17 December 2010

AH Diary 2 (Dec)

I feel so much better after 2 consecutive nights of DVD and also plus the healing i did every morning. I have a feeling that i have come to the end of the road, the question that i've always ask myself - "how does life works". I asked myself this question when i was around 13 years old, I envy all my friends in royal lake club, I was sad because my brother's sick, I was sad because i see my parents were in pain when my brother pass away, I feel helpless when i need 'GOD' to help me thru my teenage years, I feel worried and fear for my future after secondary school, I feel upset when i do not get the relationship i want, I fear that i cannot get the best job in the world, I'm feeling insecure of money. etc - These follow me until year 2010 which is 29 years old and finally i have the answer.

16 years journey:
Kuan Yin was the one i ask for emotional comfort in early years. Mum would buy flowers and food for praying, I see mum chanting infront of kuan yin every morning. I follow mum chanting to kuan yin when my brother diagnose with cancer. When mum is away, i take up the responsibility to pray - josticks, refill oil for the lamp, flowers once in a while and chanting. I remember one night there is no electricity and the oil for the lamp going to finish, and i thought of asking neighbour for it but finally i didn't because i prefer to work out something myself than begging people for something. Hence i walk out ALONE in the dark 8-9pm to the grocery shop - it was so scary and windy, i walk/ run as fast as i could and i keep telling myself it's OK, i only need 15 min i will be back home and with the light on kuan yin table, she then will see us clearly and will protect us. (i actually believe what i told myself at that time). 

I was once very attach to jesus because mum is away from me and dad would go to singapore every weekend to visit my brother. I know my parents is very tiring, three of us sister is on a rotation basis to accompany dad to singapore weekly. My friend brought me to christian camp and they taught me how to pray and i do it at home when i need help. Why i never go back to kuan yin because we have moved to a new house and the attachment to kuan yin is no longer there. I was very afraid because dad was undergoing a very stressful and pressured moment, he lost his temper a few times and i feel so helpless because there is no one to comfort me. The only help i get is from jesus, when i pray i actually see him (shadow) - standing at the door watching over me. In my imagination of course

Soka Gakkai came when mum is back with us at home. I accept Soka Gakkai very easily maybe because i see mum chanting everyday and is very devoted to it. Mum is my motivator to achieve things i want in life, without fail - mum will chant every night for 1hr, hence i will follow mum to chant for 15-30min every night. From here i experience the connection to the universe (back then i do not know what is it called) and the heat on my body and palm. Automatically i know when chanting for things we want, we need to 'feel' it then only i will stop. I had a great time in the UK, attending the UK youth division performance in london every year and it's a great experience for me, i get to know people from the UK and also Thailand (Top) and Hong Kong (victor). I love reading their magazine as it bring so much enlightenment and comfort to me while i was alone in the UK. 

I'm back home after my degree and the connection with Soka Gakkai decrease tremendously, Maybe i do not have friends like i have in the UK where we have something in common (came from other country to study), i continue to chant when i have problem until i was hit by bad luck (heaven and earth clashed on my bazi), the pain is very great that chanting nam myo ho ren ge kyo alone cannot heal & comfort me. This is when i start to go into bazi, mian xiang and feng shui. I want to know WHY i had bad luck. This is when i met Joey Yap, he is really funny and i really enjoy all his classes and his talks. It does bring me comfort at that moment because i met alot of friends, and now these friend show me the way to spiritual. 

When i was young, i have already exposed to qi gong because of my brother, and i learn tai chi before i conceive with andrea. I learn reiki last year. I learn to make energy ball from shichida class. All these now i understand is the source, the root of the universe. Whatever name you call it, it's from the same source. 

I read the power and it enlightens me, and i read Louise L Hay, they talk about the same thing but in different words. With the knowledge of universe energy and how you are getting bad luck or what not, you can heal yourself. All the bad things happen to you, you do it to yourself. To heal myself, it's really hard honestly ... right now at this moment, only the DVD is helping me. Those people in the DVD tells me and remind me of what is important and i will concentrate on those and do healing. Will i have prosperity and abundance? I believe i have but right now i cannot confirm with you as i'm still new in this path. 

Highest knowledge about the universe/ religion/ science depends alot on your divine wisdom. I understand that every human being will have their timing to understand all these. I really hope what i've written in this blog will help you in anyway, I will be more than happy to help anyone that wants to get on board to a life with abundance.

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