I don't know why i don't feel happy after the 2 weeks happiness that i create and experienced. Human really have ups and downs, i need to recharge my happiness again. What makes me depress/ feeling low:
1. Reading the 10 gods books and found out my flaws (understanding more about myself). It's depressing but i still need to finish it because i need to understand myself before i can teach my kids about themselves. I always have this principal that, if you don't know about yourself, please don't correct or comment about other people. It's so negative and you make a fool about yourself.
2. I felt so embarrass and emotionally tortured after the massage that causes me blue black everywhere - very BIG patches on my arms. I told hubby i don't know why i cannot control my emotion just now, i shouted at ben like an insane women - it had not happening for a few months now. Hubby able to tell me my problem and i'm feeling at ease because i know the root cause. As a HO profile, i care alot about my appearance, i did not know 刮沙 will cause my skin to be this serious and i want to hide my face when i see people in the lift, my neighbor and during shichida class. During the massage i also felt that im being torture by that women because i wanted her to stop but she refused. I cried in pain.. i cannot explain how helpless i was at that moment, just like when the anesthetist poke me 4 times for epidural, i said stop he told me "if stop i will not do it for you anymore". HELPLESS.. emotionally tortured and physically tortured. I felt shameful and angry because i cannot pull myself out from that pain i'm having, i felt that i'm being forced by this 2 human that has no LOVE.
Happy things to look forward to:
1. Focus on my kids progress (to teach ben shapes and to refine andrea's drawing purpose)
2. Prepare document for new maid and new maid schedule and necessary
3. Juices recipe
4. Exercise - since my body is hurt now i need to do stretching
5. My friend's wedding!
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