School Holiday

School Holiday is a joy to many children if not all. Andrea and Ben enjoy staying in bed past 7 am, school holiday is the best time for them to laze with daddy. I have been looking for holiday programs for the kids, before the school holiday starts, however luck was not with me. I have ended up with my own program for the kids this holiday :) 

Swimming lesson every Wed & Friday evening

Mon, Wed & Friday out for lunch and some activities

8am-10am shichida practice time

10am - 2pm either out for activities or stay home with the kids

2pm-6pm mummy alone time

So far everyone is happy including the maid. I have tune down so much, no scolding the maid or even feel dissatisfied for over a month now. Life can be in their greatest if you relax I suppose, but for me to relax is another set of skills that needed to acquire :) Today is another day that i felt thankful for what I have today and what I am today, Thank you so much to all - near and far, Up and down :) 

I have throw many rubbish in the activity room today. I also have discovered many amazing stuff my kids have done with the maid - arts & craft and drawings. arranged children junky and did some development milestone for the kids. I also brought andrea to isetan for manicure, the stamping is so beautiful. She loves it :)

what's my career

Career can be seen as many perspective to many people. I personally thinks that career can only give me satisfaction when I have money and power. Those were the days when I was in corporate world. Now I have lost what I desire most, I choose to think career is a job that you can find satisfaction with. 2 months at home, no matter how much i force myself to think this is the most noble job I have, the feeling of wanted to achieve something is still there. I then mark on my calendar the best excellent day so I can wear on my sales man suit to do some sales. I did some cold callings, walking into shops with thick skins to ask for their management contacts and also distribute my new business card , sending flyers to companies and send one and only quotation out. After 2 months - no sales :( 

Hubby on the other hand, had all the contacts by word of mouth. He just told me one of his client gave his contact to one interested buyer, so please expect someone calling him. aww ... I gave my business card to many prospect, how come no one calling me. Sometimes, I want to ask god, what's my career. Only taking care of the kids can be boring, I need to see some short term achievement too. Can I?? Need to plan for june and july schedule, give me at least one sales! or send me people or event, bring me to my actual life purpose/ path, I have got enough rest and want to do something meaningful. For the time being, I will still tell myself taking care of the kids is meaningful, but I hope there is another plan for me that could work concurrently. Waiting for Divine Timing. 

Children lives under the wing of parents. We all do our best for our children regardless what other says. A friend of mind telling me that she feels sad when some parents turn away right brain training for their children. I was once like her, being a new parents can be exciting and always feel bad for the babies I've met - having ignorant parents. By going into spirituality, my perspective widens and do not feel bad or put those ignorant parents into another basket. When younger I also tried my best to talk many parents out of the benefit for right brain development, for now I don't do it. The most I do is to send information out to them when the centre has anything, I keep my mouth shut when they ask me no question. The power of my throat chakra being healed is very dominant and I love it, it gave me peace which I have never felt before. One of my friend ask me, how do you find shichida casually, I told her sit with your baby quietly and he/she will let you know if he/she needs it. Only you and your baby knows if this will benefit you & the baby. I am an outsider, what is good for me might not be good for you but I want you to know there is this method on earth that you can explore. 

One ask me, isn't kumon better? I said I have no idea, from the workbook my kids benefit alot from it. To me, kumon and glen doman learn by repetition. No doubt they could produce kids with amazing speed and absorb large amount of information. you ask me, isn't it good? I told you it's good. you then ask me why didn't I enroll my kids too. I learn my life by observing my own flaw, I know what I need and what my children needs. tweedle wink and heguru also right brain development, I explored all these and in the end stick with shcihida .... the reason is - shichida is my education PARTNER. Their teaching compliments what I teach at home. I do meditation, only shichida do deep breathing, make golden energy ball (splash to wash away negativity) and another small golden energy ball to eat for making us healthy. you ask me, what are all these, I know you are thinking we are a bunch of crazy people. To make you believe those that cannot be seen with human eyes can be hard, I pray for your wisdom to see this. Secondly Imaging is what I like from shichida. In real life imaging works for me, and I know this is important tools to boost up confident and get what you want in life. you ask me how?? I wish I told you that I do not have money to go to Kumon instead. Sorry ... These are the invisible that I do not know how to describe but is natural human capabilities. I hope that I could be better with words. Please forgive me for now. 

The Power of Aloneness

This is another stuff that i could not express myself to others. Dedicate to all parents for their children by Padma Aon Prakasha

When one is cut off from friends, family, loved ones; when one is placed in an unfamiliar environment far away from what one knows; when one has no means of getting anywhere to escape; when one is truly in the unknown, this is when one can discover the merging of the shew with the other light bodies. Rich inner worlds lie within, waiting to be explored, and it is only in certain opportunities given to us that we can benefit from this most greatly. Staying in this space, even while surrounded by others, is what makes us whole and able to relate to others as a whole. If we rely on others to make us who we are, to enable us to express who we are, then we will always live in reflection and in need of others. 

I wanted to tell my aunt that I had my 'learnings' when i was in UK. I said if you could give your child to be on their own it's a great learning for them. She told me some people can some people will become worst if not watched. Maybe she is right, but my experience tells me all human needs to be alone in order for us to grow spiritually. Maybe my cousin doesn't need this hence my aunt wants to keep all her children by her side. Only God Knows. 

Student Assessment

Andrea went for Assessment in her new school today. I felt very nervous, not because I'm afraid she cannot make it, but for the thought of merely just coming to 5 year old, she had to go to a 'big' school all alone and have lunch alone - totally trusting the universe for protection as mummy will not be there with her. 

Andrea is brave, she never be a problem child to me. She is really independent and confident when you want her to. She wave good bye to me and follow the admin up to her class (parents not allowed). I then left the school, mind chattering I should go back and chant for her. On the way back as it was still early, I invited a friend for a drink, ended up 2 hours at paparich!! i left the shop at 11.30 then rush home to chant for good 10 min until 12pm I left home to pick benjamin up from SA. 

I arrived New school early (before 2pm), When i saw her came down from the stairs I feel so excited ;) I asked her alot of questions. Andrea told me she cried during lunch, she said she wants mummy. Poor girl. I have told her before I will see her during lunch but my instinct told me she would be OK so i told her i will pay school for her lunch instead. Maybe she is bored so she wants me?? hm ... whatever it is, I pray for a better school for andrea. This is a second grade school but i hope the school will put andrea under their care until I get sufficient money to transfer her out to traditional international school. Amen. 

deep healings initiated by GOD

Yesterday was an average day for me. I manage to meet up my aunt together with mum for breakfast, bring my maid to go buy her phone & groceries shopping, took a rest and read in the afternoon. According to dong gong it was a dire day hence I did not do anything important, just let the day pass. By 3 pm my friend ping me on FB asked for my number cos she lost it. She then called me on my phone, initially the chat was alright until she said something like - do you know you are really fortunate and had a good life. I immediately felt provoked and the hypocrite in her returned! I hung up the phone and tell myself to release as it is not important. 

Dinner time we met up with thomas uncle and aunty from KK. three of them take turn to ask "thomas pick you up from work?", "issit jam to come from your work place?", "Did you go home and change or you come straight from work?". I don't know what to say, I just say yes and no. end. The last person who asked, thomas overheard and said she is not working anymore. BOCOR my rahsia. haha ... then 2 of them knew I was lying just now. anyway .... i ignore. Back to the car aunt susan said to me, as you are not working now, you may want to get to know GOD. (she didn't know I'm working with many GODs from jesus christ, kuan yin, ISIS and hindu gods etc). I kept quiet but my mind thinks "what to do in church leh, i have been working with jesus christ, looking at a bunch of people in church - do i need to tell them, you can leave home (church) when you are old enough. Explore what is outside as jesus has explored many things like healing with herbs, frankincense, healing people (not necessary only christians) etc. Put your faith and heart to GOD (jesus) and explore what is needed in life and always return with grace. Then aunty susan disrupt my thoughts by saying - christianity is not a religion. I was like HUH! WOW! Then what is it i ask her. She said Relationship with GOD. Wow ... I said, Yeah I know. but 1st you must find GOD she told me. I kept quiet as She won't believe that I already found Jesus. 

I then had an urge to tell her why I tell a lie just now. I told her I felt very upset because of work. I have been a very well plan person and have high manifestation state and I couldn't believe this happen to me. When I graduated I told myself I need to be like my dad (my dad's MD for Mulpha sister company), my 1st goal is become people manager. I became a functional leader after 3 years of working and have been a functional regional leader for 3 years, total 6 years working experience I have not been made a people manager. My salary is high buy position and status is what I'm looking, I'm always rated as above average contributor for my yearly assessment, it's just bad luck (i don't trust in luck - I take it as God's plan for this is not my life purpose) that I don't get what I want. Even before I start looking for jobs, I KNOW i want a management trainee post so the percentage of becoming a manager would be higher. She then ask me will I be looking for other job? I told her NO very sternly. For 6 years I think I have given enough time for GOD to tell me if climbing the corporate ladder is my life purpose, and I always rate above average  for assessment, the problem is not in Me or the Company. It's my choice of letting go and find God (actually I meant life purpose, cos I don't know if she knows everyone born to have a life purpose, goal for them to accomplish on earth school)

I cried so much and she say prayer for me. I did not 'see' jesus but alot of white (i suspect is the holy spirit). Thank you God for sending lovely people to me, I know I may not completely heal although I thought I have but meeting with powerful and loving people definitely speed up my recovery process. I would say 90% healed!! :) I hope  .... until next time you send people to 'test' me ;) I told aunty susan, my learnings for this is to live with the flow of Life. Thank you Jesus :) I usually 'see' jesus when I ask hubby to say prayer for me. haha ... Jesus is the colour of green! If you are curious :) 

Make way for new energy

I've been clearing my space physically this week. Throw alot of stuff, donate alot of stuff ... as emotional matter concern - my diary touched me. I have just threw it in the bin. My Diary started in year 1999. I was 18 years old back then and stopped writing in that book in year 2002, age 21. The content are mostly love relationships, studies, quotes from SGM. I am now as I am today because I never pull myself down, whatever obstacles I have, i quote 'GOD' and boost my confidence in writing - this is the correct attitude i think. I always have a stand on my decision and for unfavorable things to happen I assure myself that GOD has another plan for me. lol ... sound childish I guess it works! hahaha ... 

Many puppy love relationship. It was all recorded in detailed. They were all my soul group. We learn from each other. It was painful at that time but looking at it now I know that is the learning for this life time. There are also unresolved painful experience, I guess ... anyhow the ultimate goal is the experience and learnings. There is one relationship where he always taught me something but never want to admit he likes me, always keep me close company. sometimes GOD just want to send someone like this to help you grow and feel safe without any commitment at that point of time. Thank you for all of you that have crossed my path. For whatever unresolved issue I pray that you are at peace with it for I have no intention to make you sad/ hurt for this lifetime. I need to cut all the energetic cords that we have formed 12 years ago. I ask archangel michael to dissolve the cords between you and me ... all my past lover ... Please grant it when you were asleep. This is the best I can do for you (and for me). Love and Peace from me *hugs*

For i have unintentionally cursed a few people. I release them now, I mark them as done and complete. Sitting on Hurting Officer star, many occasion i blurt out stuff that I do not mean it. Or I would say harmful stuff when I'm angry. I pray that jesus christ (i kept seeing green, maybe he is here) could help me release them now. Thank you.  

Ungrateful Punishment?

Went to the long a waited yoga session, finally vikram (the owner) drop a leaflet into my mail box. I asked mum to accompanied me there. Me, pei and mum went to the 1st session. The session was great. After 24 hours, i feel muscle aching, beside this i REALIZE something. 

My issue is floating up for me to clear. SN told me my past life, I was an army taking a group of people running their life. In the end I died and hold the anger when I died. I'm angry with the group of people that i bring, they do not listen to me, complaining - one word, They were ungrateful for what I've done for them. 

This pattern has been in my life for very long but I never realize it. And do not know why this happens. I treated my maid very good but always she will do something to provoke me when I treat her good for that day. I buy many expensive gift for my mother but she would always give it away to relative only La Mer she did not give it away but in 2009 the incident happened torn me apart. I bought a book for the principal, however it has not arrived, it just arrived today. Today my girl foot got cut from school due to their parquet floor broken. My Boy got his palm scratched from school (got blood) just last friday. I bought chocolate for my new exec, the next day HR told me the nasty things exec said about me. Are these the vows/ contracts I made for myself? I'm really scared looking at all these that happened. If I'm angry and do not look in within, will I see it? How long more do I need to suffer? I hope this will clear in no time. I need to free myself. 

Say a little prayer for me. Thank You. 

Won RM50

For I'm not working currently, I need mindful spending. However whenever I have an urge to buy I will buy, gulp ... luckily hubby was still supportive :) I bought Melissa & Dough pretend play costume (the cook & train engineer) with 15% off. For that day at mothers care their carnival day, for every RM200 you get to go for lucky dip. I prayed for a good prize (as i do not know what would be the prize as they are all wrap up). Picked a ping pong ball and handed to the person, she gave me a RM50 voucher! I have no reaction as I do not know this is the best gift, i choose stuff i wanna buy with this voucher and proceed to the counter. Cashier asked me, did you get this from the lucky draw? I said yes and ask her is this the best prize? She told me they have RM10, RM20 and RM50 voucher! and I got the highest value. Wow! Thank you :)

I wanted to post this on my FB but for what I've learn, my SIL kena hexes. The colleague is jealous of her and hex her. For I know many people around me also jealous of me, some would tell me and some would just keep quiet and spy on my photos & status on FB. For I feel this is so Silly, we human has different life path and they want to use their energy on jealousy, envy, anger, greed, worst of all hex or curse to the people they do not like. I want to tell you, when people post up something nice like bags, house or their children, they are not boasting or trying to make you jealous. They are happy and cherish for whatever things that the universe give it to them. They just want to share the joy they had and trying to emit positive energy to people who is reading or watching. If you feel negative when looking at all these, there is a strong EGO in you that you need to fix. The other things I want to say is, what goes around comes around, as this is the law of the universe, it's not my law. For there is alot of imbalance people, I also refrain from posting many things on FB. I also have changed my blogger domain name the 4th time, WHY? because I do not want people that I know to be imbalance emotionally. It do harm to them and harm to me. Live your life with LOVE, no one is competing with you as we are all spark of the divine. 

Feeling Unloved

It's all about expectation between human to human. I saw SN write some post and tag alot of people few days ago but i was not in there. Today I saw another post and I was not in there too. Wanted to change friend status to acquaintance so I don't see his post anymore but didn't do it, cos hubby taught me. Things ever changing and you will not know what is the next best thing would happen between the person who disappoint you, provoke you, cheat on you, etc. I ignore, but i just want to say I'm disappointed cos some of my course mate was in his list. ah well, no affinity lor. 

Maybe i do like to be in that circle but then I know there are something not so right with them. I asked myself do i want to make spirituality my life? My answer is no because I do want to know spirituality (bazi, feng shui, energy healing, etc) but however will not make it my life purpose. Why am I in this earth plane? cos I want to experience earth but by knowing my capabilities I could achieve more than average person. Maybe that's the reason why I'm drifting away? I don't know. For one thing to happen it could have a few factors. 

Today wesak day, for the 1st time i went to temple - light up lamp, offer flowers, put joysticks and meditate for 5 min. I don't know why I have an urge doing so. I just follow my feeling and it feels great! I feel the buddha energy running thru me when I meditate at the hall, I felt so happy when offer the flower to buddha, I told him "I hope you like it :)". Lighting up the lamp for the hope for my prayers could sink into the universe with the help of fire and the monk chanting. I had breakfast there and it was good, I thank you for the smooth event this morning and the nice breakfast I had. Thank You. 

If you ask me, I still want spiritual teachers to me on my FB. All of them. As they gave me insight and guidance when I need one. I thank you for them to be my guide and I'm at peace when they do not treat me as important as I feel for them. If you ask me, I really do not feel i need to go for any meditation or healing circle for the time being. Maybe he had sense me as well :) Thank you universe for the healing!

Morning Routine

2 days success! Initially i started off by bathing the kids and hang out with them but i loathe it. My maid would stand beside me like an idiot watching me, I feel irritated being watched. With much wailing and screaming I have the idea of just doing the morning routine - changing, brushing teeth and breakfast. It turn out really good for these 2 days :)

My kids love to manja when my maid is around. They would even scream and wail for no apparent reason. I'm very upset seeing this and I do not know how to help. Even i bathe them or hang out with them, when my maid is there, they would do the same. I feel provoke! Hence i left them and be a lazy mum until one day I feel useless. Then i create storm and hurricane and got this brilliant idea (actually hubby suggestion). Well, I just want independent and responsible children. Can this really achieve with the present of a maid at home? 

In the end, i need a space like this because the children is small and they need to move around alot. Like riding bicycle and motorbike. They need play room for their massive amount of art and craft, board games, books and toys (cooking set is the largest). If i do not have a maid, can i handle the cleaning? Well, come to think of it, my maid handles everything when i was at work. I guess that is the reason why she couldn't handle the kids well coupled with the cleaning. Hm .. i guess the answer is No, i can't do it all if I want my children to be happy. Archangels, pls shed me some light and hope. Thank You!