4th Birthday

It's amazing how andrea have grown. I feel a sense of achievement, seeing my girl grown so much from a baby till she is now semi-independent. By 5 years old, she will be needing mummy or daddy less - as per child development milestone. I need to recondition myself of this change, so that i won't feel depress or keep thinking of the past - how I used to hold her in my arms or how she used to listen to me or she always find time to make me happy. All these are my treasured moment, kids grow up so quickly and I shall look forward to other treasured moment instead of living in the past :)

I took half day off, sent andrea to school and pickup cupcakes from wondermilk. Then rushed to Daiso, hoping to get candle "Number 4", saw the number candles in Daiso 1 Utama but do not have number 4. No luck! Headed back to the school - reach at 10.30am. Teacher got me an ugly tray - it cannot fit all 72 cupcakes somemore, sigh ... Initially I thought of putting it on the table, but the teachers thinks tray will be more convenient when distribute. No choice - have to listen to people who own the place. 


At night we went to Fukuya, the only place we like - with private room. Just Heavenly make us Melody - Sanrio cake. Andrea has many present. School gave her a present (fridge magnet) & her friend jaime draw her some picture for andrea's birthday, so sweet of her. I bought her Melissa & Doug Band-in-a-box and play pretend clothes - police, vet and nurse (that's all they have). Daddy bought her Ikea kitchen set. Kim bought her princess set, Pei bought her peter rabbit book, mum&dad bought her make up set. I hope she enjoy her birthday!

Melissa & Doug

ELC [Early Learning Centre] have been my favorite educational toys, I still remember buying lots of it since andrea was born - usually bought it from ThinkToys and just 1 year ago mothercare carries it. we love the material and quality - most importantly my kids love it. Andrea is 4yr old, and can you imagine how many ELC stuff sitting in our house now? Over 4 years we have almost 20-30% of the store items in our house now. 

I'm so happy that Melissa & Doug has made its way to KL. I saw it from mothercare bangsar & also ThinkToys. It has more variety for me now to buy new stuff for benjamin. Recently I've bought:

1. Abacus - Prefer this over the Ikea's one 

2. Band-in-a-box - movie like high 5 and pocoyo has these instrument, andrea & ben loves it. Consist of Tambourine, cymbals, maracas, clacker, tone blocks and a triangle

3. Puzzle - cannot find in the website [many shapes to be inserted into 10 different pictures]

Quality wise - it's comparable to ELC. Will shop more the next time when Thinktoys / mothercare's having sale :)

Inside-Out Healing

Inside-Out Healing by Richard Moss - Transforming your life through the Power of Presence

Summary for my own use:

1. A big part of the challenge is that this particular aspect of healing is a journey you must take alone. It is in the nature of the abysmal feelings that the passage through them is always a solitary one. You are alone with these feelings in your hospital bed, or as you learn to live with a disability. You are alone with them during a divorce or in the dark hours of financial setbacks. They are yours in the solitary depths of grief. [pg.168]
 

2. Extreme pain can be so powerful that it wants to suck you in like a black hole, but if you do not amplify your suffering with stories-and instead let your whole being be a prayer for the lessening of suffering everywhere-your pain has become something more than just yourself. Life naturally brings us physical pain and sometimes extreme pain in the course of illness, injury or normal event such as giving birth. You can never know whether shifting your focus from your own suffering to the alleviation of suffering everywhere will open you to the grace of peace and increased well-being. But this is not about success or some victory for your ego; it is about how pain can teach you to become humble and generous. [pg. 177]

3. Surrender to change is always a leap of faith. For something new to enter your life, you have to let go of the past and join your immediate experience right now. The key is less in what you do than how connected you are in yourself as you do it. In life there is no predetermined path you should or have to walk; you lay down the path by how you take each step. This is one of life great truths. [pg.205]

Prior reading this book, pei already brief me on my self-defense mode. I'm very glad that I've picked up this book, it talks about self-defense behavior in detail and how human behaves - we human usually aren't aware of these, hence brings unhappiness. It talks about death, do not fear but prepare for your death. i.e how you want to die. It talks about expressing emotions thru writing poem, listening to your own voice, drawing etc. Three keys to higher Energy: 

a) Spontaneous creativity - acting in accordance with your natural feeling without premeditation. It is "letting go and letting flow" in anyway that is in harmony with your disposition and uses your natural talents

b) Unself-conscious and wholehearted participation - whatever you do, you do it without holding back' you are totally engaged, fully present, completely authentic. 

c) Grace - grace isn't something you do, but something that may unexpectedly join you and carry you beyond yourself once you make your own effort.

Andrea Home Practice

I have not written about our shichida home practice before! I didn't do much, that's why :p After 3 years with shichida, I must at least write something. I've bought alot of stuff from shichida, below are the latest material we are using. Others are just sitting in the cupboard for ben's use - like linking memory set 1, 2 & 3, Japanese CD songs.

I've written The IQ Genius 1 Block previously, this is the only material that i feel most satisfied with. Seeing the OUTPUT! haha .. Andrea completed this 2 weeks after I've written the IQ Genius 1 Block post.

The IQ Genius 1 Block

Completed!!

The IQ Genius 2. Not as challenging as IQ Genius 1

Super Challenging. Andrea have not like it yet

Maths is difficult, because I've not found the correct method to teach andrea. Shichida have been teaching the addition song since 1 year old. I've bought the addition CD from shichida, have been playing (not very consistent thou), but andrea still not picking up. Have been working hard to teach andrea using the basic as per shichida method, see some improvement but have somehow lazy again because andrea prefer her violin more now. I've this random dots card, Organize dots and Variety dots. Very handy to me. The blue paper is for me to see & the green rubber is for my thumb.

Assist me in Addition

Shichida homework.These are the few pages - usually no problem completing it. Only the maths parts have some problem. Will work on it. Addition are like multiplication - force it into the head. haha... it really takes time for little kids at age 4! I also unhappy to see her count with her fingers! That's too slow and so not shichida style!

Schubert Trout Piano Quintet

This is the 1st Concert that andrea have ever been. Dr. Ng is the Head of String of Bently Music now. We were very fortunate to be Dr. Ng's student because, MPO will not accept children below 8 years old into the concert hall. Throughout the 1 and half hours, andrea did not fuss, she did wiggle a little but she is very well behaved. I guess, she enjoy the concert very much too! 

My self, I love classical music and musical play, especially someone played infront of me. Looking at their full expression towards music, makes me relax and relieve my emotional blockage. I have full admiration with people who came this far and have so much achievement in their life, all the teachers in bently have been with the Philharmonic Orchestra. 

Jessica Lim - Violin

Andy Ng - Viola

Alison Lim - Cello

Mohd Azizi - Doublebass

Shuenda Wong - Piano

I do not have high expectation of andrea to be the next player in Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra. I want her to be able to express her emotions (+ve or -ve) thru music, to be a well balance person in order to achieve more in her life. 

Many studies says that, a person who knows music is more intelligent. Actually thru Richard Moss book, we can express our emotion thru music, singing (listening your own voice), drawing (it is common for children to draw as one of emotional expression method), etc. What they define as more intelligent to me is, thru emotional expression method it will bring peace within these people and hence more focus and successful in their life. This is my own expression. 

Money Luck!

I was told that I have another 4.5% salary increment starting June, well not alot lah, but better than none right :) Money grows in april and now June another small growth, when it will grow until I'm a multi-millionaire? Things seems to be better now, not because luck changes, because I've changed alot internally. Hubby and I were counting our expenses, it's scary - I just hope money will continue to grow and exceed our expenses by 100%. Will it realized? I'm sure it will, it depends on how much effort and awareness we have towards it. Opportunity drop from the sky, hence we need to be on the look out and work on it. May abundance be with everyone. 

Child Discipline

I'm having menstrual now, hence get emo very easily. Today was having lunch with a colleague, she talked about her sister's son being rude & the other colleague have been telling me that her sis-in law daughter also irritates her alot. I don't know where the anger comes from, i just shut her off by saying, there are a few of my friends likes to complain about their own children, the true story is the parents taught them all the behavior that they didn't like without their own awareness. The kids did not learn it else where, it's the parents who overlook on their own behavior and attitude in bringing up their child.

I used to complain that ben makes me crazy by not eating properly - the true story is i had gone insane back then [not because of ben]. There's really no one to blame when your child gone off track, it's you who made them this way. I confess that I'm not a 100% good model for my kids but I will not let things gone too off track, as human I do have the laziness in me sometimes. I know I shall not get provoked by what have been shared with me, but because my hormone is imbalance now, I shall say what's on my mind. 

There are plenty of ways to teach your kids, there is no right or wrong. My method is not more superior than yours because every child needs different teaching method and discipline. There are also plenty of enrichment course outside, what I've chosen is not the most superior one in the market. There is really no need to compare and tell me how lucky my kids are. Please trust your own instinct, care enough for your kids - listen to them, you will find the most suitable school/classes/whatever for their needs.

Wisdom is available to everyone, but it cannot be listened to until you stop polluting yourself with stories that cloud your ability to dive deep within yourself - Richard Moss

Cupcakes for the School

Andrea's Birthday is just next week! I've not started planning!!! Not that I'm going to throw a party for her, but simple things like cake - I've not thought about it .... So many things happening in June! Today i pick andrea up from school, I told myself that I need a parking space (I know that place is always full and the cars always park at the road side!!) when I arrived at the shop. I drove very slowly when on that street to the shop, very LUCKY that 1 car just drove out from one of the parking - I was SooOOooo excited because it's just 2 shops away from the cupcake shop! 

Andrea and I quickly jump down from the car, buy parking ticket and headed to Wondermilk. I was busy flipping thru the catalog and suggest andrea to pick the cheapest cupcake available, BUT she insisted on the expensive ones. Anyway, we have settled with the cheapest (RM50) and most expensive (RM70) per box. Total RM120 for 72 mini cupcakes. Both is andrea's choice, I hope she remembers what she has chosen. When I was making payment, one of the staff is kind enough to offer andrea a free mini cupcake - she is very happy and kept telling me the cupcake is really nice! I hope she will enjoy her cupcake on her birthday at school. Last year we bought a big cake, however I think kids love cupcakes more! and less messy :)

Waiting for teacher Yan's reply on the total number of student they have. Need to prepare gift for the 4 year old.

SV - 12Jun11

Almost 8 months of learning violin, I would say andrea truly enjoys it. She can now play 4 pieces of suzuki and only left 10 pieces of encore book (dr.ng said we will be finishing encore book by end of june!). How fast is that? 8 full months we finish one of the violin beginner book! 

Today they did the solo performance. Encore new songs. Some games. -end- Now the class left only andrea and victor. I guess others cannot cope with the fast pace because the parents did not spend enough time with the kids. We may need to change from group to private class now (not enough student). I do not know If andrea will still enjoy as much in private class in July. Will see how it goes. Now they are practicing 2 songs for Children show case at Bently on 31st July.

Suzuki Violin just like Shichida method. The parents have to be involved, if not the kids progression will be VERY slow. Sometimes I have the energy to practice with andrea, sometimes I would just want to be lazy. I could really see the effort I've put in, the results is amazing and of course very proud of myself. Playing the Suzuki pieces is not easy - First piece consist of twinkle 5 variation, it took us months (3 months i think) to master all 5 variation to complete the 1st suzuki piece. The following songs were beautiful, andrea sang it 1st then play on the violin, it took us about 1 week to memorize and play the song. However, more practice is needed to get perfect pitch. Andrea is very patient in adjusting her fingers to get the perfect tone. This week I will kick my lazy bum, because i did not teach andrea any new suzuki piece last week! 

Last week, we did the theory part. Taught andrea how to write Treble and Bass clefs. I don't know if it's too tough for her, I'm having a hard time. Secondly, andrea is able to recite the 8 notes - ABCDEFGA (CDEFGABC for piano). I'm not sure which is "Do' for violin, Dr. Ng said it depends on the song. Well ... I've adopt A as "Do" for Andrea because Suzuki songs always start with A string. Andrea's turning 4 next Tuesday! I'm very proud of myself :)

What is Spiritual Path

Clearing up my desktop and saw this little note on my notepad: -

1. The spiritual path is really not about trying to get anyplace. It is just reawakening to who you are. Another way to think of it is that we are not leaving on a journey but returning to where we started.
2. The second step along the way is the practice of being your self in daily life
3. The spiritual path is like a person who came to him asking his help in finding a necklace she lost forty years before, he asked:"what's that you are wearing around your neck?" the women suddenly realized that she had been wearing the necklace all along. Well, that is how the spiritual path is. we don't have to find GOD; we already are God and have been all the time

- extracted from somewhere on the net -

I'm excluded

I was VERY upset yesterday when my functional told me that I'm excluded for the proactive review in china. It's not because I missed the chance to go china for free but it's because everyone in GMU goes there and I'm being left behind because i was the most experienced one and they think i do not need to have this experience. He told me they have travel restriction and so on, well whatever. I was upset yesterday over sametime, this morning he sent me an email attached the ibm.com global BC email to say trying to push the travel for me, I have tears in my eyes again, i told myself I will be sad only for one time (which was yesterday), however I have tears in my eyes again this morning.

I'm practicing to live at the presence moment, I'm now reading "Inside-out Healing" by Richard Moss. I understand that the ego wants to make us feel special, being left behind is not special at all, hence I will either feel angry (trying to gain my special attention back) or feel upset (because i don't have control over having my special attention back). Being able to live at the present moment is ideal, hence understanding why we are feeling how we are feeling, helps to accelerate the healing process inside ourselves. If you can't, look around you - observe how other people is moving, curtain moving, birds flying, car moving etc They are all at present moment - no one is attacking you, don't let your thoughts attack you. Concentrate on your goals and dream, don't let trivial stuff happening in your life ruin your future. I can do it, so can you :)

Instruction Tone

I've noticed andrea for a while now, when she talks to the maid, she will have unfriendly and dictation tone. Yesterday she ask the maid to get her water, the maid get her warm water and she said why gave her warm water, she wants it cold. Andrea will scold the maid when the maid give her things that's not what she wants. I couldn't take it any longer, I told andrea you cannot talk like that to the maid, it's so rude, tell me who acts like that. I know the answer will me "mummy", however i wait for her to tell me. She smiles at me and point at my nose "YOU!". hahaha... OK, I then told her that - I know I've been rude last time but that is not the way we should talk to other people, I say sorry to you, can you forgive me? She said yes. Then I told her to apologize to the maid and she did. 

All these happen because the maid need more time to adjust and I expect instant pickup from her. Even until today she still do little things wrong or I feel she did not use her common sense. For whatever reason, I've stop picking on her for 2 months now. I'm so surprised for the 1st 4 months, andrea has pickup all my bad attitude towards the maid and she is now acting it out. I regret, I hope andrea will talk nicely to the maid from now on, I have full awareness when talking to the maid now. I still pray that I can have a good maid that will do everything to my expectation. This one is still lacking passion in her work as a housemaid.

School Holiday Getaway

It’s school holiday again! Since andrea kept telling me her friend norelle went strawberry picking, I've decided to bring her to cameron to pick her own strawberry too. As we are a big fan of YTL resort, I’ve decided to book Cameron Highland Resort – hoping to have excellent service and also excellent food. We book the trip on Monday and traveling on Thursday, everything went smoothly

We arrived at Cameron Highland Resort at 4.30pm. Requested for room upgrade but was being turn down, was upset because I have a feeling that Austin doesn’t want to give it us. He told me the suits are full. During our Dinner, next day breakfast and lunch – I don’t think it has more than 10 rooms occupied (looking at the crowd at the restaurant), whereas the resort has 54 rooms in total. The car park is empty too. Anyway, I do not have affinity with this resort because beside the excellent food, I do not have other good memories with it. I always have to call 2 times to get my tooth brush, comb, baby cot and cleaning of the room. I will not visit to this Resort again.

First day – check in – feed the fishes – dinner – sleep. Second day – Breakfast – EQ Strawberry farm – other flower & strawberry farm – lunch – shower – nap in the room – tea time – feed the fishes – children’s play room – dinner – sleep. Third day – Breakfast – EQ Strawberry farm – check out – children’s play room – lunch – back to KL

Overall it’s a good trip. Andrea loves to pick strawberry. Ben loves to EAT strawberry. I love the resort minus service from the restaurant and front desk. Weekends were crazily packed, it’s not worth the traveling time.

 

YTL Cameron Highland Resort

Cameron Highland Resort

It’s our first time here at YTL Cameron Highland Resort. We would expect excellent service and food because we were very happy with YTL PLR, which we have been there 3 times! Having the beach for 3 times, we have now considered hills and mountain for the 1^st time.  The traffic was very smooth on Thursday, despite the winding road, we arrived at CHR without much trouble. Oh, we nearly missed the Resort because the sign were too small. It’s really beautiful, the Resort facing a golf course and our balcony is overlooking the golf course too :)

CHR served excellent food, I’m very happy to see my kids eat on their own without me reminding them to chew and swallow. We took the 3D2N package with all meals inclusive, hence it’s a really good bargain. The resort is very well maintained and clean. The room is spacious, but the toilet a little small, however I like the towel basket in the bathroom for my kids to stand while washing their hands. We love the weather too, It’s like going back to the UK. I miss those days in the UK!

The staff service was mediocre at CHR. I have to call 2 times to get my things, i.e comb & tooth brush, baby cot and room cleaning (they didn’t come until 3.30pm, I thought they don’t clean the room – front desk said their cleaning time is from 11am-5pm). I really hate messy room :( Here are some pictures at the Resort.

YTL Cameron Highland Resort

Breakfast

Lunch

Afternoon Tea @ Jim Thompson Tea Room

I'm thankful they have this :)

19 months old

I have been waiting for ben to call "mummy". He has finally manage to say it out once in a blue moon :) His Vocab has improved alot here are those new words that i remembered: Hot, Table (ble), up, milk milk, shoe, out, open (pen), bed, apple (ple), cat, ten, hug, nite nite, i love you (you), bear, vitamin C (C), walk walk, able to call everyone in the house including the maid

Loves to play pretend - cooking, house cleaning and fix the bed. Can jump, roll, summersault and dance. He is a happy boy. Will throw tantrum when things doesn't get his way. Loves andrea very much. Loves to bully andrea at the same time. Is very cheeky and messy eater. 

Dire Day

Today is the last day of May and it's a Dire Day according to dong gong. Early in the morning, thunder storm scares benjamin. It's really scary - ben cover his eyes when he sees the lighting outside the window. As when I feel it has stop, i went out to the kitchen, then i heard ben running out of the room with fear and calling for people, i quickly ran and pick him up. 

My Mood is still not good, but i won't let it continue for another day. Dire day in the office also not good, i've sent and say the wrong things - correction all the time. Tired. I hope tomorrow would be a better day. Hubby mentioned that rich people business not easy to do, I'm sure no one will be in super good mood today, hence we shall not look down the importance of good dates. The meanest or the richest man will treat you extremely good when their mood is good - but it will not happen on a dire day.

One colleague just st me, asked if I were asking 1Q10 listing or 1Q11 listing. Haih ... another error for today.

Thoughts

Healing is merely a word
The pain still remain without knowing 

Forcing recovery will not cure
Time will let it pass

Jolly me Jolly days 

Perfection almost everyday 

Angels calling for assistant
I attended with open heart

To Heal a forgiven person
The forgiveness is not total

Forcing to forgive will not cure
Time will let it pass

Progress Report

Andrea's first term progress report today. All of her teacher were on the table - waiting to give their comment. Malay teacher was very eager to start because she said she is very proud of andrea. Andrea is the only 4 yr old student that can converse Malay in full sentence to her - however andrea is still confuse between saya and awak. I can see the enthusiasm in cikgu mazlin eyes for teaching andrea, I'm sad that andrea will not be learning BM with her when she goes to kingsley next year. Teacher also mentioned that andrea show anger/ disappointment in her because she rub away andrea's star fish - cos andrea didn't follow certain rules for answering question. However, cikgu mazlin talk her out and after that andrea is more open during her class. All teacher says that andrea is very good as she is ready to listen and understand reasoning. 

Chinese teacher show me all the basic chinese writing book andrea did. Not bad. Teacher pei yee said andrea has alot of improvement as her chinese sentence is perfect, no english in between. All of the teacher also says that andrea is very helpful in school. English & maths teacher show me her art work - all colourful stuff. Grandma has taught her to colour - say apple - in rainbow colour. Hence, for all her school work, you can see rainbow colour everywhere. hahaha... Teacher Ang said andrea is very cheerful & happy (looking at the rainbow colour) and is very creative too. All the teacher also mentioned that andrea can recall what the pass lesson has taught, which amaze them - talking about this, andrea has powerful memory since young - which I've noticed when she was 18months old.

I've also told the teachers about andrea's violin experience. When andrea see other kids play better than her, she will refuse to play on stage that day. Andrea has strong will to win all the time, hence I hope teacher can help me to tone down her strong will for wanting to win all the time. At home, I've tried talking to her, but I do hope other people can give me a hand as well. Life is not about winning girl, enjoy what you want to do, feel happy for yourself not by how people judge you.

another note by teachers - Andrea loves to relate things happening at home. What mummy says, daddy, brother does. Look how important family is to a child? I really want to give them a peaceful and happy family, however sometimes it's not one person can contribute this, as a family consist of father & mother. How to achieve 100% harmony environment to my children? Can I not raise my voice or argue for 1 quarter?

At work - Thursday 2

This is the second at work post, coincidently it falls on Thursday again!

This month is my output month, somomore with fire available (which i lack), it must be a very productive month with recognition! I've no idea it translate to STEEP learning curve! I'm ok lah, but feeling exhausted, another 1 week+ to go, my nobleman is coming again in June ... i guess with nobleman I can relax abit. Someone else can do my work! haha... Fingers crossed! 

My tester is moving on to do other roles, she left me with alot of shit to clean. Treat people good and give them good comment, see what I get in the end?! haih ... she's busy too I guess. nvm I can HANDLE! Early morning kena scold by one seller (she raised her voice) then she said sorry today is not her day with a not very friendly tone. So many pending items because it's month end and all the sellers are moody (cannot meet target) hence I'm being ignored! I've done a few escalation, I'm sorry but i need to get my work done too. My headset purchase for executive is on hold - luckily this procurement lady is able to help me out. Phew ... I just hope i can get it & send to SG by end of next week, if not i'll be in trouble :(

It's eventful May, i learn so much. There are good ones as well :) Pray that everything goes smoothly ... I need a rest.

Wishes for a Mother's Heart

I've only read 2/3 of this book. However I want to jot down this very important note for myself. Barbara Lazaroff - one of Wishes for a Mother's Heart author, she has 2 sons. I guess this is useful to anyone who do not experience growing up with an older or little brother at home. This book comes in small short stories, however short stories could teach me something that I never know in life. 

Barbara had a couple visiting her who had twin 5 year old - a boy and a girl. The little boy fell and hurt himself, but not too badly. He ran to his father, who picked him up and held him, and he whispered to him, "go ahead and cry, let it out." I loved seeing the sensitivity shared between father and son, when i had expected to hear him say, "you're okay," which i would have thought was the appropriate response before I heard the more sensitive one given.

It's easy to get a 5 year old who has been raised to express his emotions to communicate his feelings, but by the time our boys are young men, a shield goes up for many, making it hard to reach them.These bottled-up feelings usually have a tendency to manifest themselves in ugly ways, which is no good for anyone. Although our sons will act as if they do not want to talk to us, which is probably true, it is very important that we express our love to them. They must understand that we are the standing still and available at any given moment if they need us. when they pretend their hearts are not hurting, we must speak of a hurting heart and validate the emotion that we know they are supressing. They will tell us to go away and shut the doors, but they will hear us. When we are fortunate enough to get them to open up to us, we must be very careful with the words we choose, for the shield is quick to go back up. 

Boys are so wonderful and loving, and when raised with sensitivity, grow to be fabulous husbands and fathers themselves. Love them and talk to them, for shields of armor may provide refuge, but they are not soundproof. - Taken from Wishes for a Mother's Heart

Relieve

Do you know how hard it is to bear with the uneasiness about someone else - even though you don't deal with them over the weekend? The GMU lady has gone overboard by switching to her fault finding mode. I was of course provoked and wanted to explode but I didn't (i don't know why), i just felt bothered by her emotionally. I hence write an email to my manager on friday night and save it - prepare to send on Monday. after that email i felt so much better and felt less emotionally bothered. 

This morning, i woke up, GMU lady was on my mind the whole journey to office - I was debating to myself, either to send the email or just ignore and pretend nothing has ever happened. Because my emotion has been eased after that email to my manager (still sitting on my draft box), hence i choose to pretend nothing has ever happened. Afterall, I really like to work, although i keep on saying I wish i never had to work. hahaha... deep inside myself, I want to work because i want to come IBM people manager. I just hope my dream will realized in no time and I will stop working if I do not like people manager job. What is so good about it? I dunno ... just like I want to own tiffany ear stud which cost RM10K. Because I like it, no better reason.

I st GMU lady and asked if i can call her because i have alot of emails from her and need some clarification too. She said alright, and she called me instead because her phone extension has problem. We talk, and I told myself I love her alot before picking up the phone, hence i sound alright i guess. After finish with the work stuff, she started to apologized, gosh! I do not know what to say, i just say - I'm at wrong too to ignore your email and I say it is the different expectation. She agreed and she ask me to forget about everything that happened. I said yes, we must.. hhahaa.. then bid our good bye. What a lovely experience.

Internet Workshop

I went for the 3 days internet workshop. MORE UP SELL during the workshop. If I choose to think negatively, they are a bunch of liars who just suck up all your money! (yes! the other side of me does say this OUT LOUD) Their fees is not lesser than JY course. I don't know if those ppl who has never attended JY course will feel heartache to force to buy all the up sell. I've spent big money with JY, I too feel heartache to spent. When i arrive home, hubby ask me sign up another course? I said yes and walk away. I don't know what to say .... I feel the course will help me but I do not know will it end up like this one (not up to my expectation - i do learn some concept lah)

The positive side of me thinks otherwise. There are many internet gurus, I choose those that start from root (without buying software), this guy is what I want. He taught me many useful things like setting up host, buy domain, apply for get response, etc. The whole internet market is actually very complex, you need to sit down and think what you want to do. With this workshop, because it's a win-win, we student sell the guru product. But I'm not into internet marketing niche lah, aii ... I have to spend time to do my own niche stuff. Don't know when will it be up. The next workshop is about driving traffic, current guru also teach you drive traffic lah, but need lots of hard work lor. Looking at their internet pay account (they login on the spot, not printscreen), I cannot believe my eyes - average USD3-5K per week? Their selling is - no need to do anything. Yeah RIGHT! I'm skeptical i know but, these are the people who fail many times on the internet and finally they have something to sell - not from text book. Hence JY price also I pay lah. It's their experience I'm paying, not the product and end results. 

I've made some new friends. Most of them are at their 40s/ 50s. Got to know one property agent, hope he can help me to sell my house at good price. I really have alot to do on what I've learnt.

1. summarize on my note book
2. decide how many niches I need
3. create accounts for all of them
4. write articles and upload videos

Many gurus, they do things with no conscience, some i cannot follow, so i will drop it. I will just adopt what I feel comfortable with.  In this world, many types of ppl. REALLY. I see them all - (1) ppl who is HUNGRY for money -  at internet workshop, (2) ppl who has too much money - at JY workshop. How they behave? INTERESTING! 

Cannot comment much lah, cos I'm at the HUNGRY for money circle for the last 3 days. hahaha ... I love both circle of friends. They teach you so much about life :)

Wedding Dinner

We had a wedding dinner today at Sunway Hotel, A-levels friend. Sometimes, I would think, which circle I want to belong, since young I never felt I'm belong to any - cos I can never fit in. I'm very unique because i mix with all levels of people - Rich, Poor and Average background. Hence, until today, I'm still not belong to any, I guess I will continue to be like that until I pass on, as I can see - this is the only way I learn from many aspect of life.

My A-levels gangs are all professional freaks. 50% of them are doctors, the bride is a dentist, on the table 2 are lawyers and others like myself engineering or biotechnology folks. Doctors and Lawyers have difference during their wedding? Yes .. they gave speech on their wedding dinner, for the weddings i'm been. My secondary, uni friends & colleague? No speech so far. There is definitely difference with different circle of people, I hope my kids would be in the circle of great self confidence, responsible and able to express their joy with people. Speech is not very important lah, but by giving a speech, you take charge of the wedding ground, you speak for yourself because it's your day - even a celebrity have to speak a few words. Many weddings I'm been, they only go up the stage to cut the cakes and toasting without saying anything. I don't know what's lacking but this is the thing I want to teach my kids - owning your event and expressing your joy thru words. My speech is a short one, hubby's one was longer than mine. This friend of mine is the longest. I admire :) 

Lights at the tunnel

I was upset because i felt helpless at work, GMU person turn on her fault finding mode and has became very unreasonable. I do not know why I did not react as I've used to and make a big hoo haa out of it because that person started it 1st. I take it and has bear with it for sometime now, what's wrong with me? I cannot explode, I keep on knowing someone is watching over me and he will help me so i endure. Today i endure somemore but I was feeling very uneasy. I told hubby, he obviously do not want to help, he just say WHY U WANT TO SCOLD her? I hung up. I told myself to concentrate on my class, i did. 

On the way home, it was very jam, i had self reflection. I went to pump petrol at kesas. I was out from the petrol station, i was still reflecting - one car proton iswara drove very near me and drive same speed as me, i was scared, look right immediately - malay boy put out his hand, pointing at my light and his mouth say 'lampu'. I forgot to turn on my headlight after the petrol pump, i turn on my head light and cry. I said thank you to my guardian angels and GOD, i know they are always watching over me and loves me very much. They know I'm sad and no one can help me - they gave me strength. I need to be strong because life is all about happiness and adding value to other people. Meeting with difficult people means I need to show them love and guide them to the correct path. I guess, I did not explode and react like I've used to because hubby had trained me at home and I just do not know how to react anymore. Slowly, I would find peace in myself in no time. Thank you guardian angels and God, I love you too.

Balance

Yesterday my sister asked me  for some advise. I was glad that she asked me, because while teaching I learn something too. One of the spiritual books I've read talks about balance in life - karma/ what you give out you received/ cause & effect. While reading, it did not bring me to another deeper level, but to share with my sister - deeper level of understanding presented to me. 

How much love you give, it will be returned and more. One of the book, it quoted jesus: "what I can do, so can you and more" exact wording I've forgotten but it means something like that. How much money/ help/ compassionate you give, it will be returned and more too. What I've learnt and wanted to share with my readers, successful people around you, they do really have some quality that you can learn from them. Never discriminate or has negative judgement on anybody in your life, as they are your best teacher. with the help from others, we advance quicker than to have slow self realization process. 

Throughout my life, many have admire me (of what I have), some thinks I don't deserve it and some think i was born to be lucky. To be born lucky is not the right word, see what the person have - her character and behavior she holds - it attracts the same to her. It is not what she is born with. I have nobleman in my bazi chart. I love to help people - especially going over board to help my family members - they feel irritated by me sometimes because they do not have their own say. I also help people who come to me and often offer solution that people did not ask for. Hence I have this problem that I feel people always don't appreciate what I do for them. I'm fortunate that KW told me to continue doing that, as I'm planting the seed in them, continue doing what you are doing. Hence, now i understand what I was doing all my life, I'm also attracting nobleman in my life to help me, when needed. 

Another thing in my bazi chart, I have wealth star penetrating heaven & earth. I'm not a multi-millionaire yet, why? I believe I have some money related limiting believes. anyway, I'm doing not that bad anyway. I was lucky? No. It's my attitude towards money. 1st i'm not stingy, i always buy the best present to anybody and I buy my family expensive gift and I treat my family to expensive restaurant. Sometimes i spent all my salary for one month just for all those. Do i still have savings? Yes. because money comes in not only thru my salary. I donate money too. I buy the best for myself, I appreciate fine items like jewelry, bags, shoes etc. I don't waste money - all the stuff i buy i use until it wears off. I write my daily expenses. I also like to buy nice food for my friends - sharing. all my life, since young, I've been doing this. I'm not a multi-millionaire (although my chart says so) but I have enough to have all I want. I need to fix my limiting believes on money as I'm not maximizing what I'm born with. 

Universe will send everything to you - all you need to do is to see if you have a balance in your life. You must be able to give then only you can have return (more than what you give). This is the universe law in life. No such thing as lucky or born to have superior life. Learn from the people who you admire, adopt their good attitude, you are not too far from them. Have perseverance. You have abundance in life!

2nd recital - violin

1st recital at Yamaha USJ

2nd recital at Symphony Aman Suria

It's a good exposure for andrea and I'm very grateful to have Dr. Ng as andrea's violin teacher. It's not about how good the teaching is, it's the environment he created for his student. I really like this idea to have recital every month. 

1st recital, andrea played marry had a little lamb - no hiccups, very well performed but too bad daddy somehow did not know why it was not captured in our camera :( 2nd recital, andrea played twinkle twinkle little star + twinkle variation A. Andrea played half way and stop, her anxious eye keep on looking at me and looking people around me but for variation A was OK, she played the whole song but the bow was flying everywhere. I praised her anyway (for being brave and have done a very good job on stage), because she was crying when she was down from the stage. Later in the car i asked why she stop - issit scared, she said yes. I told her to look at the violin instead next time. Will see how she perform next month at a difference place. At home, daddy asked her again why stop half way, she told daddy she doesn't want mummy to look at her oO. At 1 month to 4 years old, they still cannot comprehend their true feelings. 

This time we did capture the video, however, it was block by one student who is quite big size. The place is actually very small, oh well .... no nice video for 1st & 2nd recital. Andrea enjoy looking at other student playing too. Other student is talented, not only they play violin, they play viola and piano too. We left at 8.15am as benjamin is getting cranky. overall it's a good experience, i get to know other parents as well :")

Need to find new dresses for andrea! She wore the same dress for 1st & 2nd recital :P

Spiritual - May 2011

I had many unhappy incident yesterday but i was very glad that it has no longer impact me as much as it used to. I used to scold back, hit the person with pillow, say nasty words and couldn't sleep. That is the old me - yes, i did respond back and i kept quiet after that, did some self talk and fall asleep. Actually it had happen few months back but not before going to sleep, I'm able to control and keep my mouth shut, the ultimate reason is I want to get out of this pattern and hope GOD can take me out of here. I wish for a harmony place, i will strive to be as better person as I could, i just want to leave and ONLY interact with people who has same vibration as me. Guide Me. Thank You

My books arrived - WISHES for the mother's heart made me wanna cry by just reading a few pages. "Our mothers are our compasses, our sails and anchors throughout life - guiding us, challenging us, and encouraging us as we come to the ultimate realization that we are separate from the one who gave us life." GOD gave me a painful event by making me realize I'm separate from the one who gave me life, I feel like crying because I still couldn't get out of the comfort zone totally, but have manage to remove myself 80% or more. I just hope by moving house will not impact me as much, because i realized i'm not very good in dealing with CHANGES - which is really bad because changes is everywhere and anytime. PERSEVERANCE. Thank You

I learnt to disconnect with the source which prevent my energy from depleting. I learnt that healing still continue after you have stop meditating. I learnt to disconnect and put up golden bubble ball when i feel my energy is pulling by outside force - usually can feel on my feet and head (while resting or before sleep) - tingling feeling and rush of energy is immediately being stop. I still woke up at 5.30am feeling fresh. I pray for a harmony environment for my kids, I do not have what I have now because my parents was not very successful in this area. I pray for the best for my kids, I will continue strive for self  actualization and provide the best for my kids. Guide Me. Thank You

Books arriving Today!

I love DHL service :) I've ordered 7 books from amazon.com US early may, they took about 10 days to ship to my hopshopgo US address, and the package arrived at the US address last Friday. Guess what?! DHL going to deliver to me today! How efficient is that! :) Happy Bunny! This time i have bought a combination of category - spiritual, business and biography :) can't wait to start reading!

I've re-read my soul psychology, it's like bazi - peeling of the onion. You get new insight every time you re-visited the same material. 1. Claim your power. 2. Love yourself. This is the most fundamental. How? I will not recommend this book for people who has no knowledge into spiritual, the things he describe is a bit 'deep', after second reading only i understand a little bit more from dr. joshua. Next one i want to read human anatomy - spiritual aspect lah :) Want to heal my aching shoulder! dr. joshua said - all human should be a doctor or a healer. Obviously I cannot become a doctor like him because i do not have a degree in medicine. I would love to become a spiritual healer like our ascended master - jesus christ, kuan yin, etc just to name a few. Our mission is to add value to each other on this earth plane.

Today i have alot of things to do, we have went to Ikea to get all necessary info yesterday. Today i need to incorporate all the info into my house drawing. Still in dilemma if we should engage the interior designer because it looks like i have all the idea for my own house. Things the designer proposed not very suitable. I hope new age designer can be more flexible - let the customer choose all their furniture and kitchen (if customer knows what they want) - then the interior designer will design the house based on the furniture and kitchen customer bought, to make the whole house sink into one piece & in harmony. You know ..... we have bought sofa set from Neiviv, Bedroom set from Gudang Homes and kitchen still pending. Interior designer's contractor may not be as good as signature kitchen (although they do kitchen), their beds may not be as strong and good as Dorma bed, their furniture may not be as stylish or contemporary than Gudang/ Neiviv. I know designer wants to give us a total solution but I still prefer Furniture Designer Piece. Sorry .....

KEYS to Kemuning Residence

We got our keys last Saturday. Did the checking with clerk of work - spent almost 2 hours there, it left us with no time to do the defect sheet on our own. The kids was at home with the maid hence we rush home after that. Plan to do it this Thursday, will take leave because andrea school has parents day and will work out the defect and also meet with some contractors for measurement on Thursday. Hubby wants the design to be out by end of this week! He wants the wet works to start on 1st June! STRESS! need to do - actual measurement for all my furniture for switches re-wiring for study, kitchen, bedroom and living - kitchen island new piping - confirmation of hacking of walls and rebuild.  

We spent our weekend well, luckily the kids are alright with the maid. The maid did makes me unhappy because she lied again, not serious (did not close the fridge properly & accuse me because she said i open the fridge just now! How annoying!) That aside, Thank GOD my kids are alright with her alone, because we really can't do anything if we bring the kids along. I would prepare all the kids meal before i go out - my trips are short: 2-3 hours at most then have to come back and cook their dinner. I'm happy because we get most of what we want to see :) 

Saturday: Went to BSC, dinner at Grand Imperial - the set comes with shark fin soup. Yummy! I thought set shark fin will not be nice but it's Good :) The kids had red bean soup & grass Jelly longan for dessert - very nice. Andrea wallop the most of it! After that we went to Gudang Homes - decided on walnut bed set, will only confirm it this coming Tuesday. Both kids are terrible, me and hubby fighting for time to talk to the sales person as both of us crazily run after our kids + discussing. 

Sunday: Went to Hong Lee aluminum. Asked for aluminum pergola sum louvers, 2 folding doors, 1 sliding door and Steel pergola for kitchen. Got the quotation, will confirm this Thursday. Then to garden midvalley - visit Gudang studio, Neviv (TV stand - have to wait till end of July) and Dorma Bed (6 June Bedding fair!). Rushed home to pick the kids up for shichida. Only took us 2 hours to go so many places! Super Efficient! hahaha .... Dinner time we went Ikea to get dimension for wardrobe and Galant working table, ben sleeping thru, andrea was a good girl did not make much noise. Thank you god for putting ben to sleep while we are at ikea :)

At work - Thursday

I have been happy at work, ever since i came back from LOA. Reason is, I've meditate and did some affirmation when i return to work, what environment i want, how i feel at work etc. I came to work with full vitality and know it will be a good start and good years ahead. True enough, i had promotion with good increment, people around me starts to be friendly, my work has been busy but smooth (thank god), etc. All these is because i believe i had changed from the inside, hence i see changes from the outside.

This morning, I was so angry - my negative ego appear again. It's a serious one because i can feel the anger rush thru my whole body. I know i express my anger during the call which is no good. It involves worldwide guy from the US, my GMU person + her mgr, my ASEAN counter part and his functional. I feel like crying after the call. I ping Samuel (mgr of GMU) and told him what i feel - I felt so much better after that, how he is going to take me I've no idea, as long as i felt better. I don't know what happen - my right shoulder now is in pain (2 days already) - emotional level means unable to give out, until now dunno what's wrong. Did healing this morning, maybe of this block I cannot handle my anger. hon za she sho nen - clear negative imprint for present, past and future for everyone on that call just now. 

I had emotional problem yesterday too. I think I'm having period now, hence emotional imbalance. Pei gave me one fact - it struck me. Now i understand why i felt that way. I'm cool after that. I hope no emotional pain will continue. All is Well. It will end right Now.

Kitchen Idea!

We are getting our keys soon! most probably by next week! With a blink of my eyes, things just pass by like a rocket! I love designing houses, the current condo we lived is design by me, keke ... it was initially very nice - big and spacious, right now it's really messy with additional 50% of the kids things (of course hubby & I contributed alot too). After 5 years of living in a condo, we now need a bigger space :)

The interior design of the new house will be done by me too. I had a problem with my kitchen, because it's odd shape and I have difficulty getting the arrangement I like. I've abandon the kitchen project for many many months, have visited Bulthaup, woodone and M architect/ design house to get ideas. Bulthaup & woodone recommend me to do open concept kitchen and with this idea i don't know how to do my open concept on my kitchen plan, until i visited M A/D house, i was able to draw out my open concept kitchen with Ikea planner! keke, no, May did not give me that idea, it's just the table arrangement she told me and i sort it out myself. 

Hubby wanted to engage them because they provide end-to-end solution. If you know them, they are really good in doing what they do, their customers are BIG as in RICH customers (often appear on papers/ magazine), for them to attend to us is like wasting their time (i know im feeling inferior). Anyway, hubby know them thru projects and because we initially wanted to do some 'project' so we were together, now i wonder if they want to service us because the 'project' of ours is not working out. Anyway, May said normally end-to-end solution is about 30-40% of the cost of the house. TO me is too much lah! I SERIOUSLY rather spend my money on designer furniture, i don't know what hubby thinks. Hope he will find some indon to do the wet works instead! 

Anyway, Am Happy i have the Kitchen plan ready and according to Ikea planner it only cost RM20K without installation lah, so cheap! May said 60-70K ... eeee .... different quality of course. Whatever lah, I'm not living there for the rest of my life, i need to go back to condo when my kids are in college. according to the international school age group, by 16 yrs old they will be studying A-levels (college), hence I will only stay in this house for 10-12 years, at most 15 years! Please god, give me a cheaper solution, we need money for other investment not expense! Stretch our money. AMEN! 

1st weekend of May

busy busy me! Parents went away for holiday again, I'm not that physically busy but mentally exhausted. as a perfectionist, I'm actually Killing myself silently - I recognize that and will constantly remind myself when I'm conscious. 

(1) Ben Potty train is in progress. very slow but better than never start. Bought 6 training pants from Mothercare last month, have been using it since last month, this week at least I, myself successfully let ben pee in the potty a FEW times during day time :) 

(2) Andrea school sent me Mother's Day card! I'm very surprise and excited to open it. It was andrea's art piece (colouring) and the school help them to send to the house. SA is creative! hehe ... shichida also gave andrea a Mother's Day card, with a few encouraging words, will share it when I have time this week. I wish all the mother's HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, our children is most precious, they are in your good hands to change the world. Keep up the good work :)

(3) Read my reiki book - "silence is golden" hit me so hard. I'm sitting on hurting officer (HO) - too opinionated, rarely keep my mouth shout be it good or bad view. Hence, come to healing, I need to practice "silence is golden". Hubby is very good at it. I know the benefit is to bring calmness, however i hate ppl who remain silence all the time when input is needed - i shall let go because only ppl with HO will have this urge to be angry and call these ppl ignorant. No right or wrong on this earth, it's how you interpret it. Relax!

(4) School hunting completed. 2 friends condemn me - 1 said i donate money to the school, 1 said why don't you look inside yourself before comment government school. TRUE lah, both of them has their point. "silence is golden" can be applied here. For whatever choice we choose in this life is our choice and we do not need to explain to everyone. EVERYONE wants their perfect life hence whatever they say is perfect for them. perfect has a scale of 1-10. Where they are 1 or 10, they still perceive as perfect. Same goes to me. Should stop asking people for opinion because we are the ultimate judge who wants a perfect 10 life for ourselves. 

(5) Car colour confirmed. Was afraid that it wouldn't match. Hence i just choose based on my MUST! whether it matches or not, not so important lah! As long as inside looks huge and outside looks different I'm Happy with it. My mum used to drive brown car, when she come and pick me up at school, I'm not sure if that is her and shall i walk to the gate, with yellow colour that I chose, andrea/ ben will not have this problem :)

(6) Car aircon broke down last Friday, it was awfully HOT when i drove home from mum house to KK. poor kids and maid and myself. We were all sweating when arrived home. fix the car on Saturday and I glad I did sent my car for fixing because then I can ask them to wash and vacuum my DIRTY car. Hubby has been lazy to vacuum my car, with all the food in my car for months, it stinks!

(7) Sub-con Proved. I've been programing my sub-con and I can happily announce that, my good cooking is realizing. haha ... beside that many things also realized! like getting andrea to start school at 5, have a new car before my old car turns 7 years old and meeting with lots of ppl.

(8) went to Ben's at KLCC again last Saturday, guess what? Their baby chair is a Stokke chair! High class or what, IMPRESSED! anyway, ben cannot fit in, lol. I asked for cushion to raise him up instead, too bad there isn't any low sofas for us this time. Had dinner at zipangu again last Sunday, guess what? They put up a notice to say that their salmon from Norway, crab from Alaska, vege from Cameron highlands, etc. Nothing from Japan. haha.. i think their business was impacted for a few months.

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I'm sad

I'm not my usual self, I have so much anger in me, i don't know why - started early in the morning

I woke up at 5.30am, as usual go toilet, check my FB before doing anything. Found out one of my ex-colleague passed away due to stomach cancer, it didn't impact as much as my secondary close friend who passed away 2 weeks back. However i do feel sad and start questioning why many people my age die of sickness :( I did my meditation this morning until 7am. While i was preparing ben's lunch cooking ingredient before i go to work, ben dash thru the living to his small cart ... i called for him and gave him a hug. I asked maid to make him milk (usually he would have milk in the morning). Milk ready and ben bring the cart into the room together - HE REFUSE to drink milk. I went insane and THROW the cart out the bedroom door (snatching from ben like a crazy women). When I'm out from the house, ben was fussy - crying out loud due to other things. I left home with frustration.

I pick andrea up, she finish lunch at 1.10pm! I was angry and told her I'm going to leave if she still dreaming (while wearing her shoes). She cried in school and made me irritated. I scolded her in the car and said nasty words, arrive at home she was asleep, i would have slap her as i told her in the car, luckily daddy is at home so i ignore. I've gone crazy .... i don't know why. I feel the pain inside me, i've been telling people our generation do not have long life as per our grandparents/ parents. Hence, i need my kids to graduate fast so i can guide them, i only learn to become a better person after i started working. I have lay and search for all the foundation a human needs (those i lack during a kid) for my kids because i know what is lacking, and i want my life circle to be completed, I do not want my kids to suffer in their life, i need to tell them how to handle their pain - until they met one. I'm sad to see people my age died, not because i'm afraid that i would die too, because i believe they have dreams/ desire like myself for my kids, ourselves and for the world.

Rest in peace - Ling Shin, Soo Pei, Jessie Kong. Follow the light, you will be missed.

Long weekend!

4 days for me! :) I took friday off! We did not make any plans to go holiday (just came back from SG) nor stay at hotel. We just hang around at home - but our time seems to occupied anyway, i didn't have time for afternoon nap! Well, it's good I guess because I don't waste my time over sleep :)

Friday - Seminar (3 full days seminar but i only get to go 1 1/2 days)

Saturday - Stay home with kids in the morning + cooking, afternoon went to the Seminar and cannot help it, signed up for a course! I don't know why i love to go course so much! I hope this is useful for me :)

Sunday - Sunway Zoo (again i know, we love the rabbits & guinea pig there!) - Home Deco (signed up curtain deal + bought a few items) - Fullmoon party! 

Monday - Westin for breakfast - 1 year old party - now at home chilling

My kids are super laughter, they Laugh out loud when daddy go over the bump or have some odd noise when we are on the road, the kids just make funny faces to each other and laugh so hard, andrea change all the lyrics from english song to chinese words, ben keeps calling daddy for everything - that's the fun we had in the car during the weekend

I on the other hand, looking for schools for andrea. Just saw kingsley at kota kemuning roundabout. Went and see this morning - it's a shoplot, the school only ready in 2013. (disappointed). R.E.A.L school at shah alam was a bit too far, we went and see - location wise i'm not very happy with it (small roads + opposite cemetery - I wonder if yin & yang in this case will clash? - seems OKlah, they have new building coming up!) Now i don't know where to put andrea. Still in dilemma. I have printout the school fees for 7 international schools, i will use that to motivate myself to earn more money ON MY OWN! OK, Universe, u gotta show me and guide me. We can do it! My Happiness is your happiness :) AMEN!