The Ming Room

Here is what i had for dinner on the 4th day of CNY. The Ming Room is famous for their food quality, today their presentation of food was very extraordinary :) I enjoy the dinner tonight, we ordered RM88++ set per person. These photo was taken with my iphone as i did not expect the presentation of the food to be different.

1。谜你捞生 (Mini Salmon Yee Sang)

2。南瓜云吞炖勾翅 (Double-Boiled Coral Shark's Fin soup with Wanton in Pumpkin)

3。法式炬响螺 (Baked Sea Clans French Style)

4。意式西班牙猪扒 (Pan-Fried Iberico Pork Chop)

5。鲍鱼炬饭 (Baked Rice with Abalone)

6。Almond Pudding

南瓜云吞炖勾翅
(Double-Boiled Coral Shark's Fin soup
with Wanton in Pumpkin )

The Ming Room, BSC - 法式炬响螺
(Baked Sea Clans French Style)

意式西班牙猪扒 
(Pan-Fried Iberico Pork Chop))

鲍鱼炬饭 
(Baked Rice with Abalone)

Almond Pudding

The Ming Room

Bangsar Shopping Complex

3rd Floor, KL

Phone No: 03-2284 8822
www.orientalrestaurant.com.my

CNY at Kota Kinabalu

It was a tiring trip, my head spinning episode happened twice and it's freaking me out. Luckily my healing energy is helping me, at least i'm fit for the day. I need to do healing twice a day to make sure my head don't spin! Carrying ben excessively is still bad for my health, I wonder when it will stop or i shall say completely recover from my injured head-neck-shoulder-hand. Don't think reiki is healing it 100% because it came back, but at least it's under control when i put 'power' to it! lol ...

Had a pleasant trip because it's so comfy - hotel and flights and we meet alot of people and i enjoy myself alot seeing other people's children and also catching up with one of my uni friend. My sister in law is kind enough to cook ben all his meal (lunch and dinner), which i'm really thankful for her kind gesture. My kids are quite obedient as they are not sick nor had any major accident. This trip me and hubby manage the kids quite well - did not had major worries nor fight. 

My parents sent us to the airport at 5am, gosh.. i think they woke up at 4am. Felt really happy seeing them before i fly off because this year cannot spend CNY with my parents. Arrived at KK at 10am - lunch at IL's - send pei to airport - check in at hotel - rest - dinner at IL - back at hotel - Sleep :) Day 2 - breakfast with IL - Beach - burger king lunch - house hoping until 6pm - dinner at IL - fire cracker/ fire works gathering at IL - meet with uni friend - back to hotel - Sleep :) Day 3 - breakfast - SIL house - lunch to celebrate MIL birthday - visit to auntie susan - back to hotel - rest - dinner at sushi tei with hubby's friend - back to hotel - Sleep :) Day 4 - breakfast - SIL house to pick up porridge - Air port - KL - Home Sweet Home :) 

Andrea enjoy herself alot as she loves to play with her cousins and hubby's friends kids (especially the twins). Ben enjoy himself alot too i guess, 1st time seeing him fight with other kids (cousins) over some toys and he had his 1st fall at restaurant which left a mark on his forehead and 2nd accident at Hotel breakfast. Boys Boys Boys ... oh dear ... I'm tired! Luckily they are still in good condition :) Hubby enjoy the most i guess because he had drinks until 2-3am for 2 consecutive nights. Myself, despite the head-neck-shoulder-hand pain, i think i ate quite ALOT until i put on 2kg! That's bad.. really really bad. 

Will be going to KK again in 2H11 for Pei's convocation. Great trip, don't mind another one :) 

15 months old

Did the shichida milestone charting last Sunday, Linguistic only 1 improvement. Gosh, i'm seriously neglecting my boy. Other 3 areas was OK, as i mark many for the other areas, i look closely to this Linguistic details and found out that it's actually my fault of being LAZY. Having to know where are the head, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, hands etc is so easy if i keep on repeating to him, calling daddy and mummy would be easy too if i keep on repeating to him. Ben can now say 'nana' = banana. He start reading books and has interest in it, GREAT milestone! Oh, he can say - 'ty' = dirty and 'nish' = finish + showing finish sign

Daily he will read the book i bought from popular and yesterday by surprised he go and get the book himself and wants me to read for him. All these needs to cultivate, it's actually not my boy do not like books. Ben boy, you need to start saying words by next month OK? I need to tick some boxes for the milestone chart OK, i feel so bad when you shows no improvement from last 6 months! Ben started to ask people to play with him by pulling our hands and ask people to 'sayang' or kiss his head/hand when is painful.

Another problem is that i want to potty train ben but he doesn't like my maid. How can i potty train my boy. I notice that he will tell me or do something unusual after he pee or poo. This is one of the milestone in shichida milestone chart, i really hope i do not let this opportunity pass because if we ignore it, the baby will not tell us or show us before or after they pee or poo anymore until they can start talking properly. Panic, where's my nobleman. Ben is not drinking milk properly too, where's milk nobleman to tell me what should i do? I'm worried but no idea how to improve his intake. He is SOoooOo skinny. I'm going to get the comment of why your boy so skinny this CNY i guess. Please put on my buddha ears. I also don't wish my kids to be a skeleton OK. -PEACE-

I'm going to fire my maid if benjamin still do not like her after 1 month. Helping me or giving me more trouble (screaming babies)! Sigh ... I don't need to pay 1K + food + utilities for people to clean my house OK. I can clean myself!

SV - 31jan2011

I was caught by surprise that andrea did not blame me. While waiting for teachers, i told andrea that I actually dislocate the bridge (was trying to straighten the bridge a little). After that she keep on saying: it's you! it's you. Then tell daddy somemore, it's mummy broke the bridge not me. Then teacher came, while teacher fixing the bridge she ask andrea what happen, andrea did not say my mummy broke it! lol.... Phew ... My girl is actually not a pro finger pointing person, not like me and hubby. lol ... 

Today is quite bad, she did not play in the middle bow and holding the violin very low again, did not play on single string. I feel bad and extremely uneasy because how can my girl play this bad, when dr. ng ask us to give comment (good ones) i cannot utter a single word. Really not like my usual self, i cannot believe i have so much frustration and anger inside me. I don't know why it came back, i did not meditate properly for the past few days i guess. Too much is going on around me. Andrea now too stay with grandparents and i do not have time to practice violin with her anymore. We must practice daily, but right now i think it's not possible anymore. When ben is around, he will glue to me and he will not let me have leisure time to be with andrea. 

I told dr.ng that andrea refuse to let me correct her and andrea feels demotivated when she cannot play mary had a little lamb nicely. Dr.Ng talk to her nicely and in front of me, he told andrea that I'm his assistant, must listen to mummy. kekeke... good one, i like it :) one good point, andrea can play Ro-Sin-Mm-Bo very nicely today. I'm so proud of her. Andrea is also very determine to learn violin, i actually threaten her to throw away her violin because she broke the tuners, she cried and hid the violin. I asked her to bring it out and give it to me, she just cried and refuse to take it out. How can a 3 year old girl know what she really wants and is so determine in learning something. That's a great passion and determination that i must learn from her.

Today lesson:

Played all the songs on encore + 1 new song

Played all twinkle variation accompanied by piano

Played solo - reggae

Monogram Idylle

Had this as a gift, it's Romance - Sepia colour. Love this bag although it's not the latest design, for this range the latest design is Fantaisie, however it does not suit me. I need a bag that has 2 side pockets to put my kids water bottle or milk bottle when i'm out shopping or anywhere i go. My bag has to be handy because I'm a mother of 2 who does not like to carry diaper bag, all the kids essential has to fit into my LV bag - that's my criteria. My kids were helpful at the store (not quite), Andrea keep saying she wants to go toilet and hubby brought her, ben on the other hand walking here and there and bite on the fake fruits & real flower on the table :s Anyway, Hey, it's good enough that i had time to decide :) 

Was carrying my 1-2 yrs old Damier Azur Canvas - Totally GM, the sales person stare at my bag when i was opening my zip to take out tissue for ben. I was curious so i look at my zip as well, MY LV ZIP IS RUSTY! That's so embarrass, how can that happen and why it happened? I told hubby and he repeat the thing he always say - you don't love your bag, that's why. Hm.. i love my bag but sometimes i need to put the bag on the floor, ben has the need to chew on my bag, the water accidentally spill on my bag, andrea needs to have cushion so she sit on my bag, sometimes we have too many things to put and it makes my bag explode (all the kids stuff like cardigan, diaper, wet wipes, extra clothes, pants etc), the bag has to be a cushion for ben when we were at zipangu. I think the rustiness is because of ben's saliva when he used to chew on it when he was below 1 year old. I didn't have a maid back then, so i allow him to chew on anything as long as he does not fuss :p including his own walking shoe! I feel bad now. 

I'm extremely happy because i can find another bag with 2 side pockets! It's a direct satisfied replacement for me :) Loving my new year ... Gong Hei Fatt Choy!!

Random

CNY is just around the corner,

Abundance of money but could not find anything i like,

Should be more creative but somehow is lazy,

I don't mind not having any new things, as long as i'm feeling happy inside,

Bought 2 extremely big bunnies, however neighbor had 2 small little bunnies, 

This shows how kiasu I am,

How i wanted to be noticed.

We are at transition to yi mao year, 

I'm feeling low but people around me does not seems to be affected,

I have lost my serenity, I could now understand my mum when she moved into my house, 

Humans are at constant move and change, 

I'm weak at adapting myself, always crave for best thing to stay as it is, 

Looking at my Galactic Signature Decoder, it says i live in denial.

Am I? Maybe ... but not dominating.

No serene morning, No concentration for meditation,

My life turns up side down,

Everyone around me seems a burden to me,

I shall learn to love once again, 

Love myself and everyone around me, 

Dissolve the boredom, irritation, expectation,

Open my heart to give love and receive love. May Joy be with me.


I'm reading back dated post,
"reiki2" post says - when u cannot control things around you,
Meditate, the power is in you! 
I love my blog, lol, i motivate myself when i'm feeling low. 
Thanks high self :)

New maid

Maid just came yesterday. Need alot of supervision but i'm lazy and i feel uneasy of having someone in the house who need me to teach. I feel that I've become a little selfish because i tend to be impatient when i expect the helper to help me. My emotional is not very stable because i cannot do my meditation in the living room, i have to teach helper to do things, i'm worried she is not capable and i have the urge to check on everything she does which is very taxing (mentally). After 1 year of not having a maid, i kinda miss my old life without a maid actually. However i know i can't because my husband cannot support me as I'm a high maintenance wife and he himself also very high maintenance. The day i can stop work and become the maid myself is great, with a part time job (must be challenging of course). Divine power please guide me

I have another job offer internally, but required to go cyberjaya. It's a global role doing HR stuff, I'm keen but how about andrea? Stop school? change school? what should i do? Will have an interview before CNY to find out more about the job before deciding. I may have to travel because it's a global role. I love work I love my kids, I hope divine power will guide me as i love all these at once. It's just another day which i don't feel good, i cannot fully concentrate in meditation for the past few days. There is just too much thoughts - i need peace. May i find Peace once again. I pray that people around me are filled with love and peace. Let us live in harmony.

Articles by Diane

I think I'm going deeper now because the website I've mentioned in my previous post gave me greater insight! I love what I'm reading. I want to put down the important points for my  future reference. This is so me, she put down the words of what i'm feeling right now:

I remembered some of what I experienced and when I tried to tell others, it was often dismissed as deliriousness. I quickly stopped talking about it. I couldn't find words to express the realizations and knowledge - Diane

For SGI Comrades because we believed life is eternal: (by Diane)

On the personal level, if you start with the premise that life goes on after death, becoming a more loving and compassionate person is the first step. Some mental and emotional housecleaning is probably involved: getting rid of anger, hate, bitterness, resentment, blame, jealousy, greed, vengefulness and perverted thoughts; forgiving yourself and others for perceived hurts and wrongs; changing your attitudes; letting go of fear, dropping your judgments; bringing in the Light to purify your consciousness; and beginning to live in ways that spread the Light to those whose lives you touch. It is the love you carry within you when you leave your body which enhances your spiritual growth.

Living in the now with joy prepares you for death whenever it comes. Your dying experience will be peaceful and your life in the spiritual realms, long and blissful. If you decide to come back to the physical world, it will be a pleasant lifetime. Those who believe life ends at death can see no reason to preserve the earth or share resources or be kind to others, as they live only for themselves. They want to control everything. They don't care about or value anyone's life besides their own. For those who live in denial and die with hate in their hearts, their transition will be unpleasant. They will reincarnate quickly with harder lives and lessons to learn until they turn to a spiritual path

Experiencing Spirituality - by Diane

The good news is that you don't have to nearly die to experience your spiritual nature. You just need to have unlimited patience, perseverance and persistence, and be willing to practice, practice, practice. Hey, if it were easy, we would all be enlightened! Until you feel the divine inside you, you are only trying to believe. You just need to open yourself to the process and go within. Going "out" to find God creates a separateness, a duality, which only exists in the mind. We are not separate from God, we are One with God. Meditate to learn to still your mind and listen to the sound of silence. Affirm that you have a body, but you are not your body; that your are in this world, but not of it. Focus your attention on your spiritual nature and the kingdom of God within you, no matter what else you are doing in your daily life. It is in the process of seeking that you will find your joy and your connection to your Higher Power. If you are patient with yourself and persistent in overcoming your carnal (lower chakra) desires, no matter what karma you have to resolve along the way, you will experience a transformation in your life on all levels, as you grow closer to your God-Self. You will find yourself letting go of people and things you thought were important, but, in truth, were harmful. As you come to love and accept yourself, you will become more tolerant of and loving towards others. Your thinking will become more clear and you will put things in better perspective, neither blowing things out of proportion nor becoming anyone's victim. You will begin to stand up for yourself and the rights of others without becoming self-righteous. You will find it hard to continue living materialistically and change your lifestyle to include doing more of what you love to do, instead of acquiring material things and pursuing the emptiness of self-gratification.

The Powers of Ten

This is the scientific video that i've tried to tell people. I've watched it in shichida 2 years ago. It talks about universe and milky way, i found it on here. I'm very happy because i now know the title of this video :) 

This website gives me alot of enlightenment. This is also from the web page. After reading it, all my frustration dissolves.

People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
 

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
 

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
...Succeed anyway.
 

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
 

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
 

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
 

People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
 

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
 

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
 

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
by Kent M. Keith

Ben progress

1. Loves to play with the switch - starting this week can on and off the switch. Previously can only on but do not know how to off

2. He is super strong in holding himself up for more than 1 min on a bar at play ground

3. Calls jie jie and Da Da all the time

4. Still afraid of water running thru his face during shower

5. Start showing ben picture books, however he is not very interested. Will continue to try

6. Loves to 'fat lan cha', he will pretend to cry, roll on the floor and hit the floor/ chair/ table

7. Drank 1 bottle of vitagen without my supervision! 

8. Loves to open all my drawers and take out everything in the kitchen - utensils, plastic bags, plates & bowls, washing liquids, shampoo, 1st aid kit etc

9. Take things from the cupboard and throw into the bin without my permission - biscuit, mamypoko, new plastic bags and socks have been found from the kitchen bin

10. Start climbing up the chairs - dining table, activity table, my computer table and my dressing table! 

andrea's Growing

In terms of self development. I cannot remember i encounter this before 5 years old because i only start learning piano at 9 years old and YES! It's really frustrating and you always hate yourself because you can't play what you want, your fingers does not listen to you! Practice practice and practice is the word - translate to patient and persistent is what you need.Give love to it and you will master it in no time!

I could see andrea's frustration when she fuss and cried when she cannot play Mary had a little lamb, i ask her to stop practicing and lets do something else first, however she insist to practice but wants to cry then only play again. My poor little girl, mummy is not harsh on you but you are giving yourself pressure. I was panic because i do not know what to do, teacher only played for us to see and i play the same for andrea to see but her fingers position is not perfect yet and she cannot remember the melody :( 

I quickly ask myself what should i do - i came out my own version:

3212333

222 3EE

3212333

22321

I give myself a 5 star because she can memorize this in 20 min, abit long because she cried earlier on. One day we sang this, the next day we play on the violin - BUT she cried again. She ask me why is it so awful the sound she made - she is nervous and is the first time pressing on fingerboard and right hand holding the bow is pressing too hard on the string. Daddy open the door and when she saw daddy, she cried with tears:"DADDY ..... DADDY ...." so pitiful my girl. I took the violin and ask her to hear my play, i told her yesterday i play this awful right? Today was it better? She said yes and take the violin and played somemore. Towards the end of the practice was a little better than just now. I'm sure she can make it by this Sunday :)

Exciting 2011

2011 is an exciting year, there are so many things lining up and i'm anticipating for my magical life from meditation.

1. New House - designing, renovating, moving in, house warming party

2. New Business - not mine but i'm the back-end person who ensure smooth deployment

3. New Side Business - Part Time job as bazi consultant

4. Intend to take Date Selection class

5. Ensure ben is successfully potty trained by age 2

6. May get a new car this Year :)

7. Plan a holiday, not too far - maybe PLR and Cameron for this year

8. May be taking Spiritual Respond Therapy class - depends on my healing

Sometimes i feel depression because i think too much of the problems i need to fix. I shall only focus on the breathing and i believe it will heal my body and mind without me worrying too much about it. - PEACE - 

The least explored area by humans is their own self. Self awareness is the first step in knowing what you are all about. Meditation is the first step towards self awareness. The journey ends with life and is as thrilling as any adventure you might have embarked upon. You will discover life as you have never imagined. This is a journey without any baggage from past or the future. It begins and happens right here , right now in this present moment. All eternity exists in this present moment of yours. May you find it now.
Copy from http://basic-meditation.blogspot.com/

SV - 16Jan2011

Andrea mood was jolly. Suddenly i feel andrea does not need me anymore. She could follow instruction independently & did it correctly all the time. Andrea reluctant for me to correct her when she was playing her F#, she prefers Dr. Ng to correct her. I guess i would need to send her for private lesson very soon. Besides, andrea gave me a feeling that she only listen to dr. Ng - such as - greeting dr. Ng in the beginning of the class, ask andrea to go up the stage, follow teacher for solfage etc She never look at me today, she will take instruction directly from teacher. I should be happy because she is independent but i'm feeling sad because she does not need me in class anymore, my girl has grown up :( 

Today they learn 3 new notes on A string - BCD. 2 new pieces - Mary had a little lamb and hot cross bun, all to be played on A string with new fingering taught. Did some exercise which i manage to capture with my camera this time and playing suzuki twinkle variation full set with dr. Ng (piano). However she still cannot do other variation, Var A was perfect, have to work on Var B now. Encore songs are all perfect, no new songs being taught from that book. Teacher preparing for a recital and they need to practice Mary had a little lamb and hot cross bun :s That is really tough! 

Ben went up the stage this time and stand beside andrea, smiling at me. Luckily dr. ng did not show unhappy face :) I wonder when can ben join andrea. Going to watch dr. Ng playing viola in a recital at Bentley Academy. I hope andrea will enjoy too.

Over the Weekend

I had a very busy weekend. It was back to back from Saturday to Sunday! Phew ... Back to ipoh, violin & shichida! 1st time in my life, start our journey to ipoh at 6.30pm and arrived KL at 12.30am - it was a crazy decision but anyhow we need to go back because of my dad. My dad will be condemned by many relatives if his daughter is not there at the dinner and all these expectations is creating a negative environment to the dinner, i do not know how happy are my grandparents but i really hope they can find peace deep inside themselves and please do follow the light when you pass on. Let the new generation make their own decision so that they can show their love and compassion in a genuine way. How you want to control and show authoritative now, it will bring you greater pain when you pass on. May Peace be with you. 

I had a great chat with uncle SS, i feel the heat on my palm when i was chatting with him. It's hard to find someone who is into meditation. I treasure all the friends and people i know because it's hard to find, like 1 in a hundreds?! Every human reaction to meditation is different and i really need someone who can share and talk to, i find so many good and awkward things happening to me. My body itchiness has gone, afraid of spirit has gone, memory improve tremendously, is more calm but burst out dissatisfaction with my mum last Saturday, Headhunter called me last FRIDAY! Accenture this time ... Will i go? Can i go? Do i want to go? lol ... I love my work, I love to work with good people, My salary is increasing. This is my affirmation daily, I trust the Divine power to guide me :)

I went to Popular just now to look for the book (recommended by shichida mother), walked one round cannot find as there are too many children books. Close my eyes, tell myself : "tell me where is the book that i'm looking for". Open my eyes and follow my heart, browse thru some coloring books from the UK, walk behind another shelves. Viola! There it is, so happy.. less than 5 min i found it!! Thank you my guide :) They were having re-location sale, 30% off on all books! Double Happiness! - Baby Einstein and Charlie & Lola never had 30% discount, I'm so happy!!!

Fussing

I'm having hard time to understand andrea, she cannot communicate exactly what is inside her. I need to do probing all the time and i would always get something out of it and in the end i do not know if that is the real story :( Andrea is sitting on earth (dog), hence i know she has communication problem but im wondering if kids at her age like that or really is the earth problem :( Yesterday she was unhappy when i picked her up and fuss alot until i walk to my car alone. I asked her in the car what happen she said teacher show her monster which is green colour. At bed time she suddenly cry, i ask her what's wrong. She said teacher said she cannot go home and teacher nearly put her on thinking chair. This morning she cry on the way to school, i asked her what's wrong. She told me teacher said she is naughty because she doesn't want to share the toys and demand to change class :s I really don't know what's the problem and i don't know which is true and which is made up. I arrived in school and ask the teacher once again face to face because i called her yesterday when i reached home to verify if she really show andrea the green monster. Teacher said got show movie but no monster. Just now teacher said 2 boys where fighting and ask them to go thinking chair not andrea. I told teacher i feel that andrea feel teacher doesn't love her anymore, teacher said every morning she will go to teacher and say "you love me right?" then happily bounce away. Teacher said later she will go and tell andrea she loves her. Will see what andrea's reaction later. I'm having a headache because of this :(

Dr Ng sent out email to say he has a group performance in Bently Hall, invite all his student to go. Gonna book ticket because i think this is good for andrea beside MPO :) At least she can see her own teacher performing in a group.

Andrea starts to read the notes + rhythm on the book. This week we are at my mum place because hubby is in taiwan, so instead of bringing violin i only bring the book. So i will play for her at night and she will use her finger to point when the song playing. most of the time she point it correctly, amazing! without the violin is actually equally good :) 

Because we are at my mum place, ben and andrea sleep together on the bed. Both of them will hug each other and play before going to sleep. Middle of the night i woke up, saw both of them still sleeping side by side (not suffocating each other), lol. I think should be no problem to let them sleep together next time in the same room.

Reiki 2

Had my one-to-one reiki 2 on Monday. The best thing is not to learn what is reiki 2 but KW has time to answer all my questions and to share with me his experience. 

Monday session was like a hypnosis, subconsciously i reacted with the slightest trigger inside myself when i saw the word compassion on the screen. Now i understand, i have not really let go the pain inside myself, how many things that i have done to the people around me and how they have reacted really affect me deep inside. I asked KW why it has not erase because i already know this is one of my problem and i have already work on it. He ask me to use one of the symbol "hon sha ze sho nen" - it can erase the past negative energy we left behind. 

He ask me if i would like to teach reiki one day, i told him no because i need to fix myself 1st. He then told me, no teachers are perfect and we still need to fix ourself after we die, so this is an on-going process. I also share with him my disappointment with people around me that i would not want to be challenged or being question when i'm a master myself. He told me that as light workers we are just doing our best, how other people want to judge or disagree with us is totally up to them, as long as you know you have done your best. everyone has their own timing to come into realization. They may seems interested now but will move away later because their timing is not right, so just provide whatever they ask for and never expect anything from them. The universe energy shifting is very fast now, I hope everyone is blessed with PEACE (without worries and anger). Please meditate when you feel you cannot control yourself and things around you, the power is in you. 

Shichida 9 Jan 2011

Ben has new sensei - Siya. Don't know why Ben always get indian sensei, lol ... Anyway, now he is in 2A class, the class is very much smaller compared to the previous class room, hence he has tough time adjusting and seems very cranky on his 1st day. Myself also feel the room is very small and very cramp! I hope both of us will settle-in next week. The mother in this class seems very much older than me, hm... i always wanted someone around my age, well ... i'll never know what suprise i'll get :)

Ben has improvement in putting small beads into small holes, and can recognize black and white. Not bad eh, I'm suprised! He would clap his hands when sensei finish singing the songs. I hope that his patient will improve as now he does not want to look at flash memory card. He is the only active baby in class, only he wants to walk around, sigh ... last class 3 of them will walk, now he is the only naugthy one. 

I hope hubby will let me go to andrea's class because i want to see what the 4 yr old is up to now. I have not been to class with andrea for more than 1 year now. Still persuading him.

SV - 9Jan2011

I always feel happy after violin class, i don't know why. I think part of  Dr. Ng's energy, his LOVE and the way he teach kids. I also admire that he can play violin and piano in class, he is like a perfect person to me and i feel very grateful that he is teaching andrea.

This week andrea learn new note - F# on the violin. After pressing on the string, i think she pressed a little too hard, the mark is still on her finger when we reach home. She enjoy going to class but sometimes dreaming. So weird but she told me she enjoy it alot. I was suspecting she is not enjoying. Today Dr. Ng also spend sometime talking to andrea, about tuning the violin - what is perfect sound (you don't hear brittle sound), he would play and ask andrea smooth or not the note. He also ask andrea if she Rossin her bow, and he took out his own Rossin and teach her how to do it and also ask her if she knows why is Dr.Ng's rossin broken. He told her the story. I feel so warm inside because andrea has a teacher that has time for her to tell her all these, i feel so much love from the teacher to his student. 

Ben on the other hand, loves to walk around the class and go up the stage. Dr Ng will once in a while talk to him and also ask ben to shake hands but ben turn away. Must teach him to shake hands now :) Ben will also clap his hands when andrea finish playing solo on the stage. You will be surprised how ben loves to watch his sister playing on stage - pay full concentration. lol!

I'm so excited! Dr.Ng said they will have a mini concert after CNY! I'm so proud of andrea because she can play on her own now, without me singing. Andrea will listen to the music and play on her own. GREAT Milestone! I have also thought of bringing her to MPO - to watch how people perform on stage in a larger scale, too bad they only allow children who is age 8 and above. Next time :)

Peaceful Saturday

Ben has just gone to sleep and andrea is watching her concert video on iMac. We always have to fight for iMac in the house, hence i bring out my white elephant MacBook out this morning, so i could have a peaceful 1-2 hour to myself. 

Every saturday routine - wakes up at 6.30am as usual, prepare lunch ingredient, clear kitchen dish drainer and prepare breakfast. 7.30am will wake everyone up, depends who wakes up 1st, andrea or ben. Wash them up and cut fingers and toe nail then breakfast. 10am will put all ingredients into the pot for cooking porridge then put ben to sleep. Hopefully he will only wakes up at 12pm :p Later in the afternoon i will be FREE! Shichida for ben has moved to sunday same time with Andrea! I'm so glad i have one evening to go shopping! For the past 6 months is always rushing for dinner/ shopping/ groceries! Then will go to sleep at 9pm. Including myself :)

I was upset with myself because i have done something really wrong to andrea. Andrea told me that aunty ziza asked her to bring her own bedsheets, i was furious because i already gave andrea blanket and now ask me to bring bedsheets somemore. Andrea told me Tania also have her own bedsheets and today aunty ziza dun want to give her bedsheets because not enough, so urge me to put bedsheets in her bag next Monday. Well, sometimes andrea will say something that me or hubby say it, but in actual fact we didn't because she wants to get it she tell a lie. I was angry and told her that i will call the school later and if what she told me is not true i am going to slap her, she kept quiet the whole journey. Arrive at home, i called the school and aunty ziza picked up my call, i asked her and she told me she really ask andrea to bring her bedsheets because not enough. I apologize to my girl and gave her a hug and ask if she can forgive me. Terrible Mum! 

I feel alittle down because long time ago i came across a girl's blog, she has almost the same taste as me but she is more fortunate because she went to famous uni in the UK and also got a very rich husband. I contacted her once to ask about her MUA (make-up artist) for the wedding. Then noticed that i have 2 friends is her friend via FB. She did not update her blog for a very long time and i only saw her pictures in FB. I cannot believe my eyes when she is now with another guy, she called him bf in one of the FB pic. What happen to the husband? He is now the director of one listing company and is only 4-5 yrs older than me, the girl is about 2-3yrs older than me. I feel sad because everything seems perfect has fallen apart, what happen to their little girl - about 2 now i suppose. I always wish for the best of everything and i feel really sad when good things does not continue, for whatever reason it might be, May Happiness be with them forever. I missed reading her happy blog and her life of luxury. 

I'm going for Reiki 2 this coming monday, it suppose to be on the 22nd of jan, however KW has to go HK, so he reschedule a one-to-one with me. I was touched because paying a group price and now i'm getting a private class. It's because no other people sign up they told me. lol. Luck or what! Looking forward as i can't wait the power to be increased by 4 times (as per one of the website). My shoulder problem came back 2-3 days ago, is it because of a friend told me about her breakup - i tap into her frequency and now i feel i cannot handle my future? Gosh! Pei told me after her healing session, KW told her not to give any feelings to people who is not happy or has problem, she will tap into the wavelength too. I was thinking "SHIT" when pei told me, because i know that friend of mine had already transfered her negative wavelength to me. That is why i feel low these few days? Sigh .... 

Reiki 21 days cleansing

I have attended Reiki 1 for about a month now, however as i did not meditate everyday, i think my cleansing takes longer than 21 days. Anyway, here are my body reaction during the 21 days cleansing:

1. Itchy skin (legs and back - shoulder area)

2. Tired - wanted to sleep at 8pm for 5 days

3. Mood Swing - anger

4. Feel more love inside myself and also more patient

5. Today for the 1st time woke up at 3am feeling all refreshed! I thought it's 6 already. Weird!

During this journey, i have met 2 person that needs guidance. However i felt extreme guilt when the other party does not satisfied with my recommended treatment. Now i understand why energy healing charge at such high rate and bazi, feng shui is also charged at high rate. I can feel the pain if the client does not listen to you or they anyhow have doubt in you, this really waste your time! hence charging sky high service is the only solution. Wasting your time but you have money in your pocket, win-win situation. I must somehow learn this so I don't feel i'm wasting my time on anyone anymore. I actually bought 2 sets of Louise L Hay, one set i keep myself, the other set - DVD with a friend until today have not given back to me, Book with the person i've just mentioned and she's still complaining and didn't feedback to me if the book was helpful. Why i buy 2 sets? My ultimate goal is to share with people around me so they could cease their pain but somehow the outcome was not what i've expected This world really have many different kind of people and I shall follow JY and all light workers attitude for people wants to get something out of us. I used to think that is selfish and show no love at all, however what i've experienced shows what JY and other light workers is charging actually is not too much. I shall keep the knowledge to myself, only myself to know. 

Hiding from Ben

My benjamin boy is very very attached to me! Recent activity is fun because i need to hide from him when we are going out in the car. Ben is very naughty as he will not give me good time in the car, he will want me to bend my body and hold him tightly as he will happily sitting in the middle while daddy is driving. My poor back is hurting and i my body cannot take it anymore, so every time daddy needs to carry him and i need to say bye bye to him - I will walk far from the car and make a U-turn and sneak up to the back seat, zip my lips until we reach our destination. We have tried this for few weeks now and it does wonder! Ben is really naughty as he only likes to bully me!

I year and 2 months now, still no verbal explosion. All he says is calling his beloved 'jeh jeh'. "da da" sometimes i think but definitely no mummy. He finish all the porridge i cook for him during the new year break, i purposely gave him big bowl because he refuse to finish his milk all the time, and surprisingly he can wallop the whole bowl! WHOA .... and i start to let him drink vitagen (less sugar) and yogurt + flaxseed oil. Doctor said he is very thin, only 8.5kg hence prescribed multivitamin, 5 days already but appetite for milk doesn't seems to increase much. Mum had bought him enfagrow - will see if he likes it. Maybe he likes cheap milk ... haih ... drink la pediasure :( 

Ben will laugh out loud when we kiss him non-stop on the neck, lol. He will now hold my finger and tried to pull me up when i'm sleeping or sitting, asking me to do things for him. He will take his potty sometimes but no urine, wonder why he's holding it. One funny thing is that ben will ask daddy to hold his hand while he's in the car seat, so daddy has to use one hand to drive and one hand to hold ben's hand. Ben will fuss and cry if daddy not holding his hand. Ben loves to play water with andrea in the bath tub, ben laugh out loud when andrea splash water at him or pour water into the bath tub. Ben loves to walk on his own all the time and will want to touch everything in front of him - my wet wipes finishes incredibly fast! Ben has tried shangrila porridge last Sunday, luckily no stomachache - ajinomoto, i guess we can bring him for holiday now! :) Ben do not like us to hold his food/ drink, he has to hold himself then only he will eat/ drink!

Ben will slap the person face with his palm when he wants them to wake up. Daddy has turn his cot to bed last week, ben is sleeping on his bed now and often he will roll down from the bed. I need to pick him up in the middle of the night, or sometimes daddy will pick him up. Ben still wakes up for milk 1 time, sometimes twice. Ben loves soft toys and still kissing pocoyo, lol. He will take andrea's melody to me and show me and then smile at me. Ben can follow all the instruction i gave him - go to the toilet and wash your buttock, squat down, throw this dirty clothes in the basket, take this to the bathroom, throw this to the bin, give it to daddy, open your mouth - he will say "aahhh", take out your shirt - start pulling, take your pillow for mummy to hug, feed me, go and wear your shoe - will get his shoe, sit down, wait for me - turn around and stand still, hold my hand etc

1 year 2 months 1 week old

Thank You

I would like to end year 2010 with a thank you note. 

A big fat thank you to my hubby, we have gone thru so much from year 2009 and 2010. Although he does not ease my emotional pain as much as i want, i know he has done his best and i know he will be at my side no matter what. Hubby took good care of andrea and benjamin when i was not feeling well (emotionally & physically) and hubby is the only person that endure all my harsh words when my perfect world is affected. He took good care of me and I'm very blessed to have him as my life partner. 

Trevor, Nancy and Kok Wai who brought me into reiki. This bring significant changes to my life - way of thinking and self healing. Rhonda byran and Louise Hay for their books which helps me gain deeper insight of the universe, how i can use my inner capabilities and best of all knowing the universe is always responding to us without prejudice and will always give us miracle of what we want. Miracle does happen to me and I'm really grateful to the people who share their knowledge in spirituality. 

I would like to thank my mother for her healthy dinner, buying fish & meat for my weekend,  report to me about ben's progress as i'm a health freak mother and took very good care of ben while I'm at work. My dad who is the wise man who gave me many advise - emotionally and financially. He's the middle man of all issues and everything would patch up so nicely without flaws. Kim helped me to release emotional pain once and pei helped me to release all my worries i had with my kids about their health problem.

My beloved andrea and ben! I love you both so much, you have bring so much happiness to me and daddy! Both of you always amaze daddy & I of what both of you can do . Andrea starting to have our traits, asking us to bring her to hotel or restaurant or shopping mall - all the expensive stuff! Benjamin is sitting on hurting officer, so his reaction is always very alarming like screaming and wanting to get attention, we always laugh at him when he does that. Both our kiddies are so different and they are truly spice of our life. 

Thank you to all my friends that had come across my life in 2010 who had given me comfort in many ways, especially these people:

Esther, Lily & Michelle - relieving my stress on maid & kids

Evelin & pei - gave me chance to share my spiritual knowledge

Everything nice - Lynette, Jaclyn, Chen chen, Koh ting, Mrs quah, Jovy, Kelly

Term Evaluation Dec 2010

Here is a video of Andrea played for the evaluation. Andrea Gotten B+. There is so much improvement to be made. At home she did it perfectly, i do not know why on the stage she seems like forgetting the basics ~ 

1. Play position

2. Chin on the Chin rest

3. Hold violin up high

4. bow - cannot look at the audience

5. get into the beat of the song

hmph .... I must never give up! Andrea will get A the next term evaluation. Must make some concert ticket and sell it to grandparents, i think she still doesn't fully enjoy performing. She is still curious looking at the audience reaction. 

Loves to be Pretty

Andrea loves to be pretty, she would tell me what she wants to wear for that day, ask me to tie up her hair, put on her own hairband, bring her bag and make sure lipstick (toy), mobile phone (toy) and tissue is inside her little grey bag, later she will put on her necklace and bracelet (sometimes she will wear all of her bracelet in one go and i have to persuade her that one will do) and lastly will want to wear her high heels. 

Everyday preparing to go day care she will do the above and i have to eliminate those which are not appropriate like high heels but i allow her to wear on the last day of day care and the teachers are really her big supporter, make her so happy because the teacher cannot stop praising her and say you look like a princess so pretty and start to admire her necklace, bracelet, dress and high heels! Young teachers are really energetic and know how to play with kids! Sometimes she will bring her grey bag and left it in the car and ask me to take good care of it. 

On weekends, she would do the same too and when i ask her not to then she will give excuses, I WANT to show gong gong and ma ma or i want to be like kim yi yi. The funny thing is she will take the toy lipstick and phone and pretend to put on lipstick and someone call her, she would ask me not to talk so loud because someone call her when we are in the car. Andrea is more willing to take care of benjamin now and would help me most of the time i ask her to and she is less resistance to share her food with ben now. 

Power of WANT

Now, i didn't concentrate or meditated to get something i want. I know if i don't get it i won't die and there is always another time. I have been wanting to eat Yorkshire Pudding for Christmas because it's British Sunday Roast and it's really yummy and usually you can only find it on Christmas (long long time ago). I searched high and low, asking friends and also online to see where i can eat Yorkshire Pudding + Roast in KL as last Christmas we had it in Jarrod and Rawlins and it wasn't that nice.

Ritz Carlton was my choice because only this and chinoz on the park KLCC. My friend asked me to book early as it is always full, the price is RM130++ and i find it abit steep so i didn't make booking right away. On Christmas day itself i felt like eating roast and yorkshire pudding , so i called mum and see if they are interested and i pray hard to get a place there. I called the hotel and surprisingly they said got vacancy. Cannot believe my luck because it's Christmas somemore! We went today and they said i didn't make booking and made a very big hoo haa, finally we got our seat. We took our lunch and went home.

I know my Guardian Angel is listening and know what i want, If the person did not confirm a place for me i will not be at Ritz, when im at Ritz the guy tried to shoo me away but the lady arranged table for us. The guy asked me not to shout, i was just roaring at him because i'm a dinosaur, either you give it to me or i will eat you up. I feel bad after the argument because i was asking myself where are all the love inside me, after i came back and showered (recharged), my inner voice told me that I've did nothing wrong - anger is to protect our self as long as we did not harm anyone (killing), law of attraction gave you what you wished for shows that you have showed enough love. Don't worry, you have done nothing wrong.

I hope the people who had lunch with me did have great lunch as the food was really yummy especially the desserts! I didn't have much appetite to eat because i was upset and wondering why love was absent just now, there is no peace after the fight. Only Joy for the food :)

Merry Christmas

Today is Christmas eve! I feel Joy and I feel love. I love Christmas, the decorations are so beautiful and i love Christmas carol and i love seeing people wearing Christmas costumes and i definitely love Christmas food. I enjoy so much in the UK where i see and touch real snow for the 1st time and i would wish for white Christmas every year. The anticipation is really joyous and warm because you know it's Christmas!

Today office is really quiet, all the Christians must have taken leaves for christmas. My work life has been great, despite some small rocks that made my road bumpy, overall it's great. I can feel that my connection with people is very much closer now and I would bump into people that i have not seen for a long long time. It feels great to reconcile with people that you have not met for a while. This christmas i receive more gifts from my colleague compared to last year and i feel the awkwardness has tremendously decreased when i talk to people who are not really close to me. I really love this change and i receive my payout yesterday and it shows RM300 more and i told my manager and she said it might be wrong, asked me don't use it. I felt upset for one moment but release the anger and worries because i know i have abundance and the divine will guide me. I also helped andrea to pack some christmas goodies for her friends in school, violin and shichida class. Andrea choose the goodies and drop it into the bag, i would help her to tie it. Andrea just love to share her love to everyone around her. 

I hope everyone would have a Joyous christmas and a Happy New Year!

Spiritual Journey

As per Wiki:

Spirituality can refer to an ultimate or immaterial reality; an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of their being; or the “deepest values and meanings by which people live.” Spiritual practices, including meditation, prayer and contemplation, are intended to develop an individual's inner life; such practices often lead to an experience of connectedness with a larger reality, yielding a more comprehensive self; with other individuals or the human community; with nature or the cosmos; or with the divine realm. Spirituality is often experienced as a source of inspiration or orientation in life. It can encompass belief in immaterial realities or experiences of the immanent or transcendent nature of the world.

I hope i will not become a monk after this, lol. All i want is to get emotional stability and to live a peaceful life. Inevitable that human will have some desire-pull based  on our bazi and i do really enjoy my luxury life as per my bazi, i hope i will not give that up in the end of the day. I'm actually born with a good chart despite having emotional problem where i always feel people purposely 'harm' me, in actual fact i gave in to that and in turn i harm myself eventually. I know my root cause but without going into spiritual, i cannot cut out the root - I learn and been in there and i know this is the only cure for myself.   

I had a dream last week, someone played a song in my dream and i don't like it, hence i ask the person standing next to me, what song is that. He told me Kundalini. I just kept quiet and walk away as i know kindalini is 'Qi' in Indian (at that time but it meant alot more than that) and they may have their own song to achieve alpha wave state. When I'm in office, suddenly i feel the urge to google kundalini, to find out more. There is one precious website  that i have found it gave me confirmation and learn alot more about spirituality. I am grateful i had that dream and I'm not sure why i don't like the song instead of loving it wholeheartedly, maybe i still have alot of anger inside me or my innerself told me that I'm still feeling insecure of this journey. Whatever it is, I will continue to meditate and remove the negative energy according to my bazi.

http://kundalini-teacher.com/meditations.php

According to Mystress (the author of the web page), some people was a witch past life and i think i was on a journey to become goddess but don't know why cannot achieve. and is being re-born. I have this giving heart that I want to share everything that i have and i feel upset when people does not appreciate it, the Goddess also will do the same when people meditating and asking for help, they will HELP no matter what. At one point i was telling myself to stop being so foolish but after reading this web page, i know i have quality that many human beings does not have or simply hard for them to do it. Many says i have good life, or tell me that I have better life than them but i always shut my ears because they are bullshitting at that time because i was too bog down with my emotional issue. Right now when i look in different perspective I'm actually very lucky to have good childhood, wise parents to teach me, have the money for many experience and learning and luxury stuff, hubby who does not react to my anger, high pay job (i know i complain but it's quite high compare to the work i need to do) and right now learning about spiritual. I thank the divine power for all these and i will continue to give whenever i can. 

It's year end and i usually have 10 items for next year resolution, this year i only have 1. Have faith in meditating and I will get all - everything i wished for. I feel really happy, maybe because i found my HOME. I don't know, it's just a feeling :) I always tell myself, i cannot be a monk this life - i don't know why i have a feeling i will become a monk very soon! GOSH! I DON"T WANT!

AH Diary 2 (Dec)

I feel so much better after 2 consecutive nights of DVD and also plus the healing i did every morning. I have a feeling that i have come to the end of the road, the question that i've always ask myself - "how does life works". I asked myself this question when i was around 13 years old, I envy all my friends in royal lake club, I was sad because my brother's sick, I was sad because i see my parents were in pain when my brother pass away, I feel helpless when i need 'GOD' to help me thru my teenage years, I feel worried and fear for my future after secondary school, I feel upset when i do not get the relationship i want, I fear that i cannot get the best job in the world, I'm feeling insecure of money. etc - These follow me until year 2010 which is 29 years old and finally i have the answer.

16 years journey:

Kuan Yin was the one i ask for emotional comfort in early years. Mum would buy flowers and food for praying, I see mum chanting infront of kuan yin every morning. I follow mum chanting to kuan yin when my brother diagnose with cancer. When mum is away, i take up the responsibility to pray - josticks, refill oil for the lamp, flowers once in a while and chanting. I remember one night there is no electricity and the oil for the lamp going to finish, and i thought of asking neighbour for it but finally i didn't because i prefer to work out something myself than begging people for something. Hence i walk out ALONE in the dark 8-9pm to the grocery shop - it was so scary and windy, i walk/ run as fast as i could and i keep telling myself it's OK, i only need 15 min i will be back home and with the light on kuan yin table, she then will see us clearly and will protect us. (i actually believe what i told myself at that time). 

I was once very attach to jesus because mum is away from me and dad would go to singapore every weekend to visit my brother. I know my parents is very tiring, three of us sister is on a rotation basis to accompany dad to singapore weekly. My friend brought me to christian camp and they taught me how to pray and i do it at home when i need help. Why i never go back to kuan yin because we have moved to a new house and the attachment to kuan yin is no longer there. I was very afraid because dad was undergoing a very stressful and pressured moment, he lost his temper a few times and i feel so helpless because there is no one to comfort me. The only help i get is from jesus, when i pray i actually see him (shadow) - standing at the door watching over me. In my imagination of course

Soka Gakkai came when mum is back with us at home. I accept Soka Gakkai very easily maybe because i see mum chanting everyday and is very devoted to it. Mum is my motivator to achieve things i want in life, without fail - mum will chant every night for 1hr, hence i will follow mum to chant for 15-30min every night. From here i experience the connection to the universe (back then i do not know what is it called) and the heat on my body and palm. Automatically i know when chanting for things we want, we need to 'feel' it then only i will stop. I had a great time in the UK, attending the UK youth division performance in london every year and it's a great experience for me, i get to know people from the UK and also Thailand (Top) and Hong Kong (victor). I love reading their magazine as it bring so much enlightenment and comfort to me while i was alone in the UK. 

I'm back home after my degree and the connection with Soka Gakkai decrease tremendously, Maybe i do not have friends like i have in the UK where we have something in common (came from other country to study), i continue to chant when i have problem until i was hit by bad luck (heaven and earth clashed on my bazi), the pain is very great that chanting nam myo ho ren ge kyo alone cannot heal & comfort me. This is when i start to go into bazi, mian xiang and feng shui. I want to know WHY i had bad luck. This is when i met Joey Yap, he is really funny and i really enjoy all his classes and his talks. It does bring me comfort at that moment because i met alot of friends, and now these friend show me the way to spiritual. 

When i was young, i have already exposed to qi gong because of my brother, and i learn tai chi before i conceive with andrea. I learn reiki last year. I learn to make energy ball from shichida class. All these now i understand is the source, the root of the universe. Whatever name you call it, it's from the same source. 

I read the power and it enlightens me, and i read Louise L Hay, they talk about the same thing but in different words. With the knowledge of universe energy and how you are getting bad luck or what not, you can heal yourself. All the bad things happen to you, you do it to yourself. To heal myself, it's really hard honestly ... right now at this moment, only the DVD is helping me. Those people in the DVD tells me and remind me of what is important and i will concentrate on those and do healing. Will i have prosperity and abundance? I believe i have but right now i cannot confirm with you as i'm still new in this path. 

Highest knowledge about the universe/ religion/ science depends alot on your divine wisdom. I understand that every human being will have their timing to understand all these. I really hope what i've written in this blog will help you in anyway, I will be more than happy to help anyone that wants to get on board to a life with abundance.

SV - 12Dec2010

Next week is term evaluation! I was worried when i heard this, because i thought andrea will not make it because i lack of time to practice with her and as of the lesson today, she cannot play big time D and Rock on A properly, needless to say twinkle variation. Every lesson, i just let her enjoy the class, only 10-20% of the time correcting her. I usually correct her at home than in class. On that day, andrea told teacher that she already can play big time D, gosh ... she only can sing, i gave her the sticker because she played D string but the note she played very short. I thought it was an encouragement for her to practice more, i shy away when dr. ng ask andrea to show him later. 

Anyway, today andrea amaze me when i'm in the shower. she played twinkle variation A, but in a slower beat! I smile to myself and i feel very happy when i heard that, i cannot believe my girl can play it, she barely can play a string properly last few days and suddenly it's perfect! Teacher said 3 months they can play twinkle variation and my friend's daughter at 5 years old, 3 months only can play - i cannot believe my girl 1.5 months can play already. After Sunday class, i had her practice every evening, i will go shower and ask her to practice on her own and i will play the CD and she will follow it after i finish shower. This is to prepare for next week evaluation. Today is just Wednesday and the two pieces - big time D and rock on A is perfect! I'm so so HAPPY! Will see how's her performance this Sunday :)

Now i concur what dr. ng has to say last time. Children shall let them sing the beat and it will come naturally - to play it on the violin. Sing Sing Sing, yes! I love the solfege he did, andrea loves it too. 

AH Diary 1 (Dec)

To maintain at the highest state all the time is extremely difficult for me. Bad things happening after one another! Why is it so hard?

All started with the negative vibes this web leader emitted last week, i was in such a bad mood because she cannot stop making me an idiot. My Manager then wanted this to stop and ask me to find another solution, FINE! I was in an extremely bad mood because number 1, i was extremely underpay for the past 3 years and i missed my salary adjustment + increment because i was on LOA for 6 months. Moreover, i have so many shits to clean up because next year the GMU BC going to review my process! I feel so overwhelm by the amount of work i need to do yet so little pay, or shall i say stagnant pay. I know i cannot complain because family comes 1st and i shall endure this sick little pay i'm getting. I am very angry because all i have did to heal myself now has gone to waste because of work! I lose my temper because of work and i lose my patient because of work. I HATE WORK! 

I was so upset today that i went for a facial during work hour and i have a friend kind enough to bring me out for lunch - away from the office. I was so upset that nothing seems right - booked the hayatt hotel and the stupid lady takes so damn long to answer my email, until now no reply, called the stupid agency and told me that POLO contract just out and Thursday only submit to immigration and told me end of january only can get maid - What the HELL is going ON!? This Friday my Sister-In-Law is going to intrude my house for 3/4 nights. My KCO testing suppose to close beginning of december and my tester had another 4 more open testing which cannot be closed, i have to rush for her yet tomorrow is my official testing starts for all ASEAN countries! I am very upset because my manager still doesn't give me my band 7, she said if give now their budget allocation for 2010 have left a little only, if promote next year 2011 then got more budget then can increase more. HOW MANY PERCENT MORE?! Damn it... I REALLY HATE WORK. One more thing, my GMU going to held education session and peer review in Malaysia next year and i have to book hotel for them, book room and all that - like an admin! My Manager told me this year they all went to korea and i missed it! DOUBLE SHIT! All good things i miss it, what else i cannot miss! 

I don't know what to do. I will watch the DVD (you can heal your life by louise L Hay) again tonight and see if it helps. Really in deep shit. 

Gap Casting Call

I've got the text from kim few weeks ago and never thought of wanting to let andrea go for casting. After saw the Gap Casting Call on facebook, all the little kids are so adorable and i gave it a second thought. Maybe i shall let andrea to have an experience since she loves to go on stage so much. 

We arrived at about 11.30am and it has a long long queue, we quickly bought present for my nephew and andrea's outfit and gotten number 61 for shooting. After register we quickly had our lunch at vietnam kitchen and our turn is at around 12.45pm. Phew... it was hard work because i have no idea how to get andrea in the mood and i'm afraid that she will break down crying last minute, as she always does. 

I bring her to see how other kids pose for the camera, I talk to her - ask her to imagine she loves to pose for the camera, imagine that she enjoy being taken photo by professional and imagine that she is very confident when standing on the red box. Before going in, i ask her: "OK?". She happily says OK and bounce a few times, so i thought she's OK and is all ready. When her name is called, she cling on to me tightly, i have to carry her as she refuse to walk. I put her on the red box and whisper in her ears :" just enjoy yourself, do what ever the camera men ask you to do." Andrea's face turn red, watery eyes, but did not burst out crying, then i heard daddy's voice, "I will show teacher natalie OK?" Then andrea gave a little smile and the shooting starts. Half way she started to dream! "Oh My God, NOT NOW" .. I was thinking to myself. I snap my fingers and call for andrea - Concentrate! Concentrate! How can she dream when spot light is on her and camera is clicking away?! GOSH! Eating God Problem! 

Camera men choose this, as the others was blank look because she was dreaming. On the way home i ask her if she likes being shoot and under the spotlight. She said yes. Then i ask her why she didn't give me the sweetest smile just now? She told me she did not enjoy herself enough. Andrea ask me to bring her again next time and she will enjoy herself very much and look very sweet next time. She was holding her photo all the way home and keep on looking at herself in the photo. I think this is a nice experience for andrea and i know she really likes it, I need to help her to overcome the fear, i guess a few more times she will enjoy it, just like being on the stage! 

Morning

Falling flowers covered the grass. Pink. white.

Windy morning. people dancing and walking in the park. 

I love serene morning and the greenery that i see when I'm driving out from my house. I will miss it when I move to my new house. I love to be just 2 of us in the car, where andrea for once did not try to win over my attention and did not fuss or cry intentionally over small stuff. I enjoy listening to andrea reading to me, it's so wonderful that she started to read. I love my morning. 

Work has been busy because it's quarter-end closing, everything is rushing in madness. I have 3 days leave and i can't wait till end of December. Today i loose my temper and new colleague was shock and ops! I did it again, i thought i can control but somehow ... anger blinded me. I need to heal myself again tonight. I pray that the manager will gain the sales that she wanted and can talk nicely to everyone around her. I apologized that i sounded like I wanna slap you (as my new colleague said) but actually i was trying hard to explain it to you because you sounded like you have already close your door. I know it's quarter-end closing, i hope that you will have a happy 2010 ending and god bless you. I forgive you ..... 

Tomorrow is saturday! It's Cooking day! Corn for Saturday and pumpkin for Sunday! I'm lucky to have home cook food from mum during weekdays and i feel healthier now as i rarely have headache after i've started work. Maid not here yet - luck cannot change, too bad you have such bad luck, all you can do is to endure and go into spiritual, stick your head up again only when good luck comes. Old maid have not transfer - new maid has not approved. What is the Agency doing .... call 2-3 times a week does not help, have done that for more than a month now! I don't know what's happening ...... Divine Power, i need some miracle. I always feel the maid is already here, i don't know why she is still not here physically yet! Can she be here before 24th dec? Andrea's last day of day care is 24th dec. Help me answer divine power!