21 July 2012

31st Birthday

I'm 31 years old! It's not that bad, 30th birthday was bad because i couldn't believe I'm already reach 30. haha .. crazy woman. I'm at peace with it now. This year I have a strong urge that I do not want to celebrate it, the universe supports me by giving me a serious viral attack that causes me seriously no mood to celebrate. The reason is simple, I feel that I have not done anything that I'm proud of to celebrate my birthday, what milestone that I have achieved this year? I cannot think of anything, all in my head is that, I gave up my career, I gave up my maid, I gave up alot of things in life .... I have given all up. Sound so hopeless ... demotivating and shameful. I feel like I want to start all over again ... Game Over ... don't get me wrong, not opting to give up my life, but wish that I have a reset button to choose another chapter/ scene to go into and 'play' my life again. I don't like this chapter/ scene. 

I realize that I have a choice. I need to create a new chapter/ scene in this game. Birthday or not birthday really no big deal to me cos I really do not see birthday as a big occasion, just feel i don't want to be with anybody. in the end we of course had family dinner and also flowers from hubby. My present? I seriously do not need LV wallet, I actually told hubby no need la, get other thing. BUT another part of me (devil) says u better take it, if not it will be given to his parents/ family member. This type of duality personality, I don't know when I can 100% get rid of. who wins? Of course the devil, I will claim it ... kekeke ... I have a feeling, i still have some parts missing in me that I need to fight/ stop my in-laws from getting anything from hubby. what is it .. hm ... I will be in KK for one week next week. ISIS please help me to 'see', I intent to clear this blockage ... as nothing is mine, I own nothing. All that comes are more than enough for me to use in this lifetime. I have more than enough to donate and help the poor. So it is.

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