound - he told me 'da bei zou' emit white light, so it will attract spirit/ lost souls. It is not for normal human like us. yikes! I told him yeah, since then i only chant infront of kuan yin at home. After being introduced to SGM, i only chant daimoku. I feel safer. 

He too said my throat and root chakra is block. I got bitten by snake in past life (which is the part where i had severe shoulder pain last time) - amazing! I need to step on grass for the things i want to manifest. He said you can manifest things really quickly, i said YES! how did you know but now it seems not working! he said step more on grass, get grounded, it will come to you in 2-3 months time. He said i need a rest like a month to travel places like nepal or tibet cos he can see my energy change is delaying (i know the reason is because i hold on to the ppl mgr post too tightly and caused the energy to block! how sad). I ask him if my career not a successful one? He told me he see me doing healing for children. I told him i don't know if i will do that as I never thought of teaching/ consult people for what i've learn like bazi, feng shui, healing etc. I told him, we shall see ... Actually I have doubt, as of now, career is still very important to me - I have a vision - my husband is very rich, I don't have to work in MNC, healing children can be my career but I do not charge.

Honestly I do love to teach young children, as they are not as contaminated as adults. I feel heartache to see parents do not raise their children well, even people close to me. I don't know what my life will lead but I make sure it will be a successful one. Before my husband turn multi-billionaire I need to make sure for NOW I earn and save lots before I do charity next time for my past time. May all the children shines brightly for the greatest human revolution!

LEGO Large Pink Box

I bought the andrea first lego set - Large Pink Box. Surprisingly she manage to do a house and the car all by herself! I really just tell her how to do the first picture (counting the space, bricks, etc) then will check each picture she has done. It is really good, i feel that it trained andrea's patient - you need to dig into the box and find the pieces you want as per instruction book. Andrea spent whole day on the first day! Well worth my money :)

I'm really amaze that she could finish the the whole house all my herself! I'm so proud of her!

Soul Memories

Had talk to KW about my career issue and he suggested soul memories & SRT. Hence i agree on soul memories because I've not tried before :) 

1. you need to determine what 'subject matter' as they only work on only 1 issue

2. the issue you have - KW will look for the past life where you did not learn your lesson

3. it will tell you roughly what's happening and give you a sets of positive attitude you should act back then and negative attitude that you have acted. 

4. The positive attitude you did not maintain back then you have to do it now in order to learn this lesson in this life, if not - next life you will eat the same shit again. 

5. Does it help me? Honestly the soul memory part not much, but i can feel the spiritual parasite after being cleared I do feel more energized!

Facts about my 5000 bc past life where I did not learn about my career lesson:

1. I was 15-20 years old in northern india

2. I work in a jail as a record keeper

3. My colleague and me had issue and I was too verbal and I got disappointed in my career

4. I explode in a negative way and did not learn my lesson

5. The positive attitude that I should have back then and now - are all in within me, I'm surprise :) Maybe I have already learn my lesson and now is the colleague trying to give me hardship maybe. Hahha.. whatever it is, I don't really give energy to it anymore. As I've realized I'm giving myself too much blockage!

I would treat it as a laugh more than anything serious. To me it didn't help me much in my current lifetime. At least I know why i don't fancy indian for no reason. haha ... I'm not being racist, I just do not know why .. at least I know why now. KW said my throat and root chakra is blocked, ask me to step on grass more.

Gratitute

Thank you for the light

It's just enough for my seeds to grow

seeds of satisfaction is what I need

an explosion of satisfaction is on it's way

I don't know when it will come

I trust it's manifesting

It's not about how long you've waited

but how relax are you while waiting

The secret in live - LOVE

anything which is not Peace & Love

will slow down manifestation time

Trust, have faith, be confident is what we need

Reading time

The recent new activity me with the kids are reading phonics collection from lady bird. 

Since I've moved to new house, it was difficult for me to handle 2 kids alone. Last time at condo, i would just call out my maid, in the new house, i can hardly see my maid because she is always downstairs at the kitchen. I need to yell my lungs out for her to hear me from upstairs.

1. ben would come up to me with his violin when I'm teaching andrea violin/ memorizing pieces

2. ben would open ALL of his magic colour cover and draw the shichida sheet all over - when I'm not looking

3. ben would bring his own book when I'm reading to andrea

4. andrea would do funny stuff to distract benjamin when I'm teaching ben

5. andrea would keep coming to ask me question when I'm teaching ben

6. andrea would want to do things I ask ben to do (all ben 2 yr old kumon books have been completed by andrea, what a waste!)

I have stop doing all these for a few days as I need to find peace in within. However, 2 days ago, ben took andrea's old phonics books. We started reading it, the best part is andrea could read it too. One stone kill 2 birds. Andrea read, benjamin listen, mummy relax. haha .... I love reading it nightly for 2 days now. I ask ben to follow me when I read and andrea would read the whole book by herself with minimal correction from me. So basically we read 2 times each book. No fighting, no attention seeking, BLISS. 

Ben starting to speak alot of words, it's really funny to hear him say: "not now, brown cow" and "zoot scoot boogie woogie" - YES 4 words in one sentence. hahahaa ... So proud of my boy

Violin class - 1 year

it's exactly 1 year! How time flies. Teacher said he is preparing for andrea's grade 1 and suggest that we go straight to grade 5 exam, i wonder if that is possible. hahaa... i said whatever ... as long as you enjoy teaching her. haha ..

1. just memorize etude whole song and now working on minuet 1 second line. 

2. encore book 2. Andrea enjoy encore book very very much. 

3. Andrea practice her violin on her own without me nagging her - she loves her new encore book

4. did all the scales few months back, now drilling on arpeggios (2 octaves)

5. can do slur really well - pick it up from encore book (useful for suzuki as well)

6. can do harmonics really well (on tune) - pick it up from encore book 

7. practice on her 4th finger on encore book and i guess it helps more than the suzuki book.

8. bowing needs to improve and kena drill on it in today's lesson. 

I'm really grateful to be able to have this violin class with andrea during my lunch time. I feel so much better every time after the lesson, music does wonders! Teacher might not be as organized as me but the most important thing to me is I can see that he does enjoy teaching little children. I laugh and smile so much seeing him teaching andrea. it's not boring! I always feel sleepy and no energy everytime i arrive, but will get energy recharge at teacher's house. How Amazing!

maid issue dissolves for the best

I don't know what happen but yesterday after I scolded my maid, she came and ask if she can talk to me and told me that she wants to work and have put alot of effort and basically tell me things that i want to hear. What's wrong? How she knows what I wanted to hear. 

1. I gave her 5 min energy healing on her burnt wound

2. bring her to pharmacy to buy medicine after the wound is dry

3. ask her if she wants to go KK or stay home (cos some people prefer to stay home) 

I don't know what I did that makes her feel good, but I'm really surprise she came and tell me what I wanted to hear. You know what, I realized I should stop saying harsh things to her like asking her to go home if she cannot cope. All is well, when is my people manager role going to manifest. Left only this and I should move on to another level ... QUICK manifest!

I have become less reactive. More peace in within. Emotion never rule my action (cut down by more than 50%) - I plug in my ear phone when I know explosion is coming, haha. Very grateful for the changes I see externally (things I attracted). This is a real secret that I hope everyone on earth could experience, however, i'm not 100% sure if they use the mp3, will they get as much results. Time will come, i believe. I'm just starting hence i'm not sure if it will stay with me forever :) I believe it will and I will become ancestor master. lol

6th anniversary

We had dinner at Tanzini @ G Tower. Hubby just say we going out for dinner, I on the other hand not very adventurous, hence would agree to settle down at shangrila - but the other side of me wanting to try other things but afraid that it would be a disappointing one. Nowadays, things I want come naturally to me without much effort, I hope the big ones will come really soon. So the small stuff like parking, dinner selection, etc has made me very happy ALWAYS! 

We were at maju expressway, it was all clear until we reach duo residency. Hubby got to pump petrol at caltex, and he suggest to go G tower (it's right infront of us at caltex) since the traffic is slow infront. I was ok at that time without much protest. we went to VIEW but they do not have dinner only finger food. Hence we went to Tanzini. It was OK ... not disappointing :) It's a good night.

grandparents

Today, my friend from the UK whatsapp me that the gift i bought for my grandma has arrived. During the journey to office, I have flashes of memories of my maternal grandparents and started to think why my paternal grandparents does not gave me the same warmth and trust. I look into my own bazi, maternal grandpa was gui water, which I'm sitting on. maternal grandma which is not in my chart - why I feel more comfortable with them. 

My maternal grandpa has passed away when I was studying my 1st year in the UK. I was sad that I could not come back for his funeral. The memories I have - whenever he came to KL, we would go shopping and I could choose my favorite little twin star and hello kitty things from sogo. He do not interfere what I choose, he just look at the things I want to buy and ask me, you like this .. then go and pay for it. When he was in sick bed, I remember him holding my hand tightly before going into operation theater. I was still young that time, i dind't know how to heal him and didn't know what to do to make him feel better, i just sit by him. If i have learn energy healing back then, i will use it to relieve some of his worries and fear. My maternal grandma is a very neutral person, she told me her experiences in life. She gave andrea a jade bangle. She has anger but when she talks she is real, she does not hide her real emotion., she is sincere. They do not judge me or tell me what to do and TRUST all is well by telling me what is right and wrong only once. I don't know in real life if they are like that, but GOD has let me see this Good side of theirs and I want to adopt this to my children. I know my grandma loves chinese tea - I've ordered organic dragon well from jing tea cost me GBP10 for 50g. I hope she likes it. 

My paternal grandparents and the whole family are not open and always makes me feel whatever they say, it's for their own benefit. I'm born in their blood too, Im aware whatever negative things I say, it is a part of me too. I have tried very hard to eliminate these negative emotions so I can walk towards the light without returning to the earth. I pray everyone who runs part of my blood would attain Buddhahood/ Christ mind before this lifetime ends. I do not hold grudge as this is not my life purpose. I pray they can let go of the grudge and release fear, jealousy and worries. amen

what is my role

I'm a perfectionist, I tried very hard not to be one. 

My friends are confident to leave their kids with nanny,

My friends are not worried about the food their kid is eating,

My neighbor told me - they only have responsibility on their own children not ours - how true

Thank you GOD for sending these people to remind me that whatever happens, life goes on

I was having hard time this week, changing of new environment and facing with uncertainty in my career. I know myself, I could consider as a career minded person. I strive to get above average contributor rating every year, I look for improvement every year - not for the $$ but for my career satisfaction. The only 1 thing that I really want to is to become a people manager because that is a huge area that I can improve myself. I need self improvement after 4 years of output. I don't know what my life purpose is because that may be conflicting with what I want in this lifetime. I hope kok wai can help me with this. 

I don't mind letting go the career I have if managing people is not the area I need to improve this lifetime. My maid doesn't show capability in taking good care of my son, I have worries all the time and loathe myself that I do not have a perfect solution to what I want to do and how I want my kids to live - because I do not have any choice. My maid cook shit for lunch, I did not make noise because my son eats it. Do i have a choice and perfect solution for my perfectionist self? I know .... life goes on .... I hate parents who do not take good care of their kids and never give the kids opportunity to grow (enrichment classes) ... how unfortunate I'm one of them now.

adjustment

I'm still not good at adapting to changes, any changes. I have tried telling myself I will fit in and live as if I'm still at condo. The problem is that my house is terribly BIG, my kids & maid could not hear me when they are in their room - best part is no one disturb me when I'm showering or hear my kids shout and fight while in the toilet. I have to walk up and down many times a day which put strain on my muscle, I have been living in a double storey house since young and during uni days, I guess my muscle just need some adjustment - I can do it. My wet kitchen will be wet when raining, I do not know when hubby will put up the 'shield' - I feel uneasy because I cannot cook, actually the maid cannot cook and made me feel uneasy - like the house is still missing the kitchen part. I have to manually open/ close the gate because we do not have budget for the autogate now :( Overall I feel exhausted. Thank God benjamin sleep thru the night and I get enough sleep and feel more refresh than yesterday morning.

What happen to my application? Why I have to wait this long? Can you just confirm me .....  I'm so tired of waiting. Don't let me waste money to see my future, I know you can work with me to change it - GIVE IT TO ME! Let the barrier dissolves ..... Om .....

1st night

I've successfully moved in to my new house, I'm awfully tired and grumpy. However, the good news is, everything has settled in, left only 10% still haven't sorted out, i was feeling quite proud of myself, my organization and time management skills :) My next house moving will only bring suitcase, I cannot have another round of packing & unpacking, it's killing me. Hence I need to attract MORE money before I can move into a property near ISETAN KLCC. It is still my favourite place. 

Have been using the secret universal mind. Things has been great, I had trouble keeping myself calm and confident when things doesn't go my way. I had too much fear and I do not know how I can let go of it 100%, every time when face with difficulty, I will loose my inner peace. Right now, after a week (universal mind) and also a month (love), I feel I had inner peace now - will loose control maybe 20% out of 100%. I'm really grateful. I still remember asking myself, when can I be a successful mother and wife (great help to husband). I know my flaw, I was too impatient, loud, too much anger and worries. I know with all these traits i am not going to raise up the children that i want because children learn from their parents before the age of 5. I now can see myself, going thru self transformation with least effort and I can feel I'm changing from the inside out. It's a great experience, Thank You highself & angels. 

I hope my kids will enjoy the new place as this decision to move is for them. I still miss my small condo where i can vacuum the whole house in just 10 min! overall my new house looks great - I love it too :)