Wish granted

My last post, I asked universe to give me time & space, sometime away from all the issues I have. Universe grant me what i needed - company trip to Vienna, Austria for 5 working days, in total would be about 7 days to fly there and come back. Happy or sad? Was extremely excited when I first got the news because this education was initially plan to be in KL and i had to become the admin to book rooms for the whole world! Now the whole world is going to Vienna! Yeay! No need to become admin :) Back on earth - grounded and felt sad because i'm gonna leave my kids behind for work and I had to go ALONE -  Representing ASEAN :( Got other Business Controls friends lah, but not very close, those close ones had move on to another role like Korea, ANZ & China. Will definitely make new friends :) 

Anyway, this is my first company trip. The previous trip suppose to go US, but then they only select the pilot countries - china & Germany to go. So all other countries like myself have to stay back, we actually submitting the visa already, however company was still not doing very good i guess so cut down the expenses. That was Productivity Tool portion, i guess they do not have alot of budget. This business controls has alot of money i guess, when i was on LOA last year they went to Korea. Actually i prefer Korea, but well ... anything lah. as long as don't come to KL. Hate being a host, especially have to entertain all the headquarters people, American slang is actually very hard to understand and they don't understand me as well. GOSH! Nightmare when talking over the phone. One of them can take Indian slang! Impressive! 

Having to work in an ASEAN role is great because you can hear people talking English in different slang. hahaha, worst part is that you cannot hear what they say, initially i had problem with Thailand, Vietnam and India people. It's so embarrassing that you had to ask them repeat themselves. On the other hand, i had to talk word by word like an robot when i give education over the phone. Those were the days. Right now they used to my Malaysian slang, I feel more at ease :) work can be fun when they give us yearly travel like this to do shopping in other countries :) 

Sei Hei Ki

Want to get away from reality, thought want to move out to somewhere so i can have a peace of mind. I can't do it because my EG (eating god) is not clashed but hubby one is, so maybe he will just leave us without saying anything this year. I want to go somewhere but dunno where to go, my parents place? no .... friends place? no .... Hotel? maybe. I think if i ever want a peace of mind my choice will be Hotel :) IBM Corporate rate is quite cheap anyway. 

My heart chakra is very very soar. I can feel it at the back of my spine, did fish pose this morning and felt better now it came back again. Did healing this morning but gone to waste because i release my anger again this morning because 'she' open the new zara hair accessories and THROW away the BAG! I scream again. I scream so much yesterday that I feel so so weak, I slept 3 hours in the afternoon but slept again at 9pm at night. I feel so exhausted and feel that the bad energy is so heavy inside myself especially my heart chakra. I'm really very weak now, I don't like to be angry but I can hardly control the anger when things don't go my way. I don't wish to look at 'her' face because it will bring anger to me - the problem is in me, i know, but how not to be angry when i feel so disappointed in myself for picking her to become my maid. Looking at her face, remind me of how foolish I am for picking her in the first place. Her present makes me so upset because I treat her so good - let her have mobile and buy reload for her, buy clothes and shorts, purposely buy biscuit because scared she is hungry, use the washing machine to wash her clothes, let her have our share of all the good things like peaches, chocolates, juices, restaurant food etc. Is all worth it? I feel so stupid for doing all these! No body appreciate it, back to square 1 for my problem. I'm so tired and do not want to look at it anymore. 

Hubby say I'm no use because I don't know how to manage people. No wonder in IBM I have no opportunity to become people manager. I know that is true but I do feel helpless and sad even people don't say it, i know it myself. Now Hubby tell me in the face, I feel extremely sad because I'm a failure in work and I'm a failure as a SAHM and a total failure to be the boss for 'her'.  What on earth can I do? I don't know, I feel like going to the temple to become a nan because there is no hope, no happiness and no more love. God bless me. I need peace to build my stamina again. I know peace is inside myself, but please universe, give me peace - time & space [Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen]. Thank you

Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen - No Past, Present, Future

Sei Hei Ki - Purify, Cleanse & protect Emotion

Fantastic Weekend

Had a fruitful weekend! Feel so much connection and enjoy every moment of it :)

1. Visit a good friend, catch up and best of all she just conceive with second child! Her son is as big as andrea, boy being boy they are more active and approachable. 

2. Had lunch with unimates at Fukuya, it's good to see old friends once a year. Has been talking to them over phones and FB, it's really good to see them face to face once in a while, so we don't only talk to the phone and computer screen. Will upload the photos tonight. My weekends are SUPER busy, i love weekdays :) 

3. Dinner with Alvin and his wife, was caught by surprise that he already got married more than one year ago! He has got a semi-D in leeds and will definitely pay a visit (free accommodation!) when my boy can eat fish and chips!

4. Sunday as usual - Violin and Shichida

5. Sunday Dinner at Ming Room again, try ALL of their set with parents and Kim + bf. RM88++, RM128++, RM148++ set. Phew, it was really delicious! Satisfied! Good thing is i can try all of them, ask for 1 mouth donation from everyone. hahaha... The dessert is heaven - Durian pudding, Melon sago and Almond pudding!

Tomorrow holiday again! Yippie!! Will be going to Ikea to buy towel rack, saw at Gudang the one I like cost RM1180, I think can buy 10 racks from Ikea! hahaha ... Many things I like is crazily overpriced, I hope one day I can afford those overpriced item like I always buy from Ikea :) The day will come when I can control myself/ mind fully. Now still quite cacat - machine turn on and off sometimes.

Free Meditation Link

Since back from KK, I've lost my focus to meditate. Yes, i still meditate, but the warmth on my hand has reduced tremendously, however i still feel the heat when my hand left the previous position. WHY? 

1. Contacted with too many people (we carry different energy)

2. Too many things in my head (job/ business) + still adjusting to new maid

We are mirror of each other, even you don't gossip with me, show anger towards me, but the energy you carry i can feel it. The energy is very dense. Phew .... During CNY really met with alot of people and somehow it affected me, not that i want the negative energy to be transferred to me, but somehow it will. That is why JY said, mix with successful people and you will be successful, mix with poor people and you will be poor for this lifetime. It is somehow transferred and cannot be seen with our naked eyes, that is why monk and people who meditate avoid the crowd. Can i avoid? of course not lah, how to survive ALONE in this universe? I pray that I only attract people who has lots of LOVE, compassionate, kind and helpful. Kindly repelled mean and gossiping folks that brings no value to the universe. 

Meditation + affirmation has bring me to a new level - i experienced emptiness mind when meditating. currently i try to achieve that emptiness i've experienced before CNY, however it's tough unless I'm really relax and be able to concentrate. It's nice feeling when you bring your awareness back, it's like a whole new you. Need to practice somemore and hope my rojak mind will stop rojaking and give me a peace of mind. Shoulder pain gone but dizziness is not completely off yet. menstrual suppose to come but didn't, don't know what's wrong inside, past 1 month already, maybe 2 months once again? but let my body to be at ease, growing fatter and dizzy - hormone imbalance i think. I Love you body, please go back to your original state. 

Found this website on meditation: 

http://www.freemeditations.com/

I like this from the website:

Widen the vision of my unseeing minds eye so in passing faces I'll recognize not just a stranger, unloved, and unknown, but a friend with a heart and soul that is much like my own.

Baby Sign

Ben start signing extensively:

1. andrea sleeping while daddy carrying her in the lift - ben sign "sleep" showing daddy that andrea is sleeping

2. sign "more" when we took out something he wants to eat

3. sign "smelly" when he poop or we say smelly
4. sign "where" when we ask him where?

5. sign "fan", "duck", "frog", "flower", "bib", "milk", "hat", "comb", "shoe & socks" - point to the leg, "fish", "butterfly", "rabbit", "pig", "elephant", "cake - clap his hand ie sing happy birthday song" - when i read him his picture book

Maid start to teach him 

1. eyes

2. nose

3. ears

4. hands

5. hair

Last but not least DANCING. lol .... 

Still only say 'nana' = Banana, but somehow everything he point now, he will say 'nana'. Don't know why .... hahaha. Start potty train or not? Not yet, slow right? Need to buy panty first, mummy is the one who doesn't put effort. tsk tsk .... OK tomorrow i buy if can :) 

1year 3 months 2 weeks old

Hyatt Regency Kota Kinabalu

We always opt for the club room when we stay in a hotel, 24 hours free beverages, free wi-fi, free cocktail & tea and most importantly less people (private space). With 2 kids around i needed that alot because i do not have 100% concentration 'watching' over my kids, they just do whatever they want when i'm busy eating or reading at the lounge. I never have to worry my kids are hungry because there will be food and drinks around the clock for free. Needless to say the rooms are a bit bigger, perfect for my 4 big bags and a baby cot to fit in this time. 

Hyatt Regency KK have just refurbished, so everything is very new. We are very happy with it, the service staff is also very helpful and friendly that makes our stay very pleasant. The hotel located at the central, KFC and Burger king is just opposite our hotel. Shopping mall is also 5-10min walking distance. Upperstar grill and bar is hubby's place for drinks with his friend when the kids and I sleeping, it is also just opposite the hotel. Here are some pictures of the hotel.

Hyatt Regency Kota Kinabalu

Hyatt Regency Club Lounge

Regency Club Room

开工 大吉

No cure for me, i went for JY talk and the date and time given by JY is not suitable for me. So i came back and open up my dong gong book (ask Mr. Dong), 7th Feb is inauspicious, 8th feb is auspicious but it's a horse day and i'm sitting on rat (clash) - no good effect on me, 9th feb is SUPER inauspicious, 10th feb is inauspicious, 11th feb is auspicious but it's a rooster day and I have a rooster in my chart (self punishment) - no good effect on me. WHOLE week no good day for me to start work :( Quite depressing but i do not want to 'feel' it. Go Away! 

Anyway i planned to go back to work on monday which is 7th feb, but universe stop me from going to work and gave me an headache, so i went office today. It's a good day but i will not get any good effect. Sigh ... sometimes you want to have date selection but somehow the timing is not right. Just like this, HOW? life goes on ....... 

MAS GOLDEN LOUNGE

We had our 1st Business class flight to Kuching, it was a nice experience because the chair is huge and you can literally lying flat. Going to Kota Kinabalu only available in airbus - small plane thus do not have the privilege lying down flat this time. Air crew called us by name, even my kids and of course the service is very attentive and personalized. The flight was full for returns from KK and also Kuching. We opt for Business class because i needed larger space to walk and sing along the aisle when ben is fussing. As ben is above 1 year now, the bassinet at business class is also bigger :) 

We enjoy the Golden Lounge the most as there are ample and comfortable seating and a reasonable selection of food and beverages. Not forgetting free wi-fi too :) We love the experience of things available there, not so much of the staff service because we hardly interact with them. My kids love the space for running and also the kids play room available there. Golden Lounge made my waiting time to be very comfortable with kids around. Here are some photos from KL and Kota Kinabalu Golden Lounge.

KLIA MAS Golden Lounge Food Selection

KLIA MAS Golden Lounge Play Room

NEW KKIA MAS Golden Lounge 

KKIA MAS Golden Lounge Food Selection & Play Room

Not Feeling Well on the 5th of CNY

Woke up today with extreme head spinning again, wanted to go to work but can hardly move. Sat for a few moment and meditate, seems better until start getting up. I have decided to stay at home and rest, I seriously have no idea what happen :( I surrender myself and I'm on my knees, please tell me what i shall do with my body, I want to be healthy and strong once again. 

Hubby came back at 9.30am, had the urge to swim, so i asked hubby to sit by the pool, just in case my head spins when I'm in the water. Surprisingly when I'm in the water no head spinning but once i got up i can feel a little. After bath when drying up my hair, it came back again. I cannot look down or left right even i do it slowly. I hope tomorrow i can go to work because i do not want to waste my leave, i have so many places to go this year and have to move to new house too. Please give me the wisdom to heal myself. Divine Power please guide me.  

The Ming Room

Here is what i had for dinner on the 4th day of CNY. The Ming Room is famous for their food quality, today their presentation of food was very extraordinary :) I enjoy the dinner tonight, we ordered RM88++ set per person. These photo was taken with my iphone as i did not expect the presentation of the food to be different.

1。谜你捞生 (Mini Salmon Yee Sang)

2。南瓜云吞炖勾翅 (Double-Boiled Coral Shark's Fin soup with Wanton in Pumpkin)

3。法式炬响螺 (Baked Sea Clans French Style)

4。意式西班牙猪扒 (Pan-Fried Iberico Pork Chop)

5。鲍鱼炬饭 (Baked Rice with Abalone)

6。Almond Pudding

南瓜云吞炖勾翅
(Double-Boiled Coral Shark's Fin soup
with Wanton in Pumpkin )

The Ming Room, BSC - 法式炬响螺
(Baked Sea Clans French Style)

意式西班牙猪扒 
(Pan-Fried Iberico Pork Chop))

鲍鱼炬饭 
(Baked Rice with Abalone)

Almond Pudding

The Ming Room

Bangsar Shopping Complex

3rd Floor, KL

Phone No: 03-2284 8822
www.orientalrestaurant.com.my

CNY at Kota Kinabalu

It was a tiring trip, my head spinning episode happened twice and it's freaking me out. Luckily my healing energy is helping me, at least i'm fit for the day. I need to do healing twice a day to make sure my head don't spin! Carrying ben excessively is still bad for my health, I wonder when it will stop or i shall say completely recover from my injured head-neck-shoulder-hand. Don't think reiki is healing it 100% because it came back, but at least it's under control when i put 'power' to it! lol ...

Had a pleasant trip because it's so comfy - hotel and flights and we meet alot of people and i enjoy myself alot seeing other people's children and also catching up with one of my uni friend. My sister in law is kind enough to cook ben all his meal (lunch and dinner), which i'm really thankful for her kind gesture. My kids are quite obedient as they are not sick nor had any major accident. This trip me and hubby manage the kids quite well - did not had major worries nor fight. 

My parents sent us to the airport at 5am, gosh.. i think they woke up at 4am. Felt really happy seeing them before i fly off because this year cannot spend CNY with my parents. Arrived at KK at 10am - lunch at IL's - send pei to airport - check in at hotel - rest - dinner at IL - back at hotel - Sleep :) Day 2 - breakfast with IL - Beach - burger king lunch - house hoping until 6pm - dinner at IL - fire cracker/ fire works gathering at IL - meet with uni friend - back to hotel - Sleep :) Day 3 - breakfast - SIL house - lunch to celebrate MIL birthday - visit to auntie susan - back to hotel - rest - dinner at sushi tei with hubby's friend - back to hotel - Sleep :) Day 4 - breakfast - SIL house to pick up porridge - Air port - KL - Home Sweet Home :) 

Andrea enjoy herself alot as she loves to play with her cousins and hubby's friends kids (especially the twins). Ben enjoy himself alot too i guess, 1st time seeing him fight with other kids (cousins) over some toys and he had his 1st fall at restaurant which left a mark on his forehead and 2nd accident at Hotel breakfast. Boys Boys Boys ... oh dear ... I'm tired! Luckily they are still in good condition :) Hubby enjoy the most i guess because he had drinks until 2-3am for 2 consecutive nights. Myself, despite the head-neck-shoulder-hand pain, i think i ate quite ALOT until i put on 2kg! That's bad.. really really bad. 

Will be going to KK again in 2H11 for Pei's convocation. Great trip, don't mind another one :) 

15 months old

Did the shichida milestone charting last Sunday, Linguistic only 1 improvement. Gosh, i'm seriously neglecting my boy. Other 3 areas was OK, as i mark many for the other areas, i look closely to this Linguistic details and found out that it's actually my fault of being LAZY. Having to know where are the head, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, hands etc is so easy if i keep on repeating to him, calling daddy and mummy would be easy too if i keep on repeating to him. Ben can now say 'nana' = banana. He start reading books and has interest in it, GREAT milestone! Oh, he can say - 'ty' = dirty and 'nish' = finish + showing finish sign

Daily he will read the book i bought from popular and yesterday by surprised he go and get the book himself and wants me to read for him. All these needs to cultivate, it's actually not my boy do not like books. Ben boy, you need to start saying words by next month OK? I need to tick some boxes for the milestone chart OK, i feel so bad when you shows no improvement from last 6 months! Ben started to ask people to play with him by pulling our hands and ask people to 'sayang' or kiss his head/hand when is painful.

Another problem is that i want to potty train ben but he doesn't like my maid. How can i potty train my boy. I notice that he will tell me or do something unusual after he pee or poo. This is one of the milestone in shichida milestone chart, i really hope i do not let this opportunity pass because if we ignore it, the baby will not tell us or show us before or after they pee or poo anymore until they can start talking properly. Panic, where's my nobleman. Ben is not drinking milk properly too, where's milk nobleman to tell me what should i do? I'm worried but no idea how to improve his intake. He is SOoooOo skinny. I'm going to get the comment of why your boy so skinny this CNY i guess. Please put on my buddha ears. I also don't wish my kids to be a skeleton OK. -PEACE-

I'm going to fire my maid if benjamin still do not like her after 1 month. Helping me or giving me more trouble (screaming babies)! Sigh ... I don't need to pay 1K + food + utilities for people to clean my house OK. I can clean myself!

SV - 31jan2011

I was caught by surprise that andrea did not blame me. While waiting for teachers, i told andrea that I actually dislocate the bridge (was trying to straighten the bridge a little). After that she keep on saying: it's you! it's you. Then tell daddy somemore, it's mummy broke the bridge not me. Then teacher came, while teacher fixing the bridge she ask andrea what happen, andrea did not say my mummy broke it! lol.... Phew ... My girl is actually not a pro finger pointing person, not like me and hubby. lol ... 

Today is quite bad, she did not play in the middle bow and holding the violin very low again, did not play on single string. I feel bad and extremely uneasy because how can my girl play this bad, when dr. ng ask us to give comment (good ones) i cannot utter a single word. Really not like my usual self, i cannot believe i have so much frustration and anger inside me. I don't know why it came back, i did not meditate properly for the past few days i guess. Too much is going on around me. Andrea now too stay with grandparents and i do not have time to practice violin with her anymore. We must practice daily, but right now i think it's not possible anymore. When ben is around, he will glue to me and he will not let me have leisure time to be with andrea. 

I told dr.ng that andrea refuse to let me correct her and andrea feels demotivated when she cannot play mary had a little lamb nicely. Dr.Ng talk to her nicely and in front of me, he told andrea that I'm his assistant, must listen to mummy. kekeke... good one, i like it :) one good point, andrea can play Ro-Sin-Mm-Bo very nicely today. I'm so proud of her. Andrea is also very determine to learn violin, i actually threaten her to throw away her violin because she broke the tuners, she cried and hid the violin. I asked her to bring it out and give it to me, she just cried and refuse to take it out. How can a 3 year old girl know what she really wants and is so determine in learning something. That's a great passion and determination that i must learn from her.

Today lesson:

Played all the songs on encore + 1 new song

Played all twinkle variation accompanied by piano

Played solo - reggae

Monogram Idylle

Had this as a gift, it's Romance - Sepia colour. Love this bag although it's not the latest design, for this range the latest design is Fantaisie, however it does not suit me. I need a bag that has 2 side pockets to put my kids water bottle or milk bottle when i'm out shopping or anywhere i go. My bag has to be handy because I'm a mother of 2 who does not like to carry diaper bag, all the kids essential has to fit into my LV bag - that's my criteria. My kids were helpful at the store (not quite), Andrea keep saying she wants to go toilet and hubby brought her, ben on the other hand walking here and there and bite on the fake fruits & real flower on the table :s Anyway, Hey, it's good enough that i had time to decide :) 

Was carrying my 1-2 yrs old Damier Azur Canvas - Totally GM, the sales person stare at my bag when i was opening my zip to take out tissue for ben. I was curious so i look at my zip as well, MY LV ZIP IS RUSTY! That's so embarrass, how can that happen and why it happened? I told hubby and he repeat the thing he always say - you don't love your bag, that's why. Hm.. i love my bag but sometimes i need to put the bag on the floor, ben has the need to chew on my bag, the water accidentally spill on my bag, andrea needs to have cushion so she sit on my bag, sometimes we have too many things to put and it makes my bag explode (all the kids stuff like cardigan, diaper, wet wipes, extra clothes, pants etc), the bag has to be a cushion for ben when we were at zipangu. I think the rustiness is because of ben's saliva when he used to chew on it when he was below 1 year old. I didn't have a maid back then, so i allow him to chew on anything as long as he does not fuss :p including his own walking shoe! I feel bad now. 

I'm extremely happy because i can find another bag with 2 side pockets! It's a direct satisfied replacement for me :) Loving my new year ... Gong Hei Fatt Choy!!

Random

CNY is just around the corner,

Abundance of money but could not find anything i like,

Should be more creative but somehow is lazy,

I don't mind not having any new things, as long as i'm feeling happy inside,

Bought 2 extremely big bunnies, however neighbor had 2 small little bunnies, 

This shows how kiasu I am,

How i wanted to be noticed.

We are at transition to yi mao year, 

I'm feeling low but people around me does not seems to be affected,

I have lost my serenity, I could now understand my mum when she moved into my house, 

Humans are at constant move and change, 

I'm weak at adapting myself, always crave for best thing to stay as it is, 

Looking at my Galactic Signature Decoder, it says i live in denial.

Am I? Maybe ... but not dominating.

No serene morning, No concentration for meditation,

My life turns up side down,

Everyone around me seems a burden to me,

I shall learn to love once again, 

Love myself and everyone around me, 

Dissolve the boredom, irritation, expectation,

Open my heart to give love and receive love. May Joy be with me.


I'm reading back dated post,
"reiki2" post says - when u cannot control things around you,
Meditate, the power is in you! 
I love my blog, lol, i motivate myself when i'm feeling low. 
Thanks high self :)

New maid

Maid just came yesterday. Need alot of supervision but i'm lazy and i feel uneasy of having someone in the house who need me to teach. I feel that I've become a little selfish because i tend to be impatient when i expect the helper to help me. My emotional is not very stable because i cannot do my meditation in the living room, i have to teach helper to do things, i'm worried she is not capable and i have the urge to check on everything she does which is very taxing (mentally). After 1 year of not having a maid, i kinda miss my old life without a maid actually. However i know i can't because my husband cannot support me as I'm a high maintenance wife and he himself also very high maintenance. The day i can stop work and become the maid myself is great, with a part time job (must be challenging of course). Divine power please guide me

I have another job offer internally, but required to go cyberjaya. It's a global role doing HR stuff, I'm keen but how about andrea? Stop school? change school? what should i do? Will have an interview before CNY to find out more about the job before deciding. I may have to travel because it's a global role. I love work I love my kids, I hope divine power will guide me as i love all these at once. It's just another day which i don't feel good, i cannot fully concentrate in meditation for the past few days. There is just too much thoughts - i need peace. May i find Peace once again. I pray that people around me are filled with love and peace. Let us live in harmony.

Articles by Diane

I think I'm going deeper now because the website I've mentioned in my previous post gave me greater insight! I love what I'm reading. I want to put down the important points for my  future reference. This is so me, she put down the words of what i'm feeling right now:

I remembered some of what I experienced and when I tried to tell others, it was often dismissed as deliriousness. I quickly stopped talking about it. I couldn't find words to express the realizations and knowledge - Diane

For SGI Comrades because we believed life is eternal: (by Diane)

On the personal level, if you start with the premise that life goes on after death, becoming a more loving and compassionate person is the first step. Some mental and emotional housecleaning is probably involved: getting rid of anger, hate, bitterness, resentment, blame, jealousy, greed, vengefulness and perverted thoughts; forgiving yourself and others for perceived hurts and wrongs; changing your attitudes; letting go of fear, dropping your judgments; bringing in the Light to purify your consciousness; and beginning to live in ways that spread the Light to those whose lives you touch. It is the love you carry within you when you leave your body which enhances your spiritual growth.

Living in the now with joy prepares you for death whenever it comes. Your dying experience will be peaceful and your life in the spiritual realms, long and blissful. If you decide to come back to the physical world, it will be a pleasant lifetime. Those who believe life ends at death can see no reason to preserve the earth or share resources or be kind to others, as they live only for themselves. They want to control everything. They don't care about or value anyone's life besides their own. For those who live in denial and die with hate in their hearts, their transition will be unpleasant. They will reincarnate quickly with harder lives and lessons to learn until they turn to a spiritual path

Experiencing Spirituality - by Diane

The good news is that you don't have to nearly die to experience your spiritual nature. You just need to have unlimited patience, perseverance and persistence, and be willing to practice, practice, practice. Hey, if it were easy, we would all be enlightened! Until you feel the divine inside you, you are only trying to believe. You just need to open yourself to the process and go within. Going "out" to find God creates a separateness, a duality, which only exists in the mind. We are not separate from God, we are One with God. Meditate to learn to still your mind and listen to the sound of silence. Affirm that you have a body, but you are not your body; that your are in this world, but not of it. Focus your attention on your spiritual nature and the kingdom of God within you, no matter what else you are doing in your daily life. It is in the process of seeking that you will find your joy and your connection to your Higher Power. If you are patient with yourself and persistent in overcoming your carnal (lower chakra) desires, no matter what karma you have to resolve along the way, you will experience a transformation in your life on all levels, as you grow closer to your God-Self. You will find yourself letting go of people and things you thought were important, but, in truth, were harmful. As you come to love and accept yourself, you will become more tolerant of and loving towards others. Your thinking will become more clear and you will put things in better perspective, neither blowing things out of proportion nor becoming anyone's victim. You will begin to stand up for yourself and the rights of others without becoming self-righteous. You will find it hard to continue living materialistically and change your lifestyle to include doing more of what you love to do, instead of acquiring material things and pursuing the emptiness of self-gratification.

The Powers of Ten

This is the scientific video that i've tried to tell people. I've watched it in shichida 2 years ago. It talks about universe and milky way, i found it on here. I'm very happy because i now know the title of this video :) 

This website gives me alot of enlightenment. This is also from the web page. After reading it, all my frustration dissolves.

People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
 

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
 

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
...Succeed anyway.
 

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
 

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
 

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
 

People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
 

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
 

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
 

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
by Kent M. Keith

Ben progress

1. Loves to play with the switch - starting this week can on and off the switch. Previously can only on but do not know how to off

2. He is super strong in holding himself up for more than 1 min on a bar at play ground

3. Calls jie jie and Da Da all the time

4. Still afraid of water running thru his face during shower

5. Start showing ben picture books, however he is not very interested. Will continue to try

6. Loves to 'fat lan cha', he will pretend to cry, roll on the floor and hit the floor/ chair/ table

7. Drank 1 bottle of vitagen without my supervision! 

8. Loves to open all my drawers and take out everything in the kitchen - utensils, plastic bags, plates & bowls, washing liquids, shampoo, 1st aid kit etc

9. Take things from the cupboard and throw into the bin without my permission - biscuit, mamypoko, new plastic bags and socks have been found from the kitchen bin

10. Start climbing up the chairs - dining table, activity table, my computer table and my dressing table! 

andrea's Growing

In terms of self development. I cannot remember i encounter this before 5 years old because i only start learning piano at 9 years old and YES! It's really frustrating and you always hate yourself because you can't play what you want, your fingers does not listen to you! Practice practice and practice is the word - translate to patient and persistent is what you need.Give love to it and you will master it in no time!

I could see andrea's frustration when she fuss and cried when she cannot play Mary had a little lamb, i ask her to stop practicing and lets do something else first, however she insist to practice but wants to cry then only play again. My poor little girl, mummy is not harsh on you but you are giving yourself pressure. I was panic because i do not know what to do, teacher only played for us to see and i play the same for andrea to see but her fingers position is not perfect yet and she cannot remember the melody :( 

I quickly ask myself what should i do - i came out my own version:

3212333

222 3EE

3212333

22321

I give myself a 5 star because she can memorize this in 20 min, abit long because she cried earlier on. One day we sang this, the next day we play on the violin - BUT she cried again. She ask me why is it so awful the sound she made - she is nervous and is the first time pressing on fingerboard and right hand holding the bow is pressing too hard on the string. Daddy open the door and when she saw daddy, she cried with tears:"DADDY ..... DADDY ...." so pitiful my girl. I took the violin and ask her to hear my play, i told her yesterday i play this awful right? Today was it better? She said yes and take the violin and played somemore. Towards the end of the practice was a little better than just now. I'm sure she can make it by this Sunday :)

Exciting 2011

2011 is an exciting year, there are so many things lining up and i'm anticipating for my magical life from meditation.

1. New House - designing, renovating, moving in, house warming party

2. New Business - not mine but i'm the back-end person who ensure smooth deployment

3. New Side Business - Part Time job as bazi consultant

4. Intend to take Date Selection class

5. Ensure ben is successfully potty trained by age 2

6. May get a new car this Year :)

7. Plan a holiday, not too far - maybe PLR and Cameron for this year

8. May be taking Spiritual Respond Therapy class - depends on my healing

Sometimes i feel depression because i think too much of the problems i need to fix. I shall only focus on the breathing and i believe it will heal my body and mind without me worrying too much about it. - PEACE - 

The least explored area by humans is their own self. Self awareness is the first step in knowing what you are all about. Meditation is the first step towards self awareness. The journey ends with life and is as thrilling as any adventure you might have embarked upon. You will discover life as you have never imagined. This is a journey without any baggage from past or the future. It begins and happens right here , right now in this present moment. All eternity exists in this present moment of yours. May you find it now.
Copy from http://basic-meditation.blogspot.com/

SV - 16Jan2011

Andrea mood was jolly. Suddenly i feel andrea does not need me anymore. She could follow instruction independently & did it correctly all the time. Andrea reluctant for me to correct her when she was playing her F#, she prefers Dr. Ng to correct her. I guess i would need to send her for private lesson very soon. Besides, andrea gave me a feeling that she only listen to dr. Ng - such as - greeting dr. Ng in the beginning of the class, ask andrea to go up the stage, follow teacher for solfage etc She never look at me today, she will take instruction directly from teacher. I should be happy because she is independent but i'm feeling sad because she does not need me in class anymore, my girl has grown up :( 

Today they learn 3 new notes on A string - BCD. 2 new pieces - Mary had a little lamb and hot cross bun, all to be played on A string with new fingering taught. Did some exercise which i manage to capture with my camera this time and playing suzuki twinkle variation full set with dr. Ng (piano). However she still cannot do other variation, Var A was perfect, have to work on Var B now. Encore songs are all perfect, no new songs being taught from that book. Teacher preparing for a recital and they need to practice Mary had a little lamb and hot cross bun :s That is really tough! 

Ben went up the stage this time and stand beside andrea, smiling at me. Luckily dr. ng did not show unhappy face :) I wonder when can ben join andrea. Going to watch dr. Ng playing viola in a recital at Bentley Academy. I hope andrea will enjoy too.

Over the Weekend

I had a very busy weekend. It was back to back from Saturday to Sunday! Phew ... Back to ipoh, violin & shichida! 1st time in my life, start our journey to ipoh at 6.30pm and arrived KL at 12.30am - it was a crazy decision but anyhow we need to go back because of my dad. My dad will be condemned by many relatives if his daughter is not there at the dinner and all these expectations is creating a negative environment to the dinner, i do not know how happy are my grandparents but i really hope they can find peace deep inside themselves and please do follow the light when you pass on. Let the new generation make their own decision so that they can show their love and compassion in a genuine way. How you want to control and show authoritative now, it will bring you greater pain when you pass on. May Peace be with you. 

I had a great chat with uncle SS, i feel the heat on my palm when i was chatting with him. It's hard to find someone who is into meditation. I treasure all the friends and people i know because it's hard to find, like 1 in a hundreds?! Every human reaction to meditation is different and i really need someone who can share and talk to, i find so many good and awkward things happening to me. My body itchiness has gone, afraid of spirit has gone, memory improve tremendously, is more calm but burst out dissatisfaction with my mum last Saturday, Headhunter called me last FRIDAY! Accenture this time ... Will i go? Can i go? Do i want to go? lol ... I love my work, I love to work with good people, My salary is increasing. This is my affirmation daily, I trust the Divine power to guide me :)

I went to Popular just now to look for the book (recommended by shichida mother), walked one round cannot find as there are too many children books. Close my eyes, tell myself : "tell me where is the book that i'm looking for". Open my eyes and follow my heart, browse thru some coloring books from the UK, walk behind another shelves. Viola! There it is, so happy.. less than 5 min i found it!! Thank you my guide :) They were having re-location sale, 30% off on all books! Double Happiness! - Baby Einstein and Charlie & Lola never had 30% discount, I'm so happy!!!

Fussing

I'm having hard time to understand andrea, she cannot communicate exactly what is inside her. I need to do probing all the time and i would always get something out of it and in the end i do not know if that is the real story :( Andrea is sitting on earth (dog), hence i know she has communication problem but im wondering if kids at her age like that or really is the earth problem :( Yesterday she was unhappy when i picked her up and fuss alot until i walk to my car alone. I asked her in the car what happen she said teacher show her monster which is green colour. At bed time she suddenly cry, i ask her what's wrong. She said teacher said she cannot go home and teacher nearly put her on thinking chair. This morning she cry on the way to school, i asked her what's wrong. She told me teacher said she is naughty because she doesn't want to share the toys and demand to change class :s I really don't know what's the problem and i don't know which is true and which is made up. I arrived in school and ask the teacher once again face to face because i called her yesterday when i reached home to verify if she really show andrea the green monster. Teacher said got show movie but no monster. Just now teacher said 2 boys where fighting and ask them to go thinking chair not andrea. I told teacher i feel that andrea feel teacher doesn't love her anymore, teacher said every morning she will go to teacher and say "you love me right?" then happily bounce away. Teacher said later she will go and tell andrea she loves her. Will see what andrea's reaction later. I'm having a headache because of this :(

Dr Ng sent out email to say he has a group performance in Bently Hall, invite all his student to go. Gonna book ticket because i think this is good for andrea beside MPO :) At least she can see her own teacher performing in a group.

Andrea starts to read the notes + rhythm on the book. This week we are at my mum place because hubby is in taiwan, so instead of bringing violin i only bring the book. So i will play for her at night and she will use her finger to point when the song playing. most of the time she point it correctly, amazing! without the violin is actually equally good :) 

Because we are at my mum place, ben and andrea sleep together on the bed. Both of them will hug each other and play before going to sleep. Middle of the night i woke up, saw both of them still sleeping side by side (not suffocating each other), lol. I think should be no problem to let them sleep together next time in the same room.

Reiki 2

Had my one-to-one reiki 2 on Monday. The best thing is not to learn what is reiki 2 but KW has time to answer all my questions and to share with me his experience. 

Monday session was like a hypnosis, subconsciously i reacted with the slightest trigger inside myself when i saw the word compassion on the screen. Now i understand, i have not really let go the pain inside myself, how many things that i have done to the people around me and how they have reacted really affect me deep inside. I asked KW why it has not erase because i already know this is one of my problem and i have already work on it. He ask me to use one of the symbol "hon sha ze sho nen" - it can erase the past negative energy we left behind. 

He ask me if i would like to teach reiki one day, i told him no because i need to fix myself 1st. He then told me, no teachers are perfect and we still need to fix ourself after we die, so this is an on-going process. I also share with him my disappointment with people around me that i would not want to be challenged or being question when i'm a master myself. He told me that as light workers we are just doing our best, how other people want to judge or disagree with us is totally up to them, as long as you know you have done your best. everyone has their own timing to come into realization. They may seems interested now but will move away later because their timing is not right, so just provide whatever they ask for and never expect anything from them. The universe energy shifting is very fast now, I hope everyone is blessed with PEACE (without worries and anger). Please meditate when you feel you cannot control yourself and things around you, the power is in you. 

Shichida 9 Jan 2011

Ben has new sensei - Siya. Don't know why Ben always get indian sensei, lol ... Anyway, now he is in 2A class, the class is very much smaller compared to the previous class room, hence he has tough time adjusting and seems very cranky on his 1st day. Myself also feel the room is very small and very cramp! I hope both of us will settle-in next week. The mother in this class seems very much older than me, hm... i always wanted someone around my age, well ... i'll never know what suprise i'll get :)

Ben has improvement in putting small beads into small holes, and can recognize black and white. Not bad eh, I'm suprised! He would clap his hands when sensei finish singing the songs. I hope that his patient will improve as now he does not want to look at flash memory card. He is the only active baby in class, only he wants to walk around, sigh ... last class 3 of them will walk, now he is the only naugthy one. 

I hope hubby will let me go to andrea's class because i want to see what the 4 yr old is up to now. I have not been to class with andrea for more than 1 year now. Still persuading him.

SV - 9Jan2011

I always feel happy after violin class, i don't know why. I think part of  Dr. Ng's energy, his LOVE and the way he teach kids. I also admire that he can play violin and piano in class, he is like a perfect person to me and i feel very grateful that he is teaching andrea.

This week andrea learn new note - F# on the violin. After pressing on the string, i think she pressed a little too hard, the mark is still on her finger when we reach home. She enjoy going to class but sometimes dreaming. So weird but she told me she enjoy it alot. I was suspecting she is not enjoying. Today Dr. Ng also spend sometime talking to andrea, about tuning the violin - what is perfect sound (you don't hear brittle sound), he would play and ask andrea smooth or not the note. He also ask andrea if she Rossin her bow, and he took out his own Rossin and teach her how to do it and also ask her if she knows why is Dr.Ng's rossin broken. He told her the story. I feel so warm inside because andrea has a teacher that has time for her to tell her all these, i feel so much love from the teacher to his student. 

Ben on the other hand, loves to walk around the class and go up the stage. Dr Ng will once in a while talk to him and also ask ben to shake hands but ben turn away. Must teach him to shake hands now :) Ben will also clap his hands when andrea finish playing solo on the stage. You will be surprised how ben loves to watch his sister playing on stage - pay full concentration. lol!

I'm so excited! Dr.Ng said they will have a mini concert after CNY! I'm so proud of andrea because she can play on her own now, without me singing. Andrea will listen to the music and play on her own. GREAT Milestone! I have also thought of bringing her to MPO - to watch how people perform on stage in a larger scale, too bad they only allow children who is age 8 and above. Next time :)

Peaceful Saturday

Ben has just gone to sleep and andrea is watching her concert video on iMac. We always have to fight for iMac in the house, hence i bring out my white elephant MacBook out this morning, so i could have a peaceful 1-2 hour to myself. 

Every saturday routine - wakes up at 6.30am as usual, prepare lunch ingredient, clear kitchen dish drainer and prepare breakfast. 7.30am will wake everyone up, depends who wakes up 1st, andrea or ben. Wash them up and cut fingers and toe nail then breakfast. 10am will put all ingredients into the pot for cooking porridge then put ben to sleep. Hopefully he will only wakes up at 12pm :p Later in the afternoon i will be FREE! Shichida for ben has moved to sunday same time with Andrea! I'm so glad i have one evening to go shopping! For the past 6 months is always rushing for dinner/ shopping/ groceries! Then will go to sleep at 9pm. Including myself :)

I was upset with myself because i have done something really wrong to andrea. Andrea told me that aunty ziza asked her to bring her own bedsheets, i was furious because i already gave andrea blanket and now ask me to bring bedsheets somemore. Andrea told me Tania also have her own bedsheets and today aunty ziza dun want to give her bedsheets because not enough, so urge me to put bedsheets in her bag next Monday. Well, sometimes andrea will say something that me or hubby say it, but in actual fact we didn't because she wants to get it she tell a lie. I was angry and told her that i will call the school later and if what she told me is not true i am going to slap her, she kept quiet the whole journey. Arrive at home, i called the school and aunty ziza picked up my call, i asked her and she told me she really ask andrea to bring her bedsheets because not enough. I apologize to my girl and gave her a hug and ask if she can forgive me. Terrible Mum! 

I feel alittle down because long time ago i came across a girl's blog, she has almost the same taste as me but she is more fortunate because she went to famous uni in the UK and also got a very rich husband. I contacted her once to ask about her MUA (make-up artist) for the wedding. Then noticed that i have 2 friends is her friend via FB. She did not update her blog for a very long time and i only saw her pictures in FB. I cannot believe my eyes when she is now with another guy, she called him bf in one of the FB pic. What happen to the husband? He is now the director of one listing company and is only 4-5 yrs older than me, the girl is about 2-3yrs older than me. I feel sad because everything seems perfect has fallen apart, what happen to their little girl - about 2 now i suppose. I always wish for the best of everything and i feel really sad when good things does not continue, for whatever reason it might be, May Happiness be with them forever. I missed reading her happy blog and her life of luxury. 

I'm going for Reiki 2 this coming monday, it suppose to be on the 22nd of jan, however KW has to go HK, so he reschedule a one-to-one with me. I was touched because paying a group price and now i'm getting a private class. It's because no other people sign up they told me. lol. Luck or what! Looking forward as i can't wait the power to be increased by 4 times (as per one of the website). My shoulder problem came back 2-3 days ago, is it because of a friend told me about her breakup - i tap into her frequency and now i feel i cannot handle my future? Gosh! Pei told me after her healing session, KW told her not to give any feelings to people who is not happy or has problem, she will tap into the wavelength too. I was thinking "SHIT" when pei told me, because i know that friend of mine had already transfered her negative wavelength to me. That is why i feel low these few days? Sigh .... 

Reiki 21 days cleansing

I have attended Reiki 1 for about a month now, however as i did not meditate everyday, i think my cleansing takes longer than 21 days. Anyway, here are my body reaction during the 21 days cleansing:

1. Itchy skin (legs and back - shoulder area)

2. Tired - wanted to sleep at 8pm for 5 days

3. Mood Swing - anger

4. Feel more love inside myself and also more patient

5. Today for the 1st time woke up at 3am feeling all refreshed! I thought it's 6 already. Weird!

During this journey, i have met 2 person that needs guidance. However i felt extreme guilt when the other party does not satisfied with my recommended treatment. Now i understand why energy healing charge at such high rate and bazi, feng shui is also charged at high rate. I can feel the pain if the client does not listen to you or they anyhow have doubt in you, this really waste your time! hence charging sky high service is the only solution. Wasting your time but you have money in your pocket, win-win situation. I must somehow learn this so I don't feel i'm wasting my time on anyone anymore. I actually bought 2 sets of Louise L Hay, one set i keep myself, the other set - DVD with a friend until today have not given back to me, Book with the person i've just mentioned and she's still complaining and didn't feedback to me if the book was helpful. Why i buy 2 sets? My ultimate goal is to share with people around me so they could cease their pain but somehow the outcome was not what i've expected This world really have many different kind of people and I shall follow JY and all light workers attitude for people wants to get something out of us. I used to think that is selfish and show no love at all, however what i've experienced shows what JY and other light workers is charging actually is not too much. I shall keep the knowledge to myself, only myself to know. 

Hiding from Ben

My benjamin boy is very very attached to me! Recent activity is fun because i need to hide from him when we are going out in the car. Ben is very naughty as he will not give me good time in the car, he will want me to bend my body and hold him tightly as he will happily sitting in the middle while daddy is driving. My poor back is hurting and i my body cannot take it anymore, so every time daddy needs to carry him and i need to say bye bye to him - I will walk far from the car and make a U-turn and sneak up to the back seat, zip my lips until we reach our destination. We have tried this for few weeks now and it does wonder! Ben is really naughty as he only likes to bully me!

I year and 2 months now, still no verbal explosion. All he says is calling his beloved 'jeh jeh'. "da da" sometimes i think but definitely no mummy. He finish all the porridge i cook for him during the new year break, i purposely gave him big bowl because he refuse to finish his milk all the time, and surprisingly he can wallop the whole bowl! WHOA .... and i start to let him drink vitagen (less sugar) and yogurt + flaxseed oil. Doctor said he is very thin, only 8.5kg hence prescribed multivitamin, 5 days already but appetite for milk doesn't seems to increase much. Mum had bought him enfagrow - will see if he likes it. Maybe he likes cheap milk ... haih ... drink la pediasure :( 

Ben will laugh out loud when we kiss him non-stop on the neck, lol. He will now hold my finger and tried to pull me up when i'm sleeping or sitting, asking me to do things for him. He will take his potty sometimes but no urine, wonder why he's holding it. One funny thing is that ben will ask daddy to hold his hand while he's in the car seat, so daddy has to use one hand to drive and one hand to hold ben's hand. Ben will fuss and cry if daddy not holding his hand. Ben loves to play water with andrea in the bath tub, ben laugh out loud when andrea splash water at him or pour water into the bath tub. Ben loves to walk on his own all the time and will want to touch everything in front of him - my wet wipes finishes incredibly fast! Ben has tried shangrila porridge last Sunday, luckily no stomachache - ajinomoto, i guess we can bring him for holiday now! :) Ben do not like us to hold his food/ drink, he has to hold himself then only he will eat/ drink!

Ben will slap the person face with his palm when he wants them to wake up. Daddy has turn his cot to bed last week, ben is sleeping on his bed now and often he will roll down from the bed. I need to pick him up in the middle of the night, or sometimes daddy will pick him up. Ben still wakes up for milk 1 time, sometimes twice. Ben loves soft toys and still kissing pocoyo, lol. He will take andrea's melody to me and show me and then smile at me. Ben can follow all the instruction i gave him - go to the toilet and wash your buttock, squat down, throw this dirty clothes in the basket, take this to the bathroom, throw this to the bin, give it to daddy, open your mouth - he will say "aahhh", take out your shirt - start pulling, take your pillow for mummy to hug, feed me, go and wear your shoe - will get his shoe, sit down, wait for me - turn around and stand still, hold my hand etc

1 year 2 months 1 week old

Thank You

I would like to end year 2010 with a thank you note. 

A big fat thank you to my hubby, we have gone thru so much from year 2009 and 2010. Although he does not ease my emotional pain as much as i want, i know he has done his best and i know he will be at my side no matter what. Hubby took good care of andrea and benjamin when i was not feeling well (emotionally & physically) and hubby is the only person that endure all my harsh words when my perfect world is affected. He took good care of me and I'm very blessed to have him as my life partner. 

Trevor, Nancy and Kok Wai who brought me into reiki. This bring significant changes to my life - way of thinking and self healing. Rhonda byran and Louise Hay for their books which helps me gain deeper insight of the universe, how i can use my inner capabilities and best of all knowing the universe is always responding to us without prejudice and will always give us miracle of what we want. Miracle does happen to me and I'm really grateful to the people who share their knowledge in spirituality. 

I would like to thank my mother for her healthy dinner, buying fish & meat for my weekend,  report to me about ben's progress as i'm a health freak mother and took very good care of ben while I'm at work. My dad who is the wise man who gave me many advise - emotionally and financially. He's the middle man of all issues and everything would patch up so nicely without flaws. Kim helped me to release emotional pain once and pei helped me to release all my worries i had with my kids about their health problem.

My beloved andrea and ben! I love you both so much, you have bring so much happiness to me and daddy! Both of you always amaze daddy & I of what both of you can do . Andrea starting to have our traits, asking us to bring her to hotel or restaurant or shopping mall - all the expensive stuff! Benjamin is sitting on hurting officer, so his reaction is always very alarming like screaming and wanting to get attention, we always laugh at him when he does that. Both our kiddies are so different and they are truly spice of our life. 

Thank you to all my friends that had come across my life in 2010 who had given me comfort in many ways, especially these people:

Esther, Lily & Michelle - relieving my stress on maid & kids

Evelin & pei - gave me chance to share my spiritual knowledge

Everything nice - Lynette, Jaclyn, Chen chen, Koh ting, Mrs quah, Jovy, Kelly