16 February 2011

Sei Hei Ki

Want to get away from reality, thought want to move out to somewhere so i can have a peace of mind. I can't do it because my EG (eating god) is not clashed but hubby one is, so maybe he will just leave us without saying anything this year. I want to go somewhere but dunno where to go, my parents place? no .... friends place? no .... Hotel? maybe. I think if i ever want a peace of mind my choice will be Hotel :) IBM Corporate rate is quite cheap anyway. 

My heart chakra is very very soar. I can feel it at the back of my spine, did fish pose this morning and felt better now it came back again. Did healing this morning but gone to waste because i release my anger again this morning because 'she' open the new zara hair accessories and THROW away the BAG! I scream again. I scream so much yesterday that I feel so so weak, I slept 3 hours in the afternoon but slept again at 9pm at night. I feel so exhausted and feel that the bad energy is so heavy inside myself especially my heart chakra. I'm really very weak now, I don't like to be angry but I can hardly control the anger when things don't go my way. I don't wish to look at 'her' face because it will bring anger to me - the problem is in me, i know, but how not to be angry when i feel so disappointed in myself for picking her to become my maid. Looking at her face, remind me of how foolish I am for picking her in the first place. Her present makes me so upset because I treat her so good - let her have mobile and buy reload for her, buy clothes and shorts, purposely buy biscuit because scared she is hungry, use the washing machine to wash her clothes, let her have our share of all the good things like peaches, chocolates, juices, restaurant food etc. Is all worth it? I feel so stupid for doing all these! No body appreciate it, back to square 1 for my problem. I'm so tired and do not want to look at it anymore. 

Hubby say I'm no use because I don't know how to manage people. No wonder in IBM I have no opportunity to become people manager. I know that is true but I do feel helpless and sad even people don't say it, i know it myself. Now Hubby tell me in the face, I feel extremely sad because I'm a failure in work and I'm a failure as a SAHM and a total failure to be the boss for 'her'.  What on earth can I do? I don't know, I feel like going to the temple to become a nan because there is no hope, no happiness and no more love. God bless me. I need peace to build my stamina again. I know peace is inside myself, but please universe, give me peace - time & space [Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen]. Thank you

Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen - No Past, Present, Future

Sei Hei Ki - Purify, Cleanse & protect Emotion

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