Leap Year

Today comes in every 4 years. What's in store for me?! 

1. Bonus (growth profit sharing) - I do not get 5 digit salary monthly, at least, My Last month of salary is 5 Digit! how Nice ... Thank You God!! So Happy!!

2. Hubby once said, quit lah you can always go back. I have terrible worries today, I worried that my exec would black list me coming back to the company. Not that I want to come back and work but my husband has an expectation on that. I called hubby and told him my pressure, I ask him to confirm :" no need go back IBM yeah". He said :"NO NEED". Thank God!! So Happy!!

3. Going for healing classes, I saw those healer wear long skirts, so nice. I went to british india and saw the price - nearly pengsan. Close to RM400 per skirt. Today got sale!! 30% off, still expensive la, but still ... I'm very happy that got sale!! Thank You!

What a happy day for me. Thank You universe for taking care of me. I love you!

A new Day

Today I started with my day so so ... Greatest achievement is that I have done my banking stuff early morning. Close my joint account so that I have space for my online banking, create online banking with andrea's account. Putting deposit for the children is so much better now :) I used to forget andrea's online banking password and has to apply for a new one EVERY YEAR. I'm happy this is solve once and for ALL. Yeay ..... 

One of my book from bookdepository has arrived. I took it to work today, i read it while i was in the bank. Read few pages, it says : "Your spiritual purpose is programmed into every cell of your body. The gifts supporting your purpose are encoded within you. You can inherit the tendency to be musical, athletic or intelligent. But the spiritually oriented gifts, those which directly feed your spiritual purpose, are preset into a masterful and powerful part of you called your energy system - as is your moneymaking ability. As long as you do what you're spiritually called to do, you'll make money." After I read this, I have an urge to tell myself to stop the headache I'm having past 1-2 days, talking to my exec does drain my energy but at this point of time I asked to stop. Miracle happens, it STOPs. Now 3.15pm, it did not return after 4 hours! 

I can make a difference in my life, I need to constantly remind myself to stop energy to drain away from me. God, please send enough angels to remind me of this. I know my life purpose and I will continue to ask to repair my 12 strands of DNA and to accomplish the work I need to do on this earth. Thank You.

Resignation Confirmed

I reach office early today, I saw a reply from my exec on my resignation letter last friday. I open up and it says :"Sze Lynn, I find this rather abrupt and hard to accept your resignation and ask that you re-consider." I panic and didn't know what to do, to reply the email or see him face to face. I ask angels for help. They said i should talk to him face to face, i then ping him and he ask me to see him at 10am.

There goes a long discussion again and he told me he is upset and feel friday discussion was waste of time cos it took him close to 2 hrs talking to me. He didn't want to let me go and make me feel sorry for not helping him. Towards the end he still says he really wants to know what's deep inside me. I told him, i believe in god like he did, i was quite tempted by his positive talk throughout the session, but when closing he brought up GOD. I take that as a signal from GOD to tell me to think twice of the positive talk. Number 2. I also ask GOD to help me when talking to him, tell me if I have a place in your heart. The answer is No. He ask me how come. I said, If I really have a place in your heart, you will give what i want, cos you believe and trust i can help you. your answer is otherwise, so i guess, i dun have a place in your heart. Then he keep quiet for very long. i said u have doubt in me, this holds the same, and it will still be the same 6 months down the road or even 1 yr down the road. we have worked together i told him. He ended saying you can go now, if you think of U-turn, i would be more than happy to accept you back.

I said thank you and leave the room.

6th Violin Recital

Last Recital - Minuet 1 by JS Bach & Fernando Tango by K sharp

I actually felt heavy heart for this last recital. I really love dr. ng teaching method because he compliments my teaching at home. I'm the forcing type and he is the lenient type and I can see andrea really love playing duet with him all the time. I just need to let go for now because her bow hold needs correction badly and she needs to learn how to read notes too. Andrea got her very 1st trophy for violin 100 hours practice :) At least something from dr. ng before saying good bye!

4 Years 8 months old

Remove Day

Today is a remove day, however it's heaven and earth clashed with my year pillar. People around me may think that I do not take my action (resignation) seriously (yr pillar). Anyway beside talking to my new executive, i also plan to meditate and release/ remove karmic level healing. I got thoth 2 days b4 and got earth and anubis yesterday. Dunno what spirits or spells or magic stuck to me! I DO NOT ALLOW! White light please dissolves black & lower dense energy. Thank you.

Back to my conversation with the executive. Long story short, he praises me alot but never promise me the things i wanted. I said how long i need to wait, he said 3-6 months but then it would pass the promotion cycle in june, so LATEST next june. When i asked for divination yesterday, i got nuit and horus, all were delay cards. I already know today outcome would not be good but I preserves. sigh, why so accurate! He told me alot of positive things, which tempted me to stay. After 1.30hrs talking to him (he long winded not me) i walk out of my room feeling burdened. He even walk to my workstation and tell me now i'm the headmaster for this floor when he is not around. I look at him, what headmaster - well i do know he likes to spy on ppl. He just declared I'm qualified to be his spy at this point of time.

I sat on my desk feeling disturbed, for all the positive things he told me. Before I leave the room, he told me - his profile to his boss (one level up) point number 7 is God provides. Then tell me all the funny things to make me laugh. It then strikes me, could it be God wants me to remember him, so it came out from my exec mouth. I told God, what I want and what makes me Happy. I know I had to send the resignation to my exec today because he didn't promise me when I got the promotion and ppl mgr role. I hesitant, I called hubby, he gave me courage and talk me out. I walk to my desk and hit the send button. Well, my exec said: "you send la i will keep it". you just take it as you have resign and continue come back to work, this way your mind will be clear and would be more happy. = =" Well - hitting the send button I hope my troubles and worries were completely removed. God Bless ME!

I use my divination again. giza plateau & great pyramid. wow, i think my holiday in japan will be an enlightening holiday. need to plan to go some shrines or temple. I guess, it tells me, for whatever reason, remember that life is more than material - take care of your spirit, body and mind. I need to Relax and Let Go! Please guide me. bless be!

Process of Resignation

I really do not want to talk about it because it's painful. I just hope I will just get away quickly and done with it quickly. Like every morning, I woke up, lie in bed. This morning i woke up at 5, wide awake, I don't know why ... I cried so much yesterday, I thought i would be very tired. Maybe I have invoked the goddess when crying hence woke up at 5 feeling refreshed. I lie in bed as usual, thought can fall back to sleep (i only develop this a year ago, which i really hate ppl who doesn't get up when they woke up, there goes ... I'm one of the kind I admit) Anyway, I pull my lazy butt up at 6.15am, i chant a little then meditate on the divine seed pearls. I 'saw' that my third eye was cloudy, i spent more time on it but it still look cloudy. Hm ... i told myself that i can 'clean' it another day.

I didn't put alot of hopes for today. I forgot to pull the card of the day, well ... I was as usual lecturing the maid in the morning. arghh ... anyway, I arrived office. My colleague asked if I have eaten, i said NO! really didn't buy anything, i thought I want to starve myself this morning, but universe send someone to invite me for breakfast. I had breakfast, on the way up after breakfast. My stand-in manager was inside the same lift, she told me that - Your Country Emerging Leader Program has APPROVED! I was like, OK .. thanks. Deep inside myself I was thinking, SHITE!! I went to my desk and has a very strong urge to go tell her actually i wanted to resign. I went to her room, sat down and told her, she told me "i don't know what to say". Yeah! Because you are so protective of my other colleague so you pray so hard for me to leave!! But when i think deeper, actually she does help me too - help me to communicate the program to my new executive. Suddenly everything seems to fall into place nicely. 

Deep inside me, I really do not want to wait any longer. If you can give then give ppl mgr and band 8. If cannot give then it's fine. She ask me if anything can make me stay, i told her that. Her face looked not very helpful and ask me to tell the executive myself. I have chosen a remove day which is Friday. I hope this issue will be removed FOREVER! It has been 4 years!! Enough of persevere I feel. Well, I believe that if it's mine it's mine. I need to work on other things in my life if this is not meant for me. I seriously Need a CHANGE for a better!

Random

My husband especially says that I am very naive, often likes to challenge me. I have been thru alot with my maid, I've gone into insanity many times because lack of support from hubby. He thinks I'm just naive and always blame me for not being mature enough to handle the maid. He even says that I do not have the quality of becoming a people mgr. My self confident very much slash into half by him, my parents were not mean to me, however they were not very emotionally supportive too. I take it as my karma. I really love my friend esther told me that "if i worry and thinking too much without stepping out, everything will remains the same". I really do not want to remain the same. I know the root cause is that my husband and my mum has been putting me down for their own benefit. Who really cares about me? Only the God within. 

I've learnt so much to be with at peace with my maid. My husband said where got employer like this always shout and hit the maid. Just say once then ignore will do. My mum said why I teach my maid like teaching my own daughter. I seriously do not know my identity anymore, for the 1st time I live my life under people's shadow where i hate every minute of my life. I would sleep at 8-9pm every night. My husband would say i need to take care of the family. With lack of emotional support, it seems that i cannot go very far either. I always asked what's wrong and I never get any answer because of the manipulation from hubby and mum. 

I then tell myself the only choice is to please both of them and make peace with the maid. I did many stupid things like apologize to the maid and thought promising her and she promise me would help. I tried everything that i can, to save the relationship. 4 days consecutively she made mistake, which involved my kids. I then ask myself, do i want to do this lecturing everyday I come back and listen to her sorry everyday? Do i want my 2012 to be only lecturing and sorry and sleep at 9pm every night? I ask ISIS what should I do? I ask Maat to flow my salary income to me even I stop working, if I deserve it. I ask sekhmet to transform my life and to burn all the negative imprints. I ask Kuan Yin to heal my heart. 

For me to let go of my salary income is a real pain to me. My husband doesn't sound supportive, i need to live under fear because of it. Dear Maat, if this is mine, please make it easy for me. 

3rd time to Japan?

My sister asked why I choose to go Japan again? What is there for us to like it so much? I couldn't answer her, I really do not know. For the 3rd visit that I have planned, i will stay at the same area (different hotel this time) and plan to go to almost the same place that I have visited last. There must be something but I do not know what it is, I stumble on this blog just now. I guess the Japanese culture is full of perseverance and I do not have it, hence i'm attracted to it. The energy of perseverance ..... I know I lack of it since 2010 .... 

After the SRT session with KW, he said i need to have perseverance. Current situation, where i feel seriously hopeless because I have not gotten my ppl mgr role. I have gone very far in 'begging' ppl that i know, 'looking' for life purpose the spiritual way, self hypnotize for awhile, shift my focus. I've gone all way out and come back to the same spot, I still cannot let go of not being a ppl mgr at this point of time! My life became so meaningless and i loathe everything and everyone in my life, including my kids. I have basically turn on the autopilot mode. I wish I am dead and I could start all over again. I have poverty consciousness ... I always afraid that the world has got not enough for me and my family, I need to fight for things that I need and I eat very fast and get really upset when people throw food. I want to change and I know my root cause, but it's not easy to change .... and this perseverance blog appeared today. I thank god for that. 

I give myself till end of this year, if no career advancement, i will stay home. I will strive for the best for my children instead of career. Gods and arch angels, please lay the path for my highest good. I remember perseverance. Amen

Dear Angels, I would like to know my purpose here on Earth and how I can incorporate that mission into a wonderfully fulfilling career that will support me financially. Please send me clear signs that I will easily notice and understand to guide me to my true life purpose. - from Doreen Virtue Official Fan Page

Update: During the divination class it says that I have spiritual past life there, that's why so attracted to it and it also indicate healing, so probably going back there to recollect my soul fragments by the river it says. Interesting!

Letting Go

It is a long long journey, I thought i have let go of becoming a ppl mgr. Just when I was doing that, things around me starts to change, it gives me some light, however it did not bring me to my destination yet. I went to sound healing circle and speak to people about 2012 goal, things I wanna achieve, this is what I told the participant, after saying it out, it does really feel better, for whether it comes true or not I have to leave it to the universe. I have also tried to find out my life purpose for a month, bought some cards and tried different method to get answers, it all came back the same - something to do with children, especially my own child. That of course does not sound convincing, hence i let life flow again and indulge myself in books, i read more than 10 books in a month or 2. right now I'm awake from books and realized that "OH NO! nothing is happening to me, once more I'm gonna wait for a ppl mgr role?" The viscous cycle would just go round and round and round.

ISIS healing friend ping me on MSN, asked how am I. She also introduced me to more advance books. Hence I asked her about the Mary Magdalene manuscript book. Why do we need to strengthen the Ka body? My goal is not to become jesus, what is it's use for human alive. She direct me to The Nine Eyes of Light by Padma Aon Praksha which I have bought months ago. This morning I flip to Ka Body. What strikes me is that he says, every human has to learn their own astrology chart, hence we know what makes us went astray and we 'learn' from there - this is what earth school is all about. I was stunt, my 1st step to spiritual is actually 2008 where i've started to learn bazi with JY. I somehow 'know' bazi is important, and I didn't see wide enough that it helps 'leanings' on earth, people around me want to know/ predict their wealth/ Love/ future from charts etc I 'somehow' feel it's not right as this is not the purpose of bazi charts. I only use it for myself and my kids for character wise. whether I would be dying tomorrow and it is shown in the chart is not really important - to me. every human needs to die, it's how you handle your emotion before you die, bazi chart really cannot help to ease you when you don't find light in within yourself. finding light in yourself takes more time than you think. I've started in 2008, now 2012 I am still learning. So picking this up right before you die or when cancer strikes, I'm afraid it's a bit too late. Go get a religion or read up to have basic understanding before anything happens to you, after you pass on, you have another journey .. bless be

Back to myself, I need to shift my focus to children. Inevitable I still think of my career, I just hope something nice will be in store for me, I feel really dreadful if same role same dept continues in 2012. Focus on the positive. Nam Myo Ho Ren Ge Kyo. Life force energy, pls flow thru me. Thank You.

House Warming

it's on 6th feb - Chap Goh Meh, I thought it's good to have a gathering on this day too, before all of us go into ascension. Anyway, today also a good day according to dong gong as the day before is a month breaker day and the day after is a dire day. I have started doing preparation for the house 2 days before, the spiritual way, energy clearing and calling in angels. Hubby told me there are 3 moths, asking me who is visiting. As far as i know angels do not turn themselves into moth and archangels has bring spirits back to light for healing and transmutation, I guess these moth are spirits that turn into moth to come for the party. lol .... I really do not know who is it and I'm not interested. 

I ask andrea to say prayers with me in the morning. We ask archangels to protect all guest who is coming and they will arrive smoothly and safely, ceremony angels will be at home to pour divine love so our guest would feel love and happy. There is a problem for not having enough parking, my dear neighbors who i have just met yesterday offered to let our guess park infront of their gate, I'm so touched! Thank You. I have 3 friends called and told me they are lost, after I put down the phone i ask GOD to please lead them the way as I'm really busy .... all of them did not call me the second time and they arrived safely ;) All the children playing were good, no fighting, no crying, no fussing ... it's really peaceful ... thank you angels! Some kids refuse to go home! lol ... I had good feedback on the catering food, I'm so happy! I guess the whole event went on very smoothly and nicely. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

Energy disruption is inevitable at home after the party. Had my maid mop the floor with juniper. I also light up candles during the party to bring up the vibration, who knows someone may have low vibration so that can help transmutation. I don't think I like these kind of big event, I prefer small gathering with a few friends. It's very tiring and depleting, I do not get to enjoy .... it should be my first and my last. I would limit to have guest less than 10 the next time. phew .... 

we've got many nice gifts. hubby exclaim! Who gave this Glenfiddich 18 years old? Ask them to come drink together! lol, hard to find people who appreciate good whisky .. hubby said he bought one 12 years old for a client and it already taste very good. Oh well, hubby happy for my friend's gift and I also happy for his subcon gift! keke, I've got an Ammonite from HOJB. I felt attracted to ammonite while i was in lightworks, wanted to buy but was hesitant cos I don't really know what is it. Right now i got a very big ammonite ... Feng shui wise it brings wealth, for spiritual wise it says:

Properties: Ammonite is a stone of protection. It provides for insight and it helps to assist one in seeing the ‘whole picture.’ Gives stability to it's user. Since it is associated with the Root Chakra, it encourages ones survival instincts and is grounding. 

Thank You Universe! 

All in all, it was very rewarding for hubby and I. Despite of being really tired, we are really happy for the whole event from preparation-food-guest arrived-entertainment-cleaning. Thank you for all that who came from high & low and from near & far. Bless be. 

Stress

Hubby said, this and that ... so i thought i could try my best to perform. I didn't perform up to my expectation hence I was bothered the whole day after the party. I had tremendous stress, however this is only 1 person, why I feel this way? hm ... universe will give hubby in many ways not just that person, it may come thru me too, lol. Oh GOD, please cut the cord - It's draining my energy and I still feel heavy after my sleep. Cut the cord with her and everyone who came, return the energy to them, I will keep my energy safe and strong. it is done. it is done. it is done.