Wearing Glasses

On her 1st week of 2C class, she told me that she cried cos teacher wrote too small on the board. My heart sanked. I thought I have cut the cord and it will not happened, although i know the chance is slim as everything happened - comes in 3s. Whatever ... We need to fix what needs to be fixed.

Hubby and I brought her to ISEC to see an optometrist. She diagnose her with left eye 75 short sighted with 50 astigmatism, right eye 150 short sighted. I felt guilty again and hate everything around me for a day or two. After the short term 2 break trip, I bring her to kimpodo to make glasses. It's so expensive, cost me RM650! However, she loves her glasses very much and show everyone she met. Optometrist said she only needs to wear it in the class, no need 24 hours. Anyway, she prefers to wear it 24 hours on 1st and second day, after that she told me the glasses is hurting. I hate every bits of it. I don't know why I need to deal with her handicap, how come I do not have a choice?!

I say prayer with her every night hoping things would change, but I know deep inside myself, saying prayer is just to make me feel better instead. whatever happens happens. another one, my boy I think would be MORE serious than andrea as he sticks to the IPAD more :( I don't know if I can handle it better than this time in the future! I know every human being needs to go thru some experience for them to grow/ self realization, everything is perfect for what it is even they are toddler or babies. How come I feel so attached? I have done my best and it is still happening, I know I should let go and let life unfold. All is well. Amen.

Ben 3 yrs 4mos

So many new developments!

1. Stop peeing in the diaper at night for consecutive 2 weeks now
2. No fussing going to school in the morning
3. Linking Memory set 1C for brain excellent - 42 sec!
4. Make alot of things on play doh
5. count 1-10 in malay
6. able to say 笔画 in chinese
7. loves to play pretend - ultraman, shark hotel, taking care of fake rabbit with andrea, talking to himself
8. write with left hand extensively (my plan to switch him to right hand failed)
9. Loves to dress up on his own (with tie and vest and long sleeves)
10. able to blow bubbles (ALOT) without mess

3 years 4 months old

A Year Jump

Andrea complained boring starting term2, hence I met up with the head of key stage one. Initially she refused to even consider giving me lots of excuses. I wrote a very long email and started reason with her of traditional and local international school. This school charges more expensive than local international school and alot of things does not include key stage 1 (yr 1 & yr2) like sports day. She reply was, let see how andrea does in term 2 exam and will let me know if she is eligible for a year jump. 

last week was genioart evaluation, although andrea development was very positive but I asked him if it's OK for a year jump. He told me that social emotion is important for children especially below 6, so i need to be very careful, it's best not to push children before 6. Wednesday, teacher said wanna see me on thursday which is today, I thought to myself, shall I just say no to them, but me being me, I went and see what they have to say. I'm ever so ready to tell them, lets forget about it, I've figure out something else. When I'm there, there is no turning back, teacher said she has gotten a string of approvals and their plan is to put her into yr2 next week, and yr3 in september. I was devastated. The teacher sounded not happy when I told her my intention not to proceed. 

I came back feeling really lost. I prayed. angels told me, be it you push it or it's god's will, just accept what is happening. It could be a learning or it could be a blessing. receive it with open heart. I sucked up and plan what to say to andrea, as her ego was quite bloated all the time, i need to becareful of what I say. 

I started telling andrea, do you know life is about changes? things change all the time. Like you go to summer academy and now at yr1 new school. How your violin teacher changed but you still learn. Your genioart teacher changed but you still enjoy the class? friends come and go, just like your hiphop friends. You will feel sad or uncomfortable sometimes, but you must know all these feelings will past. I count the months when she 1st entered yr1, see how many friends you made and how many become your best friend. This cycle will continue until you die. 

I want to tell you the school decision is to put you in yr2 next week. you know all the teachers right, and you have seen some of the student in yr2 right? do you think you can manage the change? she nod her head. Later on she asked alot of question but I manage to answer without telling her because you did well in the exam so you gonna be ahead of your classmate. I refrain that. I'm so glad she is OK for now. I hugged her and cried, I told her, when you are unhappy, you know daddy and mummy is always here for you, we will hug you when you feel sad. Talk to guardian angels because they can hear you and they always want you to be happy. I'm so proud of you. If your yr2 friend ask you why you come to my class, just tell them ms. Tan ask me to come. I hope I have equipped her well to face the emotional challenge. Kuan Yin, Please protect andrea. 

Last Lesson SV - 6mar13

Ben has progressed until variation A on open strings. He is also very good at music mind games, he enjoy this the most with teacher. He has a problem of not doing what teacher wants him to do especially playing the violin. Yesterday was a very harsh day for me, Teacher told me that he could not teach benjamin anymore because he knows his own capability and thinks he cannot handle benjamin. Me being me, feeling sudden sadness, I tried talking to teacher and telling him I know where to improve as a parent, I feel guilty. Ben does not listen to me, he always do things his way, if I force him nothing will turn out well, hence I left it completely to teacher since january. After 2 months, teacher cannot tahan already. I beg teacher to give me 2 more months, let me try my best .... 

Today, I step back and look at what's happening again. I see the success in andrea, how her suzuki was a successful one. I look at benjamin, how his one was a failure? practicing is one part but andrea practice was way more fun last time. teaching material is one thing, group lesson is the other thing, third is teacher as an example. I was feeling abit not right after ben rejecting to go to class, I feel maybe teacher does not play or does not has a violin in the class even to show/ play to benjamin. All benjamin has was the radio (cd). I was still living in denial when angel send me this message, because i told myself where else to find suzuki teacher yet so near my house. Stop bothering me I told them. I was struck and awaken by what the teacher told me yesterday, today I finally accept and will tell the teacher, maybe you are right, violin is not his thing. 

Parents as a Parents, I know I can manifest something else for benjamin, although I don't know what yet. He is teachable and is very bright, genioart teacher said he is at 4yrs old development and he is only 3 yrs 4months! I need to find something more suitable and interesting for him. Have to have faith that I will get something that benjamin enjoy and love it. For my children, SV will end here. I would try to recall what andrea has done and tried teaching him at home on my own pace. I still have the other book andrea was using which is very useful I feel. Masters and Guides, please shed me some light, My boy needs alot of healing. All is well. So it is. 

Root Canal

dooms day is here! Yeah, that's what I'm feeling prior to this surgery. I had prolonged tooth sensitivity early january, had the 1st checkup by endodontist Dr Tan on the 17th January 2013. He said that these pain will only be increased and it will not go away until I do something with it. He was the second doctor say "may the god bless you" when I refuse to do it immediately. The 1st doctor was Dr. Low at Jaya dental. I hate it, because they sounded they know what is gonna happen and dictate the worst will only happen to me. Moreover I was scared to death for the thought of removing the nerve of my teeth. I actually opt to remove the tooth but hubby and my dentist friend advise me not to extract unless it's necessary. 

I have long chat with my dentist friend who is now living in melbourne. She advise me on how to reduce the sensitivity. Advise me to do it early because abscess formed. Told me that stress is the culprit etc. She gave me alot of peace in mind. I ordered a dental holistic book - Cure Tooth Decay by Ramiel Nagel. I have not started reading but already done my Root Canal on the 21st Feb 2013. I know the dangerous toxic mercury and know having more damage on my tooth is not good, but I need to weigh which is more important. 1. I have tried oil pulling before I bought this book, but sensitivity remains. 2. Hubby going for company trip, I cannot risk the pain when I'm alone with the kids. Hence, I decided to do it, although i know it's bad for my health or I need to suffer later on in my life due to this root canal :( My second appointment on 14 mar and third on 8apr. 

I was so scared, I chant 3 days before the surgery. I hold nefertum in my hands when the dr. was doing my tooth. The dr was afraid to see that I'm so afraid, hence asked me to eat ponstan on top of the already injected anesthetic. All went well, today is the 14th day, thank god i'm still living in peace. This doctor was my childhood doctor, although my dad does not like him but i feel sense of comfort because I 'knew' him, from young, I guess. Maybe he does not say "god bless me" to me. I pray very hard - I'm very worried and scared when something goes wrong with my teeth, since young. I have phobia :( 

I'm reading the holistic dental book, good read. I guess, you need to be consistent to really heal your teeth. I have ordered the cod liver oil and will be arriving tomorrow I guess, it's at HK now. If not will get it next monday. It's for emergency case as it is so very expensive! I pray that more healthcare person would be awaken to holistic healing, please do not do harm to human body when it is not absolutely necessary. We are brothers and sisters, we are one. We come to you for consultation is not asking you for more drugs but to get comfort from you, hoping that you could help us. We are not here to give you more problem or trying to eat up all your time. What goes around comes around. End this vicious cycle. If the money is yours, it would come in many form other than drilling or surgery or medication (antibiotic, etc that harms our liver and immune system). 

I pray for a more loving earth, for the happiness of all humanity. So it is.