I'm sad

I'm not my usual self, I have so much anger in me, i don't know why - started early in the morning

I woke up at 5.30am, as usual go toilet, check my FB before doing anything. Found out one of my ex-colleague passed away due to stomach cancer, it didn't impact as much as my secondary close friend who passed away 2 weeks back. However i do feel sad and start questioning why many people my age die of sickness :( I did my meditation this morning until 7am. While i was preparing ben's lunch cooking ingredient before i go to work, ben dash thru the living to his small cart ... i called for him and gave him a hug. I asked maid to make him milk (usually he would have milk in the morning). Milk ready and ben bring the cart into the room together - HE REFUSE to drink milk. I went insane and THROW the cart out the bedroom door (snatching from ben like a crazy women). When I'm out from the house, ben was fussy - crying out loud due to other things. I left home with frustration.

I pick andrea up, she finish lunch at 1.10pm! I was angry and told her I'm going to leave if she still dreaming (while wearing her shoes). She cried in school and made me irritated. I scolded her in the car and said nasty words, arrive at home she was asleep, i would have slap her as i told her in the car, luckily daddy is at home so i ignore. I've gone crazy .... i don't know why. I feel the pain inside me, i've been telling people our generation do not have long life as per our grandparents/ parents. Hence, i need my kids to graduate fast so i can guide them, i only learn to become a better person after i started working. I have lay and search for all the foundation a human needs (those i lack during a kid) for my kids because i know what is lacking, and i want my life circle to be completed, I do not want my kids to suffer in their life, i need to tell them how to handle their pain - until they met one. I'm sad to see people my age died, not because i'm afraid that i would die too, because i believe they have dreams/ desire like myself for my kids, ourselves and for the world.

Rest in peace - Ling Shin, Soo Pei, Jessie Kong. Follow the light, you will be missed.