Need to be right?

Many humans including myself, maybe it's my soul group (ppl that I meet - FTF or virtual), they always wanted to be right, I felt strong urge to reply back on FB but refrain myself from doing so - to break my pattern behaviour. I want to stop attention seeking and I want to stop the need of being heard/ agreed upon because the truth is already in each and everyone of us. If you choose to let go of your ego and start listening in within, you will know the right answer without having anyone to tell you. 

Here is the link to the FB discussion on genioart. 

1. I believe the man does not have the intention to talk negatively about your kids, he just want to give a piece of information. He too talked about andrea emotions, I did not react as what other mothers do because I read my girl bazi and I have knowledge in psychology and spirituality. Things he said does match with my knowledge, so choosing the colours and drawing what not at that MOMENT in time is the child emotion. If you CHOOSE to live in denial, it's really your choice. 

2. All human beings were born and equip with certain knowledge and gift. The mothers there also has alot of knowledge and gift, I feel sad for people to condemn other people without having an open heart to see other person's perspective because they feel vulnerable being emotionally attacked by that man. However, is this his ultimate intention? I think not. For a person to start any children business, if he personally see every child's parents and explain, I do not think he has a bad heart and do things for profit ONLY. If he is a business man, he can hire other people to do it and shake his leg in his office. 

3. Children below 6 years old are very sensitive. Once again all kids are different like you and me. Some can see colours, some can sense colour, some can heal, some has six sense etc. Every child's favourite colour mostly are pink/ green (heart chakra), blue (throat), yellow (golden aura) etc. Dark colours like red is really anger (root chakra is red but children below 6, this chakra has not fully mature) or black or brown are really negative colours. If you fight alot at home, not harmony or has 'dirty' things then these colours will be seen or sense by your child. Of course if you condition your child to like these colours then of course they like it because you told them to. All the drawings that the children do, can tell alot of things with the condition that you CANNOT tell them what to do or tell them what is right or wrong. Or else the reading from child drawings are absolutely inaccurate. 

Ah well ... end of ranting. May all mothers to be awaken as soon as possible. Bless be. 

I guess this also tells me not to continue genioart when andrea change school. lol ... I have been thinking if I shall send andrea to the centre in old klang road. 2 years with them is really enough I guess? Thank You universe :) Will find new art centre ... pls guide me

Musikgarten

Since andrea went for kizsport and violin class, I thought benjamin has to go for some classes to build up his music appreciation skills. As I do not want to go very far, a friend of mine introduce me to creative n' Fun Music Studio near my house. This music studio uses Musikgarten syllabus, I'm quite OK with it and signed up on September 2011. Although it has not been 1 year but I must say teacher peggy is very good. Reason to leave: benjamin could not sit still and acted very cheeky in the class, I guess benjamin is too active for the class. I need to find something that can occupy his mind and hands & legs all the time. Ben would look at me and smile without any valid reason and refuse to follow what teacher peggy says. Ah well ... Maybe something else I tell myself. 

We have enjoy all the lessons so far. Teacher peggy voice is really nice. I love listening to her singing, she introduced many instruments and ben really like all of them. Ben also starts to sing songs that he heard from the class. Singing solfege is what I like. All in all the foundation in music I can get it here. I really don't know what's next because benjamin has not reach 3 and he has acted silly in most of the class. One more reason for me to quit, a newly join kid has severe eczema and I thought was chicken pox so i confront the mum, learn that it was eczema. I don't know why I have this feeling, I do not belong here anymore, not because I'm scared (as i know it's not chicken pox) I cannot bear to see such 'heavy' family karma has on a small little girl. Although it's just eczema and nothing serious like cancer, my heartfelt prayer to this family, may the wisdom of enlightenment be with them, you can break your family pattern/ karma. 

I don't know if it's divine timing again but yes, I do not want to leave but more than 1 reason for me to leave this music lesson for ben. Shall be scouting again! Thank You teacher Peggy!

Parenting talk

Divine timing it is. Universe sends me this event to strengthen my faith and also to re-assure my knowledge for this universe. I feel safe, as I know I'm on the right path. Any person conduct this talk I may be skeptical because I would think they have read as much as I do, hence the knowledge and wisdom. This comes from a monk - Venerable Amaranatho, I feel peaceful. 

1. I learnt the extension of what dr. Laila (glenn doman) said about: If your child is 1 year old, in actual fact you have only live 1 year of your entire life, hence you are also 1 year old, despite already 28 years old. God gave us so many opportunity to learn and heal. Your 1st healing starts when your child is born - whether you accept the healing/ learning is totally up to you, human has a CHOICE. Love energy is the centre of everything - this is why right brain education said LOVE is everything. You need to Love yourself then only you can Love your children. Love overcomes fear, sickness, worries and actually every emotions in life. Love is the energy to heal your childhood emotions, how you know? Look at your children, if you feel angry or agitated, these are the sign for you to heal your inner child ... Now I understand deeper. God never leave us alone, it's the choice - that makes us whole or broken. 

2. Many things he mentioned to re-assure my knowledge is in line with the universe. He saw me nodding when he talks and asked if we are yogi's. Yogi term to me is a person who does spiritual in extreme, I shake my heard, Amaranatho look me in the eye and ask, you are not? I open my mouth :"only meditation". He said yeah, that's about the same and go on with his talk. I'm thinking maybe I have stronger golden aura than other participant, or am I consciously breathing in his energy during the talk. haha ... I felt energy running during the talk, hence I sat up straight and let the energy flow. Thank you for the energy ... On my list - Heal womb experience for my children. For those reading my blog, please choose water birth if you have a choice for your new baby. Amaranatho said the child will have higher consciousness if water birth. 

Thank You for letting me meet Amaranatho. I feel Love. So it is. 

Virus Attacked

Past 1 week was Viral battle week. Andrea Down with viral attack 1st, 1st diagnosis was believed to be bacteria attack hence the antibiotic and from there found out that andrea is allergic to penicillin. I take it as bad news because penicillin can kill wide range of bacteria, why her body cannot take it .. sigh! Well, better than never knew. enough said. 

Andrea's healing is very fast, about 3 days the ulcers are gone. One thing for sure, her throat chakra is not as congested as ben and myself, that's a good news. It's not HFMD doctor said but we have fever and ulcers, no spots on hands and leg but the ulcers are really terrible. Never in my life i experience this :( Ben and I took 5 days to heal.

Medicine we used : Aloclair, some numb medicine before meal (only ben took this), lots of vitamin C and liquid. 

I don't know about the kids, as long as they can eat and swallow I didn't worry so much. For myself, it's really tough, I lost some weight because i cannot swallow :( I get very angry because my ulcers are killing me. Now everything has subside, I thank god for it. I get plenty of rest and hubby came back early for those days, emotional less stressful when he is around and I think my DNA has upgraded! lol ... Don't know when it happened but I thank god for it :) All is Well. 

Talking to dad

Lunch with dad this afternoon, mum back to ipoh and i was feeling 'lunch at vietnamese'. Luckily dad was available. Dad and I do not have much heart to heart talk, our conversation is all about giving me advise or just letting me do the talk. He reads many book (he always quote from books he reads), hence the wisdom or he had near death experience hence his so-called wisdom is better than normal human beings. either way. 

I cannot believe i cried again, for all the months of healing. Many things I told him that day serve as a reminder for myself, i felt those things I've said had anchored 1 inch deeper into my heart/ soul. I thank for you the opportunity and time, I guess the healing are on-going and session like this helps heal further and deeper. 

I asked dad, what life is all about. about the cycle of life. every human beings are baby - teenager - adult - old man. If this is a cycle then what we have to do about it in every stages in life. Dad just said contribution, regardless small or big. Although i know the answer to this question but I want to see what dad says, fair enough the answer given is enlightening. Because, if ever anyone ask me this question, this will not be my single answer to that person. However, this is just what I need. Thank You. 

I told dad I'm disappointed in myself. I don't know if this runs in the family bloodline or my upbringing, I felt belittle when I do not achieve things I want. Dad didn't answer me he just listen. For I know the answer is to widen my perspective in life, change focus and power up. He just say as human beings, we need to be happy, find something and do something that makes you happy. I told dad, I learnt so much after dropping the money ego as I do not earn any money now and using money to release my pain/ anger is no longer an option or using money to hurt people is no longer an option. My soul growth maximised. These are the experience that I cannot explain to people - how many people on earth has as much experience that I have. I doubt it. My situation might not be the worst but the learning curve is really steep. 

I told dad, 3 of my friends are having 3rd baby, how great it is to have more children. Surprisingly he didn't say anything about affordability as that is always my main concern. Dad ask is that what you want? I told him, children is for parents to learn, I think 2 children is enough for my soul growth. haha ... I was shock to say these but how true. I was once afraid that I may grow old without any younger children to accompany and if one child doesn't want me I still have the other. 2 children they might fight and having 3 like my siblings we always have someone to 'cool the pot'.

All these are really good to have, but do I need 3? Having children really is to know about yourself as your children carries your DNA (bloodline karma & family behavior), are you ready to accept and change, having more children = more pressure pressing you to change/ realize your karma. The answer is I need to know myself. I know I have attachment problem - being afraid of aloneness and dependence, I need to conquer this for soul growth. God is in the centre of our living. We are bless with children as they are going to teach us something valuable/ reveal bloodline karma in life and our responsibility is to let them grow without limit/ intent to break free from bloodline karma - free our souls. The real human circle is about this.

Children born after year 2000 has high energy, really the DHA milk powder make them smart? really only my children are awesome? Take a look around you, the children now born are different because their body contains more energy and higher frequency. Right brain education can help them maximize their high and refine energy. How you ask me? Observe your child. They can tell you. All the amazing things they have done ... crawling on four, walking, responding, singing, reading earlier than stated milestone, not just me, almost more than 50% of my friends children are doing this. See to believe .. we are becoming Oneness ... hence having 2 or 3 kids doesn't really matter. It's all about how much you know about yourself and willing to detach - emptiness. Denial is your blockage. 

Sometimes dad may not say alot of things, every time I feel God is using dad's mouth to tell me valuable advise/ things for that moment in time. He may not agree for everything I do, but I really like talking to him as he soothe my emotion. Thank You for your time. 

31st Birthday

I'm 31 years old! It's not that bad, 30th birthday was bad because i couldn't believe I'm already reach 30. haha .. crazy woman. I'm at peace with it now. This year I have a strong urge that I do not want to celebrate it, the universe supports me by giving me a serious viral attack that causes me seriously no mood to celebrate. The reason is simple, I feel that I have not done anything that I'm proud of to celebrate my birthday, what milestone that I have achieved this year? I cannot think of anything, all in my head is that, I gave up my career, I gave up my maid, I gave up alot of things in life .... I have given all up. Sound so hopeless ... demotivating and shameful. I feel like I want to start all over again ... Game Over ... don't get me wrong, not opting to give up my life, but wish that I have a reset button to choose another chapter/ scene to go into and 'play' my life again. I don't like this chapter/ scene. 

I realize that I have a choice. I need to create a new chapter/ scene in this game. Birthday or not birthday really no big deal to me cos I really do not see birthday as a big occasion, just feel i don't want to be with anybody. in the end we of course had family dinner and also flowers from hubby. My present? I seriously do not need LV wallet, I actually told hubby no need la, get other thing. BUT another part of me (devil) says u better take it, if not it will be given to his parents/ family member. This type of duality personality, I don't know when I can 100% get rid of. who wins? Of course the devil, I will claim it ... kekeke ... I have a feeling, i still have some parts missing in me that I need to fight/ stop my in-laws from getting anything from hubby. what is it .. hm ... I will be in KK for one week next week. ISIS please help me to 'see', I intent to clear this blockage ... as nothing is mine, I own nothing. All that comes are more than enough for me to use in this lifetime. I have more than enough to donate and help the poor. So it is.

Love

I have been struggling understanding the meaning of love when i attend my 1st shichida and nury course in 2007. Definition of love from wiki. After 5 years, I think i know the meaning but it may not be totally whole/ complete. My children definitely some star children (don't know which one), I'm exposed to many teaching method (spiritual i call it - right brain development) and now i'm on my 'road'  staying close to them. I definitely did not ask for it, all these just come my way, tried to push it away (career) but was defeated. Happy to have star children? Prepare for the bumpy road ahead to reap your rewards. Their energy is so high that if you are not conscious they might end up in the drain. it's a challenging journey. 

When i was earning close to 100K per year, I bought so many things for my children. I gave them the best of everything. I read books to them. excellent food. 100% attention (maid) - playing and activities. Bring them to experience the finest. all sorts of enrichment classes. sleep with me every night. I've done everything that I feel Love for them. I thought it was sufficient as most mum does this. However my journey is somewhat different, i need to go extra mile - understanding deeper of LOVE. 

Love is an energy. Have you felt the cosmic energy? The source energy? or the God's energy? or whatever name you called it - the strange feeling that you cannot see but can be felt? In spiritual, Bible, right brain education etc. Love is a form of energy. Positive energy. You need energy when you are awake - are they positive or negative? How GOD heal you? He uses love energy. Positive energy. Positive thoughts to heal the emotion/ Soul and positive action to heal the physical body. Love that is. Parents need Positive thoughts and actions to nurture their kids. It's tough, I've been thru it, all our past experience in life (childhood) had made this extremely hard for us to change. I'm on my healing journey  for the best of my star children. The baseline of course is for my own soul growth. 

3-4 weeks ago, i was on the course of cutting and clearing bloodline karma. For the best of my children, letting them free from family karmic tie. Yesterday my mum told me - Oh i also cannot take penicillin, my ears will be swollen and had allergic. How this came to me? the flow will come when you set intention for it, GOD/ universe will lead you. I thank God for this piece of information. You cannot clear any unknown (just like you go for doctor consultation), knowing allergic to penicillin, you can set intention to clear any emotions and blockages regarding to this. anyway, life is a messy spider web, sometimes you need to clear A,B,C,D,E to really cut off the bloodline karma or change the way you behave. Life is never a straight road from point A to B. If you get what I mean. Embrace it. God will lead your way. 

3 days to 1 month without a maid. I truly learn alot. I was busy for the 1st 2 weeks, tried to touch everything in the house, throwing blockages. sweat alot, physically was so tired, thanks to yoga for physical healing. 3rd week was better, can take some breather. sweat lesser. now in my 4th week. Life is bliss, i feel relieve as nothing much to do now. I can write blog and read like before. How can this be possible? I don't know, it could be my mental state or physical state is stronger now. I can do everything, in control without feeling burden or sweaty (excessively). Love is the energy. Positive thoughts. Positive action. for the growth of self. it will positively affect people around you especially your children. Thank You for the Love energy. 

Quiet

Turbulence happens all the time, I always feel I ride on the wave instead of staying calm underneath the water. From the 1st day, I accept and willing to let go of my 'fake' destiny i created for myself, I know my life could change 360 degree. I did not care if it will bring me to the extreme good or bad. I know, for whatever things I want is 'fake' and I will not live true to myself and my true life purpose. Life purpose is not for us to FIND it, It will unfold itself when you are walking the path of your life, you choose these life lesson before you are born. For one thing i know, I will continue to shine and be a life example to people around me, of course knowing bazi is a cheat sheet to life. You roughly know what life lesson you have stupidly chosen for yourself, hoping you could learn this life ...... stop blaming anybody, remember! you want/ choose this and you get this, acknowledge it and learn it for this life. To avoid reincarnation/ to be dump into a recycle bin. 

Everything you hear or see and available on this earth. They are all correct. It depends on which level of consciousness you are in. Hence, never say anyone is wrong as their wisdom obviously higher than yours. Alot of things layman and monk/ priest could interpret the same thing as different meaning. I have a friend post in FB - And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. (1 John 4:16 NIV84)

He said we rely on the love God has for us. If you substitute 'energy' to God and Love (God is Love), the meaning will be different and you will feel more independent as compared to relying on something to makes you happy. Jesus Christ is a healing GOD, it doesn't mean there is no reincarnation. Start accumulating your good karmic points for your tough period in life that you may need to use it later. 

Sorry. I feel imbalance obviously. However, I feel the change, tremendously. I fight with hubby again, then my girl fell sick and worst part is the doctor prescribe wrong medicine (wrongly diagnose) - I don;t like this and I cannot avoid it, causing my kids sick because of toxic energy at home. I want to divorce but hubby do not agree. From the 1st day, i let go of my 'fake' destiny, I determine to walk back to my life purpose, which I do not know what, i let it unfold. 2 months later, after settled my emotions and physical health (yoga), my maid decided to go home, I sweat so much on housework with crack fingers and feet - the funny part is I did not complain, I know it is part of the 'road' i need to take. What's next? I don't know? 

I walk this 'road' with full consciousness, dropping attachment i collected since childhood. I am like a parasite, i need comfort and attention all the time cos my parents do not have much time for me when i was young. Waking up 5am every morning, my heart is set to do my best and what is needed to be done for this 'road'. When something unhappy happens, funny thing I did not complain i did this because of anybody, I do this for myself. Did I consciously know of this change? I don't. I knew this when I had the fight with hubby. It's not because I don't love him anymore, for I know love is eternal and separation is letting go of unhappiness, the emotional attack is unbearable to me. I guess I still have some stupid lesson to learn until the 'flow' can be smooth again. I do not have time to meditate or chant, can only live in walking prayer. 

Sports day 2012

This is andrea's last sports day, unfortunately she fell sick the day before. I thought she could not make it and has to stay in bed. She is persistent enough to be well enough to participate although fever strikes half way thru. 

Andrea told us this year she must win because when she was 3 years old, blue team was at 3rd place, when she was at 4 year old class, blue team was at 2nd place, and this time blue team should be at 1st place. Andrea actually cried last year because blue team didn't get this medal. I told her to say prayer, we ask angels for help, pray that everyone in blue team is fast and alert so we can win this time and get the medal before she goes to kingsley. After prayer, I told her to leave it to the angels, She has to try her best and promised her mummy and daddy will try our best in parents game too. haha ... 

Thank God, everything went well and Blue Team got number 1. Great blessing :) Thank You! 

iRobot

Who can be more trustable than robots? haha... well, that statement shows that I really do not have much trust in human. *blush* We need good and bad for a balance life, when bad things happens, it may seems to be end of the world, but when looking back, many times we thank god because THAT had happened. Looking at my life, taking the bold step to manage my own household without a maid can be killing, since I am 'forced' by the universe not to climb the corporate, I need to conquer the household. To clean a 3500 sqft house can drive you crazy, especially you are living in a dust free house for more than 5 years. I'm dying to find something that could help me with this. I found iRobot :)

This save my time, no back injury for vacuum, under bed & cabinet 100% dust free (sometimes maid is lazy to bend down), carpet is vacuum everyday (maid only vacuum twice a week). Now i don't think I can live without my iRobot, for the price I paid for, i feel it's worth every single cent! 

I vacuum down stairs (living & kitchen) twice a day. 8pm after dinner & 1am. This is to make sure it covers everything, just to be sure. Master bedroom everyday 8am. children bedroom, activity & working space alternate days as I don't see the need to vacuum everyday as we do not spend more than 2 hours here. Same goes to the guest room and parquet floor just below the stairs, alternate days. I have finally fix this schedule as I was carrying this robot up and down multiple times a day. Now Hubby will carry up for master bedroom and I will carry down for kitchen & living. Once a day is a bliss! 

It cleans especially thorough around dining table, or anything with legs. Tables & chairs, cabinet & bed with legs. It will go around the 'legs' with no miss. As my house is spacious, this robot is my life saviour, thank you for the inventor, you save my life and my lower back. God bless you! 

Favorite past time

house chores seems to settle down by itself, no longer feel the need to clean and throw. I throw and clean whatever irritates me. ahh ... i feel much relieve, and things seems to fall in place, part time maid is coming tomorrow :) washing things that I do not like to wash thoroughly. Bliss :) 

Children favorite past time is playing play-doh. They made so many things and it has been 4 consecutive days now, until the play-doh is dried. I think I need to buy new doh for them. This occupies them when I do the house chores or cooking simple meal. Sometimes they would play hotel at the sofas but the best part is, andrea helped to keep whatever stuff she played. I'm a proud mum. Ben will just throw the pillow up on the sofa but andrea will put it nicely and even for play-doh she kept the floor clean! amazing! 

I would read to them at night after dinner. It has been a long long time. I have been complaining that ben do not like to read books, guess what ... he actually does. especially the new caterpillar book I just bought from school. He could ask me read again and again, but i only limit to 2 times cos andrea needs to read her princess book too. I'm happy that they are picking up on books again :) 

another favourite past time they do when I'm washing ... they like to poo together. Which is good for me, so I can wash one shot ... lol .. they seldom fight but ben is still very grumpy, trying to calm him down by using the technique i learn from 'how to talk so kids with listen, and listen so kids will talk". For the past 2 months at home doing nothing only mouth moving ordering the maid around and reading books, I thought to myself - what a life, PLS get a life! Looking back now, actually reading those books does help. Everything in our life is in divine order and divine timing, enjoy every minute of it :) Ben is a tough kid, I need to be tough too! God help me ... shed some light and wisdom. Bless be everyone! 

random - july2

For the 1st time i've walked with you and felt your support. I allowed and accept that the universe needed to be in balance and so do us. I gave up the need to be walking infront of you and control every event & situation comes my way. I felt so much peace as I have never felt before. Thank you for sending people and event to boost up my energy ... for the songs and people and communication were so important that I have neglected for a long long time. I was crying in pain for no one understands the pain I'm going thru, like going thru the birth canal. Once you are out, you see the sun and everything seems perfect and loving. For I'm crying with joy for no one understands the 'process' of human evolution as much as yourself, you & me. 

you asked me if I can pull thru this, I told you .. I don't know but i know this calling even before I got married. I tried to control and changed this calling but i failed hence I live in denial for more than 2 years. you ask me again if I can make it. I closed my eye, knowing that you are there for me, i secretly node my head, focusing on the heart chakra, allowing and accepting the need to heal and to be whole. The broken part of me crying in pain, asking for healing only from the light. I need to up my game, destroy and rebuild. Just you and me. Bless be!