AH Diary 3 (oct)

I feel grateful that hubby took time to bring me to kaikan for half yearly fund-raising. This is what i really want to do, especially I don't feel 100% Happy, i need strong chanting/ meditation to boost up my energy level. I'm glad that I'm part of the Soka Gakkai family, at least i have a place to fall back on when I'm feeling low or need a place to rejuvenate. 

I'm grateful that I went to my reiki session organized by one of my bazi mate from MA (despite having hard time because no maid helping, I'm grateful that my mum allow me to go), Nancy introduced me to my reiki master. Trevor shared alot of information on spiritual and I've just watched a video that he posted on facebook. I would like to summarize it for my easy reference in the future (copy from the video):

1. Where Science and Buddhism Meet PART 1 (youtube)

2. Where Science and Buddhism Meet PART 2 (youtube)

Reality is a projection of mind. We should have new self realized civilization, casting aside darkness of yesterday, embracing a new world of vision, creates a methodology for 21 century, to make this transition, we must: 

1. willing to question

2. willing to break apart the very foundation of our own believe systems

3. willing to engage an open minded enquiry into the true nature of reality

The implications are profound, the ultimately is in our hand, because true change is not only happen within ourselves. For the sake for those before us, all those after, may be awaken to new global vision that sees:

1. not hatred but love

2. not division but unity

3. not conflict but compassion

The author of the video would like to dedicate this:

May everyone be happy, be free from suffering, may no one be separated from happiness, may everyone free from hatred. 

NOTE: Suzuki Method found its way to meet me! I was so happy that hubby's supplier asked him to bring andrea for a free trial class today, i did not know it's suzuki method until the class starts. I'm so grateful. I was searching high and low past few months but to no avail. on the web only found suzuki piano but not violin! This life is really amazing! May everyone has an amazing life! 

AH Diary 2 (oct)

I don't know why i don't feel happy after the 2 weeks happiness that i create and experienced. Human really have ups and downs, i need to recharge my happiness again. What makes me depress/ feeling low:

1. Reading the 10 gods books and found out my flaws (understanding more about myself). It's depressing but i still need to finish it because i need to understand myself before i can teach my kids about themselves. I always have this principal that, if you don't know about yourself, please don't correct or comment about other people. It's so negative and you make a fool about yourself. 

2. I felt so embarrass and emotionally tortured after the massage that causes me blue black everywhere - very BIG patches on my arms. I told hubby i don't know why i cannot control my emotion just now, i shouted at ben like an insane women - it had not happening for a few months now. Hubby able to tell me my problem and i'm feeling at ease because i know the root cause. As a HO profile, i care alot about my appearance, i did not know 刮沙 will cause my skin to be this serious and i want to hide my face when i see people in the lift, my neighbor and during shichida class. During the massage i also felt that im being torture by that women because i wanted her to stop but she refused. I cried in pain.. i cannot explain how helpless i was at that moment, just like when the anesthetist poke me 4 times for epidural, i said stop he told me "if stop i will not do it for you anymore". HELPLESS.. emotionally tortured and physically tortured. I felt shameful and angry because i cannot pull myself out from that pain i'm having, i felt that i'm being forced by this 2 human that has no LOVE. 

Happy things to look forward to:

1. Focus on my kids progress (to teach ben shapes and to refine andrea's drawing purpose)

2. Prepare document for new maid and new maid schedule and necessary

3. Juices recipe 

4. Exercise - since my body is hurt now i need to do stretching 

5. My friend's wedding! 

Hurting Officer Profile

HO Profile describe me more accurate than my DW profile, i think close to 98% accurate. I'm sitting on rat - gui water which is pure HO qi. Here's are some facts and areas that i need to improve/ realize.

1. Charismatic.They usually have a certain something - a certain intangible quality - that makes others sort of flock to them. Like a light that attracts the moths. They also have apparent air of untouchability or superiority. Wow! Now i know the reason why i have this power. Previously i thought i'm sitting on water, so water reflects my beauty. lol ... It's my HO star

2. 3As - Ambitious, Arrogant. Aggressive. HO Profile does not sit around waiting to be feted by good luck - they go out there and make their own luck! When unhealthy, they become very arrogant and suffer from delusions of grandeur. Moreover, they may take their healthy ambition a little too far, competitiveness becomes their default mode of being and everything becomes a contest. Wow! My DW profile also likes to compare, and HO is competitive - no wonder i always have this feeling that i cannot loose out and need to be on top of everything! This is a very bad trait - so negative

3. HO profile likes to help others mine for their own ambitions and goals and set forth on a plan to achieve them. Therefore, they enjoy sharing self-development tips, explanations on how to make money, lose weight, develop career skills etc, they are very results-oriented. I NEED TO CHANGE. This makes me very suffer, I always share the good things be it knowledge or product or anything to my family members they 80% shut me off. Well, i don't usually share it with friends around me, unless they ask. I feel terribly tortured by my family members, i shall learn to share only when they ask or show interest.

4. Self-doubting. HO profile have deep-rooted anxieties about their personal value. They often have the irrational fear that they may not be quite "good enough", despite any evidence to the contrary. OK, I really feel im always not good enough, be it knowledge that i already have, being a good mother, daugther, wife or things that i do. There's always this invisible bar of excellence that seems out of reach

5. Highly pressured and volatile. HO profile is under great internal pressure to live up to the high expectations they think others have of them. Although, in truth, these high expectations are of their own creation. I AM my OWN worst enemy :( I have one incidence - dad gave me money when i was on a holiday trip to tokyo, i was so stressed up because i can't find presents for everyone. Hubby ask me why am i so stressed up? cannot find then don't have to buy. At that time, i think dad gave me money, so dad is expecting me to buy something for everyone. Whereas, dad is not expecting anything from me. Volatile - mood is easily affected

Ben 1st birthday

I know i have said this many times, but TIME FLIES! I cannot believe that i have got  a chance to grow with my son (be with him any minute of all day!), I  missed alot of andrea's first - crawling, walking, saying the 1st word etc. When i'm back from work, my parents or maid would tell me.. oh andrea knows this. I'm always the second to know what my girl can do. This time around, I experience the 1st of benjamin. Well including the bads - do not want to drink, poo or making a fuss all day. It's tough time, but it's all over now. I'm so glad my boy did not give me much of a problem - well at least i'm still alive walking :)

We had a hectic October, however we manage to celebrate benjamin's birthday. Andrea and I went to Toys R Us after school, one day before ben's birthday. Andrea have fun wrapping up the presents and blowing up the balloons. Andrea gave benjamin alot of hug and kisses today - which i feel warm in the heart. I may not have time like this to spend time with my kids in the future but i truly appreciate every moment to be with them in this 6 months unpaid leave. I have just confirmed a maid now, I should be going back to work on 1st of December. I hope i could find something to do part time and could stay home with them again soon. Need my own money for my own stuff - i don't like being question all the time and explain every single cent i used, felt like a prisoner. Maybe one day, when my earning power is low, then i will surely succumb to this torture. [once again, its my bazi chart making me feel this way. Hubby has been generous, only once in a blue moon when he is in a bad mood then he will start his questioning - sarcastic]

Benjamin is very happy and busy too. Happy that we sang him birthday song and busy opening presents with the help from andrea. I hope both of them will grow up to be a cheerful and responsible person. i need to dig out their shortcoming and work on them. My mission is to make them successful and have refine personality and try to make their emotionally stronger. Will read their profile next month.

Not my cup of Tea

I felt so unhappy and stressed out with the postage that i was suppose to send. I was selling my used baby stuff and some of them wanted me to post to them, i agreed because i do not know it was so much hassle! I swear to myself i will NEVER do it again! First i need to find a box to be able to fit 50 Via cups - dilemma because don't know where to find as post office said sold out. At last went to Mail Box to buy at 8pm without hubby's help, we had little argument - RM4.90 each! The box is inevitably expensive so i thought opting for cheaper courier - searching high and low. Decided to spend my morning to go  pos laju (thought it would be cheaper because my neighbor told me so). Went to the one at puchong recommended by hubby - when arrive then only i know it's like Mail Box - this one is Letter Shop! Charge RM25.90 also. Determine to go pos office cos neighbor told me is cheaper - calculate by weight - arrive at giant post office - SAME PRICE RM25.90! PISSED OFF! I sell my Via Cups RM1 each + lids!! SO SO CHEAP yet wasted my time and money! Thought want to save for them - Not a wise move. 

The whole morning was rushing for time because need to fetch andrea, worried that i will not find a decent courier service with decent price, afraid that i cannot keep my promise because i said i will send it today - SO MUCH NEGATIVE energy! I HATE THIS, it made me so NEGATIVE! Need to meditate after this :( 

Because i tap into the negative wavelength unconsciously this morning, i had a very bad evening: 

1.Ben broke the glass while i'm unpacking, later i step on the broken glasses and bleed for 5 min

2.Ben knock on my lips AGAIN. SO PAINFUL - I got tears in my eye

3.Ben refuse to drink, i thought was the new milk i've introduced - Only realize i put on size L teats just now

4.Ben fell down 4 times in 1.5 hrs (i'm getting crazy with his crankiness)

I cannot stay home today because TNB schedule for maintenance from 9am-3pm today, so i was at my parents place. There is no place like home, so i felt very exhausted after reach home at 6pm just now, although i did not do anything there. 

Conclusion - I cannot have a business that sell things lesser than RM50 and definitely no dealing with courier service. I have been thinking of having a business, now it narrow down my choices - BIG NO to low Profit Margin. So demotivated although buying volume not bad - because the money which goes into my pocket cannot buy the time i've wasted PLUS Negative Feelings is so STRONG! PLEASE GO AWAY ..... 

Gonna do deep breathing now. Night! 

Expressing Needs

Benjamin has been nodding and shaking his head, in all occasion - singing, imitating us or when is feeling happy. Last week shichida class, when sensei ask .. do you want to see what i'm holding? Benjamin shake his head. When sensei gave him something for the activity, he shake his head. He actually wants to go down the chair and walk around, but i stop him from going down, so he keeps on shaking his head to sensei! So cute! hahaha... 

1. When we say the word sing - he will clap his hand
2. When ben wants to drink milk - he will hold his bottle (if he found one) and nod his head. [still refuse to sign milk, only saw him once in a car where he REALLY wants to drink and i did not bring his milk out]
3. When we say "going home" - he will wave bye bye
4. Ben put his dirty pants in the laundry basket today - I'm SHOCK! The basket is behind the kitchen, no coincidence! He knows what he is doing
5. Ben is able to tell us if he want or doesn't want something [shake or nod his head accurately]

11 months 4 weeks old

Bird Nest

Our recent trip to kuching was very short, hence i never ask my mum about bird nest she usually bought. The bird nest shop is just opposite our hotel, hubby's friends said they have surveyed and it's the cheapest among all other shop, so i just pop in and see. Unfortunately, my parents were in Taiwan that time, so i could not reach her, hence this is the first time i buy bird nest without any guide. Luckily hubby was there to comment and help out. 

Hubby's friend bought those pre-pack boxes, so i thought i shall buy those too. When i take a closer look, this's not what mum has. I was in dilemma, i call upon hubby, then hubby said your mum buy loose one not like that in a box. So the owner took the loose one for me to see, same like the box but more expensive. I ask WHY. She said the box one is processed bird nest. Then i tell her, the colour that my mum has is not like that, then she said what colour, i said not so white one. Then she took out a box of yellow bird nest and tell me this is customer's one, let you take a look - VIOLA! this is what mum has been cooking. Luckily i was observant last time when mum soaking the bird nest! 

So we bought 2 types (cave bird nest):

1. White - RM 320 per gram (cook 2-3 hrs)

2  Yellow - RM 478 per gram (cook 5-6 hrs)

Their bird nest is very clean, however after soaking still can see abit dust, but overall consider clean. The owner gave me her number and told me she send to KL too. I don't know if the price is really cheap. 

Direct Wealth Profile

My sister bought the whole set of JY books recently, hence i borrow a few from her that relates to my own chart. Despite completed all JY modules on bazi, i always found useful information from his books, articles or talks, this is a never ending knowledge and can be seen in so many perspective. 

According to JY bazi profiling, my main profile is Direct Wealth. I don't know how he came about this and the structures in his profiling software also different from what we learnt. Anyway, for classic structure I'm a direct wealth structure person, so I've picked this book. To my horror, 80% of it is very true:

1.DW Profile have no respect for people who shirk responsibility or are simply too lazy to do what they have to do - be it a work assignment or relationship. Well, I feel bad after reading this because i have treated these people badly when i feel they don't do what they have to do - hubby, sisters, parents and colleague. I have to train myself by not giving any feelings if i see people doing this, in any cases, do it myself when it's urgent.

2.DW Profile are actually very idealistic beings - Perfectionist. They place high importance on rules, principles and structures because they always believe that there's a better way to do things. Well, this one I've realized long time ago, hence now i only perfect myself instead of others. However, once in a blue moon I still pick on my husband! Poor boy.

3.DW Profile are Yins, and they don't necessarily always feel comfortable around people because it leads them to constant comparison and dissatisfaction. As such, they tend to spend a lot of time on their own. HOW TRUE! Anyway, after reading the book 'The Power" i have started to change how i feel when inevitably feel that I'm comparing or feel dissatisfied over a small thing/ or sometimes big thing in life. I always remind myself, i have all the good things in life, i just do not know why i have this trait of comparing and dissatisfaction. Now i know who is the culprit! Will use the power of LOVE to overcome this. 

4.Negative side, when it becomes unhealthy (negative) - Opinionated, Irritable, and Sarcastic. I often see myself doing this when feeling stressful. All these while i thought I'm sitting on Hurting Officer that's why i behave like that, now only i know DW also contributed these feelings. I always remind myself - never tap to Negative frequency. Feel Calm, Feel Love

5. Facts - which creates undue pressure on hubby who may not be as principled:

DW profile sacrifice are typically different from everyone else. Most people are willing to make sacrifices for the sake of their friends or relationship, but for DW profile person, it's not just a personal matter - it's a principle. And a principle adheres to a greater good, they don't just make big sacrifices for the sake of people involve, but to adhere to the tradition of meaningful ethics and values. However, it's precisely this trait that makes them responsible, committed, and reliable partners and friends. 

Kuching, Sarawak

We had a pleasant trip to Kuching last Tuesday, Hubby enjoy the most because he gets to chat and drink with his pal till midnight! We went there for Hubby's friend's wedding, the arrangement for us (pick up, tour, hotel etc) was very good, well ... at least up to my standard! haha ... So i'm a very happy mum, I'm very surprise how I've changed and my external changed too. I used to be very worried when go outstation or even a weekend stay at the hotel, I'm worried about my kids misbehave (not eating, sleeping, fussing) and I cannot convince myself that i can handle my kids outside, i told myself that i'll be exhausted hence I prefer to stay at home. This time around, I stay positive and hope for positive things to happen. It did! :)

Andrea enjoys alot too, when we  are heading home, she did not cry nor tell me I'm not happy, instead she told me "mummy, next time we come to kuching again OK?" It's really rare! My little angel is a high class girl, we took business class this time, she told me last night that she loves the airplane because it's very spacious and the chair can lie flat. How can a three year old tell me this! *slap forehead* My hubby and I did not say a thing about the airplane. A few air crew talk to her and play with her, i think she enjoy those moment too. My girl .. you need to earn your own money to enjoy luxury OK?

Benjamin on the other hand very well behave too, to and flo he slept thru the journey. I let him sleep on the bassinet, phew ... i enjoy so much, i can eat hands free and enjoy reading. Benjamin poo in the hotel too, and i manage to bathe the kids (which i did not attempt to do so last time) and benjamin had his pigeon meal, gobble up everything! GOOD! I like it ... hehe ... Sterilizing bottles and all with no problem too. I'm actually very productive with no stress!  Thank you boy

Arrival day: Groom's house (very modern and i enjoy appreciating his expensive furniture) - Lunch at Groom's house (nice sarawak fried mee and curry) - Hotel - bathe and sleep - Wedding dinner (food was OK, but i got no chance to finish the 9 course meal) - Put children to bed at 9pm - Sleep (hubby hang out with his pals)

Departure day: Breakfast at hotel - walk around hotel garden and playground - rest in the room - Buy bird nest - Meet up with groom - eat sarawak curry mee (fresh water prawn!) - walk along the river bank - buy souvenir (bracelet for andrea and T-shirt) - visit furniture shop - head back to hotel for ben's lunch (instant porridge) - bathe and pack - sarawak dried mee (kuan lou mein) delivery by hubby's friend to hotel room (VERY YUMMY!) - Off to Air Port

Wean Off Breastfeeding

Benjamin has stop suckle from my breast for 1 week now, the wean off is really smooth and he did not fuss. Andrea wean off at 8-9 months old, it was smooth as well because she doesn't know how to ask yet but to stop the breast from engorge is terrible. I took 1-2 months for the milk to stop completely. This time it was different because i was too lazy to wake up at night, i let ben suckle only at night for about 1-2 months, just a few weeks ago, i found out that my milk supply has drop dramatically, so i kick myself in the butt - to make milk at mid night. Currently ben's pattern is to have one mid night milk at 2-3am.

Ben is close to 1 year old now, I'm very lucky that he does not fuss about wanting to suckle, only in the car he will pull up my shirt, i said : "no more milk". He then suck my belly! I laugh and laugh until he stops, this happen about 5 times i think, then he stop sucking my belly :) I'm now free from pumping and wearing breast pad ... i can wear nice skirt now without thinking how to take out to feed ben in the car

AH Diary 1 (oct)

In SGI teaching, we shall obtain absolute happiness, this is the highest state for human being - by chanting daimoku (meditation) will help to achieve it. Here's the reference for the Ten Worlds, highest state - Buddha. http://www.sgi-uk.org/index.php/buddhism/tenworlds

For myself, after reading The Power, I constantly remind myself to be on the positive side does help too. I want to jot down the ups and downs to my journey of Absolute Happiness. 

It's hard to control one's mind when something unpleasant occupied my mind, the worst is I gave feelings to the unpleasant event, i told my mum. After complained (feelings of hatred amplifies), every single thing he does makes me angry, worst of all - my emotion is out of my control, i went insane again tonight. It has not been happening for at least 3 weeks, i had peaceful home for the past 3 weeks. I thought to myself, this is really amazing and i want it to be forever - eternal. 

I know i have done wrong by giving feelings to it (telling my mum), but if i don't ... i think i cannot tolerate it too. He has been coming home late due to big project at hand, at home feeling lazy because he has too much work occupy his head, every small little thing agitate him because he has no time to relax due to overloading problems at work and had no time to relax at home. I'm alone taking care of the kids, i long for his existence, but when he is back he is not helping, i still stay positive until i was down with flu and i feel life is not fair AGAIN. How to tackle this? Do i need to stay positive until i'm on the sick bed? I'm wondering if this person's frequency is totally out from mine? I cannot always kick him in the butt because it will make me go into the negative side. 

Good things Happen too:

1.Alot of money came in this month from dad, hubby and dividend. Maybe this month is my golden carriage month too. Sister bought JY books (those i really want to read) and lend it to me - no need to pay!

2.My children are all very well behave, very manageable. They are always laughing - because i started to laugh too 

3.Many smooth things - easy to find car park (sometimes right in front of the shop), selling my old stuff online is so easy (so far sold RM500 already), things i want to eat i always get, sometimes i visual play something and i will see or get it right away, my juicer from US arrived within 1 week with no tax! 

4.i feel nobleman is appearing - getting recommended Chinese sensei, massage men and agency with experience maid

Lesson one - Try to be calm, talk to the person with love, if can ignorance is bliss. NEVER amplify your feelings and best of all not to give any feelings to it. 

Start Reading

To make sure that andrea reads, i cover the picture on the left. hehe, she really does have a good memory and very powerful because she can memorize a few books - cover to end. I start her with Peter and Jane book 1a, long time ago but just now she told me that she wants to read to me. 

Overall was good because she can read 80% of it and those that she can't she will use her letterland phonics to read the 1st letter of the word, then she can roughly guess the word as she already memorized the book. I'm so grateful that i found a school that teaches letterland, it definitely help alot in her reading and recognizing and writing the alphabets. 

Besides, Andrea helps to take care of ben more now, she would give ben hug when he is crying and attempt to talk and play with ben when ben is fussing. However, as usual both still scream at each other occasionally. I'm teaching her to feel love as well, because sometimes she would act like a teacher or adult, telling ben not to do this or telling ben "i will put you on the thinking chair". I told her this is not love, you should talk to ben like you talk to your favorite bunny - i ask her if she is happy when talking to bunny, she said YES. I said do you feel happy when you talk like that to ben? She said no, because i'm not happy with ben. I said LOVE, love your brother like your bunny! hahaha.. i hope she gets what i mean. 


3year 3months 3weeks 4days old

Hair Cut

I had my hair cut today after 9 months of not trimming it, it feels so refresh and tidy again! I feel really wonderful everyday, ever since i've shared my experience with my sister, share with her how to regain her positive feelings, by sharing it does lift up my spirit. Now i understand why Daisaku Ikeda said Dialogue is important, it will not only help others but most importantly help yourself. Thanks to my sister who gave me a chance of sharing

I had done re-bonding 9 months back, back then my hair was just below my ears, now it has grown 3 inches pass my shoulder. I wonder does hair grow this fast in 9 months? Anyway, my hair stylist as usual suggest me to perm, i said NO to him this time, so he just trim the bottom and gave me a very short fringe. Well, overall i'm satisfied with it. Really need a hair style which is easy to maintain especially now i do not have time for grooming at home. 

Next i want to go for facial, maybe early November, October is just far too busy! Thanks to my mum, i'm really enjoying my 8 hours without ben, hehe ... Andrea has been more obedient now, my house is less messy, all unwanted stuff is still packing, I have time to sit in front of the computer peacefully. 

Strawberry Smoothies

I have tried making smoothies when my old maid was still here (beginning of the year), followed the recipe i have - some turn out to be good, some just not so nice. Last sunday, i did the smoothies on my own - follow my feelings :)

I have bought many strawberries from isetan last week, it was very cheap and very fresh! no rotten berries in it, well usually i found a few in a box. RM12.90 for one big box, only one day offer - no wonder it's so packed! 

Ingredient for 2 portion:

Strawberries - 2 handful

1 Banana

Fresh Milk

3 ice cubes

Turn out to be very yummy, maybe the strawberries are very sweet too. We made strawberries smoothies for consecutive 3 days! Andrea is happy, Mummy is happy! 

Walking Steadily

Benjamin has been walking steadily bare foot past few days at home, hence during the weekend i was determine to find him a pair of sandals and walking shoe. We bought clarks - sandals from Isetan and Shoe from Mid Valley (why can't they have a more complete range, sigh .. waste of time). Once benjamin put on his shoe, he seems that his feet is out of his control, hahaa ... will let him get used to wearing shoes from now on.

Ben has lost his concentration during meal time and shichida class. I was so so tired after following him in class, he likes to walk around, crawl under the table, play with abacus, play with mummy's bag (or auntie's bag) etc. During meal time, he started to climb out from his high chair, sit on the table, want to get down to play with blocks etc, i have to follow him too ... tried 'forcing' him to sit, in the end he can't eat anymore - crying too much. Hope that his CURIOUS stage will pass very soon and he can sit on his own car seat when I'm in the car. Whenever i'm in the car while daddy's driving, he will make a fuss until i carry him out from it. How clever!

Benjamin is now on promil gold by Wyeth, slowly finishing the frozen breast milk and latch on at night. I guess by next week the breast milk will be finishing and he will be on full formula by next week. Breastfeeding mission complete! Phew... this time i can breastfeed till 1 year, great accomplishment!

11 months 2 weeks

5th Year Wedding Anniversary

Today is my Wedding Anniversary :) Cannot believe i've been auntie for 5 years! I still feel very young inside though. hehe .... We had a weekend escapade at The Garden Hotel, hubby booked Executive Premier King, equivalent to shangrila horizon club - Bigger room, free drinks 24x7 and snacks, have cocktail etc. Our stay was very good, as in we have good night sleep and we love shopping at The Gardens and Mid Valley. However the hotel management and design after all does not fit to our taste, I think the reason being is they are not an international hotel hence has budget for their interior design although they are 5 star rating.

I do not have any gift from hubby, I may feel sad or unhappy but this time around I don't give any feelings. Hubby has his own thinking of giving or not giving, maybe he is waiting for me to give too, but too bad i have no money and no time as well. I have been cleaning and doing house chores since back from hotel, now only i have little time to write this blog and play some games to de-stress. I always have this in mind - always remind myself to be happy. I know what i want in life, if hubby cannot provide, I do not have to make any decision right away because i believe our frequency will direct us to the correct and happy results that we wanted. This person cannot provide, someone else will. This apply to all events in life.

The Regenerating Serum - La Mer

I feel extremely energized today! I went shopping and buy lots of things from Isetan, as today is their pre-sale for members ONLY, cannot be missed :p 

I need to stock up my Regenerating serum from La Mer. I asked the sales lady, maggie who always serve me - Why this serum cannot last for more than 4 months? It's so expensive and the content is so little, all other LaMer product can last for at least a year for me. She told me that this thing can only last for 2-3 months, i have used it for 4 months that's not bad already. oO  Anyway, i used it for 6 months, hahahaa, as i don't use it everyday. But this product is Superb, instantly you can see the difference. It made my day when i see that i have beautiful skin, whenever i'm preparing to go out. It's all worth it. 

Besides, i bought welch's grape juice - that's what i like too, small apple (palm size) very cute but dunno crunchy and sweet or not and some strawberries and of course my acca kappa massage oil. I think i gave the old oil to my old maid, i can't find it, turn the house up side down still cannot find it, so have to buy a new bottle. Still have RM100 voucher left, maybe i will bring ben there tomorrow to buy his clark shoes, i saw one... the design looks abit like Garvalin/ Biomechanics toddler shoe that i like. I wonder when this Garvalin shoes will arrive in Malaysia. 

Perfectionist

I always wanted things to be perfect, when it doesn't i will get upset or agitated or worst of all - worried! I have to remind myself - ALWAYS - that things can go wrong sometimes, this is the perfect time for me to slow things down or face the problem with new perspective. I need to get off the 'wild horse' that i'm riding quickly so that i can continue to stay in positive frequency, to receive positive event pour into my life.

I pray that hubby and andrea will recover soon for their illness, benjamin's mosquito bite to subside (extremely swollen again on the left eye).

I'm very happy just now because i found out this canvas printing shop at centre point while i was waiting for andrea to finish her Genioart class. Instead of having large photo develop and buying large photo frame, i can actually opt for canvas printing. It's very beautiful and cheaper too i guess, because i saw one cluster arrangement that cost RM900+ only, if it were to be done in photo and frame i guess it will be more than that price. At least i have something for my new house, cost effective yet modern looking! YES! I like it :)

Busy October

I was blessed because mum decided to help me to take care of benjamin during the day for the past three weeks. Having my own time to do house chores and reading is a bliss. I cannot think of anything that is more happy than this :)

October is a busy month - Andrea's Sports Day, Ben's Birthday, Parents going to Taiwan (ben will have fun clinging on to me 24x7 for 2 weeks), we are going to kuching for hubby's friend wedding, andrea's year end progress report and it's our 5th year wedding anniversary! How time flies .....

1. Order ben's cake before we take off to Kuching, Sarawak

2. Buy clothes and shoes for wedding for both kids

3. Do weekly massage, hopefully mr. khoo is available for me. His schedule is always packed!

I've ordered the Omega Juicer, by next week it will arrive. I'm so excited! Gonna dig some juice recipe online. Moreover, i need to find more recipe to cook for ben, he seems not very interested in his meal these few days. Maybe i shall drop by Kinokuniya again for recipe book :)

P for Picnic

Andrea's memory is getting better, today she surprised me by telling me that she needs to bring food to school for picnic. I totally forgotten about it despite the teacher has given me a small note last Thursday, asked the parents to bring food that starts with the letter P, as they are learning letter P now and will have a Picnic today. Phew.. i quickly spread the Peanut Butter bread and cut a small expensive plum as i do not have any "P" food at home anymore. Guess what she told me when she is back from school. "mummy, no one wants to eat my Peanut Butter bread". I asked her about the plum, she said she did not eat it and her friends do not like it. My God ... I'm so embarrassed! I eat the bread myself!

I'm abit worried now because andrea's memory seems to get better each day, all the scolding and screaming might have already implant in her heart. My little girl have now started to appreciate maths, she likes to listen to the CD i bought 1 year ago, the addition song from shichida. I know she is getting better because she can sing addition 1 & 2 on her own! Besides she also start reading the Peter and Jane book 1a & 1b herself. Reading words this time. One time she gave me a shock by reading the school story book, whole book - WHERE WILL YOU SLEEP TONIGHT? I thought she can really read words! hubby said :"no lah, she see the picture and memorize it" Then i test her, erm.. she really memorize it! hahaa, she haven't done that for a long long time, when old maid is still here, she can memorize all my phonics books and read it to me page by page, i don't know how she did it, but her memory is superb! I'm guilty because i do not have such leisure time for her anymore.

Andrea is a big helper to me now, she is so independent that she knows how to wash her own hands with soap, change herself and put the dirty clothes in the basket, clean up ben's mess while eating, go to sleep on her own, wear her own shoe, eat her meals on her own and play with her brother. I'm so Happy that andrea is there for me always, when i need her. I need to kick myself in the butt, I have to spend more time with andrea, I have to cut down all my unnecessary activity!

Taking 4 steps

Ben start taking a few steps on his own without falling few weeks ago. Today I'm very excited to see that he can take maximum of 4 steps - walking towards me, laughing and wanting to fall on me! At times he will walk by his own without me asking, say from the chair to andrea's dressing table or to his toys.

Besides, ben starting to appreciate all the songs i sang to him, he will sway his body or nodding his head or clap his hands. One thing i'm very proud of him is that he knows how to bow his head when we say konichiwa. This is also part of andrea's contribution because andrea always sing the good afternoon song with action and ben picked it up! It's so cute to see both of them bow at each other.

Ben is now eating 2 times solid, he ditched his breakfast cereal 2 months back and never like eating cereal anymore. He can now easily drink at least 18oz of milk as per book recommendation. Only one thing left that causes me pain - he needs to be carried 24x7, my back is hurting very badly. I really hope i can find someone that can massage for me and most importantly able to heal my back pain and shoulder muscle ache. Other areas, I have no worries anymore. I need to have plans to teach benjamin new things now :)

The New Chapter

I have been thru 2 turbulence year - 2009 and 2010, i had heaven and earth clashed for the month pillar 1st then the hour pillar. Thank god for the year is ending and i can't wait for the water month to arrive (November), so that it can relieve my poor nobleman being clashed by the year. I seriously need my nobleman back because i need to feel good luck all over again! I miss my nobleman so much! 

My Old blog is full of negative vibes, i need to shake it off because i want to have an amazing life. The purpose of living is to be happy and feel love all the time. We shall not add more 'woods' (negative feelings like anger, worries, hatred etc) to the pile of wood we already have in our lives, we have to see that pile of wood to burn off slowly by not adding more wood in order to achieve eternal happiness. [a quote from my reiki master] He added, we sabotage ourselves by adding more wood, so we have to stop making our own life more difficult! 

I always thought I have given enough love to my children especially andrea, after these harsh years - I finally understand what shichida meant about loving your child and why daisaku ikeda said women is most respectable. I watched a video clip by shichida, he said "you are the luckiest person when you have a mother with alot of wisdom". I wanted my kids to be the luckiest kid, hence i do think that i have a lot of wisdom and i love them alot. However, recently i found out that, if my kid does not obey me, i will punish them by scolding, hitting, screaming etc. I HAVE DONE WRONG - this does not show love, all mothers should be patient and give love all the time. I realized i did not love my kid whole heartedly, I still have a long journey to learn to give love and collecting wisdom thru meditation - chanting and reading. 

I'm very grateful that i've given a chance to watch and read about shichida's mother and daisaku ikeada's mother & wife write up. I know what an ideal mother shall behave and i will try my best to achieve it.