I'm not Ready

Emotionally Torturing again :( I have not been sleeping very well for the past one week because there are too many things in my head - Worries! I had many dreams this week, nothing special just dreams (well i usually have no dreams). Many things happen this week too, things are seriously not smooth for me as i seriously cannot control my own thoughts and feelings when everything is not ready before i go back to work. Deep inside my heart, i seriously thank everyone who had helped me with my kids but the same situation of 6 months ago is going to replay again. I'm so worried and unhappy because I anticipate the same unhappy events will happen once again. In my life, I told myself and make sure same mistake CANNOT happen twice, but somehow in this matter i have no control over it and I feel so helpless that i need to open my eyes and see it happening again. Sometimes human really have no choice but to see the same sad event keep on repeating itself again and again, we human has to go thru the sadness again and again. I just want to say, sometimes we have no control over it and i feel extremely depress now. 

I just called the agency, she told me actually my application for the maid has not approved. Last week she told me approved this week told me have not approved. I'm sending andrea to day care, i hope she will be alright there and make no fuss. I hope work will not be too burden for me when I'm back. I hope ben will not make his grandparents unhappy. I hope i can be strong to handle work and house once again without breaking down. Why i feel my shoulder is so heavy? Why i can't think positive for now, the scar is just a scar, even is really deep, i can choose to ignore it, just don't look at that ugly scar that i have, MOVE ON! I need some lights, show me lights, please pick me up my guardian angels. I'm lost again .... 

Concert Day - 28 Nov 2010

Andrea was looking forward to her concert day, everyday at home she would practice the songs and dance. Besides, she has been repeating this to hubby and I before the concert:

1. Telling daddy: Bring me to school early if not the bus will go without me (but actually parents have to fetch her to the USJ auditorium, dunno why she say bus taking her there)

2. Telling mummy: I will ask teacher where you, daddy, mama and kung kung will sit (actually i already know it's free sitting)

3. Telling mummy: Teacher said i have to put make up, so i will use your lipstick and blusher OK?

4. Telling mummy: This time shawn is the leader, i'm the second leader.

In the morning she had violin class, during the class she cannot concentrate, keeps making funny faces and tell me later she is going to perform. After class ended, we drove home and she only took 10 min to finish her lunch, usually she took about 1 hour to finish. After shower i asked her to wear house clothes 1st, when going out only put on the costume, she said OK, then we make up 1st. lol .... anyway, i told her to wait as i need to shower ben and myself, after i've done everything then only i put on make up for her and change her into the costume. She is in super jolly mood before the concert.

When we've arrived there, i send her to the backstage and teacher gather them. All children were so colorful, they look so pretty. Anyway, i enjoy the concert alot as the kids are so adorable, they made me laugh. Ben sleep thru the concert and i purposely wake him up for the closing when all of us need to stand up and dance to this song -> absolutely everybody :) I'm so proud of you andrea, Good Job!

Medication

I was charged RM157 again yesterday at a child specialist at puchong. I never thought of being charge this much because my initial intention was just to do ben's nebulizer because DSH is too far for me and i'm feeling really tired especially at night when the kids start to fuss. At DSH i only pay total RM20 for nebulizer and i never thought i have to pay 8 times more in a CLINIC. I just feel unfair, as the saying - the poor gets poorer and the rich gets richer. Many thinks hospital charge higher, honestly it's not and is very much cheaper than child specialist clinic. Moreover the medicine you get from the hospital has name on it, unlike the clinic they repack into plastic bottles and you do not even know what is the name of the medicine.  Well, i only go to clinic when it's off office hour or i have no choice to go. The last visit was charge at RM180 because andrea had high fever at 40.2 degrees! The charges is crazy! 
Note: I had a letter from DSH to do nebulizer anywhere, i don't understand why the doctor still want to see us and check on ben and give somemore medicine to ben. Anything happen is DSH fault because DSH dr. issue that letter! I just don't understand. 

I went to dr. musa never had bill more than RM50, if alot of medicine then is RM100 and below. I'm grateful that we meet dr. musa because we learn many basic things from him and he is not those type of doctor that scare you to death. He is andrea's and ben's paed when born at DSH, when they are born dr. told us about jaundice - when to bring the baby in (not yellow then immediately bring in). He always believe that human has the capacity to fight over bacteria/ virus, if it's out of control then only bring baby to him. Along the way, small little baby become small little kids, they all have their sickness on and off. Here is what he advise us to keep at home, we should treat our kids 1st, if out of control bring baby to him:

1. Paracetamol (fever below 38.5 degrees)

2. Voltaren (fever above 38.5 degrees)

3. Promethazine for cough and flu

4. Ventolin for cough and phglem

5. Sterimar for nose block (nose spray to clear the nasal airway)

6. Illiadin for nose decongestant (to stop runny nose)

I also use forehead cooler and thermometer when they have fever. If too hot only i sponge them - all over the body. Recently ben cough quite badly and i head the phlegm is quite bad, so i bring him to dr. musa. Indeed is bad, he refer us to chest physio so that the physiotherapist could teach me how to do patting on the chest and ben had to do phlegm suction. Hence now i learn another technique - always after nebulizer (when the lungs air way is big), we need to follow by patting on the chest to loosen the phlegm, so they can swallow it. According to them, kids from age 0-3 does not know how to spit their phlegm. 

I just hope doctors could show more love because not only the kids are suffering from long waiting queue, their parents are also very tired when their kids are ill (emotionally and physically). We need doctors badly when we are not well, please don't use this as a weapon to attack us when we are most vulnerable. Show some mercy because one day you have your own kid as well, what goes around comes around. God Bless. 

my entertainer

Both my kids are my clowns :) I felt sad yesterday and went emotional because of hubby, ben came and use his index finger to poke my tears and look into my eyes and laugh "hee hee hee" a few times. I don't know why he find it funny and i laugh too, then andrea came and pretend to laugh vigorously out of nothing. That is contagious, so i laugh at her and all of us laugh. How Silly and happy in the end can be. 

Andrea loves to open her eyes wide and start swaying her head + hands waving infront of her face (don't know who taught her, but never fail to make me laugh), loves to laugh out loud out of nothing, loves to make something fall so benjamin will laugh, loves to purposely do something wrong to make mummy and daddy laugh, andrea laugh at her own mistake and all of us will laugh too, loves to jump jump jump when happy and will come and smile at you + eye squint out of sudden. Beside being cranky sometimes, she is actually very adorable. 

Ben loves to smile at you saying "hee (with his eye squint)", kiss me on my lips before he go to sleep on his own (night time), wants you to chase him if you call him to wash his buttock in the morning and call him to change his pajamas (he will look into your eye and start to run away) - when you catch him, he will laugh out loud, start to call daddy when wants daddy to carry in the morning (when daddy and andrea go to school). 

Rob Wealth Profile

1. They are charismatic, captivating types who inspire, persuade and motivate people to rally around them and is very effective and personable leaders. They desires togetherness and bring together communities. They will connect with people at an emotional level where they can influence and inspire others to do certain things and take action. They are the one who create opportunities and are off and running to capitalize on it. They are tough, no-nonsense go-getters, strong ambition (don't like to lose), drive to succeed and risk taker in trading. Healthy RW can parlay this strength into wealth attainment. 

2. Manipulative and devious - put other people in place in order for them to get what they want (gain admirers and making acquaintances). RW profiles are adept at putting on masks and facades to behave differently around different people (sometimes cannot manage own changing feelings). Their emotions are meant for external audience, all about external world - put on a show.  However they don't tend to do this consciously as it is more of a subconscious manifestation. They are capable of withholding certain information and facts from others because they have an irrational fear that they will be pushed aside. 

3. Extreme in terms of love and hate. Confuse. Is deeply conflicting on the inside because of many different masks they wear, their selfhood is not in one whole piece, they might not know which piece goes where, and how all the pieces fit in place and fall together. The need to be wanted. The deep desire to be wanted, respected and adored for who they are. They need audience. They will not show that they need love and attention. In fact, they maintain a brazen, confident facade while crying out for love from the inside. Value freedom and hates dependency, but at the same time needs people for love and affection

4. Resilient. Is extremely adaptable to harsh situations, simply altering their game plan and continuing along on their merry way. Quick. They have quick reflexes and are able to pick up things very quickly. They think on their feet and respond fast. Proactive. They go out and make their own opportunities and possess great amounts of drive and initiative. Inspirational. They are very moving and encouraging, they like to speak to people's hearts. Entertaining. Enjoys a good laugh and life of the party. Loyal. Likes to have a group of friends at their side, may put friends ahead of partner/ spouse. 

5. Envious. They are so focused on success, they don't pay as much attention to an internal barometer as much as they do to an external one, even if their paths are entirely different. Covert. they have hidden agenda (pretty harmless) that they don't want others to know of. They never lay it all out on a table. Stubborn. Extravagant. Often troubled by money issues, they can't ever seem to manage it. Argumentative. Stubborn or simply want to be acknowledged that they are right. Smooth-talker. Evasive. Avoiding talk about feelings and problems while in relationships. Insecure. Afraid of losing their friends - audience. 

6. RW profile under pressure. Aggressive. become quite violent or be very belligerent in manner and will not step aside without a loud argument. Sensitive. they often crafted a false sense of self based on illusions of grandeur, if they feel this sense of self is about to be threatened, they can become extremely sensitive and prickly. Ruthless. They can resort to unconventional means to achieve their own goals, possibly at the expense of others. 

Christmas Tree

My ever first Christmas tree! It's fun looking at my kids decorating it. Well, most of the work of course was done by hubby :) Andrea busy putting up her santa, reindeer and candy cane (she choose those herself) and ben busy helping daddy to put up the balls and calling 'Eehh" + pointing with his index finger (asking daddy to put it HERE). Of course, in the middle of the process fighting between the kids is inevitable, both of them fight over the balls and in the end, balls are everywhere and I have to pick up their mess (as usual). 2 hours later? Ben removing the decorations from the tree. Daddy went insane, lol! Well, maybe 1 day later, my Christmas tree will become bare at the bottom due to ben's curiosity and having fun pulling all of it off the tree. Andrea? as usual showing anger towards ben by bouncing all my Christmas balls on the floor, when ben touched her santa/ reindeer/ candy cane, accompany by crazy wailing. At night, all of us enjoy watching this tree in a quiet and calm atmosphere. MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

phlegm suction

Ben's phlegm getting worst i heard this morning, without hesitation i brought him to doctor musa. He did not check on ben's throat nor fever. He only listen to his lungs and asked me what medicine i fed him, later he suggest chest physiotherapy and indicate that we might need phlegm suction (depends on physio advise). I don't know why it's so bad this time, he only cough for 5 days :( The suction process made me worry about my boy - he is being wrapped and screaming non-stop + moving in pain i think. After the treatment the physio said still have a little bit but she cannot continue because ben seems very restless already. She suggest a few days later if still can hear thick phlegm, bring him back for another suction. Meanwhile at home i need to do patting and hopefully the phlegm will stop with the help of nebulizer.

Poor boy, andrea does not have to do suction last time, maybe because she is a master of vomiting! Vomit almost every night when she is young, cough few times then vomit already. I'm helpless to see him struggling just now. Sigh ... I don't know how when i go back to work in december. I just hope the part time will work out and i can stop working, both of my babies health is very bad. They are always sick, but this time was daddy brought back the virus.

Ben progress:

1. able to say "sssh' while holding his shoe, able to indicate he wants to go out by taking his shoe to us

2. will say 'eeee' (eat) when he wants to drink or eat whatever we are holding.

3. know how to hang the clothes, put the clothes on the hanger

4. don't like to be forced - eating/ playing/ drinking

5. likes to push the stroller when we are out shopping

6. can kick a ball

7. eat everything that we eat - including eggs

8. Can understand all instruction - drink water, finish it (food), take your jumpsuit, go take bath (will walk to bathroom), come here, give it back to me, don't fight, etc

1 year 3 weeks 3 days old

Random

My Direct Officer is ding fire. Hence, all my teachers, boss and husband are people who wants to enlighten me always, whether i like it or not. especially my boss, no matter how hurting speech i have, they still wants to teach me something in life - valuable lessons. All male boss except for 2 female boss that i had last time and the current one, female boss only gave me all the advantage i can have in life - learning Business Controls from zero (where this role must have experience due to the complex auditing skills) and having unpaid leave for 6 months, Why male boss? because ding fire is opposite pole as oppose to my day master. I must thank my mum who delivers me on a good day - i have nobleman on my hour pillar (results/ desire). Everything i want - i mostly get it - say 80%. Only this year i had heaven and earth clashed so noblemen is now temporary dead. 

Gosh! I'm focusing too much on my life and i shall start marching - concrete action! My Eating God is still being clashed, that's why all the negative EG is surrounding me. Good news is that, my desire to play games has tremendously reduced! Now i still have EG problem of having clouds in my head, focusing too much on why life like this and that, still building castle in the air. Feel like slapping myself - and my EG.

Back to my ding fire, my yoga teacher was sharing her experience from her 心灵 class:

-> why are we born in this life? 

answer shared: to solve problem we have in this life, if we don't solve it, when re-born we will face the same problem. life is like video game - say we have level 1-10. If you can finish and win level 10 meaning you are already at buddha state, so you will not be re-born. [to me it sounds like absolute happiness]

-> how can we solve the problem in this life?

answer shared: we must have LOVE and 宽诉 (forgiveness i think), to overcome all problem. 

I think it's a good piece for entry level people. All these advise are very dependable on affinity. I just read friend profile - they hate people telling them their flaw and they choose ignorance if they know their flaw/ problem. So ... having the heart to help people really depends on affinity and i hope everyone will obtain their absolute happiness someday in this life time. God Bless. 

Sick

Everyone fell sick! 1st was hubby, he gotten the flu virus from his colleague and then pass it to me, andrea and ben. Its so awful ... i didn't have enough rest to get recovered and i have to wake up several times at night to measure their temperature. 

I freak out when andrea's temperature shoot up to 40.3 degrees last Tuesday night at 6-7pm. Luckily mum was there, at least i have some comfort when i'm feeling worried. This is the 1st time in her life to have such high temperature. We fed her paracetamol at 7pm (temperature at 39.2), arrived at the clinic at 7.30pm (temperature at 40.3), quickly buy forehead cooler, sponging and insert voltaron while waiting for her turn to see doctor. While waiting mum and I did the 'tui na' for fever, 400 times, luckily that we have 2 person and we take turns, hand is really tiring for 400 times! about 30min later our turn, temperature drop to 38.6. Such a relieve! Ben also took some medicine, total bill RM180! I never feel anything previously because all claimable, now i feel a pinch!

Today andrea is still having mild fever at 38+ degrees. Doctor said is the second time virus attack and have given us antibiotic. However we did not feed her that yet, i don't know if i shall feed her. If this continue tomorrow, i will need to bring her to dr. musa. Ben on the other hand also having mild fever at >37.5+. I pray that both of my kids will recover soon. 

Eating God Profile

1. Impractical with their head in the clouds. When unhealthy, all that is good becomes weakness. They become dreamer instead of translating into concrete plans of action - building castle in the air (unrealistic). They do not consider certain matters as priorities, overlook those things because they have trouble differentiating between what they "need to do" and what they "want to do".

2. EG profile likes to read and discover new things, try things at least once. They consider learning as essential part of human growth. Enjoy pleasures of life - joys of food, wine and song is something they love to indulge in with the right company. When unhealthy, they tend to over-indulge (pleasure seeking activities) simply to block out the unhappy or negative aspects of life. Hence becomes addicted to these pleasures as means of staving off the encroaching realities of life.

3. Hidden Nature. (i) Anxious and troubled. The significant one's are fear of not being taken seriously and being misunderstood (ii) Afraid of being bored or stuck. It's important to them that other people perceive them to be endlessly-fascinating, endlessly-occupied busy bees. Is impatient for something more and hate being tied down [commitment-phobic]. (iii) Fake optimism. Feels that sadness is a sign of failure, hence unable to share their true state of mind with others, they compelled to keep their spirits up and put on a bright face for the world - and only they know that this vision of delight is only just an empty shell.

4. Restless. Their thoughts are scattered all over the place, they can appear focused but inside their thoughts are spiraling off in a million different directions. Eccentric. They hate to be dictated to by "should", don't really care what the prevalent customs or notions are or what other people think. Critical and judgmental. They have an inflated set of expectations that they want other people to fulfill, not realizing that they need to re-examine their own expectations.

5. Social. Courteous. They are very cordial and committed to cultivating graciousness, courtesy and respect. They are elegant and understand the need for civilities as a way of getting along. They will not raise their voice at a waiter who got the order wrong, or call them by snapping their fingers. Irresponsible. Unhealthy, If their responsibility weigh heavy, they quick to dispose of these responsibility and take off. They will start looking for ways and methods of escape.

Shichida - Ben, Oct 2010

I feel bad for not updating ben's shichida progress for so long, i did not update the communication book as well. Gosh, is it the teacher? is it that ben does not show interest in class? or is it just me, expecting too much from ben or is it because i'm so tired physically? I don't know the reason .. I think combination of all.

1. Ben's first term was good, he enjoys all the songs - I like, Good Morning, AIUEO, Abacus, Good afternoon (japanese), and Good bye (japanese). I used to sing to him at home but right now when i sing, his eyes does not sparkle like last time. I guess he's bored with all these. New term sensei did not sing any new song :(
2. 2nd term sensei changed to an Indian sensei, ben always shake his head when sensei ask him to - shake hands, if he wants 'this' or 'that', or ask ben if he wants to sing song? I feel that he does not like this sensei as much. Or maybe he knows this is Indian sensei so have to shake his head when he means YES? No Clue
3. Ben does not sit still in class, not like andrea. Ben walk around the class and climb under the table 70% of his time in the class. I'm so tired carrying him and asking him to 'stop' & 'come back'. In our class there are 2 girls and 4 boys, 3 boys including ben behaves the same. All the girls so so good like andrea last time.
4. I just hope ben will start to enjoy his class next year, when he is older. I don't know if i shall continue when he shows no interest in class at all. I'm so demotivated!

SV - 14nov2010

Andrea has good mood today, we arrived just on the dot and while walking up the stairs she told me today she will not cry. I said: that's my girl! Teacher was very kind to andrea today, he'd praised andrea xn times! I lost count - he likes andrea's way of holding her how, likes her when she sing the loudest among all, likes her when she said 'ohm' the loudest and when she shouted "scroll" when teacher asked the class what's this. This teacher praise the kid alot and i like the way how he teaches children, very shichida like :) The teacher told me, this is what violin class is, it's all about praising! I'm really lucky, so shall i say it's andrea's luck to always have good teachers to teach and cultivate her. 

Today's class:

1. Exercise

2. play on D and A (new) string + say "ohm" when rest

3. learn new names (parts) of the violin + revision of the old 

4. Twinkle Twinkle little star:

var.A - Mississippi stop stop

var.B - Rossin ohm bow

var.C - Strawberry Rasberry

var.D - Tri-o-la

var.E - Kuala Lumpur Peanut Butter

As andrea's rhythm play still needs to improve, I practice singing with her daily at home and today she really enjoy singing where teacher is so surprise! For the rhythm play, i've tried many - clapping hands, hitting sticks and castanets. All cannot help me to get andrea to play the rhythm out. I asked teacher for advise, he said it will come naturally. All andrea needs to do is SING and she will play it when she is ready! OK, i will wait and see :)

as smooth as silk

Happened Yesterday:

1. Received an invitation to attend friend's son's birthday party in Dec. It's time for gathering again! 

2. Went to carrefour, went in without a trolley (5 tollyjoy + 2 pediasure is very HEAVY!) ... used visualization that i will see one trolley for me .... because it's still early (10am) i see no trolley left behind - increased concentration of visualizing .... 2 min later SAW one vacant trolley near frozen food. I hope i did not steal it from someone :p 

3. Went to pick andrea up, my head told me go and pick andrea up 1st - i follow my feelings because i was in between to go buy McD or pick andrea up 1st. After that go McD at centre point - CLOSED down for renovation! I was feeling hungry .... I asked andrea if she has any food in her bag ... all those i have packed for her the day before is still in her bag! So i eat my own food (intend for me to eat instead of andrea, lol)

4. First time this year, after 20min nap in the car, andrea still continue to sleep at home, despite having to walk herself up to our unit. I consider myself lucky, because i can catch some afternoon nap :) 

5. boiling fish stock, no GAS! I called the man he told me he will try his best because his lorry broke down the mechanics said tomorrow only ready. However he said he will find ways and cannot promise he can send today. I have a feeling he can make it, so i hung up the phone without further probing. 1 hr later he is here. I asked him his lorry repaired? he said he borrow small lorry from the mechanics, one time can carry 3 gas only. Respect his determination - he told me he have 30 customer to send .. means have to go back and forth 10 times! :s

6. Mum made the trouble to ask dad to fetch me to KLCC and my dad said yes. Feel so much love from my parents. 

7. Ben had his 9pm feed until now 6.10am - did not make a sound! I really hope he can sleep thru the night  or at least 5 hours straight sleep for me. 

8. Thanks to the anonymous, i felt so refresh and feeling happy after sharing my thoughts yesterday. 

Yoga

Join the Yoga opposite my house today. What's the difference between yoga centre and those at the shop lot?

1. Price of course

2. Facilities

3. Teacher (I feel more personal touch with this one)

Of course i enjoy going to the club or the centre because i can enjoy their facilities, somehow right now i do not have the privilege to enjoy like last time. All i need is to find a good teacher that can fix my pains and find out my root cause, I hope this teacher can help me. I give myself a time frame of three months with this teacher.

This teacher said my nike yoga mat is too thin and request me to use a thicker one which cost me RM90! I dun feel like buying ... will see how next week ... maybe i use 2 nike mat! They did head stand today... so dangerous ... I will not do it until my dizziness go off completely. I felt dizzy after 15 min of yoga ... Teacher said if she knows i have the neck problem she will ask me to do variation for the warrior post. Aiyoh ... dizzy for 30min! Thanks to the aunty bring me sweets from outside when i was feeling dizzy, they thought i've got not enough sugar in my body.

Free Again

I feel so free when i ditch that massage lady, massage suppose to be enjoyable but it turn out to be very awful, not only i've experienced pain all over my body and also the idiot lady thought i was Stupid. She told me that the taxi fare from kuchai lama to bukit jalil is RM10 - this one i can confirm she bluff me, the other incident she told me from her place cheras to nearest LRT is RM10, well i confirm with my friend she said around there (so i was OK). 2 times she asked me to drop her at bukit jalil where it's so damn jam because the bus station is there now, crazy jam at all hours. 2 times also asked me to fetch her to buy breakfast. I wish her luck in her undertakings. I pray i will not see her again. I dare to say she is a strong yi wood day master, if not yi wood is dominant in her chart. maybe 7K is dominant too without EG. I'm sure she has nobleman this year because she do business - customer go fetch her and bring her back. Have you seen such good luck people? There you have it .. Happy for her but stay away from me. Thanks

I went pathlab for blood test this morning, will be getting the results this friday. Honestly i feel scared because i think i have some unknown illness :( pain all over the body and always headache.. fingers crossed! Later on i went for a facial in 1 utama, i thought let them massage my neck a little would help, well it does a little i guess. I was OK after the facial until now only felt a little stiffness, need to stretch again later. I signed up for their program again! lol, i feel so mm dai to donate money to that idiot massage lady, now i have to make my money worth by signing up with leonard drake! Their service now is better than last time and i feel RM258 is really expensive for one time, so i signed up the package, at least i can get some discount. After facial i go pick andrea up and pay for her Nov & Dec school fees, i asked the principal why dec no class i still have to pay, he said dec they need to train the teachers so we need to pay. I'm not sure other kindy is paying when they don't go to school in Dec. So weird

I came back and did ironing and now on the computer. I'm so happy that i have my time back! Thank You

John Walker Tuning Fork

Searched online and found out that John Walker is one of the famous tuning fork in the world in terms of their quality. Hence, i asked Tweedle Wink about the latest price and got to know it's RM800+ which is still cheaper due to the shipping cost. I asked one of my friend's help and she got me member price and i pay for RM700. Great Savings! Happy :) Thanks so much!

I sent ben to tweedle wink for 2 terms (6 months), I like their tuning forks and also rhythm play with sticks. Shichida do not have those, hence for andrea to pick up musics is abit hard i guess. At 3 year old, andrea cannot follow the rhythm i play (5 claps). However she loves singing and now absolutely love her violin. I just hope she can continue without any hiccups, so i need to do some basic music home practice with her.

To train perfect pitch (well, some say perfect pitch is in-born) I bought this kit as i don't send my kids to tweedle wink anymore. I hope both of them will listen and can sing the note correctly, unlike me .. i listen but when sing - all out of tune! lol .. that's the reason why i cannot progress to grade 7 for piano. I hope their music journey will be an enjoyable one.

SV - 7nov2010

We were 10 min late for the class today, andrea was feeling sleepy and cranky. I tried to be on happy mood and bring her to the mood of learning. I failed for the first 10 min until i gave up and tell her i will not come again next week if she sit on the chair for the whole class and do not want to participate. Later she look at me and say: "mummy, i go back and bow for you to see later." i said: "don't bow to me, show teacher, not me". Suddenly her battery recharged! Teacher asked if she wants to go to the stage perform, she said. "YES", then bring her violin and bow which is on the chair up to the stage ALONE. Usually it's 2-by-2. So she did the Solo on stage. Amazing! haha.. My girl is actually very brave

Today class:

1. Learn violin and bow name (parts)

2. Play D string with bow

3. Sing with the note name

4. Introduction of twinkle twinkle little star

Here is a clip that they perform on stage in a group. (i missed the one she done alone). 

1.Good rest position (bow with leg close and violin hold correctly

2.Good play position, remember to step one leg forward and hold the violin correctly

Headache

I feel extremely tired due to the headache that i'm still having. I have done all that i can (exercise, ultrasound, hotpad etc), i thought the massage can help but it can't, now it has gone worst ... I'm going back to the basic exercise that my sister and mum taught me. The recovery is not there yet, but it can only take away 50% of the pain - well it's good enough for the time being because i find no cure! The last resort is to contact my reiki master for another attunement so i can heal myself once again. The other wish will be my maid - i hope she can arrive as soon as possible so i have one more person to carry my boy. Going back to work is not as exciting, i feel really lazy now after 6 months, haha.. honestly i have not get enough rest, I'm so tired everyday .. getting up at 6.30am everyday including weekends, 2 times waking up in the middle of the night and carrying my boy despite the sore-muscle that never been healed for past 1 year. The sore-muscle on the arm for a few months, then leads to my shoulder back, then my shoulder blade and now my head. hence my arm-shoulder-head is now in terrible injury, i don't know if it will ever heal. 

I told andrea, I feel extremely tired and wants to rest. I told her if mummy dead don't be sad OK? I will be always in your heart. My girl then say: "OK, i will take care of benjamin, daddy and myself." I was shock! Later she asked me, where will i go if Im dead, i said heaven. Then she ask me why heaven, i said only heaven got playground, so i will be happy there. After that she gave me a hug and a kiss, she said: "mummy, i hug and kiss you, so u are not tired and headache anymore. Don't die OK?" So sweet ... I seriously felt that i will die anytime. I always have blur vision and my blood cannot clog, maybe got diabetes also. Seriously need to do blood test! 

Ben - 1 yr 6 days old

Ben had his MMR & Varicella jab today. Had PD checked on his bulging forehead, thank god that PD said is normal. besides, PD also advised me to apply moisturizing cream for ben's ear, as he had checked inside was OK. Today's visit was great as the kids did not fuss much. Andrea also went to had her eyebrow checked - eczema and influenza jab. PD prescribe the moisturizing cream (QV) for her and ben will share share QV cream with her.

weight = 8.0 kg

Height = 74cm

Ben is drinking at least 18oz in 24 hours and is taking 2 times of solid. I don't know if i shall increase it, will see his growth and poo. Ben is able to walk steadily now - with shoes on as well. Ben likes to imitate people:

1. he knows how to open and close the DVD player and also remove the DVD from the player

2. he knows how to help us to keep the toys when he saw his sister doing it at night

3. he wants to eat everything that andrea eats

4. he knows a pillow is for hugging and sleeping, i caught him took andrea's pillow and put it on the floor 1st then his head on the pillow. This morning he took my small pillow and did the same

5. he tried to close our sliding door and he is able to open it alittle

SV - 31oct2010

Now i have added another responsibility to myself for making sure andrea's music lesson is a successful one. Initially I've thought of just trying out the free lesson that hubby's supplier offered to him, i did not know it's suzuki method and don't even know andrea loves it that much! Before going to class, we talk to her about violin and hubby showed her some violin video from youtube. After class, i said: "keep the violin, you need to return it." Andrea reply: "no mummy, i want to keep it, i like it very much!"Oh.. since it's suzuki method and the class seems lively, we agree to let andrea enroll. 

Andrea does not seems to be VERY patient, she just want to use the bow to play - regardless holding it correctly or not. At class, she seems observant and seems very interested. She is able to follow instruction. Now i need to work on her patient, learn everything in a proper way then only play the violin using the bow. 

Teacher taught:

1. Exercise - bouncing both knees, both hands swing cris-cross, wrist 

2. How to take a bow

3. Rest Position and Play Position

4. How to hold the violin and Bow

5. Sing the tune with note name and rhythm practice (hit the floor and lap)

This is the 3rd class for all other children, hence i think it's too overwhelming for andrea. Too much new things for her to absorb for her 1st lesson. I need to practice it with her at home