Emotionally Torturing again :( I have not been sleeping very well for the past one week because there are too many things in my head - Worries! I had many dreams this week, nothing special just dreams (well i usually have no dreams). Many things happen this week too, things are seriously not smooth for me as i seriously cannot control my own thoughts and feelings when everything is not ready before i go back to work. Deep inside my heart, i seriously thank everyone who had helped me with my kids but the same situation of 6 months ago is going to replay again. I'm so worried and unhappy because I anticipate the same unhappy events will happen once again. In my life, I told myself and make sure same mistake CANNOT happen twice, but somehow in this matter i have no control over it and I feel so helpless that i need to open my eyes and see it happening again. Sometimes human really have no choice but to see the same sad event keep on repeating itself again and again, we human has to go thru the sadness again and again. I just want to say, sometimes we have no control over it and i feel extremely depress now.
I just called the agency, she told me actually my application for the maid has not approved. Last week she told me approved this week told me have not approved. I'm sending andrea to day care, i hope she will be alright there and make no fuss. I hope work will not be too burden for me when I'm back. I hope ben will not make his grandparents unhappy. I hope i can be strong to handle work and house once again without breaking down. Why i feel my shoulder is so heavy? Why i can't think positive for now, the scar is just a scar, even is really deep, i can choose to ignore it, just don't look at that ugly scar that i have, MOVE ON! I need some lights, show me lights, please pick me up my guardian angels. I'm lost again ....
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