Dire Day

Today is the last day of May and it's a Dire Day according to dong gong. Early in the morning, thunder storm scares benjamin. It's really scary - ben cover his eyes when he sees the lighting outside the window. As when I feel it has stop, i went out to the kitchen, then i heard ben running out of the room with fear and calling for people, i quickly ran and pick him up. 

My Mood is still not good, but i won't let it continue for another day. Dire day in the office also not good, i've sent and say the wrong things - correction all the time. Tired. I hope tomorrow would be a better day. Hubby mentioned that rich people business not easy to do, I'm sure no one will be in super good mood today, hence we shall not look down the importance of good dates. The meanest or the richest man will treat you extremely good when their mood is good - but it will not happen on a dire day.

One colleague just st me, asked if I were asking 1Q10 listing or 1Q11 listing. Haih ... another error for today.

Thoughts

Healing is merely a word
The pain still remain without knowing 

Forcing recovery will not cure
Time will let it pass

Jolly me Jolly days 

Perfection almost everyday 

Angels calling for assistant
I attended with open heart

To Heal a forgiven person
The forgiveness is not total

Forcing to forgive will not cure
Time will let it pass

Progress Report

Andrea's first term progress report today. All of her teacher were on the table - waiting to give their comment. Malay teacher was very eager to start because she said she is very proud of andrea. Andrea is the only 4 yr old student that can converse Malay in full sentence to her - however andrea is still confuse between saya and awak. I can see the enthusiasm in cikgu mazlin eyes for teaching andrea, I'm sad that andrea will not be learning BM with her when she goes to kingsley next year. Teacher also mentioned that andrea show anger/ disappointment in her because she rub away andrea's star fish - cos andrea didn't follow certain rules for answering question. However, cikgu mazlin talk her out and after that andrea is more open during her class. All teacher says that andrea is very good as she is ready to listen and understand reasoning. 

Chinese teacher show me all the basic chinese writing book andrea did. Not bad. Teacher pei yee said andrea has alot of improvement as her chinese sentence is perfect, no english in between. All of the teacher also says that andrea is very helpful in school. English & maths teacher show me her art work - all colourful stuff. Grandma has taught her to colour - say apple - in rainbow colour. Hence, for all her school work, you can see rainbow colour everywhere. hahaha... Teacher Ang said andrea is very cheerful & happy (looking at the rainbow colour) and is very creative too. All the teacher also mentioned that andrea can recall what the pass lesson has taught, which amaze them - talking about this, andrea has powerful memory since young - which I've noticed when she was 18months old.

I've also told the teachers about andrea's violin experience. When andrea see other kids play better than her, she will refuse to play on stage that day. Andrea has strong will to win all the time, hence I hope teacher can help me to tone down her strong will for wanting to win all the time. At home, I've tried talking to her, but I do hope other people can give me a hand as well. Life is not about winning girl, enjoy what you want to do, feel happy for yourself not by how people judge you.

another note by teachers - Andrea loves to relate things happening at home. What mummy says, daddy, brother does. Look how important family is to a child? I really want to give them a peaceful and happy family, however sometimes it's not one person can contribute this, as a family consist of father & mother. How to achieve 100% harmony environment to my children? Can I not raise my voice or argue for 1 quarter?

At work - Thursday 2

This is the second at work post, coincidently it falls on Thursday again!

This month is my output month, somomore with fire available (which i lack), it must be a very productive month with recognition! I've no idea it translate to STEEP learning curve! I'm ok lah, but feeling exhausted, another 1 week+ to go, my nobleman is coming again in June ... i guess with nobleman I can relax abit. Someone else can do my work! haha... Fingers crossed! 

My tester is moving on to do other roles, she left me with alot of shit to clean. Treat people good and give them good comment, see what I get in the end?! haih ... she's busy too I guess. nvm I can HANDLE! Early morning kena scold by one seller (she raised her voice) then she said sorry today is not her day with a not very friendly tone. So many pending items because it's month end and all the sellers are moody (cannot meet target) hence I'm being ignored! I've done a few escalation, I'm sorry but i need to get my work done too. My headset purchase for executive is on hold - luckily this procurement lady is able to help me out. Phew ... I just hope i can get it & send to SG by end of next week, if not i'll be in trouble :(

It's eventful May, i learn so much. There are good ones as well :) Pray that everything goes smoothly ... I need a rest.

Wishes for a Mother's Heart

I've only read 2/3 of this book. However I want to jot down this very important note for myself. Barbara Lazaroff - one of Wishes for a Mother's Heart author, she has 2 sons. I guess this is useful to anyone who do not experience growing up with an older or little brother at home. This book comes in small short stories, however short stories could teach me something that I never know in life. 

Barbara had a couple visiting her who had twin 5 year old - a boy and a girl. The little boy fell and hurt himself, but not too badly. He ran to his father, who picked him up and held him, and he whispered to him, "go ahead and cry, let it out." I loved seeing the sensitivity shared between father and son, when i had expected to hear him say, "you're okay," which i would have thought was the appropriate response before I heard the more sensitive one given.

It's easy to get a 5 year old who has been raised to express his emotions to communicate his feelings, but by the time our boys are young men, a shield goes up for many, making it hard to reach them.These bottled-up feelings usually have a tendency to manifest themselves in ugly ways, which is no good for anyone. Although our sons will act as if they do not want to talk to us, which is probably true, it is very important that we express our love to them. They must understand that we are the standing still and available at any given moment if they need us. when they pretend their hearts are not hurting, we must speak of a hurting heart and validate the emotion that we know they are supressing. They will tell us to go away and shut the doors, but they will hear us. When we are fortunate enough to get them to open up to us, we must be very careful with the words we choose, for the shield is quick to go back up. 

Boys are so wonderful and loving, and when raised with sensitivity, grow to be fabulous husbands and fathers themselves. Love them and talk to them, for shields of armor may provide refuge, but they are not soundproof. - Taken from Wishes for a Mother's Heart

Relieve

Do you know how hard it is to bear with the uneasiness about someone else - even though you don't deal with them over the weekend? The GMU lady has gone overboard by switching to her fault finding mode. I was of course provoked and wanted to explode but I didn't (i don't know why), i just felt bothered by her emotionally. I hence write an email to my manager on friday night and save it - prepare to send on Monday. after that email i felt so much better and felt less emotionally bothered. 

This morning, i woke up, GMU lady was on my mind the whole journey to office - I was debating to myself, either to send the email or just ignore and pretend nothing has ever happened. Because my emotion has been eased after that email to my manager (still sitting on my draft box), hence i choose to pretend nothing has ever happened. Afterall, I really like to work, although i keep on saying I wish i never had to work. hahaha... deep inside myself, I want to work because i want to come IBM people manager. I just hope my dream will realized in no time and I will stop working if I do not like people manager job. What is so good about it? I dunno ... just like I want to own tiffany ear stud which cost RM10K. Because I like it, no better reason.

I st GMU lady and asked if i can call her because i have alot of emails from her and need some clarification too. She said alright, and she called me instead because her phone extension has problem. We talk, and I told myself I love her alot before picking up the phone, hence i sound alright i guess. After finish with the work stuff, she started to apologized, gosh! I do not know what to say, i just say - I'm at wrong too to ignore your email and I say it is the different expectation. She agreed and she ask me to forget about everything that happened. I said yes, we must.. hhahaa.. then bid our good bye. What a lovely experience.

Internet Workshop

I went for the 3 days internet workshop. MORE UP SELL during the workshop. If I choose to think negatively, they are a bunch of liars who just suck up all your money! (yes! the other side of me does say this OUT LOUD) Their fees is not lesser than JY course. I don't know if those ppl who has never attended JY course will feel heartache to force to buy all the up sell. I've spent big money with JY, I too feel heartache to spent. When i arrive home, hubby ask me sign up another course? I said yes and walk away. I don't know what to say .... I feel the course will help me but I do not know will it end up like this one (not up to my expectation - i do learn some concept lah)

The positive side of me thinks otherwise. There are many internet gurus, I choose those that start from root (without buying software), this guy is what I want. He taught me many useful things like setting up host, buy domain, apply for get response, etc. The whole internet market is actually very complex, you need to sit down and think what you want to do. With this workshop, because it's a win-win, we student sell the guru product. But I'm not into internet marketing niche lah, aii ... I have to spend time to do my own niche stuff. Don't know when will it be up. The next workshop is about driving traffic, current guru also teach you drive traffic lah, but need lots of hard work lor. Looking at their internet pay account (they login on the spot, not printscreen), I cannot believe my eyes - average USD3-5K per week? Their selling is - no need to do anything. Yeah RIGHT! I'm skeptical i know but, these are the people who fail many times on the internet and finally they have something to sell - not from text book. Hence JY price also I pay lah. It's their experience I'm paying, not the product and end results. 

I've made some new friends. Most of them are at their 40s/ 50s. Got to know one property agent, hope he can help me to sell my house at good price. I really have alot to do on what I've learnt.

1. summarize on my note book
2. decide how many niches I need
3. create accounts for all of them
4. write articles and upload videos

Many gurus, they do things with no conscience, some i cannot follow, so i will drop it. I will just adopt what I feel comfortable with.  In this world, many types of ppl. REALLY. I see them all - (1) ppl who is HUNGRY for money -  at internet workshop, (2) ppl who has too much money - at JY workshop. How they behave? INTERESTING! 

Cannot comment much lah, cos I'm at the HUNGRY for money circle for the last 3 days. hahaha ... I love both circle of friends. They teach you so much about life :)

Wedding Dinner

We had a wedding dinner today at Sunway Hotel, A-levels friend. Sometimes, I would think, which circle I want to belong, since young I never felt I'm belong to any - cos I can never fit in. I'm very unique because i mix with all levels of people - Rich, Poor and Average background. Hence, until today, I'm still not belong to any, I guess I will continue to be like that until I pass on, as I can see - this is the only way I learn from many aspect of life.

My A-levels gangs are all professional freaks. 50% of them are doctors, the bride is a dentist, on the table 2 are lawyers and others like myself engineering or biotechnology folks. Doctors and Lawyers have difference during their wedding? Yes .. they gave speech on their wedding dinner, for the weddings i'm been. My secondary, uni friends & colleague? No speech so far. There is definitely difference with different circle of people, I hope my kids would be in the circle of great self confidence, responsible and able to express their joy with people. Speech is not very important lah, but by giving a speech, you take charge of the wedding ground, you speak for yourself because it's your day - even a celebrity have to speak a few words. Many weddings I'm been, they only go up the stage to cut the cakes and toasting without saying anything. I don't know what's lacking but this is the thing I want to teach my kids - owning your event and expressing your joy thru words. My speech is a short one, hubby's one was longer than mine. This friend of mine is the longest. I admire :) 

Lights at the tunnel

I was upset because i felt helpless at work, GMU person turn on her fault finding mode and has became very unreasonable. I do not know why I did not react as I've used to and make a big hoo haa out of it because that person started it 1st. I take it and has bear with it for sometime now, what's wrong with me? I cannot explode, I keep on knowing someone is watching over me and he will help me so i endure. Today i endure somemore but I was feeling very uneasy. I told hubby, he obviously do not want to help, he just say WHY U WANT TO SCOLD her? I hung up. I told myself to concentrate on my class, i did. 

On the way home, it was very jam, i had self reflection. I went to pump petrol at kesas. I was out from the petrol station, i was still reflecting - one car proton iswara drove very near me and drive same speed as me, i was scared, look right immediately - malay boy put out his hand, pointing at my light and his mouth say 'lampu'. I forgot to turn on my headlight after the petrol pump, i turn on my head light and cry. I said thank you to my guardian angels and GOD, i know they are always watching over me and loves me very much. They know I'm sad and no one can help me - they gave me strength. I need to be strong because life is all about happiness and adding value to other people. Meeting with difficult people means I need to show them love and guide them to the correct path. I guess, I did not explode and react like I've used to because hubby had trained me at home and I just do not know how to react anymore. Slowly, I would find peace in myself in no time. Thank you guardian angels and God, I love you too.

Balance

Yesterday my sister asked me  for some advise. I was glad that she asked me, because while teaching I learn something too. One of the spiritual books I've read talks about balance in life - karma/ what you give out you received/ cause & effect. While reading, it did not bring me to another deeper level, but to share with my sister - deeper level of understanding presented to me. 

How much love you give, it will be returned and more. One of the book, it quoted jesus: "what I can do, so can you and more" exact wording I've forgotten but it means something like that. How much money/ help/ compassionate you give, it will be returned and more too. What I've learnt and wanted to share with my readers, successful people around you, they do really have some quality that you can learn from them. Never discriminate or has negative judgement on anybody in your life, as they are your best teacher. with the help from others, we advance quicker than to have slow self realization process. 

Throughout my life, many have admire me (of what I have), some thinks I don't deserve it and some think i was born to be lucky. To be born lucky is not the right word, see what the person have - her character and behavior she holds - it attracts the same to her. It is not what she is born with. I have nobleman in my bazi chart. I love to help people - especially going over board to help my family members - they feel irritated by me sometimes because they do not have their own say. I also help people who come to me and often offer solution that people did not ask for. Hence I have this problem that I feel people always don't appreciate what I do for them. I'm fortunate that KW told me to continue doing that, as I'm planting the seed in them, continue doing what you are doing. Hence, now i understand what I was doing all my life, I'm also attracting nobleman in my life to help me, when needed. 

Another thing in my bazi chart, I have wealth star penetrating heaven & earth. I'm not a multi-millionaire yet, why? I believe I have some money related limiting believes. anyway, I'm doing not that bad anyway. I was lucky? No. It's my attitude towards money. 1st i'm not stingy, i always buy the best present to anybody and I buy my family expensive gift and I treat my family to expensive restaurant. Sometimes i spent all my salary for one month just for all those. Do i still have savings? Yes. because money comes in not only thru my salary. I donate money too. I buy the best for myself, I appreciate fine items like jewelry, bags, shoes etc. I don't waste money - all the stuff i buy i use until it wears off. I write my daily expenses. I also like to buy nice food for my friends - sharing. all my life, since young, I've been doing this. I'm not a multi-millionaire (although my chart says so) but I have enough to have all I want. I need to fix my limiting believes on money as I'm not maximizing what I'm born with. 

Universe will send everything to you - all you need to do is to see if you have a balance in your life. You must be able to give then only you can have return (more than what you give). This is the universe law in life. No such thing as lucky or born to have superior life. Learn from the people who you admire, adopt their good attitude, you are not too far from them. Have perseverance. You have abundance in life!

2nd recital - violin

1st recital at Yamaha USJ

2nd recital at Symphony Aman Suria

It's a good exposure for andrea and I'm very grateful to have Dr. Ng as andrea's violin teacher. It's not about how good the teaching is, it's the environment he created for his student. I really like this idea to have recital every month. 

1st recital, andrea played marry had a little lamb - no hiccups, very well performed but too bad daddy somehow did not know why it was not captured in our camera :( 2nd recital, andrea played twinkle twinkle little star + twinkle variation A. Andrea played half way and stop, her anxious eye keep on looking at me and looking people around me but for variation A was OK, she played the whole song but the bow was flying everywhere. I praised her anyway (for being brave and have done a very good job on stage), because she was crying when she was down from the stage. Later in the car i asked why she stop - issit scared, she said yes. I told her to look at the violin instead next time. Will see how she perform next month at a difference place. At home, daddy asked her again why stop half way, she told daddy she doesn't want mummy to look at her oO. At 1 month to 4 years old, they still cannot comprehend their true feelings. 

This time we did capture the video, however, it was block by one student who is quite big size. The place is actually very small, oh well .... no nice video for 1st & 2nd recital. Andrea enjoy looking at other student playing too. Other student is talented, not only they play violin, they play viola and piano too. We left at 8.15am as benjamin is getting cranky. overall it's a good experience, i get to know other parents as well :")

Need to find new dresses for andrea! She wore the same dress for 1st & 2nd recital :P

Spiritual - May 2011

I had many unhappy incident yesterday but i was very glad that it has no longer impact me as much as it used to. I used to scold back, hit the person with pillow, say nasty words and couldn't sleep. That is the old me - yes, i did respond back and i kept quiet after that, did some self talk and fall asleep. Actually it had happen few months back but not before going to sleep, I'm able to control and keep my mouth shut, the ultimate reason is I want to get out of this pattern and hope GOD can take me out of here. I wish for a harmony place, i will strive to be as better person as I could, i just want to leave and ONLY interact with people who has same vibration as me. Guide Me. Thank You

My books arrived - WISHES for the mother's heart made me wanna cry by just reading a few pages. "Our mothers are our compasses, our sails and anchors throughout life - guiding us, challenging us, and encouraging us as we come to the ultimate realization that we are separate from the one who gave us life." GOD gave me a painful event by making me realize I'm separate from the one who gave me life, I feel like crying because I still couldn't get out of the comfort zone totally, but have manage to remove myself 80% or more. I just hope by moving house will not impact me as much, because i realized i'm not very good in dealing with CHANGES - which is really bad because changes is everywhere and anytime. PERSEVERANCE. Thank You

I learnt to disconnect with the source which prevent my energy from depleting. I learnt that healing still continue after you have stop meditating. I learnt to disconnect and put up golden bubble ball when i feel my energy is pulling by outside force - usually can feel on my feet and head (while resting or before sleep) - tingling feeling and rush of energy is immediately being stop. I still woke up at 5.30am feeling fresh. I pray for a harmony environment for my kids, I do not have what I have now because my parents was not very successful in this area. I pray for the best for my kids, I will continue strive for self  actualization and provide the best for my kids. Guide Me. Thank You

Books arriving Today!

I love DHL service :) I've ordered 7 books from amazon.com US early may, they took about 10 days to ship to my hopshopgo US address, and the package arrived at the US address last Friday. Guess what?! DHL going to deliver to me today! How efficient is that! :) Happy Bunny! This time i have bought a combination of category - spiritual, business and biography :) can't wait to start reading!

I've re-read my soul psychology, it's like bazi - peeling of the onion. You get new insight every time you re-visited the same material. 1. Claim your power. 2. Love yourself. This is the most fundamental. How? I will not recommend this book for people who has no knowledge into spiritual, the things he describe is a bit 'deep', after second reading only i understand a little bit more from dr. joshua. Next one i want to read human anatomy - spiritual aspect lah :) Want to heal my aching shoulder! dr. joshua said - all human should be a doctor or a healer. Obviously I cannot become a doctor like him because i do not have a degree in medicine. I would love to become a spiritual healer like our ascended master - jesus christ, kuan yin, etc just to name a few. Our mission is to add value to each other on this earth plane.

Today i have alot of things to do, we have went to Ikea to get all necessary info yesterday. Today i need to incorporate all the info into my house drawing. Still in dilemma if we should engage the interior designer because it looks like i have all the idea for my own house. Things the designer proposed not very suitable. I hope new age designer can be more flexible - let the customer choose all their furniture and kitchen (if customer knows what they want) - then the interior designer will design the house based on the furniture and kitchen customer bought, to make the whole house sink into one piece & in harmony. You know ..... we have bought sofa set from Neiviv, Bedroom set from Gudang Homes and kitchen still pending. Interior designer's contractor may not be as good as signature kitchen (although they do kitchen), their beds may not be as strong and good as Dorma bed, their furniture may not be as stylish or contemporary than Gudang/ Neiviv. I know designer wants to give us a total solution but I still prefer Furniture Designer Piece. Sorry .....

KEYS to Kemuning Residence

We got our keys last Saturday. Did the checking with clerk of work - spent almost 2 hours there, it left us with no time to do the defect sheet on our own. The kids was at home with the maid hence we rush home after that. Plan to do it this Thursday, will take leave because andrea school has parents day and will work out the defect and also meet with some contractors for measurement on Thursday. Hubby wants the design to be out by end of this week! He wants the wet works to start on 1st June! STRESS! need to do - actual measurement for all my furniture for switches re-wiring for study, kitchen, bedroom and living - kitchen island new piping - confirmation of hacking of walls and rebuild.  

We spent our weekend well, luckily the kids are alright with the maid. The maid did makes me unhappy because she lied again, not serious (did not close the fridge properly & accuse me because she said i open the fridge just now! How annoying!) That aside, Thank GOD my kids are alright with her alone, because we really can't do anything if we bring the kids along. I would prepare all the kids meal before i go out - my trips are short: 2-3 hours at most then have to come back and cook their dinner. I'm happy because we get most of what we want to see :) 

Saturday: Went to BSC, dinner at Grand Imperial - the set comes with shark fin soup. Yummy! I thought set shark fin will not be nice but it's Good :) The kids had red bean soup & grass Jelly longan for dessert - very nice. Andrea wallop the most of it! After that we went to Gudang Homes - decided on walnut bed set, will only confirm it this coming Tuesday. Both kids are terrible, me and hubby fighting for time to talk to the sales person as both of us crazily run after our kids + discussing. 

Sunday: Went to Hong Lee aluminum. Asked for aluminum pergola sum louvers, 2 folding doors, 1 sliding door and Steel pergola for kitchen. Got the quotation, will confirm this Thursday. Then to garden midvalley - visit Gudang studio, Neviv (TV stand - have to wait till end of July) and Dorma Bed (6 June Bedding fair!). Rushed home to pick the kids up for shichida. Only took us 2 hours to go so many places! Super Efficient! hahaha .... Dinner time we went Ikea to get dimension for wardrobe and Galant working table, ben sleeping thru, andrea was a good girl did not make much noise. Thank you god for putting ben to sleep while we are at ikea :)

At work - Thursday

I have been happy at work, ever since i came back from LOA. Reason is, I've meditate and did some affirmation when i return to work, what environment i want, how i feel at work etc. I came to work with full vitality and know it will be a good start and good years ahead. True enough, i had promotion with good increment, people around me starts to be friendly, my work has been busy but smooth (thank god), etc. All these is because i believe i had changed from the inside, hence i see changes from the outside.

This morning, I was so angry - my negative ego appear again. It's a serious one because i can feel the anger rush thru my whole body. I know i express my anger during the call which is no good. It involves worldwide guy from the US, my GMU person + her mgr, my ASEAN counter part and his functional. I feel like crying after the call. I ping Samuel (mgr of GMU) and told him what i feel - I felt so much better after that, how he is going to take me I've no idea, as long as i felt better. I don't know what happen - my right shoulder now is in pain (2 days already) - emotional level means unable to give out, until now dunno what's wrong. Did healing this morning, maybe of this block I cannot handle my anger. hon za she sho nen - clear negative imprint for present, past and future for everyone on that call just now. 

I had emotional problem yesterday too. I think I'm having period now, hence emotional imbalance. Pei gave me one fact - it struck me. Now i understand why i felt that way. I'm cool after that. I hope no emotional pain will continue. All is Well. It will end right Now.

Kitchen Idea!

We are getting our keys soon! most probably by next week! With a blink of my eyes, things just pass by like a rocket! I love designing houses, the current condo we lived is design by me, keke ... it was initially very nice - big and spacious, right now it's really messy with additional 50% of the kids things (of course hubby & I contributed alot too). After 5 years of living in a condo, we now need a bigger space :)

The interior design of the new house will be done by me too. I had a problem with my kitchen, because it's odd shape and I have difficulty getting the arrangement I like. I've abandon the kitchen project for many many months, have visited Bulthaup, woodone and M architect/ design house to get ideas. Bulthaup & woodone recommend me to do open concept kitchen and with this idea i don't know how to do my open concept on my kitchen plan, until i visited M A/D house, i was able to draw out my open concept kitchen with Ikea planner! keke, no, May did not give me that idea, it's just the table arrangement she told me and i sort it out myself. 

Hubby wanted to engage them because they provide end-to-end solution. If you know them, they are really good in doing what they do, their customers are BIG as in RICH customers (often appear on papers/ magazine), for them to attend to us is like wasting their time (i know im feeling inferior). Anyway, hubby know them thru projects and because we initially wanted to do some 'project' so we were together, now i wonder if they want to service us because the 'project' of ours is not working out. Anyway, May said normally end-to-end solution is about 30-40% of the cost of the house. TO me is too much lah! I SERIOUSLY rather spend my money on designer furniture, i don't know what hubby thinks. Hope he will find some indon to do the wet works instead! 

Anyway, Am Happy i have the Kitchen plan ready and according to Ikea planner it only cost RM20K without installation lah, so cheap! May said 60-70K ... eeee .... different quality of course. Whatever lah, I'm not living there for the rest of my life, i need to go back to condo when my kids are in college. according to the international school age group, by 16 yrs old they will be studying A-levels (college), hence I will only stay in this house for 10-12 years, at most 15 years! Please god, give me a cheaper solution, we need money for other investment not expense! Stretch our money. AMEN! 

1st weekend of May

busy busy me! Parents went away for holiday again, I'm not that physically busy but mentally exhausted. as a perfectionist, I'm actually Killing myself silently - I recognize that and will constantly remind myself when I'm conscious. 

(1) Ben Potty train is in progress. very slow but better than never start. Bought 6 training pants from Mothercare last month, have been using it since last month, this week at least I, myself successfully let ben pee in the potty a FEW times during day time :) 

(2) Andrea school sent me Mother's Day card! I'm very surprise and excited to open it. It was andrea's art piece (colouring) and the school help them to send to the house. SA is creative! hehe ... shichida also gave andrea a Mother's Day card, with a few encouraging words, will share it when I have time this week. I wish all the mother's HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, our children is most precious, they are in your good hands to change the world. Keep up the good work :)

(3) Read my reiki book - "silence is golden" hit me so hard. I'm sitting on hurting officer (HO) - too opinionated, rarely keep my mouth shout be it good or bad view. Hence, come to healing, I need to practice "silence is golden". Hubby is very good at it. I know the benefit is to bring calmness, however i hate ppl who remain silence all the time when input is needed - i shall let go because only ppl with HO will have this urge to be angry and call these ppl ignorant. No right or wrong on this earth, it's how you interpret it. Relax!

(4) School hunting completed. 2 friends condemn me - 1 said i donate money to the school, 1 said why don't you look inside yourself before comment government school. TRUE lah, both of them has their point. "silence is golden" can be applied here. For whatever choice we choose in this life is our choice and we do not need to explain to everyone. EVERYONE wants their perfect life hence whatever they say is perfect for them. perfect has a scale of 1-10. Where they are 1 or 10, they still perceive as perfect. Same goes to me. Should stop asking people for opinion because we are the ultimate judge who wants a perfect 10 life for ourselves. 

(5) Car colour confirmed. Was afraid that it wouldn't match. Hence i just choose based on my MUST! whether it matches or not, not so important lah! As long as inside looks huge and outside looks different I'm Happy with it. My mum used to drive brown car, when she come and pick me up at school, I'm not sure if that is her and shall i walk to the gate, with yellow colour that I chose, andrea/ ben will not have this problem :)

(6) Car aircon broke down last Friday, it was awfully HOT when i drove home from mum house to KK. poor kids and maid and myself. We were all sweating when arrived home. fix the car on Saturday and I glad I did sent my car for fixing because then I can ask them to wash and vacuum my DIRTY car. Hubby has been lazy to vacuum my car, with all the food in my car for months, it stinks!

(7) Sub-con Proved. I've been programing my sub-con and I can happily announce that, my good cooking is realizing. haha ... beside that many things also realized! like getting andrea to start school at 5, have a new car before my old car turns 7 years old and meeting with lots of ppl.

(8) went to Ben's at KLCC again last Saturday, guess what? Their baby chair is a Stokke chair! High class or what, IMPRESSED! anyway, ben cannot fit in, lol. I asked for cushion to raise him up instead, too bad there isn't any low sofas for us this time. Had dinner at zipangu again last Sunday, guess what? They put up a notice to say that their salmon from Norway, crab from Alaska, vege from Cameron highlands, etc. Nothing from Japan. haha.. i think their business was impacted for a few months.

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I'm sad

I'm not my usual self, I have so much anger in me, i don't know why - started early in the morning

I woke up at 5.30am, as usual go toilet, check my FB before doing anything. Found out one of my ex-colleague passed away due to stomach cancer, it didn't impact as much as my secondary close friend who passed away 2 weeks back. However i do feel sad and start questioning why many people my age die of sickness :( I did my meditation this morning until 7am. While i was preparing ben's lunch cooking ingredient before i go to work, ben dash thru the living to his small cart ... i called for him and gave him a hug. I asked maid to make him milk (usually he would have milk in the morning). Milk ready and ben bring the cart into the room together - HE REFUSE to drink milk. I went insane and THROW the cart out the bedroom door (snatching from ben like a crazy women). When I'm out from the house, ben was fussy - crying out loud due to other things. I left home with frustration.

I pick andrea up, she finish lunch at 1.10pm! I was angry and told her I'm going to leave if she still dreaming (while wearing her shoes). She cried in school and made me irritated. I scolded her in the car and said nasty words, arrive at home she was asleep, i would have slap her as i told her in the car, luckily daddy is at home so i ignore. I've gone crazy .... i don't know why. I feel the pain inside me, i've been telling people our generation do not have long life as per our grandparents/ parents. Hence, i need my kids to graduate fast so i can guide them, i only learn to become a better person after i started working. I have lay and search for all the foundation a human needs (those i lack during a kid) for my kids because i know what is lacking, and i want my life circle to be completed, I do not want my kids to suffer in their life, i need to tell them how to handle their pain - until they met one. I'm sad to see people my age died, not because i'm afraid that i would die too, because i believe they have dreams/ desire like myself for my kids, ourselves and for the world.

Rest in peace - Ling Shin, Soo Pei, Jessie Kong. Follow the light, you will be missed.

Long weekend!

4 days for me! :) I took friday off! We did not make any plans to go holiday (just came back from SG) nor stay at hotel. We just hang around at home - but our time seems to occupied anyway, i didn't have time for afternoon nap! Well, it's good I guess because I don't waste my time over sleep :)

Friday - Seminar (3 full days seminar but i only get to go 1 1/2 days)

Saturday - Stay home with kids in the morning + cooking, afternoon went to the Seminar and cannot help it, signed up for a course! I don't know why i love to go course so much! I hope this is useful for me :)

Sunday - Sunway Zoo (again i know, we love the rabbits & guinea pig there!) - Home Deco (signed up curtain deal + bought a few items) - Fullmoon party! 

Monday - Westin for breakfast - 1 year old party - now at home chilling

My kids are super laughter, they Laugh out loud when daddy go over the bump or have some odd noise when we are on the road, the kids just make funny faces to each other and laugh so hard, andrea change all the lyrics from english song to chinese words, ben keeps calling daddy for everything - that's the fun we had in the car during the weekend

I on the other hand, looking for schools for andrea. Just saw kingsley at kota kemuning roundabout. Went and see this morning - it's a shoplot, the school only ready in 2013. (disappointed). R.E.A.L school at shah alam was a bit too far, we went and see - location wise i'm not very happy with it (small roads + opposite cemetery - I wonder if yin & yang in this case will clash? - seems OKlah, they have new building coming up!) Now i don't know where to put andrea. Still in dilemma. I have printout the school fees for 7 international schools, i will use that to motivate myself to earn more money ON MY OWN! OK, Universe, u gotta show me and guide me. We can do it! My Happiness is your happiness :) AMEN!