AH Diary 1 (oct)

In SGI teaching, we shall obtain absolute happiness, this is the highest state for human being - by chanting daimoku (meditation) will help to achieve it. Here's the reference for the Ten Worlds, highest state - Buddha. http://www.sgi-uk.org/index.php/buddhism/tenworlds

For myself, after reading The Power, I constantly remind myself to be on the positive side does help too. I want to jot down the ups and downs to my journey of Absolute Happiness. 

It's hard to control one's mind when something unpleasant occupied my mind, the worst is I gave feelings to the unpleasant event, i told my mum. After complained (feelings of hatred amplifies), every single thing he does makes me angry, worst of all - my emotion is out of my control, i went insane again tonight. It has not been happening for at least 3 weeks, i had peaceful home for the past 3 weeks. I thought to myself, this is really amazing and i want it to be forever - eternal. 

I know i have done wrong by giving feelings to it (telling my mum), but if i don't ... i think i cannot tolerate it too. He has been coming home late due to big project at hand, at home feeling lazy because he has too much work occupy his head, every small little thing agitate him because he has no time to relax due to overloading problems at work and had no time to relax at home. I'm alone taking care of the kids, i long for his existence, but when he is back he is not helping, i still stay positive until i was down with flu and i feel life is not fair AGAIN. How to tackle this? Do i need to stay positive until i'm on the sick bed? I'm wondering if this person's frequency is totally out from mine? I cannot always kick him in the butt because it will make me go into the negative side. 

Good things Happen too:

1.Alot of money came in this month from dad, hubby and dividend. Maybe this month is my golden carriage month too. Sister bought JY books (those i really want to read) and lend it to me - no need to pay!

2.My children are all very well behave, very manageable. They are always laughing - because i started to laugh too 

3.Many smooth things - easy to find car park (sometimes right in front of the shop), selling my old stuff online is so easy (so far sold RM500 already), things i want to eat i always get, sometimes i visual play something and i will see or get it right away, my juicer from US arrived within 1 week with no tax! 

4.i feel nobleman is appearing - getting recommended Chinese sensei, massage men and agency with experience maid

Lesson one - Try to be calm, talk to the person with love, if can ignorance is bliss. NEVER amplify your feelings and best of all not to give any feelings to it.