How have I been?

This year is a health renewal year, i was in alot of pain last year till now, trying to rectify as much as I can but have not found the real root cause. But i would say, i can feel myself improving in terms of vitality. Left shoulder pain has almost gone, but not quite (3rd bone from my left collar bone is still stuck but no one knows how to release just yet - still hoping to meet my heavenly doctor). Root canal tooth removed but numbness still lingering alittle on my left cheek bone now (very obvious), praying for my heavenly doctor. My left eye is still hanging - don't know what to do. I was very conscious when people looking at me wondering why i have an awkward eye, i was very sad and tears alot when i think or talk about it, BUT i must be brave enough to face it and have alot of hope and perseverance that I must take charge of my own physical body and health, beside waiting for divine timing I will continue to do things that is good for my body. Take my mind away and strive for a better tomorrow. 

My can feel my attitude had slowly changing. I was not so easily angry now, I enjoy being lazy with my kids. My kids are not on enrichment classes from mon-thursday. We sit around doing art n craft, practicing piano/ violin, doing exercise together in door, going to our beloved tree at 5pm, cycling and kicking balls. No more kumon maths for few months now. Was doing photobook for andrea's 4-6 years old, reading past entries on andrea's milestone, found out that at 4 she's still pretending like a baby, at 6 now is still the same. I have told hubby we  much work together to give this love deprived child a hug n say I Love You before we go to bed. I don't know what I have done when she was young that results in this, I just hope we could mend as much as we can before her changing of teeth. Just 3 days, andrea became really independent and could see that she really care for her brother, no more "babies act" .... fingers crossed. 

Another new chapter will begin. Andrea is going to new school at Help International School. Looking at houses around Ara Damansara and Tropicana, I was hoping for a land actually. Hubby said can stay in condo which is 2000sqft. I told him, it's not about big or small, my requirement for a house is a house that is grounded with land. WHY? I feel safe and secure connecting to mother earth. I was hoping to have a land so I could design a house that is mobile, 2 main doors, a square/ rectangular house, so that we can move about according to the stars alignment for the year. Hubby said for a land now, 3mil - he prefer to pay 3mil with a house already built. Oh well, i know we are not financially strong now to have all those that i wanted, Let it grow. I will stay put at my house for now. 

Of course there are a few positive things happened. I drove evoque for the first time. This evoque was with us for 1month+ now, how lucky. It was very comfortable. My new pilates instructor, although did not direct pin point my problem or directly help to relieve my problem, she however said prayer for me, i was  crying like a mad women, which i felt really good, like connecting back to the source. I don't know if i shall continue, but hubby said i should continue, so will be with her another 10 more sessions before moving on to another method to heal myself. After the Hug thing we gave to andrea, she magically swim on her own independently, the coach was surprised and i was surprised with tears! She has been able to swim but was too afraid when coach asked her to swim by herself. 

Lost my grandpa and a root canal tooth

November is the month that clashes the year, I felt uneasy when the month is transitioning into November. I have posted on FB that, pls pls confirm andrea to help international school before the worst of the month came (didn't want to sign or pay on this month). Just a week before entering into pig month, we got a notice that andrea was accepted! I was so happy, hoping up and down like a bunny. I have never suspected of 2 loses, the grandpa and my ever sensitive root canal tooth. 

My beloved grandpa passed away on the day we went visit him on a Sunday. Mum told me that he was still strong, but had transferred back at home on Saturday from hospital, hence instead of going to melaka (initial plan) we headed back to Ipoh instead. Was sad because we didn't see him for his last breath. It was too sudden, for me. I prayed that Grandpa would follow the light back to the source, and for his absolute happiness. Rest in Peace. 

My root canal tooth was having sensitivity all 9 months, my numbed hands and legs on the left has not gone away. I do not know what happen to my body but I remind myself everyday that one step at a time. This sickness started when ben was born, I carried him too much until my body aching but i continue doing so because no maid at that moment and mum was angry with me. When finally maid is here, ben is already 1 yr old, my muscle adaptation is over the limit, alot of headache, neck and shoulder problem arise and even my left eye sees flashes of lights, I am very scared, I was helpless. 

God was kind to me, forcing me to quit my job although i don't really want it. Beside my high cholesterol, the actual cause of wanting me to stay home is to mend my weak body. I went to yoga, It did strengthen my body abit but lower back problem always comes back (my legs ankle and knees had problem but i persevere and it got cured via yoga i think), then i was introduced to osteopathy, he fixed my lower back pain permanently but told me i have other problem in cranial and left chest blockages that he could not release. until now it has not fixed but i have to BELIEVE. 

I removed my root canal tooth done in feb because osteopathy believed that it was pressing on my nerve, i was reluctant to remove it at first until i went to pilates, she taught me some moves and it got worst after the 3 session. Then i decided to remove the tooth in November, made appointment 2 weeks before. Dentist was kind enough to tell me, removing this tooth will not help reduce the numbness. I thank him with grace. He would think that I'm the most naive person on earth reading non-fact stuff on facebook that root canal causes cancer and heart diseased. Maybe I am but i have better explanation to myself. 

My mercury filling dropped back in 2010, when i was crazily doing reiki to heal myself every morning 5.30am because of the pain i was experiencing without any help carrying benjamin. I got it fixed with white porcelain but the filling got worst in end of 2012. During these time, why it got worst? because my left side of the body muscle was seriously imbalance and i didn't know about it, the left shoulder pain, constant headache, tiredness ... no professional knows what's happening to me, another thing i did not eat well too, almost 5 days a week McD. 

I need to remove pain/blockages in my body, the tooth has to go first because i experience sensitivity during these 9 months which is not a good thing i feel. Although now is out from my mouth, my problem of numbness and imbalance of muscle is still there, however I BELIEVE and prayed that I could find the root cause and to be healed once and for all. Right now at this moment, my instinct told me that i need to balance up my imbalance muscle and strengthen them. Please guide me to meet a suitable trainer to help me heal. I surrender it to you. NMRK. So it is. 

Paintings I've Made

We have done:

(a) wet-on-wet

(b) Block crayon & stick crayon

(c) Colour pencils

I'm really glad that I picked up children bible few months ago before attending this class. I can feel more when teacher david said "let there be Light!"It's all about expression and feelings when doing all these. Soul Expression they said. My drawings are not good, but I'm proud of it anyway. My soul expressed all these and I do feel a sense of satisfaction! lol .... 

(a) Colour Wheel on the left. Separation of Sky and sea. Let There be Light on the top right. Some writings at the bottom

 (a) Moses see god in the bush on bottom left. Adam & eve has to plant food, corn field on the top right. Others I can't remember what is it, anyway it's in the bible. 

(b) adam & eve snake on the left. Talking about profession - black smith on the top right. 

 (c) Colour pencil, unfinished ground and plants. sorry .. haha ... 

Waldorf Teacher Training

I've learnt a new word here - Anthroposophy. They do not called it spirituality or any other term that we human has given to it. A new word! ah well ... it never sink into me like any other things in life, deep inside myself I already 'know', a name is not important to me. Maybe I hear more like 'spirituality' then I would maybe use Anthroposophy more often :)

I loved painting class the most, my soul was desperate for it maybe. Thank You teacher David. I was also guided to join grade 3, instead of grade 1&2, I take it as ... my childhood problem starts at age 9. My transition to be separated was not done properly, many times i feel alone and didn't want to be in a crowd. I lothe to be in a group of people honestly, especially interact club or leo club, when I see those human looked "shiok" to torture another human during their orientation I feel these bunch of people are from the lower vibration being (animals). During college, I met a group of friends that likes to laugh at other people so that they feel "shiok", i have the same disgusting feeling towards them. as within so without, I know something was wrong somewhere. I got the answer. age 9. Although their actions are not to my favour, I shall not have judgement or reaction of how they are behaving. (they are not doing it to me anyway). Now i understand why. 

During the class, we have 2 hours daily on 2 different books to discuss. These are all philosophy, spiritual ones, many participants has difficulty to understand what is being written, trying very hard to understand Steiner. Honestly, it's about how much 'spiritual' books you have read or heard in order to unlock your higher wisdom. The words are merely words, the meanings are in between the line. One participant said, she has to read ALOT (not spiritual books) to come into a conclusion but the conclusion is not what is being meant. I felt sad looking at a 'helpless' participant. I raised my hand and said: "my experience is to read and understand what you need to understand, the universe will bring you another form of understanding of this book to you, eventually you will understand the whole book. it may take years.  another method is to meditate on it, meditate on those vague sentences, sleep on it, while you are drive or eating or anything, you will have the answer. It's not about how much you read, it's about how much you can understand in between the lines. Meditate more, ask yourself to open up your third eye chakra (wisdom)." 

I'm glad to have attended this course. It talks about spirituality from conception - baby - toddler - young children - young adults - adults. I have not come across a spiritual books on these, this is my first! I'm glad to know, although i was guilty most of the time inside the class, but what has done - let it go. Human bound to make mistake, Human bound to have EGO, Human bound to be foolish. Detachment is the key, I cannot do it overnight, but let it be one step at a time. All my life, I wished for my children to be able to hold themselves up when I'm dead, I have found the key. However it is not as easy as ABC, I need to lead a spiritual life then only I could bring them onboard with me. Long journey, but at least we have started. Thank you! Another prayer answered. 

Birthday

No feelings for my birthday. I feel so distance to it, haha .. don't know why. 

I've got mikimoto pearl 7mm for my 32 birthday, to replaced my 6mm mikimoto pearl, it has flatten at the contact on my skin (wore for 3 years)! I was shock, but i definitely know this old pearl has helped me to heal so much emotionally and physically. Pearl is like crystals, they have powerful healing energy. I thank God and Hubby for this precious Gift. 

One day before my birthday, Hubby brought us to Beast at intermark. First time there, the decoration is nice and the food portion is super BIG. The waiter asked if there is anything wrong with the french onion soup, I told him I'm too full. At the end of the dinner, the waiter ask me if I want to take away the left over, I said no thank you. I felt bad cos he emphasize that I'm wasting food. Gosh!! Their free beer bread is very good. Hubby 'help' the kids to buy me present too. Andrea bought me a shirt. Ben bought me a Watermelon, strawberry and chocolate (his favorite food). Hubby gave me flowers. 

On my birthday we went to acmee bar for lunch. apple and olive birthday cake from acmee bar. My day ended peacefully. Thank God for another blessed year. 

Date Selection 1&2

Second self-enrichment for the month. 

Signed-up this course 3 years ago, this year only can attend due to date postpone by the academy and I also cannot make it. I would say it's definitely good timing, If I were to attend this 3 years ago, I may not have so much knowledge on 'spirituality' to really appreciate what is being taught. 

Everything happens on earth are bound by 3 factors - bazi (what you are born with), Feng Shui (location), Timing (action of human). Date Selection is Timing, according to the teacher, in HK many master use only date selection. Timing are actually govern by the stars (visible & invisible) - eclipse happens because of the invisible star as scientist cannot proof total darkness as of today. To me, the invisible are always more powerful than the visible - prayers, meditation, shichida, holistic healing etc Anyway, all these invisible many times does not approved by layman as they have not acquired the WISDOM, even some has the WISDOM their ego will bring them down, or their lack of trust and faith would not bring them far enough. All in all, even if you know all these, it takes strong determination and time to break away from your own family or personal pattern (karma).

Having great opportunity to learn so many things in the universe, I can conclude that - be aware of your reaction, break any pattern that is not healthy. secondly have trust and faith in God. thirdly meditate to clear your aura before going to sleep. Although I know these but i didn't practice it diligently but I know I should have. The secret in the universe, is to pray and have faith in God, the alignment of the stars are inside yourself, you 'know' the timing, it's inside yourself. You don't have to pay money to expensive courses because you are always guided, listen to yourself. I won't feel my money being wasted because I need to go thru all these to learn about the 'secret' of the universe. One BIG round, walking around the globe, the steps to magical life is LOVE, Trust & Listen. May the universe LOVE energy change the way you behave & think. Blessed be. 

Wesak Full moon healing

Normally I'm not the type that I must go and pray in the temple. These 2 years, I do not know why I have the urge to go on wesak day. Particularly I need to light up the lamp. I didn't know why I need to do that, I just do what I feel like doing. Not that this year I know why I need to go and do, I feel the connection as Masters and Guides are talking to me but i didn't 'get' what they want to tell me. How sad. I guess more chanting and meditation needed. 

I went to Wesak Fullmoon healing with my healer, in a big group. I looked at their face, familiar but don't think i see them this life before. The shocking person I saw my dad's best friend who has just past away last month, of course not him but 50% look alike, I asked my sister ... she agrees. My sound healer was there too, I always loved her, she is a lovely lady. Both of my healer did their part, leading, crystal bowl and singing. This time I feel the flow, I wanted to sing with her too ... 

The main part of the oracle is that, people who present today, most of us are soldiers and the main theme of tonight is to release past life karma. Guess what card I took? Past LIFE! I actually 'knew' what card I will be taking and it further confirms that tonight, a big release is going on at energetic level. I don't know what relationship I had with the group of people present that night but I have a strong feeling that some of them are pulling my energy. something in my life cannot be explained and some parts of my physical body cannot be healed, it's all linked and I hope what has past, let the past energy to be dissolved. I marked them done and complete. I want a pure life and no disruption from the past. The night ended nicely. 

Root Canal

dooms day is here! Yeah, that's what I'm feeling prior to this surgery. I had prolonged tooth sensitivity early january, had the 1st checkup by endodontist Dr Tan on the 17th January 2013. He said that these pain will only be increased and it will not go away until I do something with it. He was the second doctor say "may the god bless you" when I refuse to do it immediately. The 1st doctor was Dr. Low at Jaya dental. I hate it, because they sounded they know what is gonna happen and dictate the worst will only happen to me. Moreover I was scared to death for the thought of removing the nerve of my teeth. I actually opt to remove the tooth but hubby and my dentist friend advise me not to extract unless it's necessary. 

I have long chat with my dentist friend who is now living in melbourne. She advise me on how to reduce the sensitivity. Advise me to do it early because abscess formed. Told me that stress is the culprit etc. She gave me alot of peace in mind. I ordered a dental holistic book - Cure Tooth Decay by Ramiel Nagel. I have not started reading but already done my Root Canal on the 21st Feb 2013. I know the dangerous toxic mercury and know having more damage on my tooth is not good, but I need to weigh which is more important. 1. I have tried oil pulling before I bought this book, but sensitivity remains. 2. Hubby going for company trip, I cannot risk the pain when I'm alone with the kids. Hence, I decided to do it, although i know it's bad for my health or I need to suffer later on in my life due to this root canal :( My second appointment on 14 mar and third on 8apr. 

I was so scared, I chant 3 days before the surgery. I hold nefertum in my hands when the dr. was doing my tooth. The dr was afraid to see that I'm so afraid, hence asked me to eat ponstan on top of the already injected anesthetic. All went well, today is the 14th day, thank god i'm still living in peace. This doctor was my childhood doctor, although my dad does not like him but i feel sense of comfort because I 'knew' him, from young, I guess. Maybe he does not say "god bless me" to me. I pray very hard - I'm very worried and scared when something goes wrong with my teeth, since young. I have phobia :( 

I'm reading the holistic dental book, good read. I guess, you need to be consistent to really heal your teeth. I have ordered the cod liver oil and will be arriving tomorrow I guess, it's at HK now. If not will get it next monday. It's for emergency case as it is so very expensive! I pray that more healthcare person would be awaken to holistic healing, please do not do harm to human body when it is not absolutely necessary. We are brothers and sisters, we are one. We come to you for consultation is not asking you for more drugs but to get comfort from you, hoping that you could help us. We are not here to give you more problem or trying to eat up all your time. What goes around comes around. End this vicious cycle. If the money is yours, it would come in many form other than drilling or surgery or medication (antibiotic, etc that harms our liver and immune system). 

I pray for a more loving earth, for the happiness of all humanity. So it is. 

Down Time

1 month ago, I felt I need to be at ease when hubby is not around. Hence I did my root canal (although I really didn't want to), hoping when he is away I won't feel pain and scold the kids too much due to irritation, I needed a peaceful environment when I'm alone with the kids. Alot of What if pops out, hence I solve the problem which I think might gave me problem. 

2 weeks down the road, my parents told me they are going to ipoh same date where hubby is not around. I felt so naked (no more protection), but I told myself, they have their own life and I should be independent. Leave my life to GOD and everything will turn out just fine. 

When comes nearer to the date where hubby is leaving (tomorrow), I had extreme discomfort. I suppressed it. I'm very happy that I did not force hubby not to go. The heart of letting go and transforming is taking into place I can feel. For better or for worse I do not know, I let it be. For I trust in GOD for my soul growth. 

I have always threaten hubby for a divorce, Yes I do really feel I needed one, but I always ended up don't know what to do. I drove out when in anger but I don't know where to go, I stop at road side then turn back less than 30min. I'm still a child needed protection very much even at present - i need to feel safe. My parents protected me so much which I felt really blessed, my husband helps me alot but he never takes care of my emotional wellbeing or he doesn't know how to handle it. I take it as my soul growth. 

I have thought to myself, didn't he knows I need someone there to make me feel comfort. My parents are not in and he is so far away for company holiday trip, what am I left with? Naked with 2 eggs to protect. I needed to send them to classes whole of saturday and the risk is high. What if car broke down, what if one of them is sick, what if accident, what if I am the one who has accident ... who should I call? These invisible stress are killing me but I know I must overcome it and surrender it to GOD. 

God told me, this is the 1st step for life transformation. Just like any other relationship I had before, circumstances transformed me, we leave the old behind and search for the truth. Thinking of having to leave the relationship saddens me, but if it is your time to Go/transform/Die, you have to do it. Divine Timing it is. I pray that I could be stronger. 

Thank You 2012

Looking back at my 2011 Thank You post, i feel so much positive energy towards it. I feel that I should write a Thank You note for 2012 too :) 

1. Thank You Master and Guides for supporting me and re-assured me for all the decision that I've made. I have so much trust in you guys after boldly step into the flow of life, trusting myself more and seeing magic happens everyday. 

2. Thank You hubby for endless support emotionally and financially. Stepping into the unknown is really scary, but you have gave me security in every possible way. Luxury of having to be at home doing minimal housework (was having 2 part time maid, but decided to cancel 1, I can't be this lazy for 2013), Never complain helping out on housework, Willingly take over the kids when I feel lazy, bought house clothes (roxy in big batch-8pcs), tommy hilfiger in big batch-5pcs, so much clothes in SG, LV wallet, Tokyo trip,  5 star hotel stay in KK and KL. 

3. Thank You Kids for being with me. I know I have been grumpy and angry all the time. I'm so happy you still want to stick with me. lol ... although my boy sometimes said wanna sleep over at grandmas. However I know he still loves me more. I need to have a bigger heart, a heart filled with only love energy, if not, I know both of you would run away one day, someday when you are older. I working very hard on myself, thank you for this opportunity. I will try my best!

4. Thank you dad and mum foe being here with me when I needed you the most. Talking, baby sitting, company for breakfast/ lunch, hanging out, looking for food at your house when I've got nothing to eat at home. You guys gave me alot of comfort when I'm alone in the day time. Thank You dad for all the holidays you have spent on us, and thank you for the big fat angpau for the house you have sold. Thank You mum for your time to take care of my kids when I need to attend wedding dinner. Thank you sisters for being who you are. 

5. Thank You universe for giving me what I want in my life. Give me opportunity to serve the community in 2013. I'm ready. Bless be. 

Christmas Eve

How's everybody doing? 3 days intense energy integrating takes a troll on my physical body, I was burping so much and feeling intense energy moving around my body. Phew ... I also did some not so nice things, shouting at the kids and slap andrea on christmas eve. I've controlled so well for that 3 days (21,22,23) because I don't want to waste it!! Cannot believe that I lost control on the 4th day. Ah well, apply some lavender (cos her skin cracked) and panaway later on after she slept. Dear Jesus, pls heal her with your green energy. Thank You. 

I always feel I'm useless because I 'know' I have some powers but that always doesn't 'tell' me answer exactly to the point. I often think maybe I did not meditate enough or letting the energy to flow enough in order for me to have clear answers. For whatever it is, I allow and let it flow according to my needs and ability. Recently I've seen many of my manifestation magically happened, one day, I caught myself meditating for more physical stuff. I felt a need to stop and told myself, let there be love and peace. So it is. 

Phew ... overall kids holidays are great. I think I enjoy alot this time around. I notice telepathy also increased. Many things when I was thinking to tell hubby or the kids, they usually do it without me opening my mouth. I felt so easy to let go this time, I was unhappy during the last trip to ipoh with my parents, with hubby around listening to my pain (via whatssap), I quickly forgive and continue to enjoy my trip. I had new iphone5 from hubby. We are staying at shangrila for christmas. I spent so much money that I've lost count in december. My dad gave me 20K, I cried, in disbelief and blessed that the universe/ GOD still takes care of my need to spend. I told myself, my dad is the greatest gift the GOD has given me to fill my ego (human needs). My hubby is the greatest gift from GOD to light up my spiritual path. 

All happening in the month of december. I praise the lord for having many happy events and peace in the household. I know I have not been updating on my kids. You know what. The msg That I have received. 

1. Chant everyday.

2. Stop using FB.

3. Stay centered. 

Every thoughts and feelings are connected by the heart. No need to write or see, FEEL it. Stay connected with loved one and be positive. Write only when you feel like writing, as our soul is eternal so are the thoughts and memories. only people who are connected to you understand or feel it. Find peace and be Open. Bless be! 

sisterhood

Younger days, we fight alot, I even broke her glasses and cause her baby finger crooked. I do feel bad afterwards, but when fighting I guess I lost my consciousness. SP has this attitude of 'bullying punishment' star. She show anger by giving you black face and can become super ignorant, she also thinks that the whole world is against her when she feels upset. I've ignore her when I was younger because I have kim, so to ignore and get her out of my mind is pretty easy. 

After so many years, more than 20 years, this feeling of being ignored (not respected) came back. The story is long and I do not want to give energy to it. All in all, I cannot let go the feeling of being upset and wanted to stay away from her, how can I when I do not know her work schedule. One day I walked into their house not knowing she is in there, I 'pretend' and smile and quickly make my way home. I kind of good in pretending nowadays, especially after the incident where my mum decided to abandon me few years ago. I notice myself picking up pretending skills to show the front to my mum, I get confuse after that, I thought I have love for my mum for the things I have done for 2-3 years. Until that day she went for surgery, I couldn't chant for her, all I did was saying prayers ONLY. you know chanting needs total focus/ concentration for 10 min, I couldn't do it. I sit back quietly, highself ask me to tell myself "i love my mum". I repeat this phrase for 50-100 times?? Not sure, but until I feel the love and connection with her. The blocked love energy flowed again after that, I feel a different feeling when I see my mum in person. "pretending" brings me no where and it does not connect me to the core, and I confuse my true self too (and blocked the love energy in within). I notice I'm doing that now with SP. I broke down and cry infront of mum today. 

as usual mum will be mum. Things just said and done, cannot expect much. I just do not want to 'pretend' anymore, because I do not want to confuse myself again. I do not want to step into this hole again. I beg my mum to tell me not to come over when SP is there. SP hates my husband and so be it. She feels comfortable to show black face and prefer to live in a non-harmony environment, it's really her choice. I pray to god that I have some space to distance myself for negative beings as there are many more things in life to focus on than having to live in denial and unhappiness everyday. I pray to GOD this will be done and never have bad influence by my heavy karmic family bloodline again. Let me be strong and with alot of wisdom knowing what to do. So it is. Thank You!

Down with sorethroat

usually when I'm sick there is nothing I want to do beside sleeping. Today, my girl's classmate mum decided to tell me that she had breast cancer 2 years ago, hence all the promises she made to her boy she must do it. I can see her determination and love for her son. I suddenly do not know why I felt I want to avoid her eyes, maybe i felt inferior as I always give up things when I seem deem impossible. I know I always gave up myself early, well maybe that's in my subconscious mind, if I want to change it I can .. well definitely I can. But I want to say, she is really brave and my prayers goes out to her. 

I hate my sorethroat, i know how the kids are feeling the past weeks, it's so stubborn!! I asked andrea to colour the flower of life, hope that she could recover fast by colouring that, you know ... connecting back to the source hence healing. Maybe it's crap but hey, I believe in crap, mandala helps in concentration and memory, same goes to flower of life connecting your soul back to the source. 

Another friend just called. chat about life. ahh .. she has 4 kids and I have 2. I'm complaining? ahh, life. Love your life. Please let me recover ASAP. I want to feel vitality! give me give me! 

random aug12

I'm seen to be forceful but I actually know when to stop, think, act accordingly. Friends and family made a remark saying - not YOU who wants andrea to go international school? I felt devastated for a moment but I just let it go because these are not true. And the universe truth were only known to those who seek. (applies to anybody and anything on earth). 

This brings an interesting topic for me to write. Knowing Bazi. If you do not believe in astrology then you are just throwing a tool out of the window. If you are relying on fortune teller to tell you about your life, if he is helpful yes, you can rely on him, if he just want to scare you, you better find another consultant. Astrology can help you locate your favorable and unfavorable stuff in general to at least makes you go with the flow and not swimming the opposite current - location (where to live/ study/ work), lessen your worries (nobleman, wealth, health etc) and maximize your potential (in-born talent for this lifetime). All in all, spiritual law applies - you must always remember to do what is best for the PRESENT moment and 'knowing' and 'feeling' the success or stuff you want in life. This will transform all things that do not meet your expectation to your liking (even your astrology birth chart not so good)

Many things in life I have been there and done that. I had maid for the past 5 years. When I'm looking at the new comer at shichida class, the maid bring the little girl I felt I had the need to pray for the little girl's mother. I close my eyes say alittle prayer. I know, being a mother is not easy especially our emotional needs are not met or we just couldn't put our emotion at ease at 'something' in our life. We hope the maid or nanny could remove temporary our precious little one so we can have sometime on our own (be it helping the situation or not - I have been ignorant for 2 years so i know it's really not easy when we have no desire to seek the universe truth)

Having my foot on where I am now, regrets? There is no regret in my dictionary as I live and maximize my present moment. If one day like people around me say "what if your husband leave you?" I know it's a painful experience if that happens but hey people come and go, your teacher, friends, maid, colleague, bosses - are all these meant to be hurtful? Inevitable we all have emotions and we will carry it until we die, if painful experience happen we need to know everything will be OK as god watch over us, people and things come and go has a reason for it. For us to learn, for us to teach and for us to feel. When it is gone, it is meant to be. There is no coincidence. It is all well planned for our highest good. 

Andrea has wealth and nobleman luck for her early years. Even I have fix my mind on chinese government school, things just go round and put her into international school. She has a geng metal mother who will go all the way to get what she wants, energy combine, andrea will get what she deserve to get. Friends have funny expression when I said I put andrea in Kingsley, they disbelief of my decision, I ignore. As I know, andrea has nobleman luck, if she gets into a rubbish school it will finally turn out well or the geng metal mum will move her out before she gets drown. All in all, human needs nobleman and luck, the best school has lousy teacher and lousy class, if you put your kids in the best school it will not guarantee your child would be the best. Anyway, my girl has these luck so I'm not too worried. I better put my focus on other things in life. Ben is fortunate to tag along with the sister, hopefully he'll benefit half of it

you ask me. Why all the right brain training? shichida, suzuki, genioart. Andrea needs it. They are not for me to boast like what you are thinking. Hip Hop? Andrea needs it too. These are for her physical development. Why not others you ask? Andrea do not need it hence I'm being her mother do not have interest for others. How I know, you ask? Close your eyes, feel it energy, feel the connectedness you have with your child, you will sense it. How you ask? Start meditating or simple explanation - breathe properly. By breathing properly, you will get all the answer you need within yourself not OUTside. No one knows better than yourself and your own child. Stop judging and questioning others decision. Namaste. 

Indirect Resource Month

I always choose not to be superstitious and always tell myself that by being positive I can attract all that I want. Only entered 3 days into Wu shen month, I really can see how my mood changes. Not because of menstrual ... it's the stars, astrological effect on poor me. I need to find time for chanting and meditation ... argh ... I don't want to be in the astrological radar ... can you leave me alone ... ohh ... pls give me more time to find self peace until 6 sept! Amen

What's in store for me ... keke .. beside going insane and highly sensitive, my self rooted! Shall do something that is concrete for myself and the kids. Many things I wanted has flowed to me ... I shall take action this wu shen month.

Contact these people/ centre

1. Violin recommended by kelly

2. Art class at KK

Hopefully both kids can join the same enrichment class. Shall be looking into homeschooling syllabus too I guess. I don't know why past month, I've heard and encounter many people talking to me on homeschooling. I took it as a sign from the universe that I could supplement my kids with this info. The truth is, I cannot teach my kids what the school teacher teaching and the most important part is I'm not ready myself. 

Be a role model to your children, you need to change to what you want your children to become. I have more than 10 things to learn, hence I do not think I am ready to teach them as I need to teach myself 1st (consciously change I mean)

1. Stop yelling at them

2. Stop using angry tone and frighten them (If you don't listen to me, I will ________)

3. Be more creative in every way(I felt like a log when i see my friends creativity, ouch)

4. Be good at yoga (teach them exercise), Be good at telepathy (somehow I feel telepathy is important), Be good at protection/prayers/visualization (you can't tell the kids to raise their vibration cos theirs already high and refine - so my theory USE it!)

5. Enjoy my food more as I notice I always scold them when eating - either eating too slow or walking around the table

6. Go with the flow instead of PLANning, God will laugh if I have a plan, as nothing in the end will go as you plan! lol ... Strategic management is the key

7. Open my heart to others, have interest in others

8. Be mindful of what I say, HO star can really kills

ah well ... I'm not looking at 100% change, but at least be mindful and cut off 50% or do at least 50%. haha, not very ambitious eh ... yeah .. maybe next time when emotionally more stable. Thank You!

Talking to dad

Lunch with dad this afternoon, mum back to ipoh and i was feeling 'lunch at vietnamese'. Luckily dad was available. Dad and I do not have much heart to heart talk, our conversation is all about giving me advise or just letting me do the talk. He reads many book (he always quote from books he reads), hence the wisdom or he had near death experience hence his so-called wisdom is better than normal human beings. either way. 

I cannot believe i cried again, for all the months of healing. Many things I told him that day serve as a reminder for myself, i felt those things I've said had anchored 1 inch deeper into my heart/ soul. I thank for you the opportunity and time, I guess the healing are on-going and session like this helps heal further and deeper. 

I asked dad, what life is all about. about the cycle of life. every human beings are baby - teenager - adult - old man. If this is a cycle then what we have to do about it in every stages in life. Dad just said contribution, regardless small or big. Although i know the answer to this question but I want to see what dad says, fair enough the answer given is enlightening. Because, if ever anyone ask me this question, this will not be my single answer to that person. However, this is just what I need. Thank You. 

I told dad I'm disappointed in myself. I don't know if this runs in the family bloodline or my upbringing, I felt belittle when I do not achieve things I want. Dad didn't answer me he just listen. For I know the answer is to widen my perspective in life, change focus and power up. He just say as human beings, we need to be happy, find something and do something that makes you happy. I told dad, I learnt so much after dropping the money ego as I do not earn any money now and using money to release my pain/ anger is no longer an option or using money to hurt people is no longer an option. My soul growth maximised. These are the experience that I cannot explain to people - how many people on earth has as much experience that I have. I doubt it. My situation might not be the worst but the learning curve is really steep. 

I told dad, 3 of my friends are having 3rd baby, how great it is to have more children. Surprisingly he didn't say anything about affordability as that is always my main concern. Dad ask is that what you want? I told him, children is for parents to learn, I think 2 children is enough for my soul growth. haha ... I was shock to say these but how true. I was once afraid that I may grow old without any younger children to accompany and if one child doesn't want me I still have the other. 2 children they might fight and having 3 like my siblings we always have someone to 'cool the pot'.

All these are really good to have, but do I need 3? Having children really is to know about yourself as your children carries your DNA (bloodline karma & family behavior), are you ready to accept and change, having more children = more pressure pressing you to change/ realize your karma. The answer is I need to know myself. I know I have attachment problem - being afraid of aloneness and dependence, I need to conquer this for soul growth. God is in the centre of our living. We are bless with children as they are going to teach us something valuable/ reveal bloodline karma in life and our responsibility is to let them grow without limit/ intent to break free from bloodline karma - free our souls. The real human circle is about this.

Children born after year 2000 has high energy, really the DHA milk powder make them smart? really only my children are awesome? Take a look around you, the children now born are different because their body contains more energy and higher frequency. Right brain education can help them maximize their high and refine energy. How you ask me? Observe your child. They can tell you. All the amazing things they have done ... crawling on four, walking, responding, singing, reading earlier than stated milestone, not just me, almost more than 50% of my friends children are doing this. See to believe .. we are becoming Oneness ... hence having 2 or 3 kids doesn't really matter. It's all about how much you know about yourself and willing to detach - emptiness. Denial is your blockage. 

Sometimes dad may not say alot of things, every time I feel God is using dad's mouth to tell me valuable advise/ things for that moment in time. He may not agree for everything I do, but I really like talking to him as he soothe my emotion. Thank You for your time. 

31st Birthday

I'm 31 years old! It's not that bad, 30th birthday was bad because i couldn't believe I'm already reach 30. haha .. crazy woman. I'm at peace with it now. This year I have a strong urge that I do not want to celebrate it, the universe supports me by giving me a serious viral attack that causes me seriously no mood to celebrate. The reason is simple, I feel that I have not done anything that I'm proud of to celebrate my birthday, what milestone that I have achieved this year? I cannot think of anything, all in my head is that, I gave up my career, I gave up my maid, I gave up alot of things in life .... I have given all up. Sound so hopeless ... demotivating and shameful. I feel like I want to start all over again ... Game Over ... don't get me wrong, not opting to give up my life, but wish that I have a reset button to choose another chapter/ scene to go into and 'play' my life again. I don't like this chapter/ scene. 

I realize that I have a choice. I need to create a new chapter/ scene in this game. Birthday or not birthday really no big deal to me cos I really do not see birthday as a big occasion, just feel i don't want to be with anybody. in the end we of course had family dinner and also flowers from hubby. My present? I seriously do not need LV wallet, I actually told hubby no need la, get other thing. BUT another part of me (devil) says u better take it, if not it will be given to his parents/ family member. This type of duality personality, I don't know when I can 100% get rid of. who wins? Of course the devil, I will claim it ... kekeke ... I have a feeling, i still have some parts missing in me that I need to fight/ stop my in-laws from getting anything from hubby. what is it .. hm ... I will be in KK for one week next week. ISIS please help me to 'see', I intent to clear this blockage ... as nothing is mine, I own nothing. All that comes are more than enough for me to use in this lifetime. I have more than enough to donate and help the poor. So it is.

Quiet

Turbulence happens all the time, I always feel I ride on the wave instead of staying calm underneath the water. From the 1st day, I accept and willing to let go of my 'fake' destiny i created for myself, I know my life could change 360 degree. I did not care if it will bring me to the extreme good or bad. I know, for whatever things I want is 'fake' and I will not live true to myself and my true life purpose. Life purpose is not for us to FIND it, It will unfold itself when you are walking the path of your life, you choose these life lesson before you are born. For one thing i know, I will continue to shine and be a life example to people around me, of course knowing bazi is a cheat sheet to life. You roughly know what life lesson you have stupidly chosen for yourself, hoping you could learn this life ...... stop blaming anybody, remember! you want/ choose this and you get this, acknowledge it and learn it for this life. To avoid reincarnation/ to be dump into a recycle bin. 

Everything you hear or see and available on this earth. They are all correct. It depends on which level of consciousness you are in. Hence, never say anyone is wrong as their wisdom obviously higher than yours. Alot of things layman and monk/ priest could interpret the same thing as different meaning. I have a friend post in FB - And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. (1 John 4:16 NIV84)

He said we rely on the love God has for us. If you substitute 'energy' to God and Love (God is Love), the meaning will be different and you will feel more independent as compared to relying on something to makes you happy. Jesus Christ is a healing GOD, it doesn't mean there is no reincarnation. Start accumulating your good karmic points for your tough period in life that you may need to use it later. 

Sorry. I feel imbalance obviously. However, I feel the change, tremendously. I fight with hubby again, then my girl fell sick and worst part is the doctor prescribe wrong medicine (wrongly diagnose) - I don;t like this and I cannot avoid it, causing my kids sick because of toxic energy at home. I want to divorce but hubby do not agree. From the 1st day, i let go of my 'fake' destiny, I determine to walk back to my life purpose, which I do not know what, i let it unfold. 2 months later, after settled my emotions and physical health (yoga), my maid decided to go home, I sweat so much on housework with crack fingers and feet - the funny part is I did not complain, I know it is part of the 'road' i need to take. What's next? I don't know? 

I walk this 'road' with full consciousness, dropping attachment i collected since childhood. I am like a parasite, i need comfort and attention all the time cos my parents do not have much time for me when i was young. Waking up 5am every morning, my heart is set to do my best and what is needed to be done for this 'road'. When something unhappy happens, funny thing I did not complain i did this because of anybody, I do this for myself. Did I consciously know of this change? I don't. I knew this when I had the fight with hubby. It's not because I don't love him anymore, for I know love is eternal and separation is letting go of unhappiness, the emotional attack is unbearable to me. I guess I still have some stupid lesson to learn until the 'flow' can be smooth again. I do not have time to meditate or chant, can only live in walking prayer. 

random - july2

For the 1st time i've walked with you and felt your support. I allowed and accept that the universe needed to be in balance and so do us. I gave up the need to be walking infront of you and control every event & situation comes my way. I felt so much peace as I have never felt before. Thank you for sending people and event to boost up my energy ... for the songs and people and communication were so important that I have neglected for a long long time. I was crying in pain for no one understands the pain I'm going thru, like going thru the birth canal. Once you are out, you see the sun and everything seems perfect and loving. For I'm crying with joy for no one understands the 'process' of human evolution as much as yourself, you & me. 

you asked me if I can pull thru this, I told you .. I don't know but i know this calling even before I got married. I tried to control and changed this calling but i failed hence I live in denial for more than 2 years. you ask me again if I can make it. I closed my eye, knowing that you are there for me, i secretly node my head, focusing on the heart chakra, allowing and accepting the need to heal and to be whole. The broken part of me crying in pain, asking for healing only from the light. I need to up my game, destroy and rebuild. Just you and me. Bless be! 

Childhood clearing

I have heard and read alot about treating your child as best as you can because it will impact the whole life - 三岁定八十. I always feel i'm the most fortunate baby girl in the world but never recall bad things that happened to me. This gave me stronger urge to bring my children up myself, hopefully I will be positively influence the kids instead. 

it all started when andrea drank the expired milk. I could not let go, hence i exploded again (it actually dragged for 2 weeks). The 1st time happened I felt really bad and I feel there must be some lost souls or my ancestor staying in my energy field hence i have consciously clear it daily and it was alright for a few months. This time it happened again, I hold my crystal ball, crying to myself asking the divine what could it be, i know it's not the disincarnate souls disturbing for sure, what is it !!! Divine show me a series of my childhood pictures, i look at it and cried my hearts out ... it didn't seems so painful to me at that time and i didn't remember it to be so painful. I felt my pain and I felt my mother's pain. My mum hitting me and ignoring me in many occasion .... after finish 'watching movie' i now have an answer - my subconscious mind. No one right and No one is at wrong. Things happen for a reason. Since this is stuck with me i need to clear it (still don't know how) and send the maid back. 

I am so sorry for not respecting you, I lost control. Thank you for bringing this up for me to clear. I wish you all the best. You may not be the best maid but anyhow has helped me alot. Hope the extra 1 month salary is enough for your family. I'm sorry for not letting you to finish your 2 years contract.